High school life is… something, to say the least.
"Um…"
They say this is where people experience the many firsts.
"Makiyama…"
And I couldn't agree more.
"Will you please…"
Because this…
"…go out with me?!"
…is certainly a first…
.
.
.
"So~" lower your expectations. I can hear it in your voice. "How did it go~?"
"…I rejected her." I said, my voice tinged with caution.
"What?! Why?! How?!" He screamed
"…When and where…" I quipped back at him.
"Huh?"
This is Makoto Koda. My first friend and best friend. We met at the literal beginning of high school, when he forgot to bring a pen.
"Hey, can I ask?" So he asked me, sitting behind him, if I have a spare pen. I did. And everything escalated from there. He would ask me to re-teach him about the subject we just learned, to asking me if I have a spare P.E. uniform (which I did), to asking me for help in our homework.
Eventually, one morning at school, he burst through the door as he usually do, headed up to me with a smile on his face, and asked…
"Hey, so, what's your name?"
…
"…Seriously dude?"
Now in our 2nd year, though we're no longer classmates, Makoto and I are still close. We would usually spend our break together at the rooftop, sharing our lunchboxes. Not alone, mind you. There are usually other people here. But right now, it's only the both of us. And right now…
"So, tell me! Why did you reject her?!"
He's grilling me for the reason why I rejected Kasumi
Kawahara, or "Goddess", as she is called by the boys and girls in our school.
And I get that. She's beautiful with her lustrous long hair and perpetual smile, her kindness to both animals and other people, and she's the top of our grade. But he looked so serious about this. I can't take him seriously though, not with his… shining lightbulb of a head.
"Hey, don't mock me! Focus and answer the question!" Oh shit, was I thinking out loud "Why did you reject Goddess?! What, is she not good enough for you, Your Majesty?" and that's another nickname the boys and girls gave, except it's towards me. I have no idea why they call me that.
"Calm down, dude." I tried to loosen him up. "It's not that she's not good enough for me, she's just not my type. And that I'm not interested in romance right now." He doesn't look satisfied with that answer. Why am I saying this to him anyway? This is something I should say to Kawahara, and I did. "Besides, we don't know each other yet. I'd like to get closer to someone first before I date them."
"Tch. Fair enough." That seemed enough to appease him. "So you're getting close to her right now?"
…Okay.
"Why are you so hung up on this, man? If you like her, why don't you get closer to her and then date her? I already told you I'm not
interested."
"Listen, man, you probably don't know this, but everytime someone confessed to her, she always said she had someone she already liked."
Yeah, that's another first.
"So when news broke out that she was gonna ask you out, the boys all gave up on pursuing her. I mean, the Goddess' crush is Your Majesty. We stood no chance"
That's understandable? I think?
"So imagine our shock when we heard you rejected her. First, we have no chance. And now, the girls have no chance."
Oh, I see. I understandnow.
"Anyway, how did your test go?" I tried to change the
subject.
"Way to change the subject, dude." Damn, he saw through me. "But to answer your question," Success! "not so good." Aw damn, he's sulking now.
"…Let me help you out." I smiled at him, "Really?!" and he beamed back at me. We spent the rest of the break finishing our lunchboxes and going over what he did wrong. After school, we decided to meet up tomorrow tohang out and also help him with his studies. "Why don't we go to the park?"
And that's where we are right now. Inside a gazebo. This place used to be part of the woods I always go to. Now it's turned into a local park where many people go to, either to hang or to unwind after a rough week. Here beside me is Makoto, going over what we learned this week.
I still can't focus though, but this time it's not because of his shining head. It's that feeling again. The feeling of being watched. It always appears whenever I spent some time in the forest.
There are a number of people here, so it honestly could be any one of them. Grandma always taught me not to easily trust strangers, something I struggle with. Even my best friend sometimes say I'm too trusting.
Speaking of, grandma had taken care of me ever since my parents' death 9 years ago. I was devastated. Wouldn't go out of my house for the entire summer. The whole time grandma had been caring for me, making me food, bathing me. Always with a kind smile on her face. One day, when she came by to cook me breakfast, I rushed to her, hugged her, and she hugged me back.
