Starfelt

Syra

I could hear the rustling of the soft breeze behind me as the golden light died down before me. A window was left open for who knows how long. In front of me was a petite, feminine figure. Her hair was the color of midnight and her eyes shone like amethyst. I lifted my head to look around and noticed she followed my direction. I looked back at her and tilted my head. She tilted her head too. I see now. It was me. I was staring at my reflection in the mirror across the empty dark room. I was sitting in a white fluffy chair. 

My porcelain skin shined as the lights in the room slowly danced on the walls. My wavy hair swayed down to my knees and I wore a revealing baby pink crop top layered with floral lace and black skin tight shorts that barely covered my butt. The only illumination came from the soft glow of neon lights tracing patterns along the walls, a floating disco ball, and framing the edges of the desk. The colors shifted—pink to blue to purple—casting faint, surreal shadows that moved like whispers. "Blip, blip!" I heard. I noticed the sound was coming from me. I watched my purple eyes glow brighter in the mirror as the sounds grew louder from outside.

The room was still, yet the sound of footsteps echoed, growing closer, heavier. A melody played faintly, like a funky pop song. The door clanked open.

"Hi, darling, I'm home," a voice sang, rich and deep yet soft enough to melt into the air.

I looked up, my gaze following the silhouette of a tall young man stepping into the room. I couldn't see his face clearly—his features were blurred, like a smudge on glass—but his presence was vivid, undeniable. He had striking blue hair with crimson red highlights in his bangs and peacock purple highlights at the tips of his long hair. The top of his hair was short but his bangs were long enough, swept to his right side, fading into his violet strands that sat feathered on top of his shoulders. He wore a black tank top underneath a bright red one with two silver necklaces, one chained and one with an iridescent hexagonal rectangular prism and mismatching jagged glass earrings of the same luster design. His ears had additional earrings, two black cuffs at the top of his ear and one smaller gold earring looping his earlobe after the glass earring. He laughed softly, a sound so warm it felt like it was meant to fill the cold gaps in this space.

"Welcome home—" I replied instinctively, but the moment his name slipped from my lips, it vanished. I didn't hear his name. It was as if white noise had replaced it, a deliberate void erasing him from my ears.

"You have to hear this!" he said, his excitement carrying a magnetic pull. "This is what happened today."

Another melody swelled, growing louder and louder, wrapping around his words and drowning them in its rhythm. The room vibrated gently, and I felt the buzzing tickle against my arm, like a current of static breaking through the dream.

And then, I woke up.

I looked at the calendar on my phone. It was May 31, 2124. It was finals week.

It's almost 5 PM. He should be almost home now. I guess I napped for a long while now.

Me and my boyfriend, Kori, would always video call on Harmonics, a communications social platform. We would watch movies and anime together while eating dinner. It was something we did almost everyday.

I was humming to myself as I set down a bowl of sweet potato fries, honey mustard, and a tall glass of taro soymilk.

"I'm playing games with my friends today," the text said, popping on my phone.

I stared at his words as my smile died down.

Again. With barely any notice. It's fine. It's not the first time Kori did this to me. Always planning for his friends but never planning time with me. Sure we spent time together often after he got off of work but he never went out of his way to make plans with me like the way he did with his friends. Our relationship was a long distant one. He lived in another state so we tried to make things work with these video calls. I was already getting tired of this routine anyway, waiting for him to get off of work. At some point, it felt like something was missing in our relationship.

Usually the day was led by him disappearing off doing random things in the day that would go on for hours, never letting me know a time he would be ready to be together. I thought he was different from all the guys I dated. But he was the same. He never understood me nor knew how to make me happy. 

To me, he was selfish, always thinking about only himself and his friends and never considering my feelings and thoughts about any matter. I was making time for him away from school but he couldn't make time for me himself? The past two years felt unfair. I told him as often as I could about how he made me feel alone and unseen and unheard. I thought a verbal exchange would help him understand me better but.. It didn't work. He didn't grow out of his habit. And my heart grew weak and tired, slowly stiffening cold. I wanted a break from him and his heartlessness. He wasn't a heartless person but his actions were heartless, leaving no thought for me.

I thought I was familiar enough with this routine and yet every time he did this, I felt a scar bleed out from the bandages.

