Chapter 7-2
On the Pain of Death
Part 3
She sat next to me and paused for a long moment, which stated she was taken aback, or she didn't expect that answer when she finally spoke. She said. "I can understand that answer, even though I don't like the choice you are thinking of making. You do have the right to trust me or not. And I can see why you wouldn't believe me. To keep my word regarding if you obey me or not. Or trust me if you choose isolation or obedience. I will still kill you or don't if you choose to obey me, that I would still kill you. Or if I will really walk you out of here alive.
"It's a hard decision for anyone to make, I can't tell you how it will end because no one knows and I can't tell you how Shane or your two adoptive sisters made their decision because it could affect the outcome, and I have sworn not to tell you until you make your final choice, providing you live long enough to hear it. Nor can I tell you what they went through for each person is different with similarities, not so different from what you have been through. So we will see what happens and go on blind faith like we have been doing from the beginning.
"But like I said earlier there is no one coming to rescue you. There is nobody, not one single person outside waiting for us to come out or going to come through those gates. I can assure you that my Boyfriend Crawford has taken care of that possibility. How you figured that out makes no difference. Considering like me, we will become Gods and you and your friends and family will not stop us. That, my dear boy you can take to the bank. You can tell your so-called friend that if he exists at all.
"Just give me a few minutes to take care of Jared, and then we will begin. I am now going to remove the blindfold so you can see Jared and the room and to where I am going to place you and him. Then I will blindfold Jared as well. Until we have made our final choice, but make no mistake, I will kill you. If you have made the wrong choice, out of the choices, we have given you to prove to me and the people I represent. But know this: the threat is real; the pain will be real as you have seen and felt.
"If help was really coming, they would have been here by now, and wouldn't be playing this game any longer. So go ahead and tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. Or not, I really don't fucking care one way or the other boy, and never did. I am not here to make you love me. I am here to seek justice even if means I must kill you, to do it."
Gloria pulled the blindfold off me as I blinked because of the powerful light in the room. I saw Jared's face as he told me. "Please make the right choice, Eric. It won't hurt me as much as it would if I lose you. Shawn and Arthur are so going to die for putting us through this if it is the last thing I ever do." He hugged me one last time as I watched her move him to the right side of the tub. Where there was a small box covered with a thin mattress. I watched as they bent him over and handcuffed him so he couldn't move. Then did the same to his feet and legs, spreading his feet and legs apart, showing that was where I was going to stand so I can rape my little brother.
I watched as his body rocked with fear, as his sobs grew more and more. Once he was restrained, Gloria placed the blindfold on him and gagged him. I screamed. "You lied to me, you fucking bitch." Seeing that she was clothed in a black fabric of some kind of jumper suit with a belt tied around her waist and the knife she had been using. The only thing she wasn't wearing was a top that showed off her bare shoulders and stomach, with a black leather bra across her breasts and she was barefoot.
She said. "What does it matter Eric, seeing me now that I am not really naked? When you couldn't see me being blindfolded?"
I said. "It makes a big difference you fucking bitch because it makes my decision even harder not knowing if I can trust you. Other than knowing without a doubt you will kill me. Who is to say that you won't kill my brother Jared or that if you have killed my family already? Or even that you meant what you said that you wouldn't kill me in front of him?"
My body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably. "Jared, I am so sorry. I should have killed Shawn and Arthur that day when we had the knife in our hands when we prepared him for the Shaming Ritual. I am so sorry that I let them live when I had plenty of chances to kill them. If I live, I will make sure that I will make him suffer for what he has done. If I have to break every bone in their bodies and cut off their penises and feed it to them. God help me I swear if I live that I will do it. And if their friends ever touch another boy, I will make them wish I kill them quick for the pain they have inflicted upon us."
Gloria walked over to me and slapped me across the face and kept doing it, yelling at me. "Words boys have no meaning! Actions are what we live by! Now shut the fuck up! You are making my job even harder!" She took a roll of duct tape out of her pocket and cut it with the knife she'd been using to cut off all my clothing. That was now holstered in her belt. She reached into her other pocket, pulled out my sock, and stuffed it hard into my mouth as she held my head under her arm. Making it impossible to move. Once she had me gagged, she slapped my face again and said. "You should have chosen the option of isolation, boy. Because you will be lucky if I let you live. If you choose not to obey me," then placed the blindfold on me. All I could hear was Jared and his muffled cries and the chains that held him bound to that spot.
