Day 1
10:27 AM
Don't tell me that the sacrifice we can use is this…
So this is the way out? Is there no other option? It's hard to accept that this is the price to pay… It's definitely an unsettling truth.
Well, for a long time, I was merely begging for an answer. It's only natural to think that when that answer came, it might not be the most pleasant.
The last time I was reaped, I finally realized what needed to be done. It was something so simple, something blatantly hidden between the lines of the game's announcement. Either way, I found a way for the three of us to end the game alive, and consequently, the loop will also be stopped.
However, my excitement about all this is zero. I thought I'd run to them brimming with euphoria if I found the answer. Now I see that dream was a mere illusion.
For a pessimist like me, I guess I was quite naïve. I deluded myself into thinking the worst scenario would be the simple absence of a solution.
But what was placed before me is far worse: the burden of a horrifying decision.
What should I do? Honestly, why do I have to make such a terrible choice?
Just thinking about this horrendous sin, I'll have to carry on my shoulders… a burden greater than all the others. All the atrocities I've committed over an eternity seem like nothing compared to what I'm planning.
Now, I can clearly see the meaning of this hell we're going through. Who would've thought that my judgment would precede my own sin? Or rather, this was just the beginning of my judgment. Because even after having passed through hell, my burden is something that will never disappear.
My love for Ailiss and Mikoto managed to cleanse my soul once. However, now that won't be possible. I'll have to plunge into the greatest profanities to achieve this goal and stain them along with me in this heresy—a sin that cannot be cleansed, for coming into contact with water would contaminate the entire ocean.
In fact, compared to my past crimes, I've never been so clean. My hands remain stained by all the blood I've spilled. I've killed my friends almost an infinite number of times. I've massacred everyone here in a vain hope of how to save them.
Perhaps I can face this solution as an inevitable purgatory.
Ultimately, my free will to move forward with this is merely illusory. They already knew I'd do anything for them, and this apparently is only happening because our destiny cannot be changed. Inevitably, I'll drag them into the same darkness as me.
I begin to cough and realize that decay has reached me as well. The red on my hand drains the colors around me, reminding me of our cruel fate. With this, the certainties of my decisions become increasingly clear.
Yes, for them, I'm capable of even this. Even if they hate me for it, even if I hate myself for it, it's something I cannot go back on.
Through the infinity of repetitions, I've declared countless times that they are everything to me. Even amid insanity, I've never been so lucid. To save them from this cruel fate, I'll do everything that can be done—even becoming the vilest demon. For them, I'm willing to sink to this level.
...
I open the door to the student council room. There, I see them sitting on the floor, leaning their heads against each other. Ironically, strands of their long, light, and dark hair intertwine like a helix all the way to the floor.
Their lost gaze expresses how completely drained they are. Fortunately, the most critical symptoms have not yet appeared, so I believe they can recover quickly in the outside world.
"So, what brings you here? Have you finally given up trying to escape this place?" Mikoto asks, her eyelids are heavy.
I feel a certain reluctance to continue the conversation. It's not hard to predict their reaction to my proposal.
"No, quite the opposite. I've discovered how we can end all this."
"Mistkerl, you know I don't like jokes," Ailiss responds.
At this point, in their position, I'd probably also be incredulous at the resurgence of hope. If it can even be called hope, since the light at the end of the tunnel I found is far from comforting.
"I'm serious. There's a solution, but for it, I'll need the cooperation of both of you," I lower my head, avoiding eye contact.
"We have searched for this for so long… it is hard to believe your words. What you are saying sounds like a miracle. But something intrigues me even more than that. Why are you so seriously asking for our support? Is it not obvious that we will support each other to the end?" Mikoto says.
So you've already noticed even before I spoke? Unfortunately, that's how things have to be…
"It's far from a miracle. To be honest, there was no worse solution… I'd say you'll probably hesitate to apply such a method, but it's the only way I've found. Or rather, it's the only way—I'm sure of it," I respond bitterly.
"Spit it out. What is it? We've tried so many things we wouldn't normally do, so what could make us refuse to execute this?" Ailiss asks.
