VIOLET'S POV
I have 105 days left on Earth.
I don't feel my limbs anymore after Doctor Vicenzo disclosed the news to me. I have always feared death; I know I'll die someday, but I never expected it to be so soon.
" Take your pills regularly and you won't even feel like you have something eating you up inside," A nurse laughs.
I have to take only one pill a day. I don't know what they have put in the pill but it makes me somewhat unable to feel the pain and consequences of my neuroblastoma. It's not exactly efficient because I still feel my lungs burn sometimes. The doctor said the pill is a discovery so it isn't a hundred percent effective yet.
Aside from all the checkups and pills they are giving me, I know it's not enough to extend my days.
"Count yourself lucky you'll be getting out of this shithole before the apocalypse," Doctor Vicenzo says to me.
I shut my eyes and listened to the sound of my heartbeat. One. Two. Three, and eventually there will be nothing.
I'm lying flat on my back on the hospital bed, hugging the only thing I have left of my mother to my chest.
I see myself underground, buried alive in the soil. Unable to breathe and unable to feel. I hear the faint whispers of the living above me. I can hear the sobs of my father, and I feel even more dead.
"Can you see the stars?"
Mum is lying next to me, and we are suddenly on our house rooftop in California, staring at the sky above us.
"No. I see nothing."
The world has been overly polluted for the past nine years. I haven't seen a star since four years ago. A thick smoke-like vapor has covered most of the troposphere. Sometimes the vapor is so poisonous that it makes rainfall so acidic it burns people to death. Sometimes the rain is good but you can't be sure till you feel it or you hear someone screaming.
"Check outside; you will see a star."
" But we are outside—"
I am brought back to reality when someone taps my shoulder. My eyes are wide open abruptly and I am panicking.
A Mafia man touched me.
I'm forced to remember the day when my mother was taken away by them. I didn't care if my legs were paralyzed; I wanted to stop them, but someone held me back. He threw me to the ground, kicked me in the groin, and blew my mother's head off right in front of me.
" Violet—"
I'm off the bed as soon as the Doctor speaks. I've allowed him to touch me because of my father. Despite the cost of getting treated being higher than our six years of house rent, he borrowed money from a lot of people to pay for my treatment.
Now that I am going to die soon, there is no reason he should touch me.
I'm walking towards the exit door, still clutching the clipboard to my chest.
The blood vessels surrounding my lungs are tightening by the second and I'm struggling to breathe.
I push the exit door open and as soon as I'm out of the building, I'm holding my knees and trying to catch my breath. The clipboard falls to the ground and I'm too frail to pick it up.
I'll see my mum soon. We will live together in heaven. We will walk on streets of gold. We will be amongst the stars— I will see a star.
I straighten when I remember what my mother told me to do.
I look at the sky. I can only see lightning. I wonder how bright it would have been without the vapor. It must be bright enough to knock me out of this nightmare.
It hits me that Mum never told me to look at the sky for a star.
I look around and my eyes stop at someone. He is walking away.
My lungs are constricting. My heart is beating so quickly it shakes my whole body.
' Yes, mum, I can see a star. It has blonde hair, the rarest kind of green eyes, and a scar above it's left eyebrow. I can see Ethan Reed.'
I wonder if he remembers me.
He never speaks to me in school although I sit behind him in calculus and geography class. He doesn't speak to anyone except Ashton.
I don't think he remembers I'm the girl he bought a Christmas present for years back. Dad had told me some weeks after we left California, the pastor told him through text message that Gavin Reed's kid bought me a Christmas present.
I was excited and told Dad to ask him what the present was but Dad never told me what it was.
Since that day, I've always wanted to see Ethan again and when I saw him during the school assembly in fourth grade, I couldn't stop myself from liking him.
✷ ✷ ✷ ✷
I reach home before six.
There are no curfews but everyone knows it best not to be out at nighttime. Sometimes, the Mafias from the Utopic world visit us and it's never a peaceful visit. They kill, kidnap and beat people up, for a reason that's unknown to most of us.