Jeff said. "Not a smooth move on your part, Eric. She is already stressed as it is."
I answered as I was linked only to him in that special place where I had communicated with him in the past. "Yes, but she gave me something without meaning to. As you have taught me and reminded me that a bully is still a bully and the angrier they get, the more stupid and the easier it is to outsmart them. Besides, she is going to kill me, anyway. I might as well make it harder for her to live with it. Because I know personally that I remember nearly every beating. I remember every time my parents tried to kill me and torture me.
"I want her to remember me and my screams. I want her to remember how I pleasured her, making her scream my name. I want her to remember everything she has done to me and my family. I want her to remember until every time she closes her eyes and those who are watching see me and what they have done. There are worse things than dying, as you have said time and time again.
"That once you're dead, they cannot hurt you anymore. And when it is their turn to die, may it be as painful as the pain that I have experienced? I swear to God that I will find a way to make them feel everything and more for what she and her God damn people she represented."
I waited in the muffled silence as I listened to Jared sobbing as my anger boiled hotter and hotter. I was tempted to tell them to all go to hell since they were going to kill me anyway regardless of what I did. But at the moment I would do everything I could to live, so I could get my revenge and as well as Jared's and my family as I waited for help to arrive. She had already lied to me and that said I couldn't trust her not to keep her promises. The door opened, and I heard footsteps. It wasn't the soft padding of bare feet; it was hard-work shoes.
At first, I thought it was Dad and Mr. Vincent, but I knew from the moment they touched me that it wasn't either of them. Yet I knew it couldn't be because like me they were being held prisoner, forcing them to watch Gloria torture me and Jared unhindered and unrestrained. Their build and size didn't match, nor did I get the feeling I felt when Mr. Vincent touched me or shook hands with me. That one little spark that told me I could trust him above anyone else. I asked Jeff if it was them just in case, I was wrong, and it was all an act, hoping to find some sympathy.
Jeff told me he didn't know who they were; I asked if I had met them at the nudist colony, testing him if he really was watching over me. He said. "No, I know who they are but in a different spiritual way, but you never met them in person. And what I know of them it isn't good. If I had to bet, they would be spending some time in hell very soon. Sooner than they think."
It made me smile knowing that, as they roughly grabbed me, holding a knife at my side telling me if I made any sudden moves it was over. I wanted to say if I could, "It's over, anyway." But I dragged my feet, making them work for it. I heard Gloria tell them. "Don't kill him. He must choose that fate on his own. If you were in his shoes, would you come quietly?"
Neither of them said a word, and I asked Jeff, telling me they had been gagged to prevent me and Jared from hearing their voices. Gloria ordered me to stand as one of the men held me still. My body was so tired that it slumped. She said. "I knew I let him work himself too hard. Damn it to hell, he worked me good, proving to me that he was not gay. I am sorry lad, I really am, but the time has now come. Sit and be still while I finish securing you."
I felt a metal folding chair being placed underneath me as they hooked my feet and hands to more metal rings, but this time instead of rope they were using chains like Jared was using. Once they had me secure, I heard her open the trunk and heard something that sounded like a whip as it swished in the air with a resounding snap. My body jerked as it remembered exactly what it felt like.
I heard the door close, leaving us in complete silence. I didn't need to ask Jeff we were alone. Because I could smell Gloria knowing when she sat next to me, and she smelled of Peaches and Cream and the strawberry skin softener. Telling me my options adding the third option of total isolation, which I knew if I had chosen that one, I would be dead within a week. It would be like reliving the church boiler room. And she still smelled of it when she blindfolded me and gagged me, and when she made sure I was secure just moments ago.
The blindfold I could handle, it was the gag over the mouth I was having a problem with. If wasn't for Jeff being with me, I would have been going into a serious panic mode causing an episode. Somehow, she read my mind as I struggled to try to raise my hand to my mouth.
Because she soon came in and said. "Ok my two boys, I am now going to remove the gags I have placed on you, but I cannot remove the blindfolds at this time. I am praying like everyone else that Eric will make the right choice quickly. I don't think either of us could take much more." Gloria made her way down to me and took the gag off. Letting me take deep normal breaths, then poking me in the butt with a sharp needle, telling me she was keeping her word when she told me that she would help with the pain she had caused.
