6:14 AM
A few iterations after that strange confession, I now feel free. Free from everything that chained me down. The gray of my past seems to have finally disappeared; the ghosts that haunted me have dissolved without leaving a trace.
Surviving everything we've been through has made us strong enough to live with this curse and, in the end, turn it into a blessing.
Clearly, this was something I could never achieve on my own. When the repetitions cast me into solitude, all I managed to develop was my insanity. None of this would have been possible without them by my side.
I sit on our improvised bed, glancing to the sides and observing the two girls of extraordinary beauty sleeping peacefully. Mikoto is on my left, and Ailiss is on my right.
Seeing them like this gives me the false impression that they are fragile angels. In truth, it's quite the opposite—they are strong warriors who protected me in the most tumultuous moments. But at least while they sleep, I can consider that our roles have reversed a little.
I caress their heads while gazing at their faces in the dim light of the night. It's as if I'm beholding the most beautiful paintings created by the divine. I feel I could continue looking at them this way for all eternity.
I lie back again, staring at the ceiling as I reflect on our future here or in a possible future in the outside world. What… what will we do from now on?
11:22 AM
As a reward for surviving this fall into the abyss, I can finally rest my soul.
Well, I can't say the same for my physical body.
"Get up now; I don't have all day. I know you're awake," Ailiss says as she steps on my face.
"Don't have all day?" On any other occasion, this phrase might make sense, but time is no longer a significant variable for us. The only moment when time holds any value is when the world resets, starting a new iteration, which has also lost meaning after such an absurd number.
Putting this technical discussion aside, the truth is that I just wanted to sleep a little longer. My habit of sleeping early and waking early has been completely ruined, and now I wake up late every day. The end of my routine is just further evidence that time has become irrelevant in this reality.
The solemn girl stepping on my face continues her explanation.
"Mikoto is almost done with lunch, and you haven't helped at all the last few times," she says, pressing the sole of her foot against my face with increasing intensity.
After a few more attempts, she stops and then pulls back the curtains to let the light into the room.
Nice try, but I've developed resistance to brightness. I was having a hard time sleeping before, but now I'm proud to say I can sleep like a rock at any time of the day, possibly due to the exhaustion these two have been putting me through daily.
Seeing she still hasn't succeeded in waking me, she bends down and whispers in my ear.
"You've become a very disobedient subordinate, haven't you? Do I need to do that again? Don't you ever get tired of it?"
Yes, I should have realized it earlier.
Ailiss gently brings her lips to mine and provocatively starts kissing me softly.
My body reacts in confusion.
This isn't Ailiss.
What are you doing? It's not supposed to be like this! Where's the violence?!
I know exactly what you're planning with all this, but I can't just sit still. This can't stay this way!
So I try to pull her into a more intense kiss, but she resists and continues touching me lightly, aiming to awaken my instincts further.
Summoning all my strength, I catch her off guard by flipping our positions.
Ironically, it was from her that I learned these reaction techniques. Now, I'm on top, so I can intensify our connection.
However, the girl—much stronger than me—immediately flips us again, reclaiming the upper position. After all, she's my mentor in this regard. But seeing that her goal was achieved, that is, waking me up, she finally grants the fierce kiss I was craving.
"Oh my. I was wondering why it was taking so long… Looks like you are having fun. But how about continuing this after lunch?" Mikoto's voice catches us, and we pull apart.
Yeah… we got caught at the wrong moment.
I see Mikoto smirking and teasing us. Then Ailiss and I exchange glances.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking…?
Seeing that Mikoto is relatively close, Ailiss grabs her arm and pulls her toward us before I even finish my thought.
"Wait, Ailiss, the food is on the sto—" Mikoto's protest is cut short by an intense kiss.
Apparently, she had the same idea as me. Knowing Mikoto well, I know her impulses for these things are even greater than ours.
As predicted, Mikoto gives up any protests within seconds and lets herself be carried by the moment.
2:18 PM
"I was trying so hard to hold myself back when I saw you… I knew it would end like this," Mikoto massages her temples while staring at the burnt food. "Honestly… do you have no sense of responsibility?" She places her palm on her forehead in disappointment.
As usual, Ailiss avoids eye contact and pretends to have nothing to do with the scolding, leaving all of Mikoto's reprimands directed at me. However, I don't feel guilty—I was the only one who didn't initiate anything.
"Be honest. After a few minutes, I told you we should stop, but you insisted we continue, saying there was enough time," I reply.
I admit that indirectly, I provoked all this by resisting getting up, but it's true that I also tried to prevent this chaos in the kitchen.
"I was not reasoning in that state. You started it, so I hold you responsible."
What kind of logical reasoning is that? Yet, knowing how stubborn she is, I doubt she'll accept any criticism, no matter how reasonable.
"We could also claim to have been under the same influence. That argument works both ways."
"And now you are trying to absolve yourself of responsibility? For this poor attitude, your punishment will be to clean all this up. How about that?" she points to the pot with burnt food.
I look around and see that Ailiss has already left the kitchen. As always, all the work falls on me.
3:49 PM
I walk through the school courtyard. The stillness that once seemed disturbing and haunting now only brings me tranquility.
I observe the trees, now stripped of their leaves, and the ground completely covered by a thick layer of snow. It feels like a small forest in the middle of winter.
These leafless trees may appear to have lost everything at first glance. However, it's precisely because they've shed their leaves that they can conserve energy and stay warm.
"Oh my. What are you doing out here? Today is the coldest day of the iteration. If you wander around carelessly without proper clothing, you will get sick," Mikoto says.
I turn to see the two girls walking toward me.
"He's an idiot; did you forget that?" Ailiss comments.
