I arrived that evening at my parents' house to check on Nita and found Mrs Williams – her mother already there busy with my mum and Nita. They were going through some bridal magazines, the older women didn't notice my entrance, they were in a blissful world of their own. Nita looked in my direction with large eyes and mouthed 'Save me,'.
I smiled and shrugged my shoulders like a child refusing to do as instructed. I cleared my throat and said hi to the women in the room, Mrs. Williams, looked up at me and said "Oh great, you're here. I have been waiting for you,"
"oh shoot me," I grumbled and Nita chuckled enjoying the instant twist of fate.
"I scheduled you both for your engagement photo shoot and I need you to look at some colors and designs for you. We have only tonight, the costume designer will have yours ready as soon as you pick something," she pulled me by the arm and dragged me to the floor to browse through magazines.
"I don't think this is my strong suit, just throw me in anything, I approve," I tried to get out of the torture.
"oh, don't be silly. It's your wedding, you get to make your own choices," is it really?
"Look this one will be perfect for you and the background will accentuate the blue suit," my mum suggested. Okay, why the fuck do they need me when they already had their own ideas.
"I mean really, anything you pick out, I am sure will be perfect,"
"I am going in the kitchen for some coffee. Anybody want anything?" Nita said enjoying herself a little bit too much.
"Don't leave me, please," I begged almost sounding like a baby.
"Suffer in silence," she said making the exact shoulder motion I had given her earlier.
Almost an hour later, I was finally free and I had just sat down there and agreed with whatever our mothers chose. I joined Nita in the kitchen who was on her third cup of coffee since I arrived.
"So, photoshoot tomorrow then,"
"I thought you would be used to that. There are loads of pictures of you online,"
"Yeah, but I am not in some fancy studio smiling at a camera and being forced into ridiculous poses."
She smirked, her eyes sparkling. "Oh, come on, Richie. Where's your sense of adventure?"
*****
Early the next day at the studio, we started off with holding hands, sitting positions, pretending to spin her like a ballerina; that one may have ended badly cause she tripped and fell on her ass and I just stood there laughing which earned me a balloon to the head. I was dressed in a navy blue suit and she was in a red, flowing dress. She was beginning to look like a Numero; expensive.
The photographer, a middle-aged French man, with a strange sense of fashion kept clicking away at the camera. He was eating every move up.
"Magnifique! Oh, the joy of young love!" he declared, "now, let's spice things up."
"Spice?" Nita echoed, raising an eyebrow.
"Are we supposed to reenact Titanic?" I asked.
Nita giggled nervously.
"No, no, no!" the photographer exclaimed. "Mr. Numero, I want you to face Miss Williams, hold her close, hands around her waist, and lean down like you're about to kiss her, you know… just think about your wedding night when looking at her."
I chuckled a bit. If only he knew there would be no wedding night at least in the context he was implying.
I glanced at Nita, whose smile had disappeared and I could see her stiffening.
"Come on, I promise I will make your wedding night everything you always wanted," I said reassuringly knowing she would figure out my real meaning. I held her into position, wrapping my arms around her gently. I stared into her eyes, Just pretend I'm a big, cuddly bear,"
She let out a shaky laugh but didn't relax.
"Now tilt your head back, Ms. Nita," the photographer instructed. "I want you to look in his eyes like you can see his soul, closer to his chest. Perfect, yes, just like that!"
Nita's breathing quickened, and she suddenly stepped away, shaking her head.
"I…I can't, I'm sorry. I can't do this" she stammered before running out of the studio.
"Nita!" I went after her immediately and found her outside, leaning against a wall, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her breathing was fast and shallow. She was having a panic attack. I ran to wrap my hands around her, thinking that would help but she shuffled away from me so fast and lost her balance, landing on the floor crouched on all fours.
"Nita?" I called softly, keeping my distance. "Hey, it's just me. No cameras."
She didn't respond, she only gripped her chest harder, fear in her eyes.
I crouched a few feet away from her, "No touching, I promise. But I need you to listen okay? … Take your time, sweetie" I continued. "Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth."
She followed my instructions, while I did the same routine for her to replicate. Her breathing started to slow, and she finally looked at me with panicked eyes.
"You good?" I asked.
"No, but I will be fine" she muttered. She managed to get up and I made no attempt to help her for fear of another panic attack.
"Shall we get some coffee? There's a café across the street,"
She blinked, wiping sweat from her forehead. "okay."
We took a stroll to the coffee shop. I ordered two cups of black coffee and a sandwich. She muttered a small thanks when I slid the coffee across the table to her.
"You want to talk about it?" I asked gently. For a moment, I thought she wouldn't say anything. But then she sighed and stirred her coffee almost absentmindedly.
"When I was a teenager," she began, her voice a whisper "I was sexually assaulted. Someone tried to rape me. And since then, I … I haven't been able to handle intimate situations exactly well,"
I stared at her, my chest tightening. Anger welling inside me, I felt like I needed to punch someone and punch someone real good. "That's why you flinch whenever I touch you, Nita… I'm so sorry… Do you know who did it?"
Her eyes held mine for what seemed like forever…