Amii Ling and Princess Pensée stared ahead with sheer disgust at what was unfolding. "It looks like they're all taking selfies and exchanging them with this so-called Reaper, big bad boss dude," Amii Ling remarked.
"I thought he was going to, like, sort these people out. Ugh! This is driving me crazy!"
"Ugh, like, I know, girl! It's seriously the worst!"
Both girls watched as yet another person put his arm around the big, scary masked guy, who then smiled behind his mask for the camera. "That's it," Pensée screeched.
"We're the protagonists here, okay? These stupid side characters can just go and do one! We do NOT share our protagonism with anybody!"
Pensée rummaged through her inventory and finally spotted something she was quite familiar with.
"Don't worry, I've got a spell to get rid of annoying people," she said with an air of entitlement. As she attempted to conjure the spell, unsure of the casting method, she tried every emote command and dance. Eventually, fireworks and sparks began to appear around her hands.
"Wow... like, seriously, wow! You're, like, totally amazing! I'm so hyped you're my sidekick because you totally kick butt and every other part of the anatomy!" Pensée raised her right hand high into the air, drawing upon the formidable power of the slime world. A colossal green fist materialised, oozing with slime like an overflowing, clogged toilet that had just been flushed. With a resounding swing, she unleashed a mighty left swipe, striking the towel bearers, bin liner brigade, the Kassy fans, and the masked man all simultaneously with overwhelming force. All profiles of the combatants vanished into the ether, never to be seen again.
An alert message materialised above both girls' heads:
** Mercy Kill. **
** 655,666 EXP gained! **
** 40 people eliminated from the game! **
** Level up! **
** You have now obtained the magical skin flute, enabling you to control the weather or teleport to any location within a world, when blown! **
Amii jumped up excitedly. "Oh my gosh, this is like, totally god mode! We... we... we can control the weather? I mean, duh, of course, we're going to make it sunny all the time so we can get a tan, and then make it snow when I feel like throwing a snowball at a fool." In that moment, Amii realised she had been talking to herself and had not even noticed Pensée had disappeared.
Pensée then tapped Amii on the back of her shoulder, appearing right where she had chosen to teleport. "Teleporting is fun, but there's this annoying cool-down timer of 800 seconds every time you use it, which totally sucks. And seriously, do we really want to teleport anywhere in this world? It's just slime, more slime, and even more slime... there's nothing worth looking at. It's just argh."
Amii laughed and said, "Maybe we can use it to prank somebody." They both chuckled, but their laughter abruptly died when she saw the figure. Her voice, now tinged with unease, asked, "What's that?" As they turned around, a tall figure in a hockey mask locked its eerie gaze onto them. Their laughter faded into uneasy silence as they gasped, instinctively stepping backward, their movements unsteady. The ominous figure advanced slowly, each step sending a wave of chilling dread through both of them. "If he survived Pensée's deadly attack while all the others succumbed to it, he must be a force to be reckoned with."
The figure spoke, and it wasn't the dark, sinister sore throat they were expecting; in fact, they hadn't expected this figure to speak at all.
"I am deeply disappointed in both of you," his authoritative voice cut through the air, instantly recognised by the girls.
"JASON!!!" they exclaimed in shock.
"You... you... are you seriously pretending not to follow us everywhere we go, like we haven't had enough of you from the moon and back? This is no longer a coincidence!" they accused him, their voices brimming with frustration.
"Of course, I will be here. Why wouldn't I? I am the teacher of the Academy, after all," Jason responded.
"Well, at least you're dressed appropriately for a stalker, huh?" Princess remarked.
"As my students often referred to me as Jason Voorhees, I decided to embrace it. To succeed at 'The Mask' event, one had to unleash their inner beast onto the world."
"Please don't undress near us or let any 'beast' out, creep-o," Amii cautioned sternly.
"Jason, is there no other teacher at the Academy besides you?" Amii asked.
"No, the others simply don't seem to find it convenient to come here regularly. They prioritise their eBunnee endeavours and struggle to spare time for being here."
"Can't they just eBunnee here at the Academy?" Amii asked.
"No, the students were too distracting, and they couldn't concentrate, so they stayed at home."
"Of course, blame us for your failure to handle the eBunnee channels," Amii quipped sarcastically.
