Life was spiraling, and I felt myself slipping further into the shadows of my own mind. Each day seemed heavier than the last, dragging me down into a state of lethargy. I spent my time lying around, aimless, directionless. The world moved on, and I remained stuck in place. My thoughts grew darker, and the decisions that awaited me loomed like insurmountable obstacles.
Choosing a college should have been an exciting step forward, a chance to redefine my path. But for me, it was a hollow task. I had no clue where I belonged, no passion driving me toward a particular institution. Instead, all I wanted was to be alone, away from the noise of human connection. Wherever I went, I knew my classmates would form bonds, talking and laughing together. Meanwhile, I would be the one sitting in silence, scrolling through my phone during free periods, the outsider staring at a world that would never quite be mine.
"Any college will do," I thought bitterly.
Then my parents intervened. Their suggestion caught me by surprise. It wasn't a typical college—they described it as a strict place, rigid in its discipline, where students were expected to adhere to a long list of rules.
-No phones allowed-
-A proper uniform at all times-
-Strict standards for hygiene and appearance-
Who would willingly subject themselves to such an environment? It sounded suffocating, a place for the rigid and joyless. Yet, my parents were firm. "It will be good for you," they said. I imagined a student body filled with others like me—lonely, struggling souls searching for a way to salvage their futures. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if everyone there was focused solely on their academics. I convinced myself that perhaps this was the place where I could finally make a fresh start.
-With a deep sigh and a heavier heart, I joined-
-The first day arrived with a familiar sense of dread-
The bus ride to the college was a grueling hour and a half—ninety long minutes of twists, turns, and bumpy roads that churned my stomach. My motion sickness, that old unwelcome companion, gnawed at me the entire way. By the time we reached the campus gates, my head throbbed painfully, and my temples felt as though they would split apart.
"Ahh, my motion sickness is going to kill me," I muttered, clutching my head.
When I finally stepped off the bus, the sun overhead seemed too bright, the world spinning slightly as I made my way toward my new reality. The campus loomed before me, its buildings pristine and imposing. Everything felt too clean, too orderly, too perfect.
I navigated the maze of hallways until I found my classroom—Class 11. My fingers gripped the door handle as a wave of nausea from the bus ride mixed with a new, sharper anxiety. Pushing it open, I stepped inside, my eyes scanning the faces of my new classmates.
And then the truth hit me like a punch to the gut.
They were nothing like I had imagined.
Instead of silent, determined students focused solely on academics, I saw chatter, laughter, and effortless camaraderie. They greeted one another with ease, exchanging jokes and stories as though they had been lifelong friends. There was warmth in the room—but none of it reached me.
-I was an outsider-
Regret sank its claws deep into my heart. The decision to join this college, the hope that I might find a place where I could quietly build my future without feeling the ache of isolation—every bit of it now felt like a mistake.
I sank into a seat near the back of the room, my headache still pounding. The sounds of voices around me faded into a blur as I stared down at my hands. This wasn't where I belonged. It wasn't where I wanted to be.
-But I was here now-
-And there was no turning back-
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