" The Doctor called."
Dad is washing pork in the kitchen. I'm standing next to him and I can see the fear in his eyes even though he doesn't look at me.
" I'm sorry." That is all I can say.
He shakes his head too quickly. " It's not your fault. I should have taken you to the Utopic world for treatment. Your cancer cells would have no match for their kind of medical technology if you'd received treatment there earlier."
" Don't beat yourself up, you know getting there is impossible."
We have no access to the Utopic world unless we are willing to surrender to the Mafias and engage in their dirty work. I'd rather burn in hell than have anything to do with those people.
Dad opens his mouth to speak but I talk before he can.
" After tomorrow, I'll quit going to school—"
" Huh?"
I assist him in washing the pork. " School fees are expensive and what's the use anymore when I'll be gone soon? I've overheard the conversations you've had with your debtors. I don't want you wasting money anymore because of me."
I see a tear fall on the pork he is washing. A blood pressure cuff is wrapped around my heart.
" I'll take a shower then come help you make dinner." I grab a bag of dog biscuits from the counter and head to my room. It's always unbearable watching him cry.
Rufus has been down with a cold for a while and is unable to get out of bed. Normally, he'd be jumping when I return home, but he's asleep in his bed.
I drop my knapsack and clipboard on my bed before picking Rufus up and putting him in my arms. He's the only creature that brings a smile to my face every morning when I awake from sleep.
I don't regret taking him. He was abandoned by a family who said he was a burden on them because dog food was so expensive and he ate a lot. I took full responsibility for him, including buying his meals and paying for his medical expenses.
Silver's father was a vet before the Mafia took over, but he is still good at his work. He gives Rufus free food sometimes and allows me to pay little for his medical checkups.
" Wake up, Rufus, I'm back," I say, and I can see his large brown eyes immediately.
He barks and licks my face weakly and I laugh. I tear open the snack bag. As soon as it's open, he slaps it out of my hands with his paws and when it falls to the ground, he charges for it.
When it comes to food, Rufus' body system forgets he is sick.
I give him and his food some privacy by heading to the bathroom to take a shower. I strip off my clothes and fill up the tub with warm water before climbing in.
I close my eyes and let myself dissolve into the warmth.
I can see him. He is sitting at a table with his parents and sister in the fun park. His face is twisted into that look of indifference that he always has on. His face is turning in my direction and then he—
" What the hell!" My eyes snap open when I feel Rufus inside the tub.
I take him and hold him to my chest. His hairs are all stuck together and he looks incredibly beautiful. " How can I forget you love bathing with me?"
He barks disappointedly and I laugh. We stay in the tub for a couple of minutes before I clean him up and tell him to go down to Dad.
I put on some clothes and want to leave my room when I spot the clipboard. My legs retreat to the bed. I am sitting on my bed and running my finger through the paper on the clipboard.
" I bought this so I can write out my bucket list."
I never really understood why mum needed to write a bucket list when she was perfectly healthy till she was murdered in front of me the next day.
I take a pen from my locker. The ink is finished, so I press a button on it, and it refills. You only get one pen in a lifetime.
I lean my head on the wall and my mind is like a busy market. I have a lot of things I want to do before I leave this world but I've limited my wants to ten.
I have seen countless people kissing before. Although I have been with someone, I didn't offer any part of my body to him. I'm afraid if I allow him to kiss me, he will want to sleep with me, and when he does, he will laugh at me because I don't have a good leg anymore like everyone else has.
My finger is on my lips.
I want to feel it and experience what it's like. I want to feel what it is like to be kissed by the one you love.
Suddenly, I see Ethan walking away again.
My heart is beating so quickly. I want to know what it's like to be held by him. I want to know how it feels to be loved by him.
I've been running away from my feelings for too long. I have nothing to lose now. Even though he doesn't feel the same way, I'll be at peace when I tell him how I feel for him.
Wish number one- Confess my feelings for the boy I'm in love with.