I said nothing as she said. "I know you are angry, and I would be too. I am not going to apologize, knowing right now it would do no good. But I will give you something that will make you feel much better. It's a small laxative to calm you, so you don't go into an episode, only delaying this longer than any of us want to."
I nodded said. "I guess it doesn't matter if you are giving me cyanide pills, so you can kill me and be done with it so I can make your life easier, and the God damn people you represent that have decided that torturing boys like me and Jared who have done no wrong. The ones that you should be going after are Shawn and Arthur and their friends for doing the things you are accusing us of doing."
She slapped me across the face and said. "And why do you think that we are uncertain that you are not the problem? You come from a broken home. You have been in nineteen foster homes. You have been accused of taking drugs, drinking alcohol, and robbing a liquor store. You may have proved your innocence to your adoptive parents, but that doesn't mean you weren't involved. As for your brother Jared, he is no angel. I know for a fact that he has committed those crimes of having sex with boys as well as his own younger brothers and Shawn's friends.
"I don't care if he had done so under a knife. I do not truly believe his brother would have killed him in that fashion. The fact is, he did it. Who is to say he didn't do so to his brothers Jason and Jonathan when no one was looking when all we have is their word? And I told you the words mean nothing; the action is important. You may not have been victimized, but you have shared a bed with many of your friends. Some of the boys had been raped just like your brothers. Who's saying you didn't think about it and did it anyway, knowing you could get away with it?
"No, Eric, you cannot give me words and promises. You must show us that action speaks louder than words. We will know the moment we begin if you have. We will know because your body can not lie. I am not giving you any wiggle room. Too much is at stake regardless of if you believe me or not. But the fact is, as you know our prisons or filled with murders and child rapists and people that sell drugs to children and make them have sex with other people, either for intimidation or for money.
I am not discussing Crawford, my transformed lover and partner who has embraced a new path towards godhood, distancing himself from his previous immoral associations. Who you assert is my companion? I neither deny nor feel compelled to prove it to you. What truly matters is our ascent to divine status, where I shall reign as his queen, commanding immense power. May his celestial beings bring forth our dominion over mankind for eternity. Now, take these Goddamn pills and pray for your success, though personally, I hope for your failure.
Gloria forced them into my mouth and made me swallow them dry; then checked my mouth, before offering me something to drink that tasted a lot like cough syrup but was even more bitter. She said the same thing to Jared, and I couldn't see him but heard him cough and gag.
She told me to stand as I quickly came to my feet and said as I wobbled listening and felt her remove the chair. Telling me not to make it harder than it already is. I said. "Yeah, right, like that helps." She says nothing as she placed my hands on Jared's hips and told me to place my penis inside of him as she lubricated my penis, stroking it to a hard state.
She stepped away from me, and I heard the scraping of fabric. I didn't ask what it was; I knew it was a whip. She said. "The longer you put it off, the longer we do this. Now obey me, as I have said, and once you have done what I have asked we will be done. And we all walk out of here. And we will never see each other again."
I stood there doing nothing as I made my stance hard. I felt Jeff encouraging me and feeling him give me strength, telling me help was near. All I had to do was hang on until they got here. I didn't move, and I paid the consequence. She yelled. "Do it!" I heard the whip as it whistled in the air and it came down across my back and shoulder. I screamed and Jared screamed, feeling the sharp pain, feeling his body in my hands shiver with fear begging me to do it.
She yelled again. "Do it!" I stood there doing nothing. Knowing if I did it without seeming to struggle, it would mean everything. She said that I had done this before. I shook my head and steadied myself as I heard the whip come down again across the other shoulder. I screamed again even louder, feeling my warm blood running down my back. She yelled again. "Do it, boy, one time is all we're asking!" I screamed even louder as I roared in pain.
I placed myself into a sort of dreamlike place with Jeff's help. The same place we had been when I lay dying on the shower floor. The same place I picture every time I walk along my father's church house walls. The same place I have been picturing as I am working through an episode. She yelled again. "Do it!" I stood there unmoving, feeling my hands tremble as Jared wailed uncontrollably.
I couldn't comfort Jared. I could only think of myself. I knew I couldn't do it. I knew she would have to kill me before I would allow myself to do it. Once again, she yelled. "Do it!" Hearing the whip as it whistled into a steady rhythm. I screamed as it struck across the opposite side, proving that she was in the back of me. I still remained standing as Jared begging me to do it. I didn't answer. I stood there standing barely, feeling the sweat and blood dripping down my back.