I texted Celine, my online bestfriend.

"Hey, are you free tonight?" I texted.

"Sorry hun, I have my hands full. Maybe we can try Friday?" she responded.

"Sure," I texted back with a smiley face. My heart sank.

Sure, I said. But I wasn't actually sure. I really needed someone right now. I wanted to tell her how Kori was making me feel. I wanted to hug her and tell her how unhappy I was. But I didn't. I always believed I should be careful about how much I shared about my relationships with anyone because I was afraid of how they might judge my partner. I had a traumatic experience in my first relationship where my whole maternal family pinned against me for dating this one guy. They stalked him and it drove him away from me. I didn't want to go through that again. But Celine wasn't them, so I wanted to try to open up more. I had been transparent with her about most of my life. I think she wouldn't do that to me.

Bzzt.

Celine texted back," I'm really sorry I can't make it tonight. I just.. There's been something on my mind… I think my husband might be cheating on me and I want to talk to him about it."

My heart ached more. How could I tell her my feelings when she was suffering at this moment too?

"It's okay, I understand. I hope you guys are able to talk out your worries. If anything happens, just know I'm here for you, okay?" I texted back.

I slowly put my phone down and continued writing my paper. Tears fell down my cheeks, blurring my vision from the screen. I hated this. It always felt like Kori had been breaking something. Our unspoken promise to be together. Maybe I was the selfish one. Maybe I wasn't considering his feelings enough. But even though I tried to respect his time being with his friends, it never felt like I was respected for the time I put aside to be with him. Instead, I was the one always waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing. 

The thing is, he never tells me about it until he appears out of nowhere. He's the one who would call me but leave me afterwards to do something. Not even a "Hello, Babe!" or "I miss you!" to me. After picking up the call, it was always followed by silence and emptiness for hours, watching a screen of his room without him in it. What was the point in calling me then? At first, I tried to be more understanding about him going about his day, but eventually this habit of his unknown lengthy disappearances started to annoy me. It felt like I was forgotten. You would think not hearing from the person you love for hours would be heartaching, but that wasn't it for me. What was heart aching was having to listen to him laugh and enjoy his time with his friends on the video call for hours. The long hours would slowly creep on me, building up my jealousy and loneliness. His friends never properly plan to play with him either. They always decided to play together spontaneously. Why did he never think about my feelings but always thought about his friends' instead? It felt so unfair.

"I'll spend time with you after I'm done playing with the boys," he said to me. 

What he never told me each time was that it would be past midnight. What about my sleep? I was a night owl but even my patience grew thin over time. I didn't care anymore. I did but I didn't want to care anymore. I was done a long time ago. From then on, I assumed I wouldn't ever have time with my boyfriend when he had date plans with his boyfriends. I just thought, if I loved someone, I would endure anything for them. But now I know, not having a sense of prioritizing our relationship or my feelings was a dealbreaker for me.

I sighed deeply and yelled, letting out my frustrations while tears continued to soak my cheeks. I had enough of him. Two years was more than enough of this nonsensical relationship. I wish I didn't torture myself like this. I knew from the beginning how his treatment made me feel, but I thought I could just forgive him and that I had to just accept him for who he was. But I felt something inside of me was slipping away from me. I felt numb inside. Annoyed but numbed like when you bite your cheek and you know it irritates you but you also know you have to ignore it to keep moving on with your day.

Click, click, clack. I was typing out an essay for my Critical Literary Theory class. It was a paper on Disalienation. A concept I was working on about how emotional intellectual development and awareness is what grows people's understanding and empathy towards anyone they aren't familiar or can't relate to. As a kid, I always grew attached to the characters in stories and movies because a part of me felt like I was a friend watching over their life's obstacles. And I wanted people to better understand people around them and learn to respect everyone for who they are and wanted to represent themselves as. Because, you never know a person's story. I think everyone might be suffering from something you might not know about and I want to show a sense of caring for everyone I meet, a kindness and love that I think everyone deserves. Because I knew how it felt to be on the other side all alone and never seen. Because that's what I wanted. Someone who would try to understand me and be kind to me.

I finished typing. Eleven-fifty P.M. and only ten minutes to spare. I quickly downloaded my paper into a PDF document and turned it in online. Finally, I'm done.

