As I stood in front of the mirror, trying to decide what outfit to wear tomorrow, many different thoughts swirled in my head.
Emi... What's wrong with her? She just announced that we have a date tomorrow! Completely out of the blue! I haven't even had time to mentally prepare! Did my request for a surprise kiss make her think that I like surprises in anything that involves romance?!
We've always been close friends, but this is different, right? This is supposed to be our first date as a couple! Should I wear a dress? I have a few dresses, but I've never worn them and I don't really feel comfortable in them.
What should I do?
When she told me on the phone not to worry and to let her plan the date, I thought I wouldn't feel any pressure, but now I've been standing in front of the mirror for an hour with a bunch of clothes scattered around my room and I can't decide what to wear! It shouldn't be this hard, right?
Maybe I should ask Rika for advice. No, we haven't told her we're dating yet. And we wanted to do it together.
It's been a week since we started dating. But I felt like nothing had changed between us. We hadn't done anything romantic during that week, except hold hands and walk to school and home together.
The day we finally confessed, we were so honest about our feelings! But after that, for some reason, things got awkward! I thought it was me. I thought maybe it was because after that day, for some reason, I suddenly lost my ability to flirt and became awkward in expressing my feelings.
I wonder, is this what it's like to start dating your childhood best friend?
Still, maybe tomorrow we can change that. Yeah... That's why I was so excited about our date tomorrow. And that's why I have to dress accordingly! It's our first date, so I don't want to ruin it.
After another hour of uselessly trying on different clothes, unable to decide what to wear, I collapsed tiredly on the bed.
I couldn't sleep for a long time, worrying about tomorrow... Although these thoughts made me a little anxious, I was happy. As I smiled and hugged my pillow thinking of her, I felt warmth in my chest.
...In the end, I decided to wear a simple blue dress with straps, nothing extravagant, just something I could wear on any other day. Despite the ordinariness of my look, I felt very conspicuous, nervously rubbing the hem, worried that I looked weird.
As I waited for her, I hid in the shade of the building from the blazing sun, looking around anxiously.
It was already two minutes past the appointed time! Why is she late? Had she gotten lost? Maybe I've come to the wrong place? No, this is definitely the right place. Where is she? Did she forget about the date? Or maybe she didn't take it as seriously as I did?
As these thoughts swirled in my head, I finally saw her. Her figure was walking straight towards me.
She was holding a clutch bag and wearing a pleated lavender skirt and a beige blouse with lace details.
As she approached, I was able to take a closer look at her.
A thin bracelet adorned her wrist, complementing the necklace that adorned her slender neck. Her pink hair, slightly curled, was pulled back into a neat ponytail, and two bangs framed her delicate face. Soft, natural makeup accentuated her features, and her nails were painted a soft shade of pink.
"Hi," she said calmly, looking at me.
My breath caught at the sight of her, but quickly calming down, I still managed to squeeze out a quiet "Hi..."
There was a brief pause between us, and she caught my gaze, causing me to look away in embarrassment.
I couldn't read anything behind the calm expression on her face. I didn't know what she was thinking or feeling as she looked at me.
Do I look stupid?
I've never worn dresses before, just oversized sweatshirts and mini shorts... Or anything like that, just plain, neutral clothes. This was the first time I dressed up like this.
What do you think? Why don't you say anything? Did I overdo the makeup? Did I pick the right dress?
My cautious gaze fell on her. She looks so cute... But my nervous thoughts didn't allow me to say anything...
"Should we go?" I asked, trying to speak calmly.
"...Yeah..." she replied after a short pause.
We walked down the street to the movie theater.
Yesterday she had mentioned what movie she had bought tickets for, but now it had completely slipped my mind. I just remembered that it was some kind of romantic movie.
We rarely went to the movies, we usually just watched something either at my place or hers. So today was special.
As we walked, I didn't know what to do and just clutched the handle of my bag a little nervously.
For some reason, everything seemed so strange and unfamiliar. The person walking next to me, the person I had known for so long, suddenly seemed like a stranger. It was as if I'd forgotten how to have a conversation...
"It's hot, isn't it?" I asked.
