As the bell rang, I sat in my chair. Today's classes didn't bother me in any way, although it was pitiful that I am still compelled to sit through it. Not that I really need it, it's more of a bother to me. Repeating the same facts and principles in science, the same numbers and formulas in mathematics, all that seems boring. It's March outside, still pretty cold, but it indicates that spring is approaching. Spring is commonly known as the best time for students to indulge with each other, create ties and bonds, and eventually maybe develop feelings or love for someone. No, rather only feelings, love runs too deep to be just developed over spring. Not that many can differ from those two. But I can. It could be that the difference resides in the approach of the smitten one. Feelings are based on attraction, which also differs heavily. Love develops from attractions to that unseen, whilst feelings only trample on the surface of said interest. Misunderstanding this difference leads often to misunderstandings between those who declare their love or feelings. How troubling. Yet somehow I envy those pretenses so much. 

To be truthful, I don't live in the same world as them. Not meant in a mysterious way or more, simply put, we share no common beliefs. That's why I designated myself to observe those who live apart from me, observe to understand. This so-called youth is a fascinating concept, widely misunderstood, like most things in their world. It puzzles me how they can live behind their words, only simple words, concepts and lies, lies and promises, false promises and pretenses. It's a world to explore, but not to interfere in, like carefully monitoring an ecosystem, whilst trying to not disturb its destined route.

Yes, indeed, I myself have given up on experiencing that 'youth'. It was never meant for me. 

I sat in the front corner, uninterested in the surroundings. Most of the youth didn't play out in those walls after all. Though it really was my preparation for my future, as they liked to call it, I was already academically ahead. The only thing keeping me here was my thirst for other knowledge and a tied down situation. If tuition is paid, it would be a sin to waste it, isn't that right? 

A classmate approached me, wary of my presence. That's right, as a volunteer outsider, I was commonly frowned upon. Also typical behavior. 

"So, Kukuri, would you let me borrow the homework for today? It would be a relief."

"Oh, yeah sure, Valon. Also, it's Kahemi, not Kukuri."

"Yeah, whatever is comfortable with you, thanks, I'll give it back later."

Whilst in truth's name, I never get those objects back. Could be because I do not specifically ask for them to return it, and they don't remember or care. Also typical behavior.

When classes had ended, I made my way to the restaurant I always visit. It's a nice, cozy place, with staff of similar beliefs to mine, yet not the same ones. Though, I do have one of the same ideals, the only one which could fall into the definitions of the typical highschool best buddy. 

"What is it that took you so long, Kahemi? Darn, the wait is long, and patience is not on the list of my best qualities."

"I'm sorry Azur, I had an extra class today unfortunately. Thanks for waiting for me."

"It's not like there's something better to do. These afternoons fuel my evenings, so it'd be a shame to let this tradition go."

"At least some soothing words these days. Really tiring. Waiter, one beer please!"

Albeit that I am not of age for drinking, the waiters and holders of this establishment have a somewhat soft spot for me. Not really something to brag about. As my beer got served, Azur didn't hesitate a second: 

"So what was the day like huh? Any observations?"

"Not really, it's the same every day, nothing new." With the remark, I looked out of the windows, as an early blossom flew by.

"Admitting, I don't like the season."

"What, you don't like spring? That's new. Honestly, if I were to look around, I'd say that this is the time of nature's greatest high. Blossoming trees and plants, wildlife waking up and repopulating… Sounds like the closest to equilibrium to me."

"Not really the season itself, more like the season of the students. Just like the wildlife you described, they wake up and form close ties at this time. But don't necessarily repopulate."

"What is it, something out of the ordinary? My assumption was that this was already observed ages ago."

"Not that something has changed, it's just that I despise these 'relationships' they make. Most of the time hollow and meaningless concepts, unfulfilling those who make them. Temporary contracts, nothing more. If they would really care about each other, they would unconditionally support the other. That doesn't happen at all. Because most of the time, it is just an egotistical motive to satisfy your lack of social interaction. That's the true nature of it."

"That's a dark view on it, but I see the point."

"Right."

I looked out again. The sky was clear and only lonely clouds traveled across the sky archipelago that we have.

"What do you plan to do in the future, Kahemi?"

"I will do what I did to this point."

"Will you be satisfied with it?"

"That's for the future to uncover."

"You know that it is biologically given to strive for some kind of relationship? We are social beings after all."

I looked into his face, his charming face that almost seemed to pity me. That was not pity, that was deep understanding, that much I already knew from our time together.

"If I am compelled to enter a relationship, may it be romantic or platonic, I will only enter one of the exact opposite I described right before. Only such relationships are worth to be maintained."

"Man, you really don't fit in with those others huh. Is it because…?"

"It may be."

Azur stood up, drank the last of his beer and leaned against the window:

"Although you might be enlightened by the realisation of reality, it could be best to live happily in delusions."

"Who said that I am not content with living alone?"

"Well, you said. But in the future you might say otherwise."

"We'll see, we'll see."

Azur opened the door ready to exit. He stopped with one foot outside and turned his head back:

"Sometime, you will need to confront the past self with the future you, with the current as a mediator. Sometime, Kahemi." With those words he exited, leaving me behind.

I looked down to the golden liquid I held. With the last sip, the bill got paid, and I once again, walked home in solitude.

I live with no one. My parents gave me an apartment and monthly money for the bills. Fulfilling half the responsibilities and running away from the other. I sat down at the desk next to the bed. The book I bought some time ago, laid on top of the workplace. It was an empty book, with not many pages and a title which gave it its only form of identity: 'The Theory of Man'. I sat down and opened the first page. Blank, as expected. Nothing changes on its own. Whilst looking at it, I subconsciously lifted a spare pen, and wrote on the first page: 'The Theory of Man ; As how humans work and why they do so.' When I realised it, it was already too late. I tried wiping it away, but the ink was already absorbed into the paper.

"Shit."

I sat there again, looking at the self-written title. Now I cannot return it as a defective product. What a shame. Might as well continue. I grabbed the pen again, flipping the first page and staring onto the blank second. Then I wrote, wrote as if struck by a sudden surge of enthusiasm. The words forming on the paper:

'Humans are just further evolved animals. They revolve around standard biological principles, yet they manage to make the process of it ten times worse and more difficult, just to achieve the same results as animals. Could that really be called evolution? What is the concept of love, if not the animalistic instinct to find a mating partner? What difference do these two things have? Humans don't truly grasp what they feel, yet their bodies and instincts know. Friendship, affection, love, all that is just a concept to them, another instinct developed by the so-called evolution. Social influences hinder this concept to the level that it distorts the very essence of love.

People might proclaim that they love, yet they only yearn for lust.

People might proclaim affection, yet they only seek validation in others.

That's why people are shallow, hiding behind the curtains of pretenses. 

This is why pure love is nowadays unfit in this world.

This is why love is a lie.'