I looked down on my phone. Huh. One missed call from Kori.

That was about three hours ago.

He didn't say he was done playing his games but maybe he is. But I don't know if I want to call him right now because I hate listening to him having fun with his boyfriends.

Fine, I'll video call you.

I listened to the dial ring and click as the call was picked up. It was pitch black. It was normal that he would play games in the dark but usually the light from his computer lit his face.

Then I heard it. Soft moans growing louder followed by disgusting sounds of—. I quickly ended the call. I sat there shocked. My breath grew heavy, pacing faster with my heart beat.

He IS such a liar! Playing games with his boyfriends my ass!

I've decided. We're done officially. I know I won't regret this. I grabbed everything I could remember that he bought me and grumpily stuffed them into bags. I walked out and dumped all the bags in the dumpster. I went back inside and spotted the stuffed duck sitting on my chair. I picked it up and grabbed a knife, ripping it up to shreds. I put them all in a small bag and went outside. I sat on the brick porch and lit each piece of cotton and fiber, sniffling with tears, laughing with bitter anger. I watched them burn and sighed satisfyingly. I pulled out my phone and sent a short video of it to Celine. 

I stared at the moon above me. Men suck. If I was reborn as a man, I'd make sure I treat everyone, especially women better. One day, I hope I meet someone who will actually look at me and my heart. I picked up the pieces that didn't burn out and scooped up the ashes and threw them away with the rest of the ugly trash. I returned to my room. I turned off the lights and layed in my bed. I clenched my fists and trembled in the shadows of my room. I cried for hours and fell asleep.

Bzzt. Ugh. That better not be Kori.

I picked up my phone and looked at my notifications. Celine had sent me her spam of reels. I smiled a little. I hope she's okay. Nothing from Kori. Good. I don't need him right now.

I started to scroll on my phone, watching videos of cats playing in the snow. But there was this one advertisement that kept replaying for the past month. StarMates Eternal, a virtual reality game created by GemiUni, a gaming company that uses AI technology. This time they are collaborating with Melodyamond, an AI digital music tool creating company. Apparently the company, GemiUni that created StarMates Eternal had remade their first game StarMates from over a hundred years ago with new features. After seeing pictures of the advertisement everywhere on the internet, my curiosity started to peek in. I clicked on the advertisement.

The animated video played. A topless, blonde man with creamy, wet dripping skin appeared, slicking his hair back with his fingers.

"Have you met your soulmate yet? No? We can help with that. Get ready to meet new friends and maybe your soulmate from different parts of the world! Create and meet AI personas of other people and enjoy the universal dimensional simulator. Visit worlds you've never seen before and experience relationships and adventures with people around the universes and different dimensions," it said.

My heartache, still thinking about how Kori ditched me for his friends at the last minute and that call. I felt the dread of loneliness and horror of betrayal creep into my mind. I wanted to block everything with the comfort of a blanket of music. But tonight I really wanted to know what the hype was about this game. I had the time for it now that finals are over.

I wasn't really interested in the games of the newly developed virtual reality simulator, LifeScape, because I was too busy with school. My brother had bought me the simulator for my birthday but I just never had the time to check it out. I guess it's time to try it out. But I had to download a game first. I guess I'll see what StarMates Eternal is all about. From the advertisements, it looks similar to virtual dating simulators so I guess we play. I used to play virtual dating simulators in highschool. I kind of feel a little excited to explore romantic storylines since it's been awhile. I needed a little romance in my life that my boyfriend dried up throughout the past years. And even if I don't experience anything romantic, I would be happy enough making a new friend. I really wanted… No, I need a friend right now.

All my other friends were offline now. They lived from different parts of the world so they had different time zones. My timezone was later than theirs so I was often left alone by the evening while the others would get ready to make dinner and leave for bed. Celine was too busy with her mom life and I couldn't dare to ask her to spend time with me when she is struggling with life at the moment with her two kids and her husband.

I slipped on the virtual reality goggles and wristband and sighed. I wish I could be with Celine right now. I miss her. 

