Once again, I find myself staring down the barrel of a revolver pressed against my forehead. I've encountered this nostalgic situation countless times before, but this occasion is different. Now that I remember everything, I can't help but be overcome by emotion as I face her.
"Who are you? Were you following me? You have five seconds to explain yourself before I blow your brains out," Ailiss furrows her brows and asks in her usual dark tone.
"Wait, please, don't shoot, or you'll die too!" I raise my hands. "If you still want to hit my limbs, that's fine. But please, let me talk to you briefly before that."
"So, you're claiming to be a player, a lie that would be quite convenient to save your life... Very well, start explaining, or I'll follow your suggestion," she lowers the gun to my leg.
"Ailiss, first of all, I'd like to apologize to you," I sigh. "I'm so sorry for not realizing it sooner. I should have noticed your intentions and should have understood what led you to do everything you did. In the end, you gave up your future for ours."
The terrible memory of our confrontation, where Natsuki shot her, keeps hammering in my head.
"Huh? I don't know what you're talking about. By the way, how do you know my real name?" she narrows her eyes.
"You don't remember? I thought that might be the case..." I look down with a bitter smile. "Apparently, you two will only remember these repetitions from now on. Maybe you shouldn't recall the immense suffering you had to endure. But I won't forget the countless times you gave up your life, your revenge, everything—every time you abandoned it all for us."
"You… you're crying? Pathetic."
I bring my palm to my face and feel it's wet.
I look back at her, and she continues speaking.
"Look, I don't know how you got this information about my revenge, but the truth is, you know too much. I'll have to eliminate you here and now—" Ailiss stops mid-sentence and takes a few steps back.
She lowers the gun, shows an unpleasant expression, and presses the palm of her left hand to her forehead.
A headache? Could she be recovering her memories?
"Hey, are you okay?" I try to help her.
But she slaps my hand away and moves further back.
What's happening?
After a few seconds, she speaks again.
"So, it's you… Mistkerl," she raises her expressionless face.
"Mistkerl..." At first, it seems contradictory, but I can't help feeling happy to hear that insult. I can't believe her memories have returned—it's been so long since I felt any joy.
"Why am I here? I'm sure I should be dead," she pauses. "So this isn't over... I thought I could end it all with my death," she continues, still a little dazed.
I see. From her perspective, these are her last memories. But it doesn't matter how much she's aware of the repetitions; the important thing is that she remembers me—and Mikoto.
"Please, Ailiss, don't leave me alone here again. I can't stand this world where only I remember everything. I can't stand this hell anymore... I can't take it anymore..." still in tears, I go to her and hug her.
I can barely believe there's finally someone with whom I can share this time trapped in these endless repetitions. I know it's selfish of me; I know how filthy I am, but I need you. I need you, Ailiss.
Unlike you two, I am so weak...
"Hey, Mistkerl. What exactly is going on here? And what's wrong with you? You're more emotional than usual."
I remain silent and keep crying as I hug her.
"Relax. I would never abandon my loyal subordinate," she changes her tone to a sharp one. "But for now, let me go and explain the situation."
Overcome by my emotions, after so much time feeling abandoned, I can't reason or follow her orders. I just keep hugging her, crying uncontrollably.
"Hey, Mistkerl. I'm not going to say it twice," she continues.
After a few seconds, I fall backward from a well-placed punch to my stomach.
Her fist is as strong as it used to be; this pain is also incredibly nostalgic.
"I told you to let go," she completes, irritated.
"I'm sorry," I continue crying like a child.
"You really are weak... Seriously, what happened to you after I died? You're so much more sensitive than you were during our last conversation before our confrontation. Your personality is completely distorted. When I look at you, I no longer see the old, idiotic Mistkerl."
"I believe my personality has been lost amidst all this time," I wipe my face with the sleeve of my blazer.
"You keep mentioning this repeatedly. Tell me in detail what you've been through, or I won't be able to help you. This isn't an ordinary timeline anymore, is it?" she crosses her arms.
So I tell her everything about the temporal loop we're trapped in, as well as the conversation I had with the demons. She recounts that she also remembers speaking with them during the infinite iterations in which we periodically sacrificed ourselves for each other.
"I see... It's impressive that you endured so long while keeping your memories. I admit I can't imagine how maddening that would be for me... You mentioned that when you sought our help, neither Mikoto nor I could find a way to stop the loop?"
"Yes, your memories were always erased, so you were limited to the information I provided with each repetition. However, our final conclusion was that there was no solution."
