Nita's POV
I stood outside his office door hesitating as to what I was going to say. His receptionist didn't bother notifying him of my arrival anymore since the story broke about our engagement. I stood there working up the nerve to face him again.
After the engagement party on Saturday, I left with my family, wondering how he could forget such a thing. Even when he knew who I was, he still pretended not to know what he did and that he was the reason I could never be intimate with anyone. I had boyfriends in the past, the most recent one broke up with me just before plans for an arranged marriage. Their excuses? I was emotionally unavailable.
I knocked on the door and stepped into his office, he looked up from his desk, his carefully styled hair a far cry from the mischievous teenager I once knew.
"Nita?" he said, standing to greet me. "I didn't think you would want to see or hear from me,"
"We need to talk."
"yeah, we do," I gestured to the corner of his office that had a three-seater couch and a coffee table. "Have a seat,"
I sat on the edge of the chair, unable to gather my thoughts. I took a deep breath and began, "I just wanted to tell you that whatever happened in the past should be left there. We should just focus on this new chapter of our lives, get the best out of it, and move on. You were young and stupid, but we are adults now and it's not only my life I need to worry about,"
"You may be right. I was young and stupid, I shouldn't have done all those mean things to you. But Nita, I would never hurt you or any woman in that way."
"Richard, please, don't do this… In the past few weeks, I have been trying to be open-minded, to believe that you are not that boy anymore…"
"Nita, you are not listening. I didn't assault you, but I really need to know why you think I did, please. Indulge me,"
I took a long, deep breath. "Sure," I replied. "It was the night before our final exams for the term. It was the year you graduated. I was late at the library and was returning to the dorm in the rain. And it happened," I fiddled with my fingers, the engagement ring suddenly becoming heavier.
"Why did you think it was me, Nita?"
"I saw your name tag on your uniform jacket," He laid back in his seat, his eyes closed, breathing heavily. I didn't understand what was happening but he really seemed genuinely disturbed. "Richard?"
"It wasn't me, Nita but it might as well have been my fault,"
"what are you saying?"
"The day before our finals, I left school because I got the news that my sister had just died. I had to forfeit the graduation exams and rewrite it the next year in another school. I didn't take any of my luggage or clothes. It just means someone put on my jacket that night."
His words hit me like a slap. What kept me going all these years was that I knew the identity of my attacker. I felt that there was a small part of what happened that I could control even that is being taken away from me.
"You're lying!"
"Nita… no."
I shook my head and got up from the couch. "No! No! No! It was you, I know it!"
He stood up after me, "I'm going to touch you now, don't freak out please." He took tentative steps towards me and put a hand on my shoulder as my body kept shaking, reeling from this information. I have wasted so much time, hating the wrong person. Who did this to me? "Relax… it wasn't me. Look in my eyes, Nita. You must have seen the person's eyes, look at mine and tell me…"
"It was dark… I didn't see…,"
"Nita, I will go to the ends of the world to find out who did this to you and I will make sure they spend the rest of their lives in pain and penury. The most important thing to me now is that you know and believe that it wasn't me. Look in my eyes, Sweetie,"
I looked up at him, caught up in his eyes for a few moments, concentrating on that night. Flashes of lightning invaded my senses, the hard slap to my face as I caught sight of the look in his eyes. Cold. I fell into Richard's arms, and he caught me as the sobs racked my body.
"It wasn't you… it wasn't you," in between my sobs, I felt his arms wrap around me carefully and I let him
*****
The park was quiet, it was early afternoon, a lot of people were still at work, and kids were still in school. We strolled along a gravel path just going around the perimeter of the park. Richard suggested I needed it to clear my head.
Richard began after a while, "Why didn't you report it?"
I sighed. "What would I say? The boy every girl in school wants in their pants tried to force his way into mine? Who would believe me?"
"I'm sorry, Nita. For everything. I may not have been the one who hurt you that night, and I was a jerk to you all through but I can't help but think it's my fault you were in that situation."
I glanced at him, appreciating his sincerity. "You were a huge pain in my ass,"
He chuckled. "I was an idiot. I was just mad that you weren't fawning over me like the other girls. All I wanted was your attention,"
"Imagine that! The school fuck boy interested in the school nerd," I smirked, and for the first time since Saturday, I laughed, my chest feeling lighter.
"I wouldn't exactly call myself the school fuck boy! Girl, I didn't have sex till I was like twenty years old,"
I laughed out loud once more, "If the girls in school could hear you say that now. Your rep level will tank instantly,"
He chuckled lightly. "how about you?"
I glanced sideways at him as I kicked a small rock with my foot, "How about me what?"
"Your first sex,"
"You really are slow, aren't you? I have had a profound fear of being in intimate situations with any man. What do you think my answer will be?"
He stopped for a minute and his eyes widened, "What? You're…. still?"
"I have tried but every time I get a panic attack," who knew that Junior would become so easy to talk to? Imagine that. "couldn't keep a boyfriend… Richard, your mouth is open,"
"right." He snapped his mouth shut quickly before speaking again. "I think you should see a therapist,"
"Maybe after our arrangement and the divorce is finalized and I am sipping margaritas on an island somewhere,"
As we continued walking, the conversation shifted to lighter topics; his challenges dealing with taking over the company fully, and my reluctance in going with our mothers to pick out a wedding dress. For now, the distraction was enough. In the future, I would find the person who broke me and confront them. I would tell them that I rose from the ashes they made of me.