The room was digitally constructed before me and I was sitting in an office surrounded by a cloudy blue atmosphere. It was like in a movie where I was sitting in an office floating in heaven. Clouds floated past my legs. I was met with a brightly smiling woman. Her hair was a silver white like the moon and her eyes were a topaz hazel. Her skin was silky white and she had a mole near her lower right side of her chin. She wore a flashy crimson red lipstick and lavender eyeshadow. She looked like a goddess in her tight, white, frilly office dress. Lavender transparent digital wings fluttered behind her back.

"Hello, I'm Faena, one of the GemiUni supporting management members," she reached out to shake my hand and I shook it. 

"Before you start adventuring in new worlds, we would like you to sign waivers and a permission to access your psycho-neurological privacy. This is so we can monitor your health status in case something happens to you during the duration of the gameplay. Can I have your full name please?" she asked.

My heart thumped a bit. Psycho-neurological privacy? This is the first time I've ever heard of such a thing. Is this game really legal? Or is this roleplay? GemiUni was known to collaborate with multibillionaire AI companies for experimental game ideas. I think they collaborated with MEdna and Solaris to enhance the monitor features of their virtual simulating neurotransmitters. 

"I'm Syra Alina Yin," I said.

She typed in her holographic computer and continued.

"Is this your first time using a hyper-immersive virtual reality device?" she asked.

"Can you explain the difference between a normal virtual reality device and a hyper-immersive virtual reality device?" I asked.

"A hyper-immersive virtual reality device enhances and utilizes all your senses using neurotechnology to connect your senses to the virtual reality worlds. This includes the realistic sensations of the virtual world. In the past, virtual reality devices only had access to connecting the mind to create movement and simulate interactions in games rather than allowing the body's senses to fully sense emotions and touch while interacting with the virtual world," she said.

"Then, yes this is my first time," I answered.

"Please note that everything you sense in the game can and may affect your body in real time. This kind of technology uses synthetic biochemistry to stimulate and allow interactions of real life experiences," she said.

I felt a little anxious hearing that. I could feel my body growing a little cool.

"Don't worry. At this time, we are able to control pain sensitivity and provide medical attention if you are ever in trouble," she said.

Medical attention?!

"Um, so you're saying there are risks to playing this game?" I asked.

"Depending on the kind of world you want to visit, you may experience variable sensitivities to a world like a difference in gravitational pressure or sense of taste. Of course, with our technology, it should calibrate the intensities you are able to take and adjust to your sensitivity levels; however each individual has variable sensitivities so we are still working on that," she said.

"So you're saying if I get cut in the game, it might hurt a lot because the game simulates real life?" I asked.

"Yes. The hyper-immersive virtual reality simulates real life interactions and uses biobridging to allow different mechanisms to interact with each other," she says.

"Wait, sorry, this is a lot to process. So you're saying I should sign a waiver because there might be a risk to my health when using this device?" I asked.

"Yes. This device has been tested but because of the immersive sensory stimulations, many people may have different reactions to the sensory and content they will encounter in playing the game. People have different tastes and sensitivities to things. Some people like experiencing the real life sensations and some may lower the sensitivities, And sometimes there are small accidents like tripping and you will feel the real life sensations of tripping," she said.

"Okay, so you're just saying the waiver is to acknowledge I may experience uncomfortable senses," I said.

"Yes, but it's also to bring awareness that the stimulations from the game can affect your psychological mindstate," she said.

"Oh..okay. I didn't know there were such dangers," I said.

"The game is safe for playing. People just have different sensitivities to what they feel and experience," she said, "So if you could sign this, please."

I sign the digital paper and look at her. I felt a little nervous. What did I get myself into? It's just a game right?

"Now if you could write up qualities in a soulmate you are looking for, we could help improve the likelihood of you meeting your potential soulmate in the new worlds," she said.

"Uh… what if I don't know what to put?" I asked.

"It's okay. You can take your time. I can also help you brainstorm what kind of partner you are looking for," she smiled.

I smile nervously back and reply, "Okay."

It took a moment but I wrote qualities I appreciated in one of my characters I wrote about. Someone who is kind, honest, intelligent, and loves music.

"Okay, next, please choose from these sets of pictures of the kind of physical preferences you would like and we will help you connect to a persona that might meet your preferences," she said.