Again, the whip came down. This time, I didn't scream. I growled and then leaned back my head and roared, "No!"
She yelled. "Do it!" Again and again, she yelled for me to do it until my knees started to give out. I took everything I had as she kept ordering me to do the impossible, but I remained steadfast. She said. "You are causing your brother to suffer, just one time and we will be done."
I regained my foothold and Jeff kept giving me encouragement. I asked what my back looked like he said. "It doesn't matter; you have been through far worse and survived."
I noticed he didn't seem confident when he said it, but it gave me enough to remain at my post. Once again, she yelled. "Do it! Just one time, it's not going to hurt him more than he is currently suffering and has suffered. Now do it so we can be done."
Once more, I dug deep for anything that would make me withstand the pain. I remained standing as I wobbled to my feet. Once again, she yelled. "Do it! Do it now!" This time, the whip went back and forth twice before she yelled for me to obey. I screamed, and I sobbed. I took my hands off Jared's trembling body and tightened them into a fist. I remained standing and redoubled my efforts, knowing the only way this was going to end, was she was going to have to kill me, or someone was going to have to save me.
I roared again even though it sounded more of a whimper, knowing I had gone too far to turn back. I dug in and paid the price repeatedly until my voice cracked from all the screaming and roaring. I clenched my jaw and waited for her and the whip. This time she didn't ask me to do it. Instead, she kept beating me over and over. I fell to my knees, and she stopped and waited. I prayed and hoped that the end would come. I stood up using Jared's body and stepped away, and when I did, she continued to whip me over and over again.
I fell to my knees screaming in agony and I got angrier, and I used that to bring myself back to my feet only to be brought down moments later. This time when I made it to my knees she removed my blindfold, slapping my face. Telling me to look at Jared, asking me if he has suffered enough seeing the blood in thick layers on his back some of it mine and some of it his. I reached up and tried to grab her, being stopped by the chains that were holding me from reaching her. I growled angrily, seeing Jared's body shivering and his sobs, his voice shot just like mine begging me to do it.
I stood there, and she whipped me again and again. This time, she didn't stop and I fell to my knees. She kept at me. Wanting to know why I am making it so hard on myself. I growled. "Because it is wrong because I promised my brothers I would never do that to them. I promised myself that I would never do that. I promised every person I have been with I would never rape them. I promised…" Breaking into big sobs as I sat there on my knees, seeing our blood pouring down the drain of the tub.
She came over and helped me up and pushed me to my brother, as I fell on top of him. She said. "I am not looking for promises! I am looking for obedience! Either you do it or die!"
I stood up and placed my hands on his hips and slid back down to my knees, telling her. "No,! I will not! Whip me, beat me, I do not care! I have been taught that this is wrong, this is what rapists do, this is what bullies do, I love my brothers, my family, and my friends too much to do this. My Pa once said. "It always starts with the one act. One act will lead to another and another. Until it is impossible to stop. Kill me if you must, but I will not break my promises that I have given to the people that matter most to me."
She growls at me. "I am not asking for promises today boy! I am looking for obedience! Now stand up and do it! I will not ask you again!" She pulled me up and placed my hands back on Jared as he begged me, pleading for me to do it. I stood there as my body trembled and I shook my head no.
She growled angrily, and I watched Jeff stand next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. He said nothing. He just stood there waiting for me to make my decision. Watching the door telling me help had arrived, I wanted to laugh but instead, I cried knowing it was too late.
I lowered my head and yelled. "NO!"
She placed the knife at my throat, causing my head to rise. She yelled in my ear and said. "DO It OR DIE!"
I screamed as loud as I could. "NO!"
Causing her to hold my head with one hand and the knife in the other, yelled again. "DO IT OR DIE!"
I remained standing as I trembled, and I said. "I am sorry Jared, I hope you can forgive me." She smiled as I placed my hands on his hips and stepped away. I fell to my knees and screamed. "NO!"
In one swift move, she placed the knife at my throat and said. "You failed!"
I felt the knife tug against me, causing a sharp pain feeling my blood running down my throat and chest, and gave a slow gasp and fell to the ground saying. "I am sorry." Watching the door open, too late to save me, as I felt my eyes close, and the darkness slid over me.