Chapter 15
Trouble Times
Today was a special day for all of us as we celebrated, as a family, that Shane became one of God's missionaries, spreading the gospel and bringing people to Christ. Even though I hated this church house because of what my parents did to me here, I focused on the moment, watching Shane being ordained an Elder. I knew he would be special the moment acting Bishop Sakes and Bishop Earl, as well as Brother Niles and Dad, laid their hands on his head.
I only wished I could have stood in that circle instead of sitting on the sidelines. I could only wish that when I had children of my own that I would be as proud as Dad was, but for now, I loved Shane and that was enough. When it was done, everyone had tears in their eyes; knowing to us and the world that Shane just became a man in our eyes. Yet to me, he will always be my brother and my best friend.
After church, we had a big banquet to celebrate the occasion, doing our best to stay upbeat as we left the world outside. Yet having Jody with us and seeing her in a wheelchair always reminded us of what had happened. Dad would carry her all over the house always asking if she was comfortable and the rest of us would do our best to stay positive and focus on the moment, but in the back of our minds, we were angry and wanted revenge for what Danny and his two friends did to our sisters. The fact that Shawn her own brother did not lift a single finger to help her or the fact he helped Danny, and their friends do this only made the darkness linger.
Jody would cry when she thought nobody was watching. Shane and I would hug her and she would push us away, telling us she was fine, but we both knew she wasn't. Sometimes she beat on Shane begging him to stop, raping her, and Mom would have to give her something to calm her down. When she realized it was only Shane and I she would quickly cling to us, begging us to forgive her for pushing us away. We let her cry on our shoulders and held her until she was able to take hold of herself. After the second time, Jody pleaded with Dad to take her back to the hospital because she was afraid of ruining Shane's moment. Shane would hug her and tell her she wasn't ruining anything for him. Just her being here with us has made this day even more special. She knew, or she thought he was lying.
Finally, Dad agreed, and the party was over. I hated to see my sister in so much pain it tore at me and when that happened, I became angry all over again. Telling Mom I was going for a walk after watching my foster parents leave with Jody. Kerry had left with them. I remember a time when she would walk with me, placing her arms around my shoulders. It used to be something we did when either of us was upset. Sometimes Shane would come with us and when she moved out. Shane would take her place as we talk about what's on our minds. I used to think it was because Mom and Dad didn't trust me not to run away, but I always came back. It was months before they stopped pacing when I left on my own, always worried that I was at a flight risk. Yet they wanted me to show them that I could be trusted. Now they no longer worry. I still think it was because of my watch. They knew where I was the second, they picked up the phone. Shane would tell me Dad would check every 20 minutes until I walked in the door and everyone would pretend that they weren't worried.
Dad would simply turn the page of his unread newspaper and Mom would ask did I had a nice walk, as if it was just another day at the Rothwells. Now I miss those days because back then there was no Danny or Kelly, even though Shawn and I never saw eye to eye, and he hated the fact that a foster kid like me had just as many privileges as he did. To him, I was and would be nothing but a mule boy. Yet, it was home, and everyone loved and shared what they felt in their hearts. Now since the incident, our close-knit family has been torn apart and now I feel am an outsider in both homes. I knew God was punishing me and I didn't know why or what I had done wrong. I missed Jeff and tried to link with him but like before that special spot was gone and hollow.
It was hours before Shane and Mom found me sitting inside the cemetery under a tree with my eyes closed, hoping to feel something other than the pain I was feeling inside my heart. Normally the gates would be locked, but Santaquin is a small town. I remember a joke someone said to me. Why there is a fence around it? The reason I was told was people were always dying to get in, but never out. I know it is a bad joke, but I have always had a morbid sense of humor. I didn't have to ask how they found me; all I had to do was look at my watch.
Shane took a seat next to me as Mom took the other side. Mom had never liked cemeteries even more so at night. To me, they are more peaceful at night than they are during the day. I wasn't afraid of ghosts having Jeff as a companion since I was twelve proved that ghosts could never harm me. My mother, on the other hand, felt the opposite, mostly because of the horror movies. Shane too didn't feel all that comfortable about the idea, but he never let on. I only noticed it when he thought someone was walking behind him. He would speed up his pace. I would smile and he would laugh, but neither of us said a word. Shane asked me for a penny for my thoughts. I told him I was just angry, hoping that would satisfy him and Mom.
I should have known better as he waited for me to continue finally saying. "So, you're giving me the silent treatment?" I didn't answer, just laid my head back against the tree and closed my eyes. I knew what he was going to do because he always did it when I got like this. He would tickle me until I cried uncle, but today he brought reinforcements. Telling my mother to grab my feet as he wrestled me down on the ground; Shane would find every spot that he knew was ticklish and Mom wasted no time in removing my shoes and socks and working at that end.
When we all had enough, I was ready to talk. I told them everything I was feeling, how angry I was regarding what happened to Jody and not being there to help her as a brother should have. How I was losing my best friend and my brother within the week and how I thought God was punishing me for allowing it to happen. When I am not ready to say goodbye to my big brother and possibly my sister Jody because we would never have what we had because of what they had done to her and our family. I cried until there was nothing more to say as they held me in their arms.