I swiped through the pictures and checked on the ones I liked. I think colored hair is cool. Blue eyes are nice. I like a guy with piercings and good fashion sense. 

"Now you can look through these sets of pictures to see which world you would like to visit," she said. 

She projected beautiful images on the screen. There were funky buildings that looked like a hive or anthill, jungles and rainforests, colorful mountains, deserts, futuristic cities, and strange disproportionate landscapes. I chose a more modern and futuristic world. The image was of a huge brown building with black tinted windows and a beautiful glass fountain beside a lake.

"Lastly, would you please provide me with your phone number?" she asked.

Her holographic computer screen floated towards me then I typed in my number.

"Thank you. You should be able to interact with your phone's notifications even if you are in game. Now, if you would follow me this way, we can show a way to the world you would like to visit," she said.

She led me to a door and typed something in her floating digital holographic computer and said, "I pray for your blessings."

She clicked a button and the door opened.

"Um.. Thanks," I said and walked through the door.

As I walked through the darkness, I watched the world digitally construct itself and I found myself near the area of the picture. People were walking past me while leaving the building. I guess they're heading home or something. I found the fountain and walked around the manmade lake. It was a perfect square of wavering shadows.

Hmm.. I wonder how far this lake leads.

Eiya

I sat on the couch, my fingers gripping the game controller, trying to focus on the screen. Hiroshi was sitting next to me, his laughter loud, echoing against the walls.

"Ha! Got you again," Hiroshi said, laughing as the "K.O." hit the screen.

"You're cheating, admit it," I retorted, half-joking.

"Just face it—you'll never beat me," he teased, leaning closer and nudging me with his shoulder. We had been drinking and gaming for a few hours now. The sun had dipped down past the horizon.

His touch lingered for a moment too long. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, noticing the small smirk on his face. There was an edge to his playfulness tonight, something that sent a strange, nervous flutter through my chest. Maybe it was the alcohol. Or maybe my heart was telling me what I was starting to figure out for the past month. Did I like Hiroshi?

"You're just mad you're bad at this," he added, his tone lighter again.

"Oh, whatever," I said, rolling my eyes trying to hide the heat in my cheeks. I think I might like him.

As we continued to play, his touches became more frequent—a hand brushing against mine, his knee pressing against my thigh. Was he signaling something? Or was I overthinking it? My heart beated again as his shoulder pressed against mine.

At one point, I won a round, and he dramatically dropped the controller. "You're getting better," he said, leaning back against the couch, his arm stretching along the backrest behind me. His hand rested on my shoulder, his fingers lightly grazing my neck.

"Maybe I've been letting you win too much," I said, trying to sound normal, but my voice came out a little nervous.

He chuckled, leaning in just slightly. "Or maybe you're just hiding your skills."

His words made my stomach twist in a mix of flattery and unease. There was a warmth in his gaze, but it carried an intensity that made my heart pound faster.

"Eiya," he said after a pause, his voice quieter now. "You've been different lately… in a good way."

"What do you mean?" I asked, not sure where he was going with this. I hope he can't see the redness in my face. The room was dimly lit by the television but still bright enough to see the hue of our skin.

"You're just… special," he said, his hand moving from my shoulder to my knee. The touch sent a shiver through me— my chest tightened. Did the alcohol go to his head?

I shifted slightly, trying to create space between us, but he didn't move his hand. Instead, he leaned in closer, his breath warm against my cheek. We often drank together before but he never got close like this.

"You feel it too, don't you?" he murmured.

The room felt smaller suddenly, the air heavier. I didn't answer, my mind racing as his hand started sliding up my leg. I was feeling good moments ago but this- it just felt and looked something familiar. My skin recognized this crawling sensation. It felt wrong.

"Hiroshi, wait," I said, my voice trembling. "I think—"

"You think too much," he interrupted, his tone soft but insistent. "You don't have to overthink this, Eiya. Just let it happen. it's okay."

As his words sank in, a wave of fear gripped me. The way he touched me, the way he spoke—it reminded me of the past. Flashes of my cousin's hands on me, his voice telling me the same, filled my mind.

"Hiroshi, no, it's- this is NOT okay," I said more firmly, trying to pull away.

