10:52 PM
From then on, our lives follow the same pattern.
Iteration after iteration, we amuse ourselves like children in snowball fights, laugh at simple childish jokes, and engage in the most ridiculous competitions we can invent.
I'm still fascinated to see these two girls, of such cold nature, bursting into laughter over things so simple that we've been doing for countless iterations.
It was something I thought they'd quickly tire of, but the repetitive nature of our games hasn't had any adverse effect. I believe it's because the activities themselves aren't what sustain our joy, but rather the bonds that vibrate through them.
Sometimes, I try to understand why I've been so drawn to personalities as toxic as theirs. In any case, I can only accept my own masochism. Despite their rude behavior, I feel my chest filled with their affection. Even when showing the filthiest side of myself through all these iterations, I see that this dirty nature of mine can still be loved.
On this freezing night, I rush into the student council room—which has become our bedroom—with the intent of diving under the blankets to warm myself.
I wish I could say I encountered an unusual scene. Well, it would've been unusual for my old self, but it's now quite common.
As usual, the two are already lying down, meaning the covers are warm. However, they're already enjoying each other's company before I arrive.
Both part their lips and turn to me.
"You're late, Mistkerl," Ailiss says, eyeing me like a predator.
"And why would that be? Perhaps because you two left all the day's dishes for me to wash? Did you want to leave the kitchen dirty until the next iteration starts?" I respond with a friendly smile.
"It doesn't matter. You should've finished faster."
I see that, despite everything, I'm still their slave in the end. It's a pleasant game, and I have no complaints. Submitting to them, I signed an eternal slavery contract of my own free will.
"Well, I guess I overestimated your competence with simple household chores," Mikoto teases, laughing. "Since you were taking so long, we decided to get started. You are not upset with us, are you?" Mikoto asks, gazing at me seductively.
I cross my arms, close my eyes, and reply.
"No, I'm used to this kind of disdain. But I must admit, I'd like to be rewarded somehow."
"Then stop stalling and come here already," Ailiss orders, still in a bad mood.
I approach our pile of blankets and sleeping bags. We use this mess as a bed, but it looks more like a nest than anything else.
"As usual, today is one of the days there will be a snowstorm, so we need to keep warm," Mikoto smiles, making room for me to lie between them.
"I agree. Otherwise, we might get sick," I reply pensively.
"Oh, really? Was it not you who argued that the resetting of iterations prevents such problems? Why the sudden change of opinion?" she laughs.
"Yes, I did say that, and in a way, I was right. But honestly, it doesn't matter anymore."
I lie down between them, and they both turn on their sides, resting on my chest.
"Being like this is comfortable; we don't need justifications," Ailiss comments as she adjusts her head.
In a few words, she said the obvious. We're fine. Not just warm, but this world as a whole feels right. That's what matters.
So, what's the point of thinking about the external world? We have everything we need in this reality. We have each other.
"Yes, we often tend to cling solely to rationality. However, humanity carries the blood of both Apollo and Dionysus. There is no reason to suppress our desires," Mikoto replies, stroking my face.
Indeed, this desire of mine to be with them was locked away for so long… haunted day and night by ghosts. But I've finally left all those specters behind. Abandoning and rejecting the rest of the world to cling to them is, without a doubt, my most lucid decision.
Finally, we pull the covers up over our heads. Fully bundled up, we intertwine once more in a sumptuous kiss.
The waltz of our tongues always seems to follow the finest rhythms of a splendid Baroque symphony. In a mix and alternation of Mikoto's sensuality and serenity with Ailiss's aggressiveness, the two girls guide me once again through this dazzling experience.
My desire as I touch them, feeling their breaths, their scents, and the taste of their tongues against mine, grows with every pulse of my heart. The happiness I feel is so overwhelming that I think I could die in peace in this world of immortality.
I slide my hands along their beautiful forms, letting their long hair flow through my fingers. In return, they clutch my shoulders and pull themselves closer to intensify our contact.
Bathed in so much affection, our infinite memories reverberate in my mind.
From our first interaction, cold and indifferent, to the tragic iterations where I witnessed the deaths of each of them. All our actions across these endless worlds, everything had to happen for me to have this precious moment.
Thus, if, on my deathbed, a third demon offered me the chance to relive all the moments of my life for eternity, I'd recognize them as an angel.
A flame ignites within me, burning away all the anguish in my soul. When the three of us are in sync, I feel as though everything else could disappear. The only thing that matters is being with them—just them.
They end our long kiss, and Mikoto asks teasingly.
"What is wrong, Johann? You seem more sentimental than usual."
"It's nothing. I was just thinking about how happy I am to be with you."
"Hmph. There he goes with that sappy talk," Ailiss comments disdainfully.
"Oh my, do not you find it funny to hear someone who always seemed dead inside saying such sweet things?" Mikoto laughs. "The contrast is so stark that it is almost comedic."
"In a way, you're right," Ailiss agrees, laughing as well.
Look who's talking—the two most serious girls I've ever met, now laughing frequently.
As for me, I can't say much since I've never met anyone like them before. People I could open up to, who understand how I feel and who accept the vile and repulsive parts of my soul.
I've always struggled to express my feelings in words, but it's no longer necessary when we've spent an eternity together. Words lose importance when our presence alone conveys how we feel.