"Those bastards were playing with us in the palm of their hands..." she clenches her fist. "Anyway, what about Mikoto? Where is she? Does she already know this cycle has been repeating?"
"I haven't spoken to her yet. After talking to you, I was planning to find her. As I always have, I intended to persuade you both to avoid conflict. But since you fortunately recovered your memories, I believe the same can happen with her," I smile with relief.
"Very well, go meet with Mikoto and help stimulate her memories just as you did with me," she rubs her forehead. "In the meantime, I'll process all this information and try to think of something. I should join you two shortly."
I nod and follow her order.
12:45 PM
There's no indication we'll be able to end this loop. My hopes have been completely devastated... However, knowing that I won't be alone in this hell anymore, I feel an intense relief in my chest.
At the same time, this realization brings the knowledge of shared suffering. Now, everyone around me will have to endure the same pain and insanity I've been experiencing.
Feeling happy despite knowing this is ultimately a selfish attitude.
Especially when it comes to those two—it would undoubtedly be better if both remained ignorant of this loop while I continued killing myself indefinitely.
Unfortunately, I'm not strong enough for that. I wasn't able to protect them as I should have. So now that they are doomed to this cruel fate, I will do everything to ease their pain.
During lunch, I take advantage of the fact that the other student council members are in the cafeteria to meet Mikoto.
I open the door to the council room and stare at her melancholically for a few seconds.
Before I can find the right words to address her, she does me the favor of reprimanding my actions.
"Did you never learn manners? Entering the student council room like this and without an appointment could result in a suspension for poor etiquette."
"Mikoto, please listen to me. I'm unsure how to do this, but I need you to remember too."
"When did I permit you to call me by my first name? Frankly, I have no idea what you are talking about, but I am busy with something more important. So leave my office now," she narrows her eyes.
With Ailiss, I had to talk about the repetitions in which she was used by the entities; perhaps this will work as a trigger to awaken her memories. This case should be no different.
"At least make an effort to remember. You told me in this very room that you'd be forced to take actions I could never understand. In those iterations, I couldn't comprehend it. When we first talked in this room, I thought you had simply lied to me," I look at the floor. "But now I understand—I know exactly what you went through..."
"I already said I do not know what you are talking about. If you persist with this strange conversation, I will have to treat you as a stalker or something," she sighs. "I will not warn you again. Get out of my sight now."
I ignore her comment and continue with the explanation.
"I'm sorry, but I can't comply with this request. The ritual you conjured entered a loop, and I need your help to stop it. Ailiss and I need you."
"You know about the ritual?!" Mikoto widens her eyes. "In that case, I must assume you are one of my adversaries," she picks up the intercom and speaks. "Tanaka-kun, capture the intruder."
She didn't remember?! How?! This just worked with Ailiss! Why would it be different with her?!
"Wait, don't act hastily! I'm your ally!" I try to explain myself.
"I know, idiot..." she walks up to me and pinches my cheek. "Actually, my memories came back a few minutes ago. So I decided to have a little fun with you," she smiles mockingly.
What a relief... In the end, it was just one of her pranks.
"Cruel... I thought you wouldn't remember me anymore. I was starting to get scared," I respond.
"Tanaka-kun and the others are having lunch, so there's no one to capture you, remember?"
That's true; this was one reason I chose to talk to her this time. My mind has been quite muddled lately.
"I see you are quite emotional. However, let us leave that for later and get straight to the point. The last thing I can remember is the blazing hall at the moment of my death. You said we are in a loop; how exactly is this happening? Are we jumping from one world to another?" she continues.
As requested, I share all the information I have about the entities and what they told me about this loop.
"So Ailiss has already recovered her memories... I believe mine returned at the same time as hers. I was a bit suspicious of that talk about allowing me to change the timeline."
"What approach did they take with you?"
"They told me I needed to sever our ties from the other timelines—it was the only way for you and Ailiss to be freed. Anyway, I saw no other solution but to follow the plan you saw in those repetitions..." she crosses her arms. "In any case, I am not sure we can fully trust the new information they gave you. After all, those ghostly children are not trustworthy in the slightest."
As thoughtful as ever. I believe that with her help, I'll be able to handle this better from now on.
"And what will we do about the others? I think this information will only increase the chaos. But in theory, if someone dies, they won't return, and in any case, we won't be able to cover this up forever because, in the next iteration, everyone will realize everything is repeating."
"Yes, that is indeed a hindrance. Initially, postponing the problem does not seem like a good solution. In any case, let us discuss more thoroughly with Ailiss what measures we will take going forward," she says, placing her fingers in front of her lips and responding thoughtfully.