Ji-Hoon sat at the bar before the club opened, a cold glass of water in front of him, untouched. The hum of idle chatter upstairs blended with the low thrum of bass from the sound system below. The club hadn't opened yet, but he liked it this way – quiet enough to hear himself think, loud enough to drown out the silence in his head.
He'd finished the draft for his group project earlier in the afternoon. Another step closer to graduation, another reminder of how quickly time was slipping past.
Three months back from military, and he still haven't found his footing. It felt like everything had shifted while he was gone - like the world had kept moving while he stood still.
It had been a few days since the park. He hadn't gone back, not once. He told himself he was too busy adjusting to the rhythm of college again, juggling his classes, his unfinished designs and shifts at the club. But deep down, he knew the real reason.
Sana.
Her image had burned itself into his mind. Her piercing eyes that saw right through his everything.
He felt exposed.
He hated how easily she'd slipped past his walls without even trying.
"Ji-Hoon," Min-Seok's voice interrupted his thoughts.
He sauntered over, his tie already loose around his neck, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up. He never missed an opportunity to dress like he owned the place – which, technically, his family did.
"What are you doing here? Your shift doesn't start for another hour."
"Got bored at home," Ji-Hoon replied, leaning back against the bar stool.
Min-Seok chuckled, sliding onto the stool beside him. "Bored or avoiding something? Someone?"
Ji-Hoon smirked but didn't answer. Min-Seok didn't need confirmation. He knew Ji-Hoon too well.
"You've been like this ever since we came back." Min-Seok said, signaling to the bartender for a drink. "So, whose 'her' is it this time? Her? Her? Or…Her?"
Ji-Hoon gave him a look like he'd grown two heads. "What?"
Min-Seok cleared his throat dramatically. "I mean you are somehow always thinking about a woman. When it's not your mother, it's Eun-ji, and when it's not Eun-ji, it's…" He paused, leaning closer. "Her. Which reminds me, you haven't told me her name. or what she looks like."
Ji-Hoon's gaze flicked back to his glass of water. "There's no 'her', Min-Seok."
"Right." Min-Seok leaned back, crossing his arms. "You've been acting weird ever since you went to the park. You didn't even tell me what happened, which means it's something. And when it's something, it usually involves you trying not to feel anything."
Ji-Hoon exhaled slowly, trying to keep his composure. "It's nothing. Just someone I ran into. She's nobody." Denying her like this hurt, but he ignored the ache.
"'Nobody' doesn't stick in your head like this." Min-Seok's voice was gentle, coaxing, like he was talking to a skittish animal. "So, what's her name?"
"You should've majored in Psychology instead of Media Communication," Ji-Hoon said dryly, glaring at his friend. He hated how easily Min-Seok saw through him. "It's nothing. Drop it."
For once, Min-Seok let it go, though his silence felt heavier than his words.
Ji-Hoon turned his gaze to the glass in front of him, watching the condensation drip down its side.
He really hated this – this unfamiliar feeling that had taken root in his heart without his consent. Since meeting Sana, he had felt unmoored, restless. And worse, he knew it was not one-sided.
Which only made it scarier.
This wasn't like what he'd felt for Eun-ji, if he could even call 'that' love.
The word made his stomach twist.
"Can I ask you something?" Ji-Hoon said suddenly, his voice quieter than usual.
Min-Seok raised an eyebrow. "You're actually going to talk? Go ahead."
Ji-Hoon hesitated, the words heavy on his tongue. "Do you think I'm capable of falling in love?"
Min-Seok blinked, caught off guard. "You've dated before, so I'd say yeah. Why?"
Ji-Hoon laughed, but it was hollow. "That's the thing. I dated. But I don't think I ever…loved. Not Eun-ji. Not…anyone."
Min-Seok frowned. "You are being too hard on yourself. Just because it didn't work with Eun-ji – which, by the way, I did warn you about - doesn't mean you are incapable of love. You are just scared, Ji-Hoon. I get it. But you can't let it shackle you like this."
"That's not the point." Ji-Hoon's voice sharpened, but it lost its edge by the end, "I don't…want to love someone."
Min-Seok stared at him, his confusion evident. "Why not?"
Ji-Hoon gripped tightened around the glass he took at some point in his hands. He didn't want to say it out loud, but the words came anyway. "Because 'love' killed her."
Min-Seok expression softened further, the weight of Ji-Hoon's words settling between them.
"She loved him too much," Ji-Hoon continued, his voice low, almost bitter. "My mom. She gave everything to someone who didn't deserve it, and it destroyed her. It destroyed me."
He lifted his head, meeting Min-Seok's gaze. His expression broken like he had lost something he'd never get back.
"I'm just like her, Min-Seok. Like my mom, I don't know how to love moderately, I'd either give it my all or nothing at all. And Sana? I can feel it in my gut - I could love her. Maybe I already do. And that's why I've been going around like I've lost my mind lately."
Min-Seok didn't interrupt. He knew better than to say anything when Ji-Hoon was like this.
"But then what?" Ji-Hoon's voice cracked slightly. He leaned back against the stool. "What happens after love? What if it ends the same way? What if I destroy her – or myself?" He shook his head, exhaling shakily. "Love can't kill me, Min-Seok. I won't let it."
Min-Seok spoke after a long pause, his tone firm but gentle. "You are not your mom, Ji-Hoon. And Sana? That's her name, right? She's not your dad either. Just because they messed up doesn't mean you are doomed to the same fate."
Ji-Hoon scoffed lightly. "Maybe. But I can't take that risk. Not with her."
Min-Seok smirked, breaking the tension. "Man, you are whipped."
Ji-Hoon cursed under his breath, realising how it sounded. "Leave me alone."
Min-Seok chuckled, though he didn't push further. "So, you are officially done thinking about Eun-ji?"
"Min-Seok…"
"I mean, she's the only girl you've actually dated in your 22 years old of life, and it wasn't some casual fling. But here you are, moping about someone else. She'd be really pissed if she knew."
"Doesn't matter."
"You are right. But she liked you too much, and you didn't like her enough. That's a recipe for a disaster."
"I know."
"It wasn't fair to either of you."
"I know."
"You two should've never dated."
Ji-Hoon sighed, "I know."
Min-Seok leaned back, shrugging. "France?"
"London."
"Well, good for her."