"So, have you recovered from your dramatic moment? Are you warm now?" Mikoto slides her hand over me.
"In what sense?" I ask sarcastically.
"For you to make that kind of joke, it seems you are," Ailiss concludes.
"In that case, enough talking. Help me undress this slacker," Mikoto says to Ailiss while unbuttoning my shirt.
…
The two lean in and kiss my cheeks before lying on top of me, each resting their head on one of my shoulders.
"I think I will miss Johann, who got all flustered. It was quite funny to see your reactions," Mikoto teases.
"I can't say the same about you two changing. You still systematically torment me."
"Are you sure? I think it's been a long time since you got punched. Don't you want to feel a bit of nostalgia?" Ailiss asks.
"No, thank you."
We hear the snowstorm intensify, and they snuggle even closer to me. With our bodies pressed together, warming each other, we fall asleep.
I think we're like a perpetual motion machine. We only want this dream to last longer with every millennium we spend together. Our desire to escape has been entirely replaced by a longing for eternity.
In this idealism, we'll continue like this infinitely, embracing so tightly it feels as though we've crystallized in time. A crystal formed by three souls that love each other so intensely that even time cannot erode it.
3:33 AM
Millions, billions, trillions… numbers we can hardly name to describe the repetitions that have passed. Our tranquil and loving life still seems to flow normally, yet a foreboding feeling grips my chest.
After another one of our nights of love, I wake up in the middle of the night with a concern I can't even pinpoint.
Obviously, it's irrational. Still, it's something I can't set aside. Everyone who could harm us is long gone, so what is there to fear?
Fear is closely tied to the unexpected, but our situation is as normalized as it could be in this utopia of repetitions. Despite everything, this is probably the safest place in the world—a place where we cannot be killed or harmed by anyone.
Even so… it feels as if I can sense a crack forming in our crystallized souls. But what could pose a threat? At first, the greatest danger would likely be psychological—insanity. I was once a victim, falling into complete madness, but that was long ago, and our current state of mind has surpassed any human limitation in this regard.
So what could it be? Time itself? Could time have finally eroded our souls? After all, we've been trapped here far longer than the estimated lifespan of the physical universe—a practically infinite number of repetitions compared to a human lifetime. Even after all this time, nothing has happened…
Yet, could decay have finally reached us? As players, the decay of our souls due to exposure to dark magic should regenerate with each iteration, as it always has. We were the only ones unaffected because we were essential to maintaining this reality, unlike our schoolmates, who were contingent elements.
But what if this reality itself is collapsing after so many iterations? If it had a beginning, it's logical to think it must have an end.
Wouldn't that mean that even Death has a limited lifespan? Could the conjuration Mikoto performed be unraveling? Arguing rationally against this no longer makes sense—our perception of reality has always been distorted. And this won't be the last time I'm surprised by an unknown supernatural mechanism.
But it seems even the supernatural cannot escape the grasp of time. Not even when time itself is a product of the supernatural. In other words, time is above any paradox, disregarding even its creator, degrading and sweeping everything into nothingness.
What will happen to us when that limit is finally reached if that's the case? Will the game end and set us free, or will we perish in a final iteration?
Honestly, Death is no longer a punishment. I've had the chance to experience immense happiness. I've had the opportunity to share all this time with them. Therefore, if I simply vanish, I have no complaints.
I sit up, look at the two of them, and run my hand through their long hair.
There are so many questions that I don't even know where to start. I don't know what this terrible premonition is, but I swear I will protect them at any cost. We've spent an eternity together, and now is not the time to give in to a threat.
I may not be anything special, but there's nothing I can't face as long as I have the two of you by my side.
4:44 AM
Mikoto wakes up coughing, which consequently wakes Ailiss and me. I get up to turn on the light while Ailiss holds her for support.
"Mikoto, are you okay? What's happening?" Ailiss asks.
"Yes, I think I just choked. You don't need to worry about this," she says, placing a hand over her mouth and coughing again.
Not worry? This is definitely not normal, and an inconsistency in our routine becomes glaringly obvious for those of us accustomed to eternal normality. Nothing like this has ever happened before.
It's a bit difficult to admit, but I'm suspicious of Mikoto.
"Do you want me to get you a glass of water?" I ask.
She shakes her head.
Ailiss and I exchange worried glances. But there's nothing visibly wrong with her. Perhaps it's just paranoia on my part. Coughing is common in humans, and even trapped here, we haven't left our physical bodies behind.
This illusion lasts only a short time… Moments later, Mikoto removes her hand from her mouth. When I look at her again, I notice a large crack in the crystal we've built—a fissure growing progressively, damaging the entire crystalline structure that protected us.
After so much time, I see us unprotected, once again hovering over uncertainty. Uncertainty governs the daily lives of all humans but which has ceased its vigilance over us.
The red color in the palm of her hand seems, for a moment, to have drained all the colors from the world. Just like before I met them, everything turns gray. And the time that flowed indefinitely begins to slow, slower and slower. With each movement of the clock's hands, the sound resonates louder in my head until it becomes static, giving way to absolute silence.
Now I see that terrible premonition has become reality. Mikoto has just shown one of the symptoms of the decay our schoolmates experienced an eternity ago.