Syra
I could hear the rustling of the soft breeze behind me as the golden light died down before me. A window was left open for who knows how long. In front of me was a petite, feminine figure. Her hair was the color of midnight and her eyes shone like amethyst. She tilted her head. I noticed my head tilted with her. I see now. It was me. I was staring at my reflection in the mirror across the empty dark room. I was sitting in a white fluffy chair.
My porcelain skin shined as the lights in the room slowly danced on the walls. My wavy hair swayed down to my knees and I wore a revealing baby pink crop top layered with floral lace and black skin tight shorts that barely covered my butt. The only illumination came from the soft glow of neon lights tracing patterns along the walls, a floating disco ball, and framing the edges of the desk. The colors shifted—pink to blue to purple—casting faint, surreal shadows that moved like whispers. "Blip, blip!" I heard. I noticed the sound was coming from me. I watched my purple eyes glow brighter in the mirror as the sounds grew louder from outside.
The room was still, yet the sound of footsteps echoed, growing closer, heavier. A melody played faintly, like a funky pop song. The door clanked open.
"Hi, darling, I'm home," a voice sang, rich and deep yet soft enough to melt into the air.
I looked up, my gaze following the silhouette of a tall young man stepping into the room. I couldn't see his face clearly—his features were blurred, like a smudge on glass—but his presence was vivid, undeniable. He had striking turquoise blue hair with crimson red ombre highlights in his bangs and peacock purple ombre highlights at the tips of his long hair. The top of his hair was short but his bangs were long enough, swept to his right side, fading into his violet strands that sat feathered on top of his shoulders. He wore a black tank top underneath a bright red one with two chained necklaces, one silver and one black. His ears had additional earrings, two black cuffs at the top of his left ear and one smaller gold earring looping his earlobe after a white glass earring. The glass earring was a jagged cut with a pink and blue luster, holding a small white feather. His right earring has one blue cube and one green emerald bead with pearl beads in between. He laughed softly, a sound so warm it felt like it was meant to fill the cold gaps in this space.
"Welcome home—" I replied instinctively, but the moment his name slipped from my lips, it vanished. I didn't hear his name. It was as if white noise had replaced it, a deliberate void erasing him from my ears.
"You have to hear this!" he said, his excitement carrying a magnetic pull. "This is what happened today."
Another melody swelled, growing louder and louder, wrapping around his words and drowning them in its rhythm. The room vibrated gently, and I felt the buzzing tickle against my arm, like a current of static breaking through the dream.
And then, I woke up.
I looked at the calendar on my phone. It was May 31, 2124. Finals week.
It's almost 5 PM. He should be almost home now. I guess I napped for a long while now.
Me and my boyfriend, Kori, would always video call on Harmonics, a communications social platform. We would watch movies and anime together while eating dinner. It was something we did almost everyday.
I was humming to myself as I set down a bowl of sweet potato fries, honey mustard, and a tall glass of taro soymilk.
"I'm playing games with my friends today," the text said, popping on my phone.
I stared at his words as my smile died down.
Again. With barely any notice. It's fine. It's not the first time Kori did this to me. Always planning for his friends but never planning time with me. Sure we spent time together often after he got off of work but he never went out of his way to make plans with me like the way he did with his friends. Our relationship was a long distant one. He lived in another state so we tried to make things work with these video calls. I was already getting tired of this routine anyway, waiting for him to get off of work. At some point, it felt like something was missing in our relationship.
Usually the day was led by him disappearing off doing random things in the day that would go on for hours, never letting me know a time he would be ready to be together. I thought he was different from all the guys I dated. But he was the same. He never understood me nor knew how to make me happy.
To me, he was selfish, always thinking about only himself and his friends and never considering my feelings and thoughts about any matter. I was making time for him away from school but he couldn't make time for me himself? The past two years felt unfair. I told him as often as I could about how he made me feel alone and unseen and unheard. I thought a verbal exchange would help him understand me better but.. It didn't work. He didn't grow out of his habit. And my heart grew weak and tired, slowly stiffening cold. I wanted a break from him and his heartlessness. He wasn't a heartless person but his actions were heartless, leaving no thought for me.
I thought I was familiar enough with this routine and yet every time he did this, I felt a scar bleed out from the bandages.
I texted Celine, my online bestfriend.
"Hey, are you free tonight?" I texted.
"Sorry hun, I have my hands full. Maybe we can try Friday?" she responded.
"Sure," I texted back with a smiley face. My heart sank.
Sure, I said. But I wasn't actually sure. I really needed someone right now. I wanted to tell her how Kori was making me feel. I wanted to hug her and tell her how unhappy I was. But I didn't. I always believed I should be careful about how much I shared about my relationships with anyone because I was afraid of how they might judge my partner. I had a traumatic experience in my first relationship where my whole maternal family pinned against me for dating this one guy. They stalked him and it drove him away from me. I didn't want to go through that again. But Celine wasn't them, so I wanted to try to open up more. I had been transparent with her about most of my life. I think she wouldn't do that to me.
Bzzt.
Celine texted back," I'm really sorry I can't make it tonight. I just.. There's been something on my mind… I think my husband might be cheating on me and I want to talk to him about it."
My heart ached more. How could I tell her my feelings when she was suffering at this moment too?
"It's okay, I understand. I hope you guys are able to talk out your worries. If anything happens, just know I'm here for you, okay?" I texted back.
I slowly put my phone down and continued writing my paper. Tears fell down my cheeks, blurring my vision from the screen. I hated this. It always felt like Kori had been breaking something. Our unspoken promise to be together. Maybe I was the selfish one. Maybe I wasn't considering his feelings enough. But even though I tried to respect his time being with his friends, it never felt like I was respected for the time I put aside to be with him. Instead, I was the one always waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing.
The thing is, he never tells me about it until he appears out of nowhere. He's the one who would call me but leave me afterwards to do something. Not even a "Hello, Babe!" or "I miss you!" to me. After picking up the call, it was always followed by silence and emptiness for hours, watching a screen of his room without him in it. What was the point in calling me then? At first, I tried to be more understanding about him going about his day, but eventually this habit of his unknown lengthy disappearances started to annoy me. It felt like I was forgotten. You would think not hearing from the person you love for hours would be heartaching, but that wasn't it for me. What was heart aching was having to listen to him laugh and enjoy his time with his friends on the video call for hours. The long hours would slowly creep on me, building up my jealousy and loneliness. His friends never properly plan to play with him either. They always decided to play together spontaneously. Why did he never think about my feelings but always thought about his friends' instead? It felt so unfair.
"I'll spend time with you after I'm done playing with the boys," he said to me.
What he never told me each time was that it would be past midnight. What about my sleep? I was a night owl but even my patience grew thin over time. I didn't care anymore. I did but I didn't want to care anymore. I was done a long time ago. From then on, I assumed I wouldn't ever have time with my boyfriend when he had date plans with his boyfriends. I just thought, if I loved someone, I would endure anything for them. But now I know, not having a sense of prioritizing our relationship or my feelings was a dealbreaker for me.
I sighed deeply and yelled, letting out my frustrations. I had enough of him. Two years was more than enough of this nonsensical relationship. I wish I didn't torture myself like this. I knew from the beginning how his treatment made me feel, but I thought I could just forgive him and that I had to just accept him for who he was. But I felt something inside of me was slipping away from me. I felt numb inside. Annoyed but numbed like when you bite your cheek and you know it irritates you but you also know you have to ignore it to keep moving on with your day.