"Yes, girls. In such failed channels, one such channel was owned by one of our esteemed teachers, Mr. Bumchin, who recently introduced the Bubblegum Bubble Butt Challenge and the Arm-in-the-Lion's-Mouth Challenge, both of which were incredibly popular at the moment, and he won all the internets."
Amii shook her head in disapproval, pondering, "What in the world are these challenges? I've never even heard of them, and quite frankly, Mr. Jasonly, I don't want to, nor do I want to venture into the weird side of eBunnee. The fringe is where the cool stuff happens. Blah! Mr. Bumchin, the 'esteemed' teacher who's always MIA! Like, seriously, I mean, it's not like I've ever seen him show up E V E R!"
Jason walked determinedly to get closer and closer to them, using an intimidating tactic so that one lost all composure and just submitted to his authority. He was a man on a mission, a mission where a person didn't read or listen to the dialogue; they just wanted to get the experience or reward as fast as possible, working on auto-skip mode.
"I am very disappointed in you girls."
"Oh no, he's repeating this again," Amii exclaimed.
"What did we even do wrong?" Princess questioned.
"You fought with no honour. You blindsided a group of people for quick and easy EXP. There was nothing to be proud of in your actions," Jason accused.
"You... like, they were literally just taking selfies with you, ugh... it's totally their fault for being... you're just mad 'cause you craved all that attention from them," Princess snapped back.
"I was giving them sewing advice."
"Sewing advice? Is that really the best excuse he can come up with after listening to so many excuses from his students over the years?" Amii thought aloud.
He droned on, "In my day, all you could do with a phone was call up strangers to make farting noises. You young girls don't realise how fortunate you are now."
The girls continued pacing backward as he inched closer and closer.
"You lack respect for figures of authority," he began, each word dripping with condemnation. "You have no moral code guiding your actions. It is evident that you prioritise your own desires over the well-being of others, showing a blatant disregard for common decency."
Princess couldn't bear any more of the degrading talk, as she was accustomed to being treated as the most perfect being in the world by her guardians and fans alike. The downtrodden feeling burned deep into her soul.
Swiftly, she gathered every item within reach of her inventory and began hurling them at Jason. Amii quickly joined in, aiding her as Jason continued his slow, scornful approach, persisting with his degrading remarks. Maces, halberds, glaives, polearms, water hoses, toilet paper staffs, pillow maces, rubber ducky grenades—they threw everything they could find, but nothing slowed Jason down. Perhaps simply throwing the items at him rather than wielding them strategically and using their magical powers had been a significant mistake. Both girls were too frustrated to think clearly in the heat of the moment.
Amii leaned in and whispered into Pensée's ear, "What about using the teleporter thingy?"
"It's still on a 500-second cool-down. So frustrating. But I can try this," Pensée said as she raised her hands high. This action caused the clouds in the sky to darken, and a downpour of rain cascaded down, drenching both girls. Jason didn't even pause, continuing his tirade of "You girls need to learn."
The girls zoned out and just heard, "Blah blah, I am really disappointed in you."
They felt trapped, unable to process what he was saying anymore. "We have, like, zero weapons to fight him, and he's totally gonna whip out his machete or unleash his inner beast or something. I don't even know which is scarier," Princess said with wide eyes.
"I taught you girls better than this," his words dripping with condemnation, with rain now dripping from his mask, also filled with condemnation.
"This isn't even our teacher any more; it's like dealing with his alter ego, or just his ego in general, in its purest form."
"I seriously can't wrap my head around the fact that we're about to be taken down by some random nobody with practically no followers or likes. It's beyond embarrassing, like, there's absolutely no honour in going down like this."
Jason now stood within arm's reach of the two girls; the game briefly froze, followed by a swirling animation appearing in front of their faces, signalling that something was loading.
"What is happening now?!" Amii asked.
"Oh great, a cutscene," Pensée grumbled. "I really can't stand when they add unskippable cutscenes to games. It's like they're so proud of their animation work that they force us to watch it."
"What a show-off! Who would willingly subject themselves to this junk?"
