Remembering the past had hurt me; what I had been through was far from easy.
"So, it was all a game." What a cruel realization. My life was like a garbage heap filled with lies.
"Yes, I regret it deeply. I only agreed because I didn't want my father to die. You have to believe me; you understand me better than anyone. If we hadn't agreed, that scumbag even said he would kill my mother."
I didn't know what or who to believe anymore.
"Fine, enough! But what I don't understand is, why now? I mean, why did you stay silent all this time and decide to speak now?" He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Because I thought I would never see you again. But things didn't turn out as I expected. Since the day I saw you, I can't get you out of my mind. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. And since I have nothing left to lose, I decided to tell you everything."
Two tears rolled down his cheek with his last sentence.
"What do you mean by 'nothing left to lose'?" He wiped his tears and sniffled, but this time, his eyes were filled with hatred.
"My mom and dad… they're dead." His sobs grew stronger before he could even finish the sentence. Between his hiccups, he continued,
"Your grandfather killed them to silence them. And I've been running ever since that day."
Before I could even process what I'd heard, the shock of learning his parents were murdered left me speechless. I didn't know what to say. Truthfully, I couldn't even be angry at him. Losing one's parents is devastating, and he had kept quiet out of fear, though it seemed his silence didn't help in the end.
"So, you're like me," I said. He wiped his eyes harshly.
"Yes, unfortunately. Living without a mother or father is so hard."
It was a bitter truth.
"But that's not the only thing we have in common." He looked at me with confused, tearful eyes, as if to ask what I meant.
"What else?" I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I should tell him, but then I decided to continue.
"That man wants me dead too." What I said must have shocked him because he stayed silent for a moment.
"But isn't he your grandfather?" I was wondering the same thing myself.
"Yes, but unfortunately, he's also the man who killed my parents." His surprise deepened even more at my last words.
"I can't believe it. His own daughter? How?" He got up from where he was sitting and started pacing back and forth. I stood up and grabbed his arm. He began to speak frantically.
"This man is a disaster—a monster! How did you even escape from him? We have to go to the police. Yes, the police!" I tried to calm him down, but it was no use. I grabbed both his arms and turned him to face me.
"Calm down. We can't tell the police anything."
He stared at me blankly.
"Do you really think reporting a man who has escaped this much trouble would work? He'd find a way to ruin everything again. Believe me, we'd end up dead this time." He knew I was right; the despair in his eyes said it all.
"You're right, but it's unbearable to know that man is living so freely." I felt the same way.
"Living? Are you sure he's even alive?" He couldn't stop being surprised at everything I said.
"Why? What happened?" I sat him down on the bed and told him everything. But something felt off—why was I trusting this guy so much? What if he was lying? What if this was another one of my grandfather's schemes?
"Wait a minute. Why did I trust you and tell you all this? Please leave my house!" I grabbed his arm and pulled him up. As I was dragging him out, he stopped me.
"Look, I swear everything you've told me will stay between us. Please believe me; everything I said is true."
I opened the door and gestured for him to leave.
"Why should I believe you? You've already deceived me once. What's to stop you from doing it again? Now, please leave. And remember this: if you tell anyone what I've said, I'll make you regret the day you were born."
"Fine, I'm leaving, but everything I said is true. Please believe me. Goodbye for now."
He nodded in resignation, turned, and slowly walked away from the front of the house.
After sending Melike away, I went to the living room and sat down. I leaned my head back and thought about everything that had happened. The result? I was an idiot. How could I spill everything to someone after a few words?
The doorbell rang, pulling me out of my thoughts. I went to the door and looked through the peephole—Büşra was here. We sat down in the living room.
"So, where's your diploma? Come on, give it to me—I'm so excited!" I forced a fake smile and decided to put everything aside for a while.
"Don't tease me. They didn't give it." Nothing was going my way.
"What? Why?" She shrugged and sprawled out on the couch.
"They said I need to sign for it." Great. What was I going to do now? I didn't even care about the diploma. The only reason I wanted it was to prove to my parents that I had succeeded.
