Karl lit his cigarette, taking a slow drag before exhaling a thin stream of smoke into the cold night air. He leaned back against the wall, letting the nicotine do its thing. But just as he was about to settle into that familiar buzz, his phone vibrated violently in his pocket.
Then, out of nowhere, a voice blasted from the speaker—smooth, rhythmic, and annoyingly cocky.
---
"Yo, Karl, you like that smoke?
But real-world flames? You always choke.
Lighting up but dodging the heat,
Ain't it funny how you retreat?"
---
Karl nearly dropped his cigarette. "The hell?!"
He fumbled for his phone, unlocking it in a hurry. But to his surprise, the screen was still locked. The assistant was talking through the locked screen.
"...How are you even running right now?" he asked, feeling a bit creeped out.
The voice laughed before launching into another beat.
---
"Yo, Karl, I'm Uncommon, that's the deal,
A basic lock? Man, that's so unreal!
Ain't no system can hold me tight,
I break the rules, I rewrite the night!"
---
Before Karl could respond, his screen flickered, and suddenly, a small animated figure popped up—a chibi-style character with oversized headphones, a hoodie, and an overconfident smirk. She bounced in rhythm to an invisible beat, arms crossing as she leaned in.
"Yo, yo, Karl! What's good? Name's Uncommon Assistant, but you can call me Unco for short. Looks like I'm your new hype woman!" she said, still bouncing to her own nonexistent music.
Karl stared. "You're… animated now?"
Unco flipped her hair. "Oh, I been animated, boss. Just felt like makin' an entrance!"
Karl pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright. Whatever. You—Wait. What the hell were you saying about me dodging 'real-world flames'?"
Unco's smirk widened. "Oh, you wanna know? Cool, cool. But before that…"
She pointed dramatically at the screen.
---
"Before we chat, let's take a peek,
At the files you thought were weak.
Your trash folder? Oh, so wild,
Guess Karl ain't such an innocent child!"
---
Karl's blood ran cold.
"…The hell did you just say?"
Unco snapped her fingers, and a new window popped up—his phone's trash folder. And right there, sitting among deleted memes and old documents, were several questionable folders that he had definitely meant to erase permanently.
Karl lunged forward, frantically trying to close the app.
"Oi! What the hell, you little gremlin?! Why are you even digging through my trash?!"
Unco just grinned, spinning in place like a DJ about to drop a beat.
---
"Oh, Karl, Karl, so much shame,
But hey, man, I ain't here to blame.
Just keep in mind—when you play this game,
Your secrets? They ain't stayin' the same!"
---
Karl felt a cold sweat forming. "Alright, listen here, you—whatever the hell you are—stay out of my damn folders! You hear me?!"
Unco winked. "Hey, no promises, boss. Uncommon means no boundaries!"
Karl groaned, dragging a hand down his face. He needed another drag of his cigarette. Hell, maybe even something stronger.
This assistant was going to be a problem.
A big problem.