I walked down the stairs from the 2nd floor of my house, leaving my bedroom where my little sister was. I walked away with mixed feelings, I could only walk away and head to the living room with my legs. I just sat on the couch, lost in thought, waiting for something I was sure would happen.
I was waiting for tomorrow. But there were still 3 hours before 12 midnight. Making me doubt when the day would repeat again. Because all this time I fell asleep and when I woke up I had already repeated the time just like that.
Because of that uncertainty, it made me curious, and also the problem with my sister, made me ponder and even unconsciously ignored my parents who called me several times to wake me up from my contemplation.
My mother looked worried, while my father just looked at me and realized something was strange. I thought he had realized the strangeness. And true as I suspected, my father walked up the stairs, checking what was happening on the 2nd floor.
While my mother tried to calm me down continuously, hugging me with her warm embrace, not knowing that something had happened to her beloved daughter.
After my father came down, I thought he would immediately slap me and insult me continuously. But he didn't, he just looked at me with his sad expression and immediately called someone. I'm sure it was the police.
Only this made me confused. Why didn't he slap me? He should have thought that I was the one who killed Maria and made it look like a suicide. Did he think I didn't know about Maria's condition? Did he think I was innocent? Why? Didn't they think I hated them all?
After all, I was the reason this family was destroyed. Wasn't I someone who was so worthless? Of course that's true. No one would grieve after I was gone.
Besides, they hated me too.
My mother might be an exception. But that doesn't mean she loves me. I'm sure she also holds a grudge against me. But she forgot that grudge, she buried that feeling of hatred because I was the only one she could use to get rid of her loneliness. That's right, she used me to replace Maria's position in her heart. That's why she pretended to love me.
That's why I decided to die. Pretending to go to the bathroom to relieve my stomach ache, making my mother believe and letting me go away from her embrace. Slowly but surely I looked for a sharp object and found a blood-stained knife.
I hope this hurts!
My heart was pierced and torn by force. Making me vomit blood from my mouth and fall to the floor helplessly.
But I couldn't hold back the scream of pain from my mouth. Making my parents realize something strange and forcibly break down the bathroom door which I had actually locked tightly.
Their facial expressions at that time made me smile. Not because I was happy, but because I was confused. I found it funny that they panicked for a moment when they saw my condition at this time. But after that they suddenly shed tears and approached me without hesitation and tried to do something to my wound.
I didn't quite understand what they were doing. They looked like they were shouting at each other. But I couldn't hear what they were shouting. My ears were no longer working, my eyes were slowly becoming blurry, even the bleeding continued.
In the end I died, it should have been like that. But suddenly I found myself waking up from my bed. Making me realize that I was repeating time like before.
A feeling of relief washed over my heart. But I also cried. Hugging myself, covering my shameless and stupid self while muttering:
"What did I do? So stupid!"
After that I remembered the moment of my death. Making my breath heavy because of the trauma I experienced because of it. The pain still lingered even though I knew I wasn't feeling pain. But I still felt that pain at this time.
"It really hurts!"
Suddenly my little sister, Maria, burst into the room and immediately asked:
"What hurts? Did you just break up?"
"E-eh?" I couldn't respond properly. The strange change made me confused about what to do.
"Ha? Are you deaf or what?"
"O-oh, I'm sorry, what's up?"
"Huft... I asked what hurts?"
"Ti-there's nothing, ahaha. I was just muttering to myself."
She just fell silent after that. Looking at me for a few seconds just like my father did before. Making me wonder if she was worried or wanted something else to talk about. But all she did was leave without saying anything. Just like my father did, they really didn't want to interact with me for more than 1 minute.
But sometimes I think about why they sometimes try to chat with me a few times. Is it because of guilt? But why should they feel guilty towards someone they hate?
Shortly after that, before I could clear my mind completely, my father shouted loudly calling me downstairs for breakfast together. I answered him as usual without a high tone and tried to make it sound like I wasn't yelling because I was annoyed. Because I never felt bothered by it. After all, he just wanted me to eat together.
After that I went to work. But unlike usual, I kept thinking about things other than work.
Now I know that I won't be able to die, because it's pointless. My death didn't end this loop.
I started to wonder if my little sister's suicide was the trigger for this loop. I thought that saving her might get me out of this loop.