Are you serious?! I immediately scolded myself. That's the cringiest question anyone could ask! Are you really talking about the weather?! Are you completely stupid, Hana? What's wrong with you?! She'll think you're a weirdo!
"I guess..."
To my surprise, her response was rather nonchalant and disinterested.
Glancing in her direction, I noticed that she was engrossed in her phone.
I averted my gaze...
She wasn't paying attention to me...
Had I really done something stupid?
What should I do?
I wanted to take her hand, but first of all, she was holding the phone, and secondly, it was like I'd forgotten how to hold it!
It hadn't been a problem before, but now it seemed impossible. There seemed to be an invisible barrier between us. Why? The date had just started! Why do I feel this way?
I was at a loss, not knowing what to say or do. All I could do was follow her and hope that she would take the initiative.
The theater was half empty. Our seats were in the middle and there was almost no one around us.
With a drink in my hand, I sat down next to her.
She was silent...
Why is everything so awkward? Is this how dating usually goes? And what do people usually do on dates?
What should we do during the movie? Hold hands? What about after the movie? Do we kiss?
Oh, I really wanted to kiss her! And hold her hand, too!
But right now I was so nervous that I was afraid to even look in her direction, afraid to move, afraid to ruin everything, afraid she'd be disappointed in me.
I sighed quietly and tried to concentrate on the movie.
But during the whole movie, my thoughts and feelings were somewhere far away.
My attention was focused on Emi's every move...
Why does she seem so emotionless today? So quiet? Yesterday she seemed so excited to ask me out, but now it's like she's a different person.
When the movie ended, I finally worked up the courage to look at her.
She met my gaze for a moment before looking away.
Her face...
I don't understand it.
What thoughts were lurking behind that emotionless expression?
Is she bored with me? Is she not interested in me anymore? Does she regret going out with me? Does she not love me anymore?
We didn't even hold hands...
"What did you think of the movie?" she asked without looking at me.
Her voice was somehow cold...
I felt uneasy.
Why was she acting like that?
She'd never made that face before.
I didn't want her to regret confessing to me, or regret starting a relationship with me...
An uncomfortable feeling rose in my chest...
"Well..." I stammered, trying to hide the fact that I had missed the whole plot of the movie because of my nerves. "It was interesting..."
I forced a smile.
Don't show you're nervous! Don't show that you missed the whole movie! She'll be even more disappointed in you! my mind screamed.
I couldn't let my awkwardness ruin the date.
Throwing a quick glance at me, she pulled out her phone as if checking something.
"Let's go," she said dryly, getting up from her seat.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"To the cafe..."
She only quickened her step, not even noticing my clumsy attempt to take her hand.
"Emi! Wait..." I said, trying to keep up with her fast pace.
It was as if she hadn't heard me.
We barely spoke on the way to the cafe...
I couldn't figure out what was going on, but I was too afraid to ask her.
Why was everything so unnatural and strange? How had I ever interacted with her before? It was as if I'd forgotten.
When we finally entered the cafe, we sat down at a table by the window.
I glanced at her, but she wasn't looking at me, she was staring out the window...
She seemed cold, confusing, and strange...
Can you even call it a date?
Did I do something to upset her?
I must have ruined everything! Why did I even choose this dress? It's probably stupid and looks like a joke! Maybe she's embarrassed by me! And why did I let her plan the whole thing? Maybe she's mad that she did all the work!
But what do I do now? How do I fix this date? I don't know!
Maybe I should just smile. Yeah... I have to hide my nervousness!
She organized everything, I can't let my stupid emotions ruin it! Come on Hana, I told myself, smile and casually take her hand.
"Let's go..." she said abruptly, getting up from the table and ignoring my gaze.
Huh?
Tangled up in my nerves and thoughts, I didn't even realize how much time had passed. In that time we had exchanged only a few awkward words. And now it was time to go.
Why? We've been close since we were kids... Why is it so awkward now? This is supposed to be a normal date... Why does it have to be so awkward?
How many times have I asked myself the same questions?
"Where to?" I asked, feigning a cheerful smile to hide my inner turmoil.
"Home," she replied dryly, walking away.