Garret and Zorflax stumbled into a roadside inn just as night fell. Its sign, half-hanging off a creaky wooden post, read: "The Drowsy Goblin – Beds, Beer, and Probably No Rats."
"I'm not sure about this," Garret muttered.
"It says 'probably no rats,' which is better odds than usual," Zorflax replied, already heading inside.
The inn was as dubious as the sign promised. The bartender, a hulking half-orc with an eyepatch and a scowl, cleaned mugs with a rag that looked dirtier than the floor. A bard in the corner strummed a lute that had two missing strings, while patrons sat at wobbly tables, arguing over dice games.
Garret approached the bar cautiously. "Got any rooms?"
The half-orc grunted, then pointed at a key hanging on a rusty nail. "Five coins. No refunds if the bed tries to eat you."
Garret blinked. "The what tries to what now?"
The half-orc shrugged. "You'll figure it out."
Zorflax slapped five coins on the counter. "Done!"
Garret sighed. "Why am I not surprised you're okay with this?"
---
Their room was, predictably, awful. The walls were decorated with questionable stains, the mattress was lumpy and suspiciously warm, and the single window wouldn't close all the way, letting in a cold breeze.
"Home sweet home," Zorflax said cheerfully, collapsing onto the bed. It groaned ominously beneath his weight.
Garret stared at the room's only chair, which was missing a leg. "You know, this feels less like an inn and more like a cursed dungeon."
As if on cue, the bed suddenly lurched, sprouting tiny legs and snapping a set of wooden jaws at Zorflax.
"AAAAH!" Zorflax screamed, flailing wildly. "IT'S ALIVE!"
Garret grabbed his rusted sword and jabbed at the bed. "Bad bed! Down!"
The bed screeched, its legs skittering as it tried to drag Zorflax into a corner. Garret, thinking quickly, grabbed the chair and smashed it over the bed's "head." The bed finally stopped moving, collapsing into an ordinary—if slightly dented—piece of furniture.
Zorflax sat up, panting. "I take it back. This inn is terrible."
Garret sighed, tossing the broken chair aside. "Yeah, no kidding. Let's hope breakfast is better."
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