Pensée's summoned dark rain clouds dispersed, revealing a light, tranquil, blue sky. Then, another dark cloud appeared and started raining down upon Jason, identical to the cloud that had just disappeared. Jason hoisted his machete forward, which he had safely tucked away in his pants, holding it with both hands and gripping it tightly. Lightning struck the blade once, then again, each thunderous clap growing louder than the last until a massive bolt ricocheted off the machete, forcing it out of his grasp. He quickly whipped his hand forward, catching it again, thinking to himself that he looked really cool and badass.
"Is this animation done yet?" Amii asked. "I'm getting kinda bored."
"Not yet, but keep an eye out for a quick-time event. Game studios use those when they're too lazy to code real gameplay."
"'Quick'? Oh please, this is anything but quick! And why do you know so much useful yet totally useless gaming stuff?"
Princess said with pride, totally ignoring Jason's little song and dance and never-ending cutscene. "Why settle for anything less when you can have the royal treatment everywhere? I like to expand my realm, conquering new territories, spreading my angelic wings across many digital landscapes."
They both turned towards Jason and sighed when they saw he was still holding his machete high in front of him, crackling with pulsating electricity. A sudden gust of wind swept in, bringing with it a colossal red inferno dragon that hovered above Jason's weapon. The dragon spewed fire down onto the blade, engulfing the ground around Jason and setting the machete ablaze with a combination of electricity and fire. The machete crackled and blazed quickly as it appeared; the majestic dragon vanished into the vastness, to wherever it was big enough for it to hide.
Amii groaned impatiently. "Can we move yet? I'm totally over this."
Princess Pensée (PP) cast a quick glance at the swirling loading symbol at the centre of their screen. "Not yet," she replied, pointing at it. "The animation still needs some time to finish."
Druids clad in white robes engaged in a ritual dance around the blade, chanting mystical incantations and humming tunes that infused the machete with dark energy. One druid leapt gracefully over the machete wielded by Jason, while the others performed a dance reminiscent of 'ring-a-ring-a-roses' around him. Another druid attempted to leap over the machete he held up, mere milliseconds away from an uncomfortable landing.
"That landing will be painful if they don't make the leap successfully," Amii said smugly.
"That's a small sacrifice they're willing to make," Pensée added, sporting a smirk.
Then, a hunched, ghoul-like man in a hooded robe appeared, and all the druids stopped as he walked slowly towards them.
"Grr!!!!!! What now?!" both girls said in unison.
Amii exclaimed, "This is just unnecessary fluff!" She continued, "Do you really think you can force us to stand here and watch this junk forever? You've got another thing coming if you think we're going to waste our time on your stupid video. We have better things to do than watch this, you know."
"Wait a second," Pensée mused, "this could... this could... wait, did we? Yes, I think we did... I think!"
"Huh?" Amii's confusion was mirrored in her tone.
"Just wait, my cohort, my co-protagonist, my dear friend."
The ghoul-like figure, draped in a hooded robe, loomed ominously before Jason. As anticipation built for the creature to empower the machete, the druids vanished into the shadows, plunging the surroundings into an eerie silence that heightened Jason's dread.
He peered into the dark void where the figure's head should be, an unsettling unease gripping him as though he stared into an endless abyss. This sensation caused his arm to tremble slightly as he held the machete aloft, until it faltered, dropping to his side.
The ghoul man spoke, "Ah, leaving a bad review? Well, well, well... You've stirred the pot, haven't you? I did mention the curse, didn't I? It comes swiftly, oh yes, when you least expect it. Disrespecting the delights of the Nether-Regions has consequences, my friend. Brace yourself for what's to come!"
"It's... that ghoul fellow from Slops Ahoy," Pensée said.
Jason, disbelief palpable, queried, "How can you be in the game? This is VR! How... how are you even here?!"
The ghoul hissed menacingly, "Wherever you dare to flee, I shall hunt down those who disparage my food and unleash my curse upon them. There is no sanctuary from my wrath, no corner dark enough to hide."
Jason, still in disbelief, continued, "After sampling the products offered at your establishment and providing a rating based on my experience, I must share that these two girls here did nothing but complain and insult your products and your service. May I quote them verbatim for a moment? 'It stinks in here.' I am sure such a fine person as yourself doesn't appreciate such negative talk. Furthermore, they did not consume anything you served." With a pointed finger, Jason added, "Feel free to confront and address these matters in your own time."
