Finally, we spin the bottle one more time, and once again, it lands on the worst possible option—especially because I can't choose "truth."
Damn it, I'm forced to accept a dare from her. It was only a matter of time before this happened; there was no avoiding such a cataclysm.
"Dare. Please, have some sense," I say, seeing the sadistic smile on Mikoto's face.
I'm already nervous even before knowing what embarrassing action I'll have to perform.
"Why are you so tense? It will not be anything too bad," she teases. "My dare is for you to close your eyes and not move until I tell you to open them again."
A request like this? Clearly, the problem isn't the dare itself but what this girl will do while my eyes are closed. And Ailiss isn't empathetic enough to stop her from going too far; in fact, she might be worse than Mikoto when it comes to showing mercy.
I sigh and comply with her request.
I hear her stand up and sense she's standing next to me.
What is she plotting? It's a bit unsettling to keep my eyes closed, knowing her intentions are always mischievous.
After a few seconds, unexpectedly, I feel something soft touching both sides of my face. Reflexively, I immediately open my eyes and see Mikoto and Ailiss kissing my cheeks.
What?! What was that?
"Idiot. You were not supposed to open your eyes yet," Mikoto scolds, pinching my leg.
"Sorry, it was automatic," I turn to the other girl. "But why did you go along with this, Ailiss?"
I never thought they would willingly do something so cute. It's too early to judge Mikoto's actions; she could still be plotting something. But Ailiss… what did she gain from this, considering it wasn't part of the dare?
"Mikoto explained that if I only beat you up and never give you any rewards, over time, you'd come to hate me," she replies seriously.
I see the blatant irony in Mikoto's smile.
So this was your idea… yet it still surprises me that Ailiss cares about something she once would've deemed frivolous.
But since it was ultimately adorable, I won't complain. I think I benefited from her little scheme, too.
"Truth or dare?" Mikoto asks.
"What are you talking about? You didn't even spin the bottle."
"Answer me. You opened your eyes prematurely, so your penalty is to repeat the round."
She's right… even if it was reflexive, I broke the rules of the dare. She probably intended to do more during that time.
However, I now have the advantage of choosing "truth."
"Truth."
"Why, in these recent iterations, did you seem to keep your distance from the two of us? It could not have just been because of people like Tanaka-kun. You persisted in that strange behavior even after everyone else was gone."
Why? I did do that… and perhaps the issue with Takashi was only an excuse in the earlier iterations. The real cause is likely my demons.
"I don't know… I can't approach it logically. Maybe it's because of the horrors I've committed."
"I thought you resolved this after the festival. Did not you reconnect with your friends?"
"It's different. I reconnected because I thought it would help them, not for myself. I think that's why I deprived myself of everything, hoping that at some point, the loop would end and I could finally die. Unfortunately, that day seems like it will never come," I lower my head and clench my fists.
"Why did not you come to talk to us about it? Ailiss and I could have helped you in some way. Everything you have been through cannot be erased, but they are ghosts you need to leave behind. Otherwise, you will not live. You will only be a slave to the past."
She's right; I know that. Even so, it's hard not to be bound to the past when our future doesn't even exist.
I clench my fists tighter, feeling my nails digging into my skin.
"I thought it was just a question," I sigh. "But it's useless; I can't forget that my hands are stained red. I'm covered in a layer of rot that will never be cleaned," I look at the two of them and see my reflection in their eyes. "I'm a monster. I don't deserve this; I don't deserve to be with you."
"Both of us bear the same stains as you. In that case, we are monsters just the same. We have killed, we have used the most heinous means, just as you have. If you intend to carry these sins forever, what stops you from carrying them in our company?" Mikoto's words flow with her serene voice.
"I don't know. I just don't know… I just feel like I shouldn't," I avert my gaze.
"Truth or dare?" Ailiss asks.
Again? Haven't I already paid the penalty for not fully complying with your dare?
"Hey, it's not even my turn."
"Answer," she retorts bluntly.
There's no way around this, is there?
"Truth."
"You can only choose dare."
"Sorry, I forgot the rule. Then, dare. How many push-ups do you want me to do?" I force a laugh, still lowering my head.
Ailiss looks at me with her intense, captivating eyes.
"Stop betraying yourself. Don't hesitate, not even for a pretext, from what makes you want to live."
Partially hypnotized, I hear her brief words that strike me directly. Yet, even so, all I can do is recoil—I'm pathetic.
"I… I can't… I just can't," I shrink further.
"If you break your dare, I'll have to break mine too. You'll lose your free pass from beatings. Either way, being this weak insults me as your commander and mentor," she pauses. "Besides, wasn't it you who told me in those iterations to break the chains binding me to my revenge? Do the same with yours."
