JI-HOON
I should have walked away.
The thought kept repeating in my mind like a broken record, yet I couldn't shake it. What was it about her? It was only the second time we'd seen each other, but I already couldn't get her out of my mind. I don't need her to get under my skin, but somehow that's exactly what she is doing. And I'm sure she doesn't even mean it.
It's the way she looked at me, like she could see right through the layers I'd built up to protect myself.
Or maybe it was the silence that followed her words. That gentle probing silence that hung between us, like she was waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me to give her an answer, or maybe something more.
I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I couldn't stop thinking about her.
I found myself at the bar long before the club opened, sitting on a stool, my elbows resting on the polished wood of the counter. The sketchpad on the counter forgotten. A half-finished pavilion design stared back at me, its line sharp and lifeless. I couldn't seem to get it right.
The silence of the empty space offering me some peace for the time being. The music hadn't started yet, the lights dimmed low, and the usual crowd had yet to show up.
I leaned back in the bar stool, absentmindedly running my fingers across the surface of the counter. My thoughts kept drifting back to her – Sana. Her voice. The way she seemed to understand me in ways I didn't even understand myself.
I was stuck in a loop, and I couldn't break free.
I didn't even know why I was obsessing over her. It was too soon to be thinking about her this much.
But still, here I was, drowning in thoughts of her. The door opened with a creak, and Min-Seok stepped in, his familiar presence breaking my concentration. He was early, as always, taking advantage of the quiet before the storm. His eyes scanned the room, quickly landing on me.
"Early shift today?" he asked, sliding into the chair next to me. His voice was light, casual as if nothing in the world could faze him.
I gave him a half-hearted shrug, trying to push the thoughts of Sana away. "Just wanted to get some time alone before everything gets crazy."
Min-Seok grinned, but his eyes narrowed as he sized me up. "You look like you are carrying the weight of the world, man. What's up? I thought the military would have unwinged you a little."
I didn't respond immediately. I wasn't ready to talk about it. It had only been a day, for crying out loud! Why am I even thinking about her this much? When she walked away earlier, the orange I'd handed her cradled in her palm like it was something precious, my heart flipped.
The way she carried herself – so quiet, so unassuming – made her seem untouchable. But I knew better. I saw the way her eyes flickered with something beneath the surface. Something raw, like she was trying to hide it just as much as I was.
It unsettled me.
It was the same way I felt when I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew there were cracks, but I was so damn good at hiding that I forgot they existed. Until now.
Her voice lingered in my head. "Will I see you here again?"
I'd said maybe, but I knew the answer. I was never one to give promises I couldn't keep, and I knew she wasn't the type to push me for one.
But the thought of not seeing her again? That gnawed at me.
"Ji-Hoon," Min-Seok said, cutting through my thoughts. "You're zoning out again."
I blinked, realizing how quiet I'd been. "Nothing," I finally muttered, shaking my head. "It's nothing".
Min-Seok didn't seem convinced. He chuckled, brushing a hand through his messy hair. I sometimes wondered how he managed to look so put-together without even trying. Then again, Min-Seok was the kind of guy who made 'effortless' his entire brand. Sharp features, confident grin, tall frame – it was no wonder he could walk into a room and turn heads without saying a word. Not that I ever thought too hard about it. If anyone was going to be my best friend, they couldn't be anything less. Birds of the same feather and all that.
He leaned in a little, his voice quieter now. "You're thinking about someone, aren't you? Is it Eun-ji?"
I froze. The mention of Eun-ji caught me off guard, but it made sense. Min-Seok always assumed I was thinking about her when I wasn't saying much.
"Eun-ji?" I repeated, trying to sound casual. I wasn't ready for this conversation, but Min-Seok didn't seem to notice, or knowing him he just didn't care.
"Yeah," he said, tapping the edge of the counter with his fingers. "You haven't said much about her lately. Thought maybe…well, I thought you were still stuck on her."
I didn't respond at first. The idea of Eun-ji didn't seem to bother me as much as it should have. We had broken up long ago, and while I wasn't angry at her or anything, I never truly loved her. I liked her more as a friend than a lover. That's exactly why we should have just stayed friends.
"I'm not stuck on her, Min-Seok," I said, my voice flat. "We ended things. It's over."
Min-Seok raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "You are sure about that? You've been quiet lately. I mean even quieter than usual."
I didn't know how to explain it to him. How could I put into words that I wasn't stuck on Eun-ji, but that I was thinking about someone else entirely?
Someone I barely knew.
"It's not her," I said after a moment, hoping Min-Seok would drop it.
"Not her? Then who? You met a girl or something?"
I stiffened. And I felt him looking intently at me.
"You Really Did?" he said, surprised.
"Just…someone I met yesterday." On my mother's death anniversary.
Min-Seok didn't buy it, but he didn't push the issue either. Instead, he leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out in front of him.
"You know, Ji-Hoon, you are always overthinking things. If it's just someone you met once, don't go getting all serious about it. You've got your own stuff to deal with."
His words stung, I didn't let it show. But he was right, of course. I had my own baggage. I had my own things I wasn't ready to face.
But it wasn't just her.
It was everything.
And I couldn't hide from it anymore.
"Yeah, I know," I muttered looking down at the counter, "it's just…I don't know how to stop thinking about it."
Min-Seok didn't respond right away. He just stared at me, his eyes soft before he gave a slight shrug. "Well, just remember I'm here for you if you want to talk, about anything – your mother, Eun-ji…or her. I may not understand but I can always listen. Just try to vent out your frustrations Ji-Hoon, you can't run from everything forever. You'll have to deal with it eventually."
I didn't answer. I didn't need to.
But I knew he was right. I wouldn't be able to keep hiding.
Not with her.
Not with Sana.