"Good morning, sunshine"
"Sunshine." The nickname my mother gave me. Grandma probably didn't know it was my nickname. It is a generic way of greeting someone in the morning after all. But still, I-
"Uuu… Waaaaaahhh" I cried. For the first time ever since that day. I cried my hearts out. I let it all out. "Oh, my child." She stroked my back. Held me tighter with her aging body. A calming warmth for my otherwise tumultuous heart.
A warmth, I could feel even now. "Oh, it's already this late." The sun is setting, the skies aglow with an orange hue. "Let's head back and continue this tomorrow!" Makoto decided. So we packed our stuff, and leave the park behind. And once again, that feeling disappeared.
We parted ways, Makoto going home, and me going to my home. First things first, I need to return this lunchbox to grandma. Ever since high school, I started making my own lunchboxes. Grandma was getting older, so it's only right. Of course, at first, she would be supervising me while I cook. Always concerned for my well being. But now, I can properly cook for myself! That never stopped her from coming by and giving me food though.
Today, she readied my lunchbox because, apparently, she 'accidentally' bought too many groceries. Classic grandma. "Excuse me…" I knocked and opened the door to her house. "Grandma, thank you for the lunch! As always, it was delicious. I'm here to return the container…"
Silence. Except for the sound of the TV news anchor on the background, talking about some sort of book that caused an uproar. Grandma usually watches the TV at this hour, so I went to the living room. She might be asleep.
"Grandma…" As I peered into the living room, I see her body. Sprawled out on the floor, with what appeared to be a puddle of water. "Grand…ma…?"
.
.
.
"It's not your fault." I heard someone said to me. The same words I heard a million times already. I turned to face the voice, Uncle Shijima. She never had an offspring. Her husband died during the war, and she stayed loyal to him even after. But, always the kind and compassionate woman that she is, she decided to take in orphaned kids, take care of them, and raise them as her own. Uncle Shijima is one of them. "It was an accident."
'An accident I could've prevented' I thought to myself. He could probably guess what I was thinking, judging by the look on his face. "Take care, kid." He looked at the casket once more, and left.
I could still hear the cries and wailing of those people raised by grandma. Some are holding on to the casket. Some are holding back their tears. Some let out pitiable sobs. All of them, I'm sure, are thinking of the same thing I am:
'Why?'
I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Makoto. He had a small smile on his face. No doubt to console me. "Hey, wanna head out?" I nodded at him.
"…I must look horrible." We talked outside. It was getting a little stuffy, what with the suit and all, so the outside air is, well, a breath of fresh air.
"Nah, nah. You look handsome, especially in that suit of yours! Besides, remember when we went to the mountains last summer? You had a weird look on your face, so I decided to scare you. I didn't know I would spook you so hard that you'd jump directly into that puddle of mud! Now THAT is a horrible look."
I chuckled at the memory. Indeed at the time I was preoccupied with the, gaze, that I kept on feeling. Ever since that day though, I vowed not let that feeling let off my focus, at least not with Makoto around.
"Hah, there you go, that's the smile." I punched him on his elbow for bringing that memory up. It was embarrassing, to say the least. But I am grateful for that. He wrapped his arm around my elbow now, and said "Listen, Aki, the last thing you need to hear right now is how it's 'not your fault,'" Wow, I am just easily read huh, "so I'll say this; no matter what, no matter where, when, or how,"
"Or why" I quipped.
"Shut up and listen to me, jackass!" I couldn't help but laugh as he squeezed me tighter into this half hug. "No matter why, I will always be your friend. You got that, little shit?"
I looked into his eyes, filled with determination, sincerity, and compassion. I know now that he will always be beside me through every thick and every thin. I could feel my tears welling up in my own eyes; and here I thought they were dried up. I need to return this feeling to him. To show him how grateful I am towards him. For being him.
So I smiled. The biggest, most sincere smile I could give, and directly to him, I said:
"Thank you, Makoto! I love you!"
"...Heh, love ya too, bud."
I looked up to the sky, with a smile on my face,
"And you, grandma. Thank you, for all the wonderful years you have given me. Thank you, and,"
"I love you"
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