For Arian van Elod, rightful heir to the holy throne, there was only one truth to believe in: Everything or nothing, becoming the divine Emperor or death.
Since the former option hadn't worked out, only the letter was left.
The wood beneath him ached as he sped down the hill, towards the cliff.
He enjoyed the sounds of the construction beneath him starting to fall apart.
Soon, all will be over. His shame, dishonor, and suffering, will all be forgotten.
Arian closed his eyes, a slim smile appearing on his lips. Finally freedom, he thought.
But then, he abruptly stopped. His whole upper body was thrown forward.
Arian suppressed a scream of pain, as he hurriedly looked around him.
He was only mere centimeters away from the abyss. Only a bit further and death would have greeted him.
What a relief that would have been.
But of course, luck was not on his side. Instead of falling to his death, one of the wheels of his wheelchair got stuck between some rocks.
These stupid things covered the red desert, making Arian's getting around in a wheelchair even more difficult.
The prince stared down at his feet, where the little front wheels of his wheelchair hung above the abyss.
I was so close, so close, he thought devastated.
He tried to move his wheelchair somehow but with no success. He was stuck and his time was up. The hurried footsteps of his servants drew nearer. In the next moment, they were already beside him.
Arian suppressed an upset groan as two of his personal guards hurriedly pulled his wheelchair away from the cliff, away from the dangerous rocky surface and onto the desert's safer sandy soil.
The prince looked up, facing his subordinates. If he wasn't a prince and thus their superior, they would have scolded him, maybe even screamed at him; or maybe they would have asked him what the hell was wrong with him.
His father had done that when Arain had attempted suicide for the first time. Labeling his son as weak and a disgrace to the family in the process. His words had stung, and still hurt, even though months had passed since that incident.
Now his guards had saved him, just like they had when Arian tried to kill himself for the second time. This one had been on the night before they had left the royal palace to travel to the desert where they were currently stationed.
Back then, the prince had attempted to climb over the balcony of his room, which was on the twentieth floor. However, the lower half of his body was completely useless, so he could only rely on his arms to aid him.
In the end, the whole process had taken too long. Just as he was about to loosen his grip on the balcony's railing, letting himself fall, his guards had burst into the room and pulled him back onto the balcony.
And today, his third suicide attempt had failed.
He was angry and frustrated... and tired. So tired of his miserable life.
Arian gritted his teeth, trying to not let his disdain show on his face as he watched his guards trying to fix his wheelchair.
Apparently, only a few screws got loose, thus the wheelchair was repaired in a matter of seconds.
Dignity. Preserve your dignity, no matter how dire your situation. His mother's words echoed in his ears.
Even though his face was hidden behind layers of expensive fabric and no one of his subordinates would see his expression, Arian showed no emotion. It might be true that his face was hidden, but they might be able to read his emotions in his body language. Faking nonchalance was one of the most important lessons a prince like him had to master.
All the people around him were vipers ready to sting him if they found the smallest part of weakness in him.
Even though they were his most trusted servants, sworn to be loyal to only him and him alone, Arian knew reality was often different.
He had lived for twenty-three years to know loyalties were only determined by one's heart and beliefs, not by stupid vows.
After all, he wasn't the only child the Emperor had. Arian had 12 siblings, who all wanted to be the next ruler of the Empire. Maybe one of his guards secretly worked for one of his siblings.
The possibility was slim, but one could not be careful enough.
So showing weakness was not an option, even though there was a part of Arian that wanted to share his worries and feelings with someone.
Somehow he wanted to confess his desire to die.
There was this naive voice inside his head that told him, maybe his loyal guards would even help him. Doing the dirty work for him, or at least not stopping him the next time when he tried to unalive himself.
Maybe he could trust them.
Arian shook his head inwardly. How low had he fallen to have such foolish thoughts?
After his mother died, there was no one he could trust, not even his own father. Such was the life of a prince.
So when one of his guards asked, how he had gotten himself in such a precarious situation, Arian found a suitable excuse.
"Looks like I still haven't figured out this... thing," Arian said, pointing at his wheelchair "After all, it has only been three months since I got this new one. And we have been on the road for most of the time, traveling by carriage. There wasn't much time for me to familiarize myself with my new wheelchair."
His gaze drifted from one of his ten guards to the next. They all wore silver armor with long white cloaks. Their faces were hidden behind the visors of their silver helmets, which were adorned with white feathers at the top.
The prince pitied he couldn't see their facial expressions. It would have helped him to determine if they believed him.
His gaze drifted further, to the two people of his servants whose faces weren't covered.
One was a fragile woman standing directly in front of him. Her curly brown hair was damp with sweat and her expression showed utmost horror. She was Arian's personal maid.
Arian suspected that amongst his servants she was the only one who actually cared about him and his wellbeing. She might be the only one he somehow trusted- despite his better judgment.
The other was his deputy, a tall man with a slim build and a receding hairline. He was the one Arian trusted the least. After all, this man only served him since they left the palace a few months ago. He was sure as soon as the deputy got the opportunity, he would tell everyone he knew about the crazy story of how the crown prince tried to kill himself.
And that was the last thing Arian wanted- to have his reputation tarnished in such a bad way. After all, killing yourself was one of the greatest sins. Ending the life the gods gifted you with your own hands was one of the biggest atrocities a citizen of the Elodian empire could commit.
No matter how devastated and depressed he was, he still wanted to preserve his honor- somehow.
So he had to ensure that if his servants didn't believe his excuse, they at least didn't tell anyone else about it.
A dark smile appeared on Arian's lips. This time the prince didn't try to hide his emotions.
My servants should feel the sinister intent of their superior, he thought.
He turned his head to the commander of his guards. "Sir Balay, how am I to stop my wheelchair, once it gets too fast?"
The knight bowed in respect. "I think you have a brake for emergencies somewhere...let me see", he lingered for a moment, before he pointed at a lever next to Arian's left arm. "I think this is it, your highness."
"And why didn't you tell me about it? Aren't you the one responsible for ensuring my safety?"
Sir Balay opened his mouth trying to defend himself, but Arain interrupted him.
He knew Sir Balay was not at fault here. In a private meeting back at the palace, when he first got his new wheelchair, its constructor had informed him in great detail about all the different safety measures this new wheelchair possessed.
Of course, Sir Balay didn't know that. He had been positioned outside of the room to give his prince privacy and protect him from possible intruders.
Maybe if he had been a more experienced knight, he would have told Arian about the safety measures of his chair again, just to make sure the prince really understood his new wheelchair. But he hadn't. And now Arian was exploiting this small negligence of a young, inexperienced knight.
"I demand ten lashes with the whip for the neglect of your duty."
Sir Balay opened his mouth trying to defend himself. "B-but your-your highness...I..."
He was so surprised, he didn't know what to say.
Arian's smile only widened. "You should know better than to speak against the command of your prince."
He shook his head. "Let's make it fifteen lashes, then."
Sir Balay trembled but didn't dare to contradict the prince.
Arain nodded in satisfaction and gestured for his maid to turn his wheelchair around.
Now he faced the vast red desert and at the very end of his vision, he could make out a few shabby grey buildings.
They were the destination of his month-long journey.
He turned his head slightly. "Be glad I didn't make it 20 lashes."
Prince Arian wasn't thrilled about staying in this horribly hot desert at the edges of the empire but with Sir Balay's punishment, he at least had entertainment for the evening.