Pensée exclaimed, "Ugh, hey, you creep! Don't try to brown-nose this guy... because he probably has a brown nose already and doesn't need a second one."
Amii chimed in, "Seriously, Jason? You're such a super mega creep."
The ghoul man's hidden eyes behind his hood remained fixated on Jason. "You dare claim that my products lack scent! Such impudence! The girls adored my establishment with their five stars on eBunnee, bathed in blessings. But you, with your pitiful two stars, now bear the weight of a sinister curse, a curse of twos that shall haunt your every step. Prepare yourself, for the darkness of your curse is about to descend upon you!"
The ghoul's swift movement enveloped Jason in darkness, causing him to crumple to the floor, his electrified, fiery, and shadow-infused machete slipping from his grasp—a weapon he never had the chance to wield. The ensuing eerie silence was pierced only by the ghoul's echoing laughter.
As Jason's form dissolved into translucence and faded from the game, his voice persisted, uttering garbled sounds that spoke ill of the two girls. The ghoul vanished, leaving the room in palpable tension.
Approaching Jason's fallen machete, the girls inspected it with focused intent before turning to his dissolving body. Locking eyes, their connection ran deeper than words, akin to the telepathic bond shared by twins. With flawless synchrony, they admonished, "Jason! We are thoroughly disappointed in you!"
Amii's voice dripped with disdain as she continued, "You show no respect for places like Slops Ahoy and Mr. Mister Ghoul-Man McGee, or whatever his name is."
Pensée was poised to speak, but Amii interjected with a cutting edge, "Did we even mention that we are...?" Pensée completed the thought, her agreement implicit. Together, they delivered the final blow, "Very disappointed in you!"
Pensée went through her menus, doom-scrolling and wishing she could acquire some doom-magic scrolls she could use later on in this game. She looked at the review and rating she left for Slops Ahoy: "Great food and service; we will slop there again. 5 out of 5 stars!"
Amii asked, "'Will slop there again'? Is that a typo?"
"No, I said it for the pun, and Mister Ghoul Person laughed and replied with, 'Lol!!! You are indeed a true lover of slop, dear patron of the Nether-Regions of slop. Slop extends its eerie gratitude for your unwavering devotion. Five stars are bestowed upon you, granting Slop's eternal embrace, seeping through and intertwining with your very essence. We eagerly await your return to bask once more in the peculiar allure of slop.'"
"The ghoul guy actually typed 'lol'?! Just wow..."
Amii Ling looked down at Jason's sorry self lying on the ground and gave him a small kick, feeling a bit jittery at the idea of him suddenly springing back to life and attacking them. "Ummm... why didn't we get EXP for taking him down?"
"The ghoul guy got all the EXP, since he's the one who took him out. There's just a bit of lag in getting rid of his sprite since he has so many particle effects on his machete."
"We should defo take this thing!"
"I'm not too sure we should," Pensée said as she inspected the weapon's stats through her menus. "It's just a very weak level 2 weapon with lots of pretty particle effects. This thing couldn't even kill a fly in this event. In fact, Jason himself is level 3, and we are like level 20. We could have just shin-kicked him and killed him instantly. I thought he was triple our level with that intimidating, boss-like mask and getup, power, or something like that, but looks can be deceiving."
What a fraud! Yeah, totally, girl, looks can be deceiving. Don't judge a book by its cover because covers can be ripped off, and that doesn't make the book any better... unless I give it a kiss print; then it becomes ultimately better!
"Quite so." Since the cool-down of the two girls' teleport ability ended, they utilised the teleporter to transport themselves to where all the towel-clad, Kassy fans and bin-liner-clad people had been melted by Pensée's mighty swipe. As they surveyed the scene and noticed the absence of bodies and weapons, Pensée declared, "This is good! Now let's get to work." It took Amii a few moments to grasp the plan, but she soon held up one of the plastic bags with "Bradley's Meaty Mirth" printed on the front.
Amii enthusiastically said, "If any company wants us to promote them, we would be thrilled to do so; just send some funds our way and we will endorse anything and give you 5 stars... because! We have respect for establishments and authority figures, unlike certain individuals named Jason!"
"Touché!" Pensée used her weather-changing ability to remove the rain and let the sun's rays shine directly onto the plastic bag, highlighting the company's name for all the viewers to see.