The days passed in a haze of routine. Lena woke up every morning thinking the same thing: today was the day. Today she would finally say something to Ethan. It was as if she had promised herself, this quiet, secret hope hovering on the periphery of her mind, just out of reach. But each time she saw him, each time she found herself near him, the words remained locked in her chest, suffocating in the silence between them.
The office had become an endless loop of small encounters, brief exchanges, and just shy of something more- moments that never really reached the fullness of itself. Every time Ethan smiles at her, it makes her feel like a minuscule victory, one brief glimpse into a whole world where things could just be different. But these moments are always fleeting because he'd move on to the next person, the next task, and she stays behind, silently clinging on to moments that never are.
It was Friday afternoon when things began to change—or rather, when they shifted in a way Lena wasn't prepared for. She had just finished a meeting with the marketing team about the launch of a new project. Ethan had been quiet throughout the entire session, his attention on the screen of his laptop, occasionally giving brief comments or suggestions. She tried not to read much into it, reminding herself that he was very busy with work. Yet, she couldn't help it. He always looked so far away, distant somehow.
As the meeting was coming to an end, the team started to file out of the conference room. Ethan was one of the last ones to leave, taking his time to gather his things. Lena stood by the door, pretending to check her phone, but her mind was racing. She had to say something. Today. If she didn't, she knew she would regret it.
"Hey, Ethan," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
He turned around, confused to still see her face. "Oh, Lena. I didn't expect you would still be there."
"I just…. wanted to talk," Lena said breathlessly. Why am I doing this? Her chest pounded with what felt like a thousand accelerations as she cursed at herself. She wasn't a timid person. So what was all this like taking on such a challenge in her own life?
Ethan raised an eyebrow, looking around the empty room as if looking for an escape. "Yeah? What's up?"
Lena hesitated. She hadn't planned this. She had only imagined it a hundred times in her head, but now that the moment was here, she was frozen. Just say it. Just tell him how you feel. But the words didn't come. Instead, she found herself asking the one question she had been avoiding.
Do you ever feel… lonely?" The question hung in the air between them, awkward and out of place.
Ethan blinked, taken aback. "Lonely? I mean… I guess. Sometimes, but I'm usually busy, you know?" He smiled, the kind of smile that was meant to ease tension but only seemed to deepen the gap between them. "Why do you ask?
Lena opened her mouth to respond, but the words didn't come. Instead, she felt her stomach twist into knots. This wasn't what I wanted to say, she thought. But how could she tell him the truth? That every day, she was fighting against the loneliness of wanting someone who didn't even see her? That her entire existence felt like a quiet desperation for something he would never feel?
"I don't know," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "I guess… I guess I just wonder sometimes."
Ethan's expression softened. "Well, if you ever want to talk or hang out outside of work, I'm sure we could figure something out. It's been a while since I've done anything other than work and sleep."
Lena nodded, trying to smile. Hang out. It was a small comfort, but it wasn't enough. She wanted more. She needed more.
The conversation ended awkwardly after that. Ethan's offer to "hang out" was the closest thing she had gotten to an invitation, but it felt hollow. As he walked out of the room, Lena stood there, her heart sinking. It wasn't what she had hoped for. She had asked the wrong question, revealed too much, and for that, she got an answer that only made her remember how far away he was. He was not lonely like she was. He did not need her.
That night, Lena sat on her couch, staring at the flickering screen of her television without really watching it. Her phone lay beside her, untouched. She had already scrolled through her messages from Amy, who was relentless in her support. You're overthinking again, Amy had written earlier. Stop waiting for a sign. Go after what you want.
But Lena was unsure about how to pursue something that did not even belong to her in the first place. How could she chase a love that existed in her mind, but one which was never returned? How could she change something so clearly defined from the beginning?
Her thoughts flashed to that moment in the conference room, to how Ethan looked at her then she asked him about loneliness. There was a flicker of something, and she was sure of that. It never seemed, though, to be enough.
Over the next week, Lena attempted to keep busy. She threw herself into her work, attended social events she didn't really care about, and spent more time with Amy. Yet no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the constant ache in her chest. It was like a gnawing feeling, always there, reminding her of what could never be.
Then one evening, as Lena left the office, she met Ethan standing by the door with his eyes fixed on the phone. He saw her and looked up when she approached, a little smile playing at the edge of his lips.
Hey, Lena," he said. "I was actually hoping to catch you before you left. I—uh—I was wondering if you'd like to grab a drink sometime? Just… you know, to hang out like we talked about."
Lena's breath caught in her throat. Was this it? Was this the moment she had been waiting for? Or was this just another casual offer, a throwaway invitation meant to fill space?
Before she could respond, Ethan added, "I know we've been talking so much about work, but. maybe we could talk about something else. Like, I don't know. personal stuff. You know?"
The sincerity in his voice made her heart skip a beat. For the first time in what felt like forever, she dared to hope.
But just as she was going to let the words burst forth that had been mounting up, they became too heavy for her to speak. And she was forced to choose whether to finally say, after so many long-drawn silences, that which had filled her, or whether she should have this moment also pass and slip through the same slit as all others had done in the past.
It's her choice.
And for the first time in ages, Lena wasn't sure that she was ready.