That's why this time I worked faster so I could get home sooner.
When I got home, I remembered the knife in the bathroom that I found.
Why is there a knife in the bathroom?
That question made me go to the bathroom. After all, it was very suspicious, because I found the knife when there was already blood smeared on the knife.
But at that time I was looking for it randomly and made me forget where the knife was. That's why I looked for it everywhere exactly like I did when I lost my sanity in the previous loop. Until finally I found it in the bathup slip that looked deliberately hidden.
Did Maria use this? But for what?
I kept looking at the blood-stained knife. Trying to project what Maria would do if she was the owner of the knife. I also tried it on my father and mother. But the person who fit the most was Maria, because she committed suicide with a rope in the previous loop.
My guess is Maria tried to commit suicide with a knife but missed because she was still hesitant and afraid of her actions.
Even though it's still a guess, it still made me feel a little envious. Because my sister wasn't as stupid as I was, who didn't even hesitate to do it in the first attempt.
But I quickly moved on from that because I knew that what I had to do now was save Maria.
I don't know why and what her reason was for doing that. But I think this could solve my problem.
But I'm not that stupid not to think that Maria didn't prepare her suicide attempt like a fool. That's why I looked again, something that could help someone commit suicide without caring about the pain. I looked for drugs or narcotics or other things like that.
But I couldn't find it anywhere in the room. That's when I thought that maybe it was hidden in another room, and it certainly wasn't in her own room. Maria is a smart person, I can even say with great certainty that everyone in this house except me is a smart person.
My sister has always been consistent with her grades. My mother is a doctor. While my father is a university teacher. It's impossible for them to be dumber than me. After all, they are a family. Maybe it's in their DNA to be smart.
That's why I tried to think and finally the right place was only 1 place. That is a safe place and also impossible to find, a place where small objects can be hidden without being forgotten, that place should be a unique place. That's why I opened the floor drain and found a small transparent place containing pills that I didn't know the exact function of. But that was enough to make me relieved, because I managed to find it. But I put it back, because I realized there was a possibility that Maria would panic because she realized someone knew what she wanted to do and became anxious and hasty because of it.
But in a flash I realized I was overthinking.
"All I have to do is watch her and stop her. Isn't that easy enough?" I muttered with a smile.
I then threw away the knife and destroyed the drugs without anyone noticing. After that, as planned, I tried not to let go of my supervision of Maria after dinner.
But my efforts failed, Maria drank poison which she seemed to have kept in her own room. It was my fault for not anticipating that she had more than 1 way to commit suicide.
After that I kept trying, time kept repeating on the same day, trapping me and my little sister in the same condition in different situations every time I tried. Even after 48 times I tried, after all the possibilities that could have happened before I prevented, she bit her tongue and died in the bathroom with the reason that she wanted to take a bath.
The more I tried to save her, the more she tried to die in various ways. She realized in every loop that someone was trying to save her, but she didn't appreciate the efforts of the person who wanted to help her by continuously hurting herself.
It doesn't mean I want her to respect my decision. She doesn't even know that I'm the one who keeps getting in her way. It's just, why does she hate herself so much that she has to do this?
That was the question I kept asking myself every time I failed to save her.
Next time it will be possible!
Without realizing it, 79 loops have occurred since the first time I saw Maria die. And this time it's the same, she's destined to die.
Maybe I should do it faster this time!
I didn't give up just like that, because I felt I could do it. I felt I could save her. But until 93 loops passed and I still failed.
Until finally in the 99th loop I failed. In the 100th loop I felt that this was my last chance before giving up. But when I failed again, I denied that promise and didn't give up on Maria.
The same 1 day, but it felt like I had been through half a year until now. I have gone through failure after failure, until finally I asked myself:
"What am I fighting for? Who am I not giving up on? Why do I keep moving forward?"
But time has answered it, after thinking about it carefully from loop to loop I realized that I don't want to lose Maria.
My stupid act when I committed suicide at that time was also based on this reason.
I just didn't want to admit it at that time, that's why I was confused about what I felt at that time. That actually what I felt when I saw Maria die was a feeling of emptiness. Because deep down in my heart, I longed for the days when I could see her sincere smile that made my heart feel comfortable when I saw it.
I don't care if she is not forgive me even after i save her. I just hope she's not gonna be hated me anymore.