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This place… I think I've been here before. Yes, I could never forget this dense and dark mist.
Even in the midst of my own insanity, my blood can't help but boil as I realize where I am.
Damn it!
Those damn bastards! Where are you, you wretches?!
I know you're here! Show yourselves!
I turn and survey my surroundings. However, I can't find them, as the visibility in this fog is practically zero.
I remain silent in this darkness until something catches my attention.
I hear the sound of footsteps approaching, and as they draw closer, the mist dissipates slightly, allowing me to make out the silhouettes of the two children.
"You're already awake? I thought you'd be more dazed. It seems we can talk to you without needing to apply some therapy first," says one of the demons.
"Go to hell! What is the meaning of all this?! Explain to me now what's happening! You told me nothing about this hell I'm living through!" I shout, advancing toward them. "I'll kill you both!"
Suddenly, shadowy arms emerge from the ground, stretching and coiling around my body, immobilizing me.
What is this?! Where did these things come from?!
The arms pull me down, forcing me to my knees in front of the entities, and then the shadowy hands grip my face, making me look at them. I'm placed in a position of total powerlessness.
Damn it, I can't move.
"Apparently, that won't be the case… We have complete control of this reality. There's no way you can oppose us here, so behave while you listen to what we have to say," they laugh.
"You bastards… Let me go!" I struggle.
The shadowy arms tighten their grip on me, then wrap around my neck, beginning to choke me.
These things are too strong; fighting against them is impossible.
Then, just as I'm about to lose consciousness, they partially release me.
"We'll free you soon, but first, calm yourself and let us ask you something interesting," they approach me and speak into my ears. "Do you know what the witch, the assassin, and the madman have in common?"
After a brief moment, the girl completes the sentence, sending a chill down my spine.
"All three have their minds haunted by demons."
"What do you mean by that?"
They both burst into laughter and then the boy continues.
"Do you really think your actions were so brilliant that they broke the eternal hatred between Yukihara Mikoto and Ailiss von Feuerstein? Or was their reconciliation something natural to happen?"
Wasn't that the very reason I was given memories from other worlds?
I remain silent, and the girl takes over.
"Did it never cross your mind how strange it was to get used to killing your classmates and friends so easily? It was like something routine, wasn't it?"
My memories resonate in my mind.
'Strangely, I quickly got the hang of a larger weapon, and upon reflection, I've absorbed certain differences between them without even noticing.'
'I'm just killing for the sake of killing as if it's become an automatic activity for me. It's as if I've already killed them billions and billions of times.'
Yes, I adapted to that weapon quickly. I got used to killing as if it were nothing.
My eyes widen in shock as I try to deny my own suspicions.
"What are you talking about? What is this about?" I ask.
"Alright, let's lay it all out. That conversation we had about giving you a chance to change the future and find a third path between two convergences? It wasn't the first time it happened."
"What do you mean it wasn't the first time?"
"That there was nothing special about that iteration. Honestly, the number of times you've performed your requiem is greater than you could ever imagine. To give you an idea of the scale, have you ever heard of Graham's Number? Well, the number of repetitions in which you retained your memories is insignificant compared to the total time this has been repeating."
Graham's Number? That number is so enormous, so incomprehensibly large, that it's hard to put it into words. It can't be… this much time? If what they say is true, this has been repeating for an absurdly greater number of cycles than the atoms in the universe. It's madness just to think about it.
I knew they had deceived me, but not to this extent…
"I see. So I was made a fool by you… hahahahaha… all this time, all this time I was deceived… hahahahahahaha," I laugh hysterically.
I don't even know what to think about it. I just feel like laughing at my misfortune. I thought I was accomplishing something, though there was meaning in my decision to save them. In the end, none of it mattered. I've been a puppet all this time. All my actions to find a new future amounted to nothing.
The only thing I can do is laugh.
"Nee-chan, it seems his mind is already broken. What should we do with him now?" the boy notices the cessation of my laughter. "Wait, I think his consciousness has returned."
"Answer me one thing. Aren't you tired of playing the same trick so many times? What's so amusing about deceiving me for so long?" I ask with a bitter smile.
"Don't make me laugh. Do you really think you're that special? Did it never occur to you that you weren't the only one?"
The demons' words hit me squarely, and once again, a flood of memories flashes before my eyes.
'Johann, even though I chose the opposite, deep down, I want you to understand my actions someday.'
'I can categorically say this is the first time you've met me. And I'm not using 'Mistkerl' as an insult; that's how I decided to name you.'
Damn it, it can't be.
"So they too…" I lose my words.
