Rümeysa stood in front of me, staring into my eyes as if demanding answers.
"I'm asking you, what are you doing secretly? Answer me." My shame was at its peak.
"It's none of your business." What could I even say? I had no lies to make up, and on top of that, I was being rude to her. As absurd as my attitude might have seemed, I wasn't about to back down.
"Wait a minute, I remember now. You're the girl who was with Aunt Zehra, and you were also the one I bumped into at the café. You've changed quite a lot since I first saw you. That day at the café, you looked familiar." She shook her head and pursed her lips mockingly.
"Anyway, I'll ask again. Why are you spying on the house?"
"Oh, how clever of you to remember. Bravo." My words must have angered her because she stepped closer, pointing her finger at my nose as she continued.
"Listen, I don't care who you are or what you're up to. I have an engagement coming up soon, and something tells me you're hanging around because of Furkan. As much as that annoys me, I don't take you seriously. Still, if I were you, I wouldn't linger around here."
She finished her rant and left. Did I hear her right? Was she talking about getting engaged? Tears welled up in my eyes without my control. I flagged down a taxi and gave the driver my address, crying all the way. The thought of Furkan belonging to someone else tore me apart. What was happening to me? What kind of love was this? What kind of attachment?
How could I have grown so attached to a man who had entered my life at my most vulnerable moment? How could this love have seeped into my very being in such a short time? How could my heart warm to him so deeply without even truly knowing him? Honestly, I hadn't even had the time to ask myself these questions. It was as if he had always been there, like the missing piece of a puzzle in my life, and I had found him just when I was losing all hope.
When we reached my house, I paid the driver and got out. As I approached the door, my legs betrayed me, refusing to carry me any further. I collapsed where I stood, sobbing over the realization that I had lost him forever. Did it always have to be this way? Was I always doomed to lose?
I had loved him! Without reason, without question, without hesitation. I had loved him as if there were no other way, as if it was inevitable. Why did everyone I love have to disappear? First my parents, then my entire family, and now Furkan. He might not have died, but I had still lost him forever.
"Are you okay?" I looked up through my tears at the voice addressing me. What was Melike doing here? I turned away and took a deep breath. She sat down beside me, grabbing my arm to make me look at her. I unwillingly turned my head toward her.
"Please say something. Are you okay? You're scaring me." I was tired of people asking if I was okay, as if my life were perfect and nothing was wrong.
"What difference would it make if I said I wasn't?" I honestly didn't understand why she was still trying. I wanted to pour out my emotions, but she wouldn't leave.
"Come on, get up. Don't sit here like this. Wash your face, and you'll feel better."
I surrendered, nodding and giving up my resistance. With Melike's help, I stood up. She opened the door, and we went inside. She asked where the bathroom was, and I pointed upstairs. She led me in that direction, helping me wash my face. Looking in the mirror, I saw my swollen, tear-streaked face. After drying off, I went to my room, and Melike followed like a shadow.
"Do you feel any better?" I sat on the bed and grabbed the blanket between my fingers, squeezing it as hard as I could, hoping my anger would flow out through my fingertips.
"What are you doing here?" I finally asked the question I should have from the start.
"I was passing by and saw you, so I wanted to help." Passing by?
"Passing by? Do you think I'm a child? Just tell me the truth without dragging it out."
She sighed, letting her shoulders drop in defeat.
"Okay, you're right. I came to see you, but when I saw you like that, I panicked." I sat up straight, trying to make sense of what was going on.
"Why did you come to see me? Did something happen?"
Her evasive eyes and fidgeting fingers told me she didn't want to reveal the truth. Before she could speak, I decided to break the silence.
"Whatever it is you have to say, I hope it's reasonable. And do I even need to remind you to tell the truth?"
She avoided eye contact and began playing with her fingers.
"I thought about it many times before coming to you. I finally gathered the courage and decided to do it." The conversation was becoming increasingly strange to me.
"Go on."
"I…" She paused, clearing her throat.
"Don't you remember me?" Her question made me study her face. What was she trying to get me to recall?
"I'm Melike. Melike Sancak." I froze in shock, my mouth hanging open, unsure of what to say.
"How is that possible? You… you were dead." Of course. How had I not recognized her?
"You're justified in your surprise. Your grandfather planned everything, and it all happened according to his wishes." Him again. My life had become his plaything.
"But you were shot. I shot you. I thought you died." I ran my hands through my hair, the absurdity of it all overwhelming me.
"Calm down! The gun you used was a fake. The ambulance and its crew were part of the plan." What had I gotten myself into? I stood up and began pacing back and forth, unable to sit still from the stress.
"What plan?" I exhaled deeply and sank to the floor.
"Your grandfather!" She hit the bed with her hand, signaling for me to come closer. I shook my head and sat beside her. She placed her hand on mine and continued.
"My father had gone bankrupt. We were in such a terrible state that he decided to take his own life. He was desperate. Then one day, your grandfather came to our house and made him an offer. He wanted him to take the blame for your parents' deaths in exchange for a large sum of money. Your grandfather didn't want you digging into the matter anymore, so my father agreed."
…
Two years earlier…
"My grandfather said, 'Merve will never know. That's why he killed her."
I had secretly entered my grandfather's house after his servant called me, saying that someone was coming to discuss my family's death with him. She helped me sneak inside without being seen.
'So, he killed her just because he loved Elif?'
I learned that my grandfather knew who had killed my family. What I heard devastated me. I focused intently on his voice, trying to understand through the sound of his sobbing.
'He raped her. But we only found out much later, my dear. She couldn't tell anyone.'
My grandfather's words paralyzed me. What had that monster done to my mother? I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true.
'Have you found out where he is?' Despite the ringing in my ears, I strained to listen to the conversation.
'He's at Marcy Restaurant, having dinner with his family.'
My mind stopped functioning. I couldn't process what I was hearing.
'Where's my gun?' My grandfather's anger was evident in his voice.
'It's on the table.' My eyes fell on the gun resting on the table.
'How will I recognize the man?' He was going to kill him. I didn't feel the slightest bit of sorrow; he deserved to die.
'There's a photo of him next to the gun.'
Without a second thought, I acted. I grabbed the photo and the gun and left the house. I hailed a cab and gave the driver the address of the restaurant. When I arrived, I waited in the cab.
After about half an hour, they came out of the restaurant and got into their car. I told the cab driver to follow them. Although he grumbled at first, he agreed after I promised him extra money.
We reached what I assumed was their house. I paid the driver and got out. Tears were streaming down my face as I pointed the gun at the man. My hands were trembling so much that the gun shook in my grip.
Just as I steadied myself to pull the trigger, a girl jumped in front of the gun. She was hit and collapsed to the ground, bleeding.
As everyone rushed to her side, I fled the scene. Even as I ran, I could hear the anguished wailing of the ambulance siren in the distance.
A few days later, I found out the girl had died. No matter how much guilt I felt, the pain I was already carrying overshadowed it. Thanks to my grandfather, my name wasn't even mentioned in the incident."