Already, she had begun fussing over how pale I looked and the bags that had unfortunately formed under my eyes. My dad is usually a very absent and easygoing father, but if he felt I was by any means misusing my freedom, then I cringe to think of what would happen. Even though I was currently a bit cranky and sulky towards my two best friends, I would hate to lose them. They may be a bit over-demanding to the point of cruelty, but they do take care of me.
So, hopping (more like stumbling) to my room, I proceeded to dress up for school. I grabbed a simple black oversized shirt and a pair of leggings, slipping on my flip-flops. I then brushed my hair and held it down in a loose braid, completing the look with my glasses. The conversation in the room ceased as my two best friends gawked at me like I had grown an extra head.
"What?" I demanded, staring back at them with equal ferocity. Like I said, I was cranky. "You wouldn't be staring at me because I look extra cute today, right?" I asked, dreading their reply.
"Ugh, Leila, seriously? You aren't five anymore! I mean, you can't plan on wearing that to school, right?" Nancy asked, staring in distaste at my outfit.
Diana didn't even wait for me to gather my thoughts before she began speaking on my behalf. "I don't think she is. Maybe she's wearing it to the dining room? You know, I smell something amazing cooking. Maybe she just threw the outfit on to grab breakfast before dressing for classes."
"You're probably right," Nancy replied, and the conversation went back and forth like that, completely excluding me, the subject of their discussion.
All the while, I stared at them, tongue-tied and mouth agape, stunned by the total rudeness of their actions. Nancy suddenly yanked at my hair, causing me to gasp in pain. She loosened the sloppy braid and began brushing out my hair. As if on cue, Diana silently started rummaging through my walk-in closet for something they obviously would like. Soon, my bed was a pile of outdated and out-of-fashion clothes. They looked at me with pity, making me feel smaller and more pathetic than I already felt.
This caused me to swallow back anything I would have uttered to defend myself. "Look, Leila, no more food for you. In fact, no more breakfast. You need to lose weight," Nancy stated matter-of-factly when she saw the argument in my mannerisms. She proceeded to completely silence me with a blow to my self-esteem. "Aren't you sick of feeling self-conscious? Aren't you tired of having to wear baggy clothes?" Nancy asked, fixing me with a death glare.
She then turned to Diana. "Grab that skinny jean from my backpack and the red net top I bought at the mall. It would suit her more. We may have to skip school and go shopping; Leila needs a new wardrobe."
Finally, I couldn't bear it anymore. "Hello! I'm right here!" I grimaced when two sets of eyes turned to look at me. Swallowing my objections, I sat patiently as Nancy tried to undo the knot in my hair, finally giving up.
She turned to Diana. "Get dressed. Leila can't go to school looking like this. She needs a total makeover. Leila, you do have your credit card, right?"
"Yes," I nodded submissively, afraid to offend them. Still feeling groggy, I went out to meet my friends Diana and Nancy, who were well-dressed and looked like they both just stepped out of a fashion magazine.
Diana, seeing my miserable countenance and obviously taking pity on me, handed me a glass of orange juice. Well, at least that's what it looked like. Whatever was put in the drink to give it a minty flavor worked like magic. I would have loved to sit and have my toast, but of course, the girls were against it. Here I was, sulking, although feeling noticeably better from my tumble last night.
The fact that they were talking like I didn't exist earlier made me feel mad and left out, but just like my meek manner towards my parents, I was too much of a coward to actually yell at them or show my true feelings about anything.
In the mall, while they picked out tight-fitting dresses, corsets, and painfully high heels with more makeup and accessories than I could actually wear in a lifetime, I wanted to yell at them. I wanted to tell them I loved loose-fitting clothes because they made me feel free. I wanted to tell them I loved my hair long, way past my hips, even if it looked unruly. But I didn't say anything as I was coerced into the hairdresser's chair. Neither did I utter a word while my hair was trimmed to a moderate back length and dyed with streaks of red. I wanted to scream and tell them I wanted it pink. Pink was my favorite color, but I bit my lip until the metallic taste of blood flooded my mouth, and I did nothing but sit there and smile prettily. Tears gathered, but I held them back. This was the price I had to pay for what I wanted—to be noticed.
As we walked out of the salon, I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window. The girl staring back at me looked nothing like the Leila I knew. She was a stranger—a reflection of the person Diana and Nancy wanted me to be, not who I truly was. My new haircut was sleek, my outfit stylish, and my makeup perfectly applied. But none of it felt like me. The pink I loved was nowhere to be found. Instead, the red streaks in my hair seemed to symbolize the anger and frustration I was suppressing.
We continued shopping, with Diana and Nancy tossing clothes at me, commenting on how each piece would "transform" me. I obediently tried on everything, watching as my true self disappeared under layers of someone else's vision of beauty.
Eventually, I reached my breaking point. As I stood in the changing room, staring at the pile of clothes I didn't want to wear, something snapped inside me. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't keep pretending to be someone I wasn't just to please others.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the changing room and looked at Diana and Nancy. "I'm done," I said quietly, but firmly.
They both turned to look at me, surprised by the sudden defiance in my voice.
"What do you mean, you're done?" Nancy asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I mean I'm done pretending," I replied, my voice growing stronger. "I don't want to wear these clothes, I don't want to cut my hair, and I don't want to change who I am just to fit in. I like who I am. I like my baggy clothes, my long hair, and the way I look. And if you can't accept that, then maybe we shouldn't be friends."
The silence that followed was deafening. For the first time, I had stood up for myself, and it felt both terrifying and liberating.