"Exactly. The same happened with the other players, and this three-phase cycle has been repeating periodically. Yes, it happened so many times that an abstract connection formed as déjà vu between repetitions, to the point where everything stabilized into three standard endings. However, it's not as if we lied to you. What we told you about the countless times they died wasn't a lie; we just omitted that you were also part of this situation. Eventually, we got bored and broke the cycle, which resulted in your ability to objectively remember past iterations to create new futures."
"Parallel realities, timelines? There was no parallelism… was there?"
"Usually, one imagines parallel timelines. However, in this case, these are cyclical timelines. You could imagine that each of you has been jumping three timelines ahead, so you never crossed paths."
The reflections of Mikoto, the report with poor Japanese handwriting that I attributed to Shou, their confusing words… now it all aligns. The anomaly I noted was basically our subconscious perceiving this monstrosity of repetitions. And a more horrifying detail is knowing that those two… both went through the same thing as me… How did I fail to notice they had the same idea?
Accessing these memories only through déjà vu made it a bit complicated to analyze the behavioral inconsistencies in the repetitions where I remained passive. But even without prior information, I should have realized they were hiding their suffering… In the end, they were much better actors than I was.
And the worst of all…
"So my requiem wasn't just a failed attempt to save them but the precursor to all this suffering. Correct?"
"Exactly. Just like the Ouroboros dragon swallowing its own tail, your actions were both the cause and consequence of their actions and vice versa. In other words, the suicides of Johann Geistmann, Yukihara Mikoto, and Ailiss von Feuerstein catalyzed one another."
As my hypotheses confirm, I feel only a profound despair that makes me want to disappear.
Everything is wrong. I couldn't do anything for them...
I lower my head in total despondency and ask another question.
"And what did you gain from all this? If there's nothing special about us, what could watching mere teenagers agonize in the same way for an eternity possibly provide you?"
"Good luck figuring that out. The truth has many layers, and this was just one of them," they laugh.
Hearing their maddening laughter, my blood boils again, and my fury bursts against the entities in front of me, only to be restrained once more by the shadowy arms.
"You bastards, what's so funny?! Were you enjoying all this?!"
"We won't deny it was fun to watch. But as we said, everything stabilized so quickly that it lost its charm. It became deterministic, as the déjà vu caused everything to converge to the same points. Bored with it all, we decided to break the cycle, and with that, by jumping into the same timeline, you retained your memories. However, before a hundred thousand iterations, you went insane, and we returned to tedium. Honestly, we expected much more from you, especially since you were the most insane of the three in your methods. Unfortunately, human creativity is quite limited."
These creatures are sadistic beyond comprehension… I can't find the words to describe such cruelty. I want to kill them with my bare hands.
I'm pressed even harder.
I understand. They can sense my hostility. For now, I must focus on extracting as much information as possible, as I don't know when I'll have another opportunity to communicate with them.
However, there's something fundamental I need to confirm: the truth of their words.
"If you've already deceived me once, how can I know you're not lying to me again? Mikoto and Ailiss… you're not making them go through the same experience of retaining memories during the cycle, are you?"
"Rest assured about that, Johann. We didn't lie; we just omitted the truth. But if our words were misleading, it was your fault for accepting them that way. Didn't your parents ever tell you not to trust demons?" they burst into more laughter. "Besides, it's impressive how much you care for each other. There's no other way to describe it but true twisted love."
"And now that I couldn't meet your expectations… what do you plan to do with us? Could you finally set us free? We're no longer useful as your toys."
"To make things more interesting… we'll apply your ability to everyone else. That way, at least, you might get a mental refresh. However… except for the players, who are essential to the game, any of your classmates who die from now on… will retain this condition."
Day 1
10:27 AM
After thousands of iterations, my consciousness returns. I remember the conversation I had with the entities between this and the last repetition.
The time I've been trapped in this reality is far greater than I ever thought… For so long, I believed I had saved those two from the cruel fates of parallel realities. How naive—I was utterly lost.
No matter how noble my intentions were behind all the sacrifices I imposed on myself, on them, and on the rest of the student body, everything proved meaningless. The debate over ends and means loses all relevance when even those ends were not achieved.
It seems they went through the same as I did. I can now recall with greater clarity some details of the repetitions in which I had no direct contact with the entities—repetitions where I remained passive. I can fully understand what happened in those instances… Ailiss's and Mikoto's murderous behavior now makes perfect sense.
They were acting that way because they ended up having the same idea as me. How ironic, isn't it? Cloaking themselves in the most horrific garments of all to save each other. I don't know if I'm being presumptuous, but maybe they were also trying to save me. It's the only explanation I can find for why they, too, submitted to the role of villain against their will.
In any case, I need to find them quickly. Now that the game's properties have been altered again, I won't be alone in this battle anymore. The first thing I must do is persuade them as I had been doing before I lost my way.