CHAPTER TWO | NOT GAY
ARTHUR
I never thought it is humanly possible for anybody's face to be on so much fire but that is exactly the way my face is.
If it's scientifically possible for a human's blood to be replaced by shame, embarrassment, and genuine regret, then mine would have been changed by now because that is all I feel running through my veins.
They all laugh at me, pointing mocking fingers and some judging stares.
Their actions didn't faze me though, I've been getting mocked all my life. I'm pretty used to it now.
My embarrassment is emanating from the stupidity of my attempt to hit on my sister's boyfriend.
My bowed head raises up for a millisecond to gauge Luca's reaction to my love letter.
I wish the ground would open up and swallow me when I see the blank look on his really handsome face. I wish he'll look disgusted, amused, or even angry but all I am greeted with is an unreadable expression which is worse than any other thing he could have done.
Luca also gazes at me, our eyes holding for a few seconds before he looks away. "Babe, I'm heading to class. Meet me when you're done with this madness." Luca addresses Ciara before taking his leave.
Even with my predicament, my lovestruck self couldn't help but admire Luca's broad buff shoulders and his dominating steps. He walked like he owned the world and everything in it.
I just wish he'll own me too.
My attention is forced away from Luca when someone grabs my head harshly, turning it until I'm looking at them.
"YOU! You bastard!" My sister's furious eyes glares daggers at me, her six inch shoes giving her an inch over my 5 ft 8 height. "What do you think you're doing going after me man. Are you stupid enough to not know who's a freak like you? Are you so blind that you can't see that he is a real man? Luca isn't gay, freak. Take you abominable eyes off him before I rip it out of your fucking head."
Unable to speak, I nod my head, the tears I had been trying so much to keep down finally finding its way out.
Ciara's hand raises, ready to strike me but just when it's about to connect with my face, she stops, her hands shaking uncontrollably. "Words, Arthur. I need words."
My shaking voice is forced out, shameful tears rolling down my terrified eyes. "Yes, Ciara. I promise."
Ciara drops her hands, releasing my head with a violent push that knocks me to the ground before she screams out like a drug addict frustrated because he couldn't get his daily dose of death.
My saving grace comes in the form of my sister's best friend, Else, who sends an amused smile my way before speaking to Ciara. "Relax C. Why the hell are you so worked up? It was just a harmless letter. Stop acting like he proposed to Luca. Besides, Luca is straight so there's no need to get all worked up and throw unnecessary aggression on poor Arthur here. He was just expressing his love which is totally forbidden, by the way. It's not like he wrote his name and number on the letter, asking Luca to call him."
Else laughter fills the room, doing more harm than good to my feelings and pride. I'm grateful though, since her words, although sarcastic, successfully calms Ciara from having a bitch fit.
Moving her fingers across her face in a supposedly calming manner, Ciara recits, "Luca isn't gay. He is not gay. He is mine and mine alone," multiple times, sounding more like she is trying to convince herself than us.
With one final look her way, I pick up the letter she flung to the floor and bolt out of the locker room.
I head straight to the toilet, pushing anyone obstructing my movements out of the way.
I rush into a stall once I'm in, resting my back on the door before slowly sinking down.
Folding my legs and arms like a child, I allow myself to cry out all the excessive emotions I'm feeling.
"Danm you, To All The Boys I've Loved, this is all your fucking fault. I should have just kept my stupid feelings to myself." My voice comes out horse and angry, and I kick the first thing I see which just happens to be the toilet.
Pain shoots through my legs, making me cry harder.
I grip my letter tightly before angrily tearing it into shreds.
A knock comes from the back of the door and I freeze in my spot, all my tears seizing too.
I hear shuffling on the other side before a soft voice comes next. "Hey, Arthur. It's Mandy. I heard what happened and knew I'll find you here. I brought snacks."
A small relieved smile appears on my face, grateful my best and only friend always comes through for me. "You are in the men's bathroom, Mandy. You could get in serious trouble." I say as I help myself up, opening the door and coming out.
I take a few seconds to admire the way she perfectly and beautifully combined two of our uniforms without breaking the rules of fashion. I could barely wear one uniform alone without breaking at least two fashion rules by picking the wrong socks, shoe, backpack and sometimes, my dressing is just all wrong.
Mandy rushes into my arms, squeezing me tightly to comfort me. "I am really sorry Arthur. I had no idea the letter was for Luca. I genuinely thought it was for a girl…a cute nerdy one. I never knew you are gay or that you had a crush on your sister's boyfriend. I wouldn't have encouraged you to write and send the letter if I knew. I just thought…"
"It's fine, Mand. You did nothing wrong. I'm really sorry for not telling you I'm into boys though. I just thought it was best to keep it a secret since highschoolers can be pretty toxic and I'm trying to lay low till I graduate."
She nods her head, dragging me to the sink and assisting me in cleaning the tears off my face. "It is cool, Luca. We're cool."
With that, she drags me to the toilet. "Let's ditch the first period. I have enough snacks for a hot gisting period. I need to hear from the horse's mouth." She says as she drags out of the school premises and into her car.
Fifteen Oreos, two hot cocoa, and two missed periods later, Mandy is dumbstruck after I narrate all the events that led to me asking her for advice before writing the love letter, how I was caught and Ciara's reaction.
"Your sister is fucking crazy. I swear, she has an unhealthy obsession with Luca. I get it, the boy is smoking hot. As in he is Ice cream hot, the kind you desperately lick up on a hot summer day but damn, she has taken it way too far. I heard she beat up a freshman for smiling at Luca. I don't know what's going on with her but that…whatever she feels for Luca is way more than love. She has turned the poor guy into her god. I won't be surprised if she has a shrine where she worships him in her overly pink creepy room."
I burst out laughing, all the tension from the events of the day slipping away. "Your hatred for my sister is quite inspiring. I love it."
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see a text from Luca Redington.
The text says, "Arthur, it's Luca. I need you to tutor me."