Garret stumbled out of the forest, his rusted sword now sporting a new dent, courtesy of a particularly angry squirrel.
"Fantastic," he grumbled, looking at the battered blade. "My weapon is as effective as my punchlines."
Ahead lay a crooked tower, swaying slightly as if it were reconsidering its existence. A sign outside read: "Wizard For Hire – Cheap Rates, Minimal Explosions."
"Well," Garret muttered, "cheap and minimal are my favorite things."
He pushed the door open, only to be greeted by an enormous puff of purple smoke. Out of it emerged a figure dressed in robes that looked like they'd been stolen from a thrift store run by blind dragons.
"Behold!" the wizard bellowed. "I am Zorflax the Magnificent, Master of All Arcane Arts!"
Garret squinted at him. "Master of what now? Laundry detergent?"
Zorflax frowned, waving his staff in an overly dramatic fashion. "I shall have you know I am a vital asset to many quests! What brings you here, fool?"
Garret handed him the parchment. "I'm looking for the Crystal of Impressive Power. Heard of it?"
Zorflax's eyes widened. "The Crystal? Oh, yes. It's guarded by—" He paused for effect, his voice dropping to a whisper. "—the Terrible Llamas of Doom."
Garret blinked. "Llamas? Terrible ones?"
Zorflax nodded solemnly. "Fearsome creatures with sharp teeth, foul tempers, and an endless supply of spit. You'll need my help."
"Do I, though?" Garret asked. "Because I'm not sure teaming up with someone who smells like burnt socks is a winning strategy."
But Zorflax had already started packing. He grabbed a small bag, stuffed it with vials, scrolls, and what looked suspiciously like a sandwich, and declared, "Let's go!"
---
As they set off, Zorflax regaled Garret with tales of his magical exploits.
"Once, I summoned a dragon to help me win a pie-eating contest," Zorflax said proudly.
"Let me guess," Garret replied, rolling his eyes. "The dragon ate all the pies?"
"No," Zorflax said with a sigh. "It set the bakery on fire. But I still won, technically."
Garret groaned. "This is going to be a long quest."
---