I ignore her remark and respond to the earlier question.
"Since reality will reset soon, it doesn't matter much if I get sick. Besides, I'm just taking a walk and observing this eternal landscape while thinking a little."
"You are right about that. But it is still too cold to be out here—especially alone."
I feel something warm entwining with my fingers and quickly realize it's their sweet hands. I turn my face to both sides and see my two princesses smiling serenely, smiles I can't help but return.
I hold their hands firmly and continue walking with them.
I think walking hand-in-hand with one girl in this school was unimaginable for me before this bizarre event began, let alone two. Not to mention how spectacular both of them are.
We walk in silence, and at a moment like this, no words are needed to express how we feel about each other. Just walking together, we understand each other perfectly.
Even though we've been here for what feels like an eternity, there were angles of this landscape I never paid much attention to, and near sunset, it creates a majestic mix of colors. However, I believe most of these details couldn't be noticed under normal circumstances. Simple things like this gain immeasurable value when done with loved ones.
It's freezing here, but just being with them makes any discomfort disappear. I look at their faces as they observe the surroundings, and I can't help but fall more in love with them each passing moment.
Of all the contrasts of light and colors I've seen this afternoon, their faces are the most valuable.
All of this leads me to a paradox. On one hand, I want to see how they'd react to other landscapes; on the other, I want to eternalize this moment by their side.
…
After walking the entire school courtyard, leaving our footprints behind, we sit on one of the benches, our bodies pressed together to keep warm against the winter breeze.
I think a scene like this at sunset perfectly fits the romance stereotype. It's quite ironic to have such a scene inserted into a reality like ours, where the embodiment of death is just a few meters away.
"If we ever manage to leave here, what would you want to do?" Mikoto asks.
I think this question was buried in my mind years ago. It's something so distant I can no longer remember.
"Since I'm giving up my career as an assassin and don't have any specific plans for the future, I think I'd just follow you wherever you go," Ailiss replies.
"My ties with my family's temple were something I already intended to sever. I had a tedious academic and professional career planned, but the situation has changed drastically since being with you two," Mikoto sighs. "Now, I confess I have no idea what direction to take."
Then, the two of them look at me, expecting an answer.
Well, if I were to roughly envision how things would be… I think it would go something like this.
"Mikoto, would you mind leaving the country?" I ask.
"Not at all. I would just need to prepare my documents. Why? Were you planning to return to Germany and take me with you?"
"Something like that. I was thinking we could move to a small country like Liechtenstein."
"Liechtenstein? Why specifically that country?" Ailiss asks.
"It doesn't necessarily have to be there. The truth is, I've grown used to a peaceful life like the one we're living now," I say, observing the serene white surroundings. "That's why I'd like to live somewhere safe and with a small population."
"I agree with your choice. I imagine your social interaction skills must be terrible after all this isolation, so choosing an environment with fewer people is natural," Mikoto teases.
Indeed, after so much time interacting solely with the two of them, my intolerance for crowds is stronger than ever.
"But for us to move to Europe, I think it would be necessary for the two of you to get married first."
"Oh, really? Are you suggesting that only Ailiss and I get married? Are you excluding yourself from the relationship?" Mikoto asks sarcastically. "Or is this your way of trying to get rid of us? You know there is no escaping us—we will stick to you forever," she whispers in my ear, laughing.
"The idea is for you to gain European citizenship, making it easier for you to stay there. Both the Japanese and German governments only recognize monogamy, so only two of us can marry. But in practice, all three of us would be married."
"That's fine by me. What matters is that the three of us are together—that's what counts," Ailiss replies with a nod.
To think that a girl as rough as Ailiss would say something so sweet. The passage of an eternity has caused a significant change in her.
"I do not have any issues with it either; it is more or less the justification I assumed for your suggestion," Mikoto comments, laughing.
I believe a life outside with these two, even though they'll likely exploit me, would still be highly fulfilling. We could do so many things together… though this is just a fantasy.
We sit in silence, warming ourselves a bit longer on the bench. As the sky begins to darken, I comment.
"But what if this never ends?" I pause, and seeing their silence, I continue, "Can we keep living this way forever?"
"And why not?" Ailiss replies. "Honestly, I no longer care about my career as an assassin or revenge, so I have no restrictions about staying here."
"I thought you'd grow tired of this reality. That's what happened to everyone else. I imagine that, sooner or later, this type of thinking might affect us. From what I observed of others, I concluded that time always corrupts us."
"Honestly, Johann, what makes you bring up this type of question after so many repetitions? Answer me something: given everything we have been through, do you think you will get tired of us?" Mikoto asks.
"Of course not, my love. If it can even be called love, what I feel for you two is infinite. But…"
She interrupts me and continues.
"Then our situation is the same. I understand your reasoning—normally, no matter how passionate a couple is, they would tire of each other and of life after decades. But our case is entirely different because our souls were literally fused during these endless repetitions," she explains, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"I'm not good at expressing myself like this, but I completely agree with her," Ailiss says, doing the same.
I understand. So you genuinely feel the same… You're right. Whether it's here or out there, this isn't a relevant issue.
"In that case, I think we can forget the external world and live here forever," I squeeze their hands. "What do you think? Is it a good idea?"
"Certainly, you should have realized this earlier. Ailiss and I can humiliate you every afternoon in any competition you choose, and at night, we have sex," Mikoto replies mockingly, laughing. "Do you have any objections?"
"I can't think of anything better. It's a perfect combination," Ailiss says, glancing at Mikoto and laughing too.
They're right. What we have here is akin to a realized utopia, and I must put these bad thoughts aside.
Nothing could surpass the joy of sharing peaceful moments like this while seeing their genuine smiles.