"Alright, should we get started? Would you like some more Yufa juice?" Eiya said as he cleaned up our dishes. I nodded.
"This.. means a lot to me, Eiya. It's always been my dream to record my music officially," I said.
I could feel my hands trembling in excitement but also with a hint of anxiety, sharing my inner feelings with a stranger, especially a boy. I mean, he's just an AI persona, right? I'm.. not really sure if he is one or if he's a real person playing as himself. But whoever he is, it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was here with me at this moment. A moment where no one could be here for me. A moment where I needed someone the most. And for some reason, he wanted to spend it with me. The only one who ever tried to share moments with me was Celine and Kori, but they were never like this. In person. Well, I guess technically this is a game, but it felt too real.
Eiya placed his hand on my shoulder and reassured me, "I know the feeling. It's what motivated me to save up money to buy the equipment. Just focus on that feeling while you sing. I'll support you with my guitar and piano skills."
I laughed a little and smiled. I sighed with a sense of relief. I felt a sense of acceptance in his words. It felt.. endearing to be with him.
"I really mean it. Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Eiya," I told him.
"No problem. Anything for my favorite singer," he smiled and I laughed.
He's probably just being nice calling me his favorite singer, but it makes it sound like our project means something to him. It's like my song has more meaning to someone else besides me. I've… never had someone care about my music almost as much as me before. Being around him… feels good.
Two hours passed by as we rehearsed and recorded. After the last take, Eiya walked up and stood behind me, leaning towards my direction since I sat in front of his computer.
"Are you ready to hear the complete track?" he asked me.
I nodded and he slid his headphones on my head and placed his ear against one side of the headphones. Then he pressed play.
I felt bad that I was hearing the whole thing with his advanced audio headphones, but it felt kinda nice having him close to me, listening in too even though it might not have had the same effect for him.
My smile grew wider as I continued to listen to the song. Then when it hit the lyrics "Fallen stars deserve wishes," tears started to well up from my eyes. I think Eiya noticed because he started to gently rub my shoulder, closing into a side hug. Touch. That's what I missed so much. It's what I needed for so long.
Kori and I had been in a long distant relationship but only saw each other twice in real life in the two years we had together. Being with Eiya, I remember how nice it was to feel the pressure and presence of another being. The comfort of another's warmth.
If.. me and Kori had played StarMates Eternal together… would I have felt less neglected by feeling his virtual touch? No.. I don't think so. Though I wanted and needed touch, I needed his undivided and intentional attention the most. He barely gave me that. And I think that's just how he is. Or maybe.. He was never deeply invested with me like how I was with him. That's how it was like in all my relationships, romantic or platonic. I was the one who was overly invested. Over the years, I slowly realized how one sided my feelings were for each person.
"Are you okay?" I heard the concern in his voice. My vision began to blur more.
Hearing the voice of another singing in my ear like a melody I knew, felt so sweet. Being with Eiya felt dangerously comforting like divine chocolate, melting you in the sweetness and kind touch of warmth.
I shook my head. I was not okay. I didn't want him to see me cry so I turned towards him and hid my face into his chest, continuing to cry my eyes out. He slowly turned towards me and held me closer. I thought my tears had run dry from the years of crying about the pain Kori brought me. The loneliness that ate me inside I knew I loved him. But I also knew my love for him had been drained out of me with every moment he stopped looking at me. Stopped seeing me and my feelings.
It was odd. I just met this young man, Eiya and yet I felt closer to him than I have ever been with anyone else in my life. I guess this night of sharing music together and working on this song that means so much to me, had melted down the walls I had built against others. Against men. Or maybe just for Eiya.
Suddenly, I wanted to share my feelings with Eiya. I felt like he would understand me no matter what I said. The two hours of making my dream come true, made me feel like he was peering into my heart with me. I felt something I had never felt before.
"Eiya?" I asked for his attention.
"Yes?" He looked down at me.
My heart skipped a beat, feeling relieved he noticed me but also excited that his eyes were on me. I knew it. I felt… a connection. A connection I had never felt before with anyone. Not even with Kori.
The realization shocked me. Not even with Kori? It sparked inside my soul like an ever burning star. Gradually, but electrically spreading throughout my body. It made me so sad to realize how unhappy I was with Kori. My heart felt hammered and heavy and yet being in the arms of this man, lifted me up. I think.. I'm falling.. in love with Eiya.
"Working together on my song today, you really made me feel seen. I've never worked on a song with anyone or had anyone who was really interested in my songs like you. It was really fun and cool to watch you make the instrumentals. I really want to thank you for taking the time tonight with me to do this," I said and started to tear up again.
"Can I.. tell you the story behind the song?" I asked him.
"Sure. I'd like to hear about it," he said.
I sighed, a little relieved.