Ailiss…? It must be difficult for someone like her to express supportive words, yet I can fully feel her intentions behind each one. Moreover, she quickly exposed all my hypocrisy.
For that… thank you.
I think gratitude is the only thing I can give back to you—no, to both of you. Each, in your own way, has tried to show me a little light in this eternal tunnel.
"Truth or dare?" Mikoto asks again.
"The penalty isn't over yet?" I pause, lift my head, and see them staring silently at me. "Truth."
She then approaches me and gazes directly into my eyes.
"Johann, answer me honestly: do you love us?"
What kind of question is that?!
"Of course. Wasn't that always obvious to you? I love you more than anything. I love you both more than anything in this world. It's because I love you so much that I did everything I did, and even knowing these demons would haunt me forever; I'd do it all again because you're the most precious treasures I've found in this existence."
"Alright. Now, a second question: will you continue depriving yourself of your own happiness?"
"Well, Ailiss forbade me from doing so," I cautiously glance at the intimidating girl beside me.
I certainly don't want to lose my free pass from beatings, so I'll obey her orders.
"Then, I have to ask. If you love us and, theoretically, are no longer self-condemning, what will be your excuse?" she leans closer.
"Dare: don't resist," Ailiss whispers as she approaches as well.
Did you plan all this from the start? Clearly, I've been defeated—a checkmate I couldn't foresee.
I understand your intentions. You were genuinely worried about me. There's no reason to resist your displays of affection.
Hypnotized by their scents, I close my eyes, and moments later, I feel their lips touching mine on both sides. Enveloped in a feeling of total comfort, I let them continue.
An overwhelming sigh of love fills my chest as our tongues touch. These two girls, for whom I've fought so hard, the most precious treasures I've found in this life, are now here with me.
I'm no longer alone. My soul, which had been frozen in the void's breath, is finally warmed by the presence of these two. With them protecting me, I can finally distance myself from the demons of our past.
Mikoto on my left and Ailiss on my right lean against my shoulders to draw closer. I wrap my arms around their backs and let their silky black and golden hair slip through my fingers, continuing this magnificent waltz.
My heart beats louder and louder as if it wants to shout to the world how much I love them. Ailiss and Mikoto's tongues entwine with mine, enveloping me entirely in a liberating aura.
It's as if I can share my sins.
Embarrassingly, I can't hold back my tears during this intense three-way kiss. With the collapse of the armored layer isolating my heart, my negative emotions trapped inside need to escape somehow. The relief from this pressure manifests as tears.
They likely notice what's happening and intensify the closeness between our bodies in an attempt to console me.
Indeed… with the two of you, I don't need anything else this world can offer.
Mikoto, Ailiss, I love you.
In fact, simply saying I love you might be wrong because there's no way to summarize everything I feel for you in a single word—it's something I believe is impossible to measure or describe.
After a few minutes, both pull away.
I open my eyes and see that their gazes are slightly different. There's something beyond their naturally sharp and voracious eyes: concern.
"You can trust us, understand, you stubborn idiot? We will always be by your side because we love you, too. You do not need to carry this weight alone anymore; your problems are my problems, and your purgatory is mine, too," Mikoto says as she places her hand on my face. "We started this war against the world together and will be with you until the end."
"In moments of weakness, it's my duty to take care of my dear subordinate. Don't worry, we won't do anything you don't want. And remember, even if the world—or even you—decides to crown you with thorns, I won't abandon you," Ailiss adds.
I can't even find the words to respond appropriately in this state. So, I just stay frozen, staring at them for a few seconds.
"Thank you. I think I'll rely on you from now on," I wipe away my tears.
I feel so light that I can hardly believe it. I feel like that ancient titan finally having his burden lifted. The weight of the universe seems to have disappeared from my shoulders.
"So? Will you let us help you a bit more?" Mikoto takes my hand and places it on her chest.
Isn't this escalating too quickly? I need more time to compose myself after this pathetic cry.
"Can we think about this another time?" I reply, blushing. "I think I need a little more time to get my head in order."
Mikoto sighs, and then she and Ailiss exchange glances for a moment.
"After all we have done, I thought we could resolve this peacefully. I see I was mistaken," Mikoto's expression shifts. "Ailiss, now!"
Immediately, Ailiss grabs my arm, then spins behind me and immobilizes me in a chokehold.
"Hey, what are you doing?! Let me go!" I struggle.
Why are you doing this all of a sudden? What's happening here? I can't move.
"Relax, it will not hurt. Try to forget everything that weighs on your heart for the next few minutes. We will help you with that," Mikoto replies.
"What?! And what about not doing anything I don't want?!"
"Have you not learned yet? We lie sometimes," she smiles. "And this is what is best for you."
"Stop struggling, Mistkerl. Resistance is futile. Cooperate, and maybe we'll finish faster."