In the course of my life, I was always told how full of life and joy my middle school years would be.
To me, that made sense.
Yet here I was, at the end of my 8th year, not able to name a single person that I could call a friend.
You see, at some point, I just stopped talking to people, and that was when I unconsciously lost all of my connections. That's also what made me realise that these 'connections' never existed in the first place.
And now, I could suck up to the popular kids all I wanted, but what was the point when I would probably never see a great number of these people again anyways.
And it's not like I never wanted to at least start up conversations or become friends with anyone, it was just that at one point, everyone in class was already split up in their individual friend groups.
And guess what: I was the only one who wasn't. Then again, I couldn't bring myself to talk to any of them, pretending like they mean anything to me, or that I mean anything to them.
It was just a horrible cycle of feeling bad about my situation, doing nothing to get out of said situation, and then getting angry at myself for being so helpless, that I couldn't even make a single friend.
Well, it seems as if I was about to spiral down that slide again, so I stopped myself from overthinking any more.
Summer had finally arrived, so I figured I should enjoy myself rather than drowning in self-hate.
The beautifully annoying cicadas, refreshingly boiling temperatures and the relaxingly overcrowded pools.
Who am I kidding, summer is the worst time of the year by far.
Not only does it get progressively harder to sleep in these harsh temperatures, it also annoys me even more when people try to convince me that this hell-on-earth was actually enjoyable to them.
Even the classroom, that I currently found myself in, was way too hot to be called enjoyable. I hated even more how it made me sweat so much, which probably didn't help with the weird perception people had of me anyways.
Yet, today was different. There was something bothering me since entering class, and it was the annoying stare, that I was receiving from one of the girls in our class.
.
.
(POV change)
I couldn't help but find myself staring at Marin again.
I just couldn't believe how I never even recognised him before, let alone speak to him.
His silky black hair, that seemed as if it was stuck in a perpetual bedhead, added to his cute face. He doesn't even have any friends so when I look at him, it feels as if staring at a rare jewel, that others tend to ignore.
I don't yet get this feeling in my heart, but I'm sure that I'll regret it if I don't act on these feelings now, with it being the end of the year and all...
I just want one opportunity to get to know him, that is all.
.
It was the end of our classes, at which I took note of Marin's weird behavior of going on a walk after school. After every lesson, instead of spending time with his classmares or any of his friends, he would leave school grounds and go on a short walk all on his own.
It was depressing to see, yet it also left me with a unique chance of intersecting him and getting him all alone for myself.
So that was my plan.
After one of our PE classes, I would quickly get dressed and track along the route he usually walked on. I wasn't sure if he was gonna show up, but I decided to test my luck.
And sure enough, there he was: Marin Ogawa, the least popular guy in class, and now... He was my target.
Crossing paths, I cleverly trip over a lone rock, causing me to fall into Marin's arms.
He smelled like a mixture of sweat and cheap deodorant, his smooth clothes pressing against my cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I was a bit carele-"
Before I could even say anything, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back.
Meeting gazes, he quickly looked elsewhere.
"You're the one who has been sneaking gazes at me?"
"You should stop that, it's getting kind of annoying.", he continued, seemingly ignoring how I would feel upon hearing that.
Was I just... shot down?
By him?
.
"Listen, it's not like I'm into you or anything, okay? It's just that..."
Stuck in this humiliating position, I had to resort to some sort of excuse, yet I deemed it futile to think any longer...
So, having already taken too long to come up with anything believable, I just spout the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm having some trouble in PE and the everyone else didn't want to help, you see?"
...
The silence that followed that poor impression of an excuse was excrutiating.
.
"I'm not that good at PE, so you should probably ask someone from outside the class.", he said despite my obvious deception.
This guy must be an idiot of some sort, though it can work in my favor.
"Then how about we practice together?"
"..."
"If we're both bad at it, we can improve together, right?", I offered, relieved to finally come down to a reasonable compromise.
After all, it was true that I was failing PE, and even if I lose interest in him, it would still improve my grade to some extent.
"But I don't know, if you woud really want to hang out with someone like me. I can get pretty depressing and-"
"No problem at all! If anything, I'd love to do it with you especially."
"A-Alright then..."
Hook, line and sinker.