Day 1
10:27 AM
The sunrise, the sunset. The chiming of the clock.
Whatever unit of measure is used to estimate time, everything seems to lose meaning in the vastness of eternity. That's how I've felt through all those repetitions—my despair was so overwhelming that I completely surrendered to madness.
And now it's no different… regardless of the measure, I've already lost count of how much time has passed since Mikoto's first symptoms.
It didn't take long for Ailiss to show symptoms, too, and I'll probably be the next on the list. Because we're players, the progression of decay symptoms is significantly slowed, but both her condition and Mikoto's have been steadily worsening over the iterations.
They know full well that the three of us are simply waiting for our eternal torture to begin, and there's nothing we can do about it.
Like prisoners on death row, we're just waiting for our sentence. However, there's one crucial difference: at least the prisoner's sentence has an end.
If the symptoms continue to progress, we'll end up just being reborn and collapsing in agony for a week, and this will repeat infinitely...
Being aware of this terrible fate, coupled with the acceptance that there is no solution, has led them to simply sit and patiently await their sentences.
Ailiss always moves to the student council room, where she and Mikoto lean on each other while waiting for the next iteration. I imagine they do this because they know that they won't be able to stay together when they lose the ability to walk.
The only certainty they'll have is that, within a few meters, their beloved will be suffering the same torture.
This makes everything even more horrifying… at this point, no form of physical pain frightens me anymore. I could even fall into a lake of fire—the one thing I can't bear is seeing them in the same situation and being unable to do anything.
Was all the time we spent fighting in vain? Were we doomed to this ending from the very beginning?
...
Eventually, when sanity flickers back to life in my mind, I pass by the council room to check on how they're doing… but in the end, I always end up taking my own life. Time after time, I try to confront Death, and each time, I die in the most agonizing way possible, but my legs won't stop moving toward the exit.
I can't accept this fate for them, and with no escape, my irrationality has taken control of my arms and legs.
I'm forced to fight incessantly in this way.
...
Time after time, in the absence of energy, my body collapses to the ground just as my hopes vanish a little more each time.
My exhaustion is so overwhelming that I allow myself a few minutes of tranquility, lying motionless while staring at the blue sky. The clouds drift calmly as if it were a normal day. Yes, to them, this might be just another ordinary day. Human happiness or suffering only holds value for us… My pain and the pain of my beloveds matter only to me, and that's why I'm the only one who moves in this static world.
I hear footsteps approaching, and then, after a long time, I hear a serene voice.
"Are you not tired of dying like this? Where do you expect to get by repeating the same action over and over? No matter how many times you try, if the method does not change, the result will stay the same," Mikoto asks.
Honestly, I am. If it were up to me, I wouldn't even try to fight against the current.
"You know what you're doing won't accomplish anything, right?" Ailiss says.
"I'm aware of that… but as long as I can crawl, I'll try to face this fate. I need to find a way to save you both from this hell at any cost," I prop myself up on my hands and sit on the ground. "I know how irrational I'm being, but for now, I can't think of anything else besides confronting Death head-on."
"Well… do as you wish. But this way, you're only hastening your hell," Ailiss averts her gaze.
"Johann, come with us. Nothing more can be done; maybe we should accept this. Let us rest a little. This fate is far from what we desired, but at least we can be together until the time comes," Mikoto says.
I can see the exhaustion on their faces. They're both also worn out from this world, and the symptoms of decay are still very mild, meaning our hell hasn't even truly begun.
Compared to you, I'm no expert at reading between the lines. But one thing I know for sure is that you would never accept a fate like this. So why? Why do you want me to give up?
It's not hard to connect the dots and understand your intentions.
You're doing me the favor of returning my sweet lie, right?
"Yes, these deaths are painful enough to say that hell has already arrived for me. But when I can no longer move, when the decay breaks me completely, all that will remain is regret for not having tried harder," I reply, standing up. "All that will remain is the regret of not having saved you."
I walk toward the gate once again.
"Hey, Johann, wait a moment!" Mikoto tries to reach me, but she's stopped.
"There's nothing we can do. This is the path he's chosen to take," Ailiss says, holding her by the shoulder.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see them, their heads lowered as they watch me move away.
There's no room in my heart for more regrets.
I advance once more, time freezes, and I'm brutally reaped.
...
Sometimes, I feel trapped in a limbo of existence between one repetition and the next. During this limbo, I think and rethink methods we haven't yet tried to end the loop… but honestly, no new ideas come to mind.
There are eight possible endings. Seven have already occurred, and the loop didn't end: No survivors, each of us dead, each of us alive. The only one left is for the three of us to survive the "game."
If there's any way to end the loop, it's this. But the game's rules are clear: one player must die, which triggers one of the looping conditions.
If the laws governing this loop and the laws governing the "game" have no convergence, it truly becomes impossible. We're trapped in a contradiction.
For this to end, we all need to survive. And for us to survive, this game needs to end. But which of these outcomes is the consequence of the other?
Advance. Advance. Advance.
Reaped. Reaped. Reaped.
Trying to abandon the game means paying with one's life… and this also implies a looping condition.
In the end, I know there's no solution… I just stubbornly keep attacking.
Reaped.
Reaped. Reaped. Reaped. Reaped. Reaped.
Reaped.
Amid so many deaths, I begin to recall how the game was announced. What were those rules again? I heard them so many times that they must be etched into my soul.
I close my eyes and focus on the past. That infinite past.
The echo of the loudspeaker, the voices of those children… I heard it so many times that it's burned into my being. The words that endlessly restarted the hell I was living.
"There are only three players, but don't worry—everyone can participate! And the rules are straightforward: the game ends immediately with the death of one of the three players.
However, the one responsible for the player's death—whether they are another player or not—will face the same fate as their victim. The game lasts 150 hours starting now.
And most importantly, no one is forced to participate! You can simply forfeit by leaving through the main gate. In that case, your soul will be consumed, and you will vanish. Remember: the price for leaving the game is a life. The three players will soon realize they are the chosen ones."
From what they said, there really is no escape. Should I simply stop and wait for spiritual decay to consume me? Yes, give up…
On the verge of giving up, their final words still echo in my mind.
"You can simply forfeit by leaving through the main gate. In that case, your soul will be consumed, and you will vanish. Remember: the price for leaving the game is a life."
I've been giving up on this game for so long, but the game keeps forcing me back. There's no way to give up without dying in the process.
"The price for leaving the game is a life."
Wait a moment… Japanese isn't my native language, but wouldn't it be better phrased as 'your own life'?
"A life."
If this refers to a sacrifice, in a way, it already occurred in my attempt to escape along with the whole school. The price I paid was many lives, yet I still couldn't leave.
I couldn't because they were passive players, mere spectators. Both they and we, the players, are already part of the game, and by leaving, we pay with our own lives, as my escape attempts and Haruki's experiment clearly demonstrated.
So, do we need some other kind of sacrifice? Is someone external to this ritual? To pay a life to Death for liberation. To save Ailiss and Mikoto, it would require two lives…
What did the demons mean by that?
Amid another of my attempts, where I'm reaped once again, something becomes very clear to me.
Like a light at the end of the tunnel, the answer I've been searching for materializes before me.
The price to pay is a life.