But he tightened his grip on my leg, leaning in until our faces were inches apart. "Why are you acting like this?" he asked, his voice taking on an edge. "You know you want this. Don't lie to me."

His body was a little bigger than mine. We were around the same height and yet I felt intimidated by his size.

I shook my head, panic setting in. "I said no. Let me go."

"Eiya," he said, his voice softening again but still holding that manipulative edge. His smile turned dark, no longer the friendly one I recognized. "You're just scared. It's fine. You'll see, it's fine."

"No, it's not fine!" I yelled, shoving at his chest, but he didn't budge.

"You're overreacting," he snapped, frustration slipping into his tone. "Why do you always have to make things so difficult?"

His hand moved to my wrist, gripping it tightly as he tried to pull me closer. "Hiroshi, stop!" I yelled, my voice shaking.

"Just relax," he said, his tone dropping to something almost condescending. "You'll thank me later."

The fear crawling up my spine turned to desperation. My heart raced, my breathing quickened, and I acted on instinct. Twisting my arm, I yanked free, but before I could step away, he grabbed me again—this time by the forearm.

"Don't leave," he said sharply. "You're being ridiculous."

I struggled against his grip, fear and adrenaline taking over. "Let go of me!" I screamed, raising my elbow and slamming it into his chest with all the strength I had.

He stumbled back, falling to the floor with a grunt. For a moment, he just lay there, stunned. "Eiya…" he started, his voice carrying a mix of anger and disbelief.

I didn't wait for him to recover. My hands trembled as I grabbed my guitar case and my phone. Then, without looking back, I bolted out the door.

"Eiya, wait!" he called after me, but I didn't stop. 

I scrambled to turn off my location so he wouldn't follow me. My legs carried me as fast as they could through the quiet neighborhood streets until I reached the school campus. A wide manmade squared lake spread across infront of the brown buildings. I ran straight to my favorite spot, the bench at the furthest point of the lake.

I collapsed onto the bench, gasping for breath. My chest heaved, my mind racing with what had just happened. The reflection of the moon on the rippling water seemed distant and unreal, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside me.

I sat there for what felt like hours, clutching my phone and trying to steady my breathing. The fear still lingered, but so did a strange sense of relief. I was out. I was safe. For now.

I clenched my fist and yelled out to the night sky. Tears slipped down my face as I let out my cries. It was past midnight. Surely no one would be out at this time of night. It should be fine crying out here in public. But at the same time, I kinda don't care. I just want to pour out whatever I was feeling.

I wiped my face then took a deep breath and picked up the guitar out of its case and cleared my throat. I sniffled and started to strum.

Syra

I continued to walk around the lake and there was a bench next to a lamp post. It was a black bench vined in bronze metallic leaves. A young man with blue hair sat on the bench, hunched over.

"AUUUGHHHH!" he yelled out.

I flinched, almost falling backwards, surprised by his sudden cry.

Someone else is having a bad day like me. Haha.. I know how that feels. I did the same thing today. I should slowly walk away so I don't alarm him.

I watched him quietly as I passed by.

Sniffling, he pulled out a sleek, black guitar onto his lap and began to strum.

Oh, looks like I'm going to have a free show, hehe.

I stopped walking, waiting curiously and listening carefully from behind him.

"I've been waiting for the snow, 

I've been listening to the rain, 

I've been hoping for some day, 

when I could finally be okay

is there someone else 

who would love me for myself

'Cause this moment feels so lost 

when there is no one by your side

Is there someone who 

would hold me closely tonight

'Cause it feels so lonely tonight

As though there were no stars alight

Oh If there's someone out there

Won't you tell me your name

I will promise you my heart to be so true

if you will promise too

(Bridge)

Like the evening blue sky,

Like the deep ocean gray,

I take a breath and wait,

Searching among the crowd,

Hoping to meet someone new,

Someone who I could promise to

is there someone else 

who would love me for myself

'Cause this moment feels so lost 

when there is no one by your side

Is there someone who would hold me closely tonight

'Cause it feels so lonely tonight

As though there were no stars alight

Oh If there's someone out there

Won't you tell me your name

I will promise you my heart to be so true

if you will promise too"

His voice drew me towards him. I wasn't going to bother him but his lyrics touched me. I wanted to get to know him.