In some ways I was glad to get it all off my chest but still didn't help to know Shane was leaving, and I would never see him again. It didn't matter that he said that it would never happen; I knew how the story was going to end. Just like the Fry's and the Steeds, just like the Downing's, everyone was leaving me as if they didn't want me in the first place. I was a boy without a home. I was a boy who would always be alone. That's why I was sitting here in a cemetery. The only place that I knew that people in the ground all around me could relate to what's like to be truly alone.
Instead of walking back, I climbed in the car with my socks stuffed inside my shoes. We had chosen to stay covered up during the time Jody was with us. We were afraid that if she saw any of us without a shirt or in a pair of shorts, it would set her off, and we didn't want that to happen. So, Bishop Earl turned up the air conditioner instead of saving on the electric bill. But in the end, it really didn't make matters easier as she compared us all to her rapist being the same height and build as the three boys. Kerry and Mom were the only ones who could keep her calm enough even when she saw Dad during an episode she would lash out.
Shane had asked Bishop Earl if we went skinny dipping or swimming before he entered the MTC if it was frowned on, which was the first time I had ever heard that it wasn't allowed as missionaries. Bishop Earl quickly located a missionary manual and read it to us because we were all curious, thinking it was an old wives' tale.
* * *
The connection between missionary policy and the reference to the "destroyer" riding the face of the waters in D&C 61 is a persistent Mormon urban legend. One must consider that LDS missionaries frequently travel by water to reach remote islands. Before the advent of modern air travel, all overseas missionaries were required to travel by ship to Europe, Asia, and other foreign lands. Missionaries, of course, bathe and perform baptisms in water.
The LDS Church has a general policy prohibiting full-time missionaries from swimming. This is simply a safety precaution to prevent drowning or other water-related accidents. Several other mission rules vary depending on the mission. For example, some missions prohibit missionaries from playing basketball or other physical sports. Rock climbing is usually a prohibited activity. Mission rules are designed to keep missionaries safe by preventing them from participating in high-risk physical activities.
* * *
So the answer was yes he could go swimming until he entered the MTC when he would be considered a full-time missionary. Shane breathed a sigh of relief, then said. "In that case, on Monday that's exactly what I want to do, spend the whole week skinny dipping, until I enter the MTC." Having Bishop Earl remind him that he needed to be at the Provo temple on Tuesday afternoon at 3 pm sharp for his endowments and it would take him most of the day and would recommend that he should spend Monday and Tuesday preparing to enter for the first time, somewhere quiet and reflect on his life and what covenants he will make with God.
Shane nodded, telling him he couldn't think of a better place than the place we were at a last time up Santaquin Canyon. Bishop nodded and told him. "If that's where you want to seek the spirit, then heaven forbid him from going. Just be back in plenty of time to shower here and change your clothes and be ready to enter his new life." It was a done deal as Shane shook his hands.
For the rest of us, we wouldn't be going with him, and I felt torn by the fact I was losing my best friend. Only my foster parents, Kerry, and her husband would be able to go with him since they had been there already and had current temple recommendations issued by Bishop Earl and Acting Bishop Sakes as well as Brother Niles. We kids would have to remain home. I saw the hurt in my mother's eyes knowing she couldn't go, and I knew it was because of my father.
We had left early the next morning, packed to the gills, with plenty of food and supplies to last the entire week, if not longer. It seemed the ice chests were crammed full of all the things that would make boys' tummies like ours rumble, considering we were always hungry. Bishop Earl and his family had decided to go with us, To make sure Shane would make it back in time, and answer any questions he would have. That Officer Kenly would return him to us and spell off for Bishop Earl. One of the main reasons was someone had to be available in case a blessing needed to be done.
Granted Shane and I could have done in a pinch and Shane more so than me because he would be doing just that in the missionary field, but I wasn't his missionary companion and I didn't have the same rights or ordinance or keys that he did, That's why it would be better if one with a higher calling was there. Since Officer Kenly was over the priest quorum and Bishop Earl was a High Priest. Which I thought was for old men ready for the grave but had learned that when called a Bishop and part of the Bishop-brick like their 1st and 2nd counselor or member that is in charge of the Deacons and Teacher's quorum and Elder or Priest quorum they are automatically ordained a High Priest regardless of age.
The Stake President is over the entire ward and the Stake he is in. Anyone higher is known as the seventy than the first president. The highest calling is the twelve apostles. Since I am neither of those, I am not allowed to do more than bless the sacrament or sometimes pass the sacrament. When it comes to the temple, all Aaron and I are allowed is to baptize the dead. (You can find more at LDS. Org.)
I was glad that it had stopped raining and according to the weatherman, it was going to be clear skies and high temperatures in the high 90 and the low 100s. After a quick call to my grandmother, actually, I should say when it comes to grandma, there is nothing quick about it. Asking about every detail regarding what was going on after hearing about Jody and the court order on Trump-up charges. The call took an hour longer than I anticipated, but Grandma was Grandma and you don't say no to her ever.
My caseworker knew where to find us and she wasn't concerned about us all going skinny dipping. Simply said to have a good time and would see us back at home on Thursday afternoon to go over our statements and updates on the advents. It was unclear if Jared and Jason would stay the weekend, or go home, or move in with Kerry. Considering that they still haven't cleared the house as a crime scene, the fuse box has been repaired and the power was back on. She would know more on Thursday when we come back.