Tomorrow is June 23—the anniversary of my parents' death. I used to visit their graves often, but I'd been neglecting them because of everything going on. Maybe the diploma would make up for it, I thought.
"Alright, it's time to get to work, what time is it?" While trying to check the time, I was also looking around for my bag.
"3:35. Why?" I was going to be late.
"I can't believe it! What time does school close?" As I ran from side to side, his eyes were on me, trying to figure out what I was doing.
"Five o'clock, don't worry, you can get it on Monday." I shook my head negatively.
"No, I have to get it before the school closes. I'm off now." He stood up when he saw me heading towards the door.
"Alright, then I'll head home." I kissed him on both cheeks and sent him off.
"Okay, darling, see you later."
As soon as I grabbed my bag, I went out, hailed a taxi, and gave the driver the school address. I checked the time, it was 3:50, I was going to make it, I had to make it, were the roads this long, or was it just me?
"Excuse me, could you please hurry up? I need to get there before five." The driver nodded and stepped on the gas.
"Don't worry, we'll make it, with God's will."
I started looking out the window, realizing how tired I was. Why did everything happen to me? Who would want a life like this? Why me? Now, like everyone else, I could have graduated and shown my diploma to my parents, but no, right? Merve doesn't deserve anything, why is Merve still alive? All the people I loved were taken from me, what did I ever want from life that I should have gotten it? Oh Furkan! I wish we could have met under different circumstances, would he have loved me then? I wasn't asking myself what Rümeysa had that I didn't, even though it hurt, I was never going to look back at those stupid clothes. Oh grandfather, oh! It's all your fault, you took everything from me in this life, everything, now there's only one thing left for you to take, my life, I wish I had been brave enough to end it and not let you have that satisfaction.
"Here we are." I jolted at the driver's voice, paid him, and got out. As I entered the school, I saw Emre just as I was about to go to the principal's office to get my diploma.
"Hello Merve." I kept walking without answering, he wasn't going to give up.
"Merve, I'm talking to you." I sighed in frustration.
"Emre, I don't have time, I need to go to the principal's office, so goodbye." I left Emre behind and knocked on the principal's door. When I heard the "Come in" from inside, I opened the door.
"Oh, Miss Merve, what an honor to see you."
The grumpy principal was mocking me again. I put on a fake smile and started speaking.
"Hello, sir, I came to pick up my diploma." He sprawled in his chair.
"Which diploma?" What was this idiot saying?
"What do you mean which diploma? Sir, are you joking?" His behavior irritated me, but I tried to stay calm.
"Are you mocking me? Did you even take your last exam and now you want your diploma?" Now I was in trouble, I had to get that diploma, no matter what.
"Sir, please, I really need that diploma." I could tell by the way he wasn't even looking at me that he didn't care.
"I don't care, girl, did you ask me when you were skipping exams?"
Damn it, he wasn't going to give it to me. Just then, the door knocked, and the so-called principal let someone in. It was Hasan Teacher, who was surprised when he saw me looking upset and teary-eyed.
"What's going on, Mr. Principal?" His expression drove me crazy; he seemed to take pleasure in my pain.
"No, sir, no, this young lady hasn't taken your exams but still wants her diploma."
Look at him, grinning like an idiot, Hasan Teacher turned to me and started talking.
"Merve, wait outside." I protested.
"But sir!" He cut me off firmly.
"I said wait." I had no choice but to accept.
"Okay, sir."
Waiting at the door was torture. When I checked the time, it was 4:10, I had only 20 minutes left. What would I tell my parents if I couldn't get the diploma? When the door opened, I looked in that direction, and Hasan Teacher had come out. I immediately went to him.
"Sir, what happened? Didn't he give it to you?" There was a look of compassion in his eyes.
"He did." I looked at the diploma he handed me, took it, and examined it.
"Thank you so much, sir, I can't express how much this means to me."
I smiled in return.
"It's nothing, now go sign it." I nodded in agreement.
"Okay, sir. Thanks again."
When I entered the room, I was met by the principal's sour face. I don't know what happened, but the result was what mattered to me. I signed and left. Tomorrow was going to be a great day. At the school gate, I hailed a taxi.