Diana and Nancy exchanged glances, unsure of how to react. Finally, Diana spoke. "Leila, we just want what's best for you."
"Maybe, but what's best for me is being free, I was terrified of wearing those clothes and even more terrified of attracting much attention, I have had so much negativity that all I wanted to do was just hide but life doesn't always give us what we wanted, I knew my friends were only trying to help me, my teeth worried on my lower lips, until I bit it tasting blood, I was a certified people pleaser and standing up for myself now saying no was absolutely discomfiting.
I couldn't take it anymore, before I could stop myself, I was racing out the store chest heaving with all the raw emotions, once I stepped out of the store, a mixture of emotions surged through me, relief, fear, and an overwhelming sense of liberation. I had just taken a step I'd never thought I'd have the courage to take. The world outside felt different, lighter, as if the weight of trying to fit into someone else's mold had been lifted from my shoulders. But as I stood there, alone for the first time in what felt like forever, a pang of uncertainty crept in. What if I had just ruined everything? What if Diana and Nancy, the only friends I had, decided I wasn't worth their time anymore?
I didn't have to wait long to find out. Within moments, the store's doors swung open behind me, and I heard hurried footsteps. I braced myself, expecting an onslaught of harsh words, maybe even the end of our friendship. But when I turned around, I saw only Diana, her face softened with an expression I couldn't quite read.
"Leila, wait," she called out, her voice a mix of hesitation and concern. "Can we talk?"
I nodded slowly, my heart pounding in my chest. Nancy was nowhere in sight, and for the first time, I noticed the subtle differences in how Diana and Nancy treated me. Diana had always been the quieter one, less forceful, more willing to listen. Maybe that was why she was the one standing here now, instead of walking away with Nancy.
"Look, I'm sorry if we pushed you too hard," she began, running a hand through her freshly styled hair. "We just… We just want you to feel good about yourself. You're always hiding behind those baggy clothes and your glasses, and we thought maybe a change would help."
I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "I get that, Diana. I really do. And I appreciate that you care. But I need to feel good about myself in a way that's true to who I am, not by becoming someone I'm not. I like wearing comfortable clothes. I like my long hair. Those things make me feel like me."
She sighed, looking down at the ground as if weighing her next words carefully. "You're right. We were wrong to force all of this on you. Friends shouldn't do that. I guess we just got carried away."
I felt a small wave of relief wash over me. Maybe I hadn't lost everything after all. "I know you meant well," I said softly. "But I also need you to understand that I have to make my own choices, even if they're not the ones you'd make for me."
Diana nodded, a small smile forming on her lips. "I understand. And I'm sorry, Leila. Really. From now on, I'll try to be a better friend, one who supports you for who you are."
For the first time that day, I felt a genuine smile tug at the corners of my mouth. "Thank you, Diana. That means a lot."
We stood there for a moment, a silent understanding passing between us. It wasn't everything I had hoped for, but it was a start. At least Diana was willing to meet me halfway, and that was something.
Just then, the doors to the store swung open again, and Nancy stepped out, her face tight with frustration. She looked at the two of us, her eyes narrowing slightly. "What's going on?" she demanded, her tone sharp.
Diana and I exchanged a quick glance before I took a step forward. "Nancy," I began, trying to keep my voice steady, "I've decided that I don't want to change myself to fit in. I'm happy with who I am, and if that's not okay with you, then maybe we need to rethink our friendship."
Nancy stared at me, her expression unreadable. For a long, tense moment, she didn't say anything, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. But then, to my surprise, she let out a short, harsh laugh. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Yes," I replied firmly, meeting her gaze head-on.
She shook her head, a smirk forming on her lips. "Well, I guess I underestimated you, Leila. I thought you'd go along with whatever we wanted, but I guess I was wrong."
I didn't know what to say to that, so I just stood there, waiting for her to continue.
Nancy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine. If this is what you want, then I guess I'll have to deal with it. But don't expect me to sit around and watch you fade into the background, okay? You're my friend, and I care about you, even if I have a weird way of showing it."
I blinked, surprised by her words. Nancy had never been one to admit she was wrong or to back down from a fight. But here she was, in her own way, trying to make amends.
"I appreciate that, Nancy," I said, feeling a bit more confident. "But I need to do this my way. I need to find my own style, my own voice. And I hope you'll still be my friend, even if I don't always fit into your idea of what's cool."
Nancy rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on her face. "Fine, fine. Do what you want. Just don't expect me to hold back if I think you're making a mistake."
"I wouldn't expect anything less," I replied, a small laugh escaping my lips.
The tension between us seemed to ease a little, and I realized that maybe, just maybe, we could make this work. We were different, but that didn't mean we couldn't still be friends. In fact, maybe our differences could make our friendship even stronger—if we learned to respect them.
As we started walking back towards the school, side by side, I couldn't help but feel a newfound sense of strength within me. I had stood up for myself, and while it hadn't been easy, it had been worth it. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I was finally being true to myself, and that was something worth fighting for.
And as for Diana and Nancy? Well, they were still my friends, and I hoped they always would be. But now, they knew the real me, the Leila who wasn't afraid to be herself, no matter what,. "Are you giving up on Max then?" Nancy crooned,a weird smirk coating her expression, no why, "you have seen the kind of women he likes and your sense of style doesn't exactly fit no offense".
No , without saying another word , I walked back into the store, with my friends following behind me giggling, I turned off any emotion I would have felt and gave myself up to their professional touch, I mean what did I even know about fashion?.