Well… if my theory is correct, they'll be forced to accept. This is a fatality; we cannot escape our destiny.
I sit down and lower my face to avoid any eye contact during the explanation. I'd rather abstain from facing them while uttering such heavy words.
I begin my account.
...
"In general terms, I believe this is the solution I found, based on what was always repeated over the loudspeakers," I finish my explanation, still staring at the floor.
Throughout the entire plan exposition, I didn't dare to lift my face even a millimeter.
I feel a chill in my stomach.
What is this? Fear? Yes… despite being willing to become a demon, I suppose deep down, I'm afraid they'll hate me.
Finally, I raise my face, and as expected, their expressions are far from pleasant.
"Mistkerl, for the first time, I beg you to say you were joking. You can't be serious," Ailiss bites her lip, clenches her fists, and stares at me with the darkest gaze possible.
Unfortunately, I'm not.
I search for words to soften my discourse. However, it's a futile effort because no words can serve as euphemisms in this situation. There are means that leave no room for explanations.
This is undoubtedly unjustifiable, yet I intend to move forward. Paradoxically, for me and only for me, saving them justifies the unjustifiable.
Before I can respond, Mikoto also decides to speak.
"A joke?" she pauses. "Something like this should not even be said as a joke. I cannot believe you had the nerve to come here with the intent of uttering such barbarity to the two of us. I cannot even find adjectives to express how repugnant this idea is," she looks at me with disdain.
As expected, this hit them even harder than it did me. It's like a taboo that should never have been mentioned.
But what could I have done? Ignore this opportunity? I definitely couldn't—the mere fact that we're trapped here shows that I wouldn't have that freedom. I'm a slave to my will, a slave to the will of saving them at any cost.
"When I deduced this, I had the same repulsive reaction as you two. I know how difficult this will be for you," I return to staring at the floor. "I'd do anything for it to be different. If the price to pay were my life, I'd do it… you both know that very well."
"Do we?" Mikoto laughs with a melancholic expression. "From the simplicity with which you put this into words, it does not seem to be the case. Johann, do you have any idea how profane the suggestion you are making to Ailiss and me is? You, of all people, knowing our past… you should never have even considered proposing something like this."
What else can I do? What else could I have done?
Now is not the time to falter—I've had to play the villain countless times. I cannot hesitate out of fear that they'll hate me. This is a risk I must take; their well-being is more important than their opinion of me.
"Alright, I admit it. I have no idea how much this will hurt you. How much it will wound you… but it's the only way. You both need to do it," I respond with determination.
"It's entirely different from what would be done in the outside world, as they'll be offerings to Death. Are you aware of that and still defending such an action?" Ailiss asks, clenching her fists even tighter.
It's been a long time since I've seen them genuinely angry. Indeed, it was a heavy request to make.
"What would you have expected me to do?! Ignore this possibility?! Forget it! If it's the only way to save you, I can't simply turn a blind eye!" I look at them. "If it were just me, I wouldn't mind, but how do you expect me to stand by knowing that you two will also suffer eternally in this hell?! It's only a matter of time before the symptoms consume us completely! I won't sit idly by and wait to see you in eternal suffering!" I retort, exposing my burning anger and frustration.
"Are you still insisting on this? How do you think I could face my mother's grave after committing such a perversion?! I would be doing the exact opposite of what she taught me. It is an absurd proposal that goes against everything I believe in," Mikoto replies.
At this moment, I don't think there's any room left in our relationship for attempts at manipulation. All that remains is to put into words how I truly feel and what I really think.
"To be honest, I don't care," I spit out the words curtly. "I don't care what you believe in or what your parents would think of this decision. The truth is, your lives are the only things that matter to me. I've already concluded once that if necessary, I'd kill every living soul in this world to save you, and now is no different," I pause and look at their shocked faces. "I'd be willing to sacrifice anything: strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, parents, even children."
Ailiss approaches me. Noticing her movement, I brace myself to take a punch to the stomach.
However, she merely places her hand on my shoulder and speaks.
"Let's end the discussion here. Both Mikoto and I need some time alone after this conversation. Let us rest; we can revisit this impertinent matter later."
"Alright," I leave the council room.