A fast grocery run turned out to be an entire drama for Susan. She came in just to get some milk and eggs but somehow ended up trying to figure out how an automated checkout machine worked- which was probably just an entire plot scenario meant to draw attention to everything that had gone wrong in her life up to that point."Welcome! Scan your first item!" chirped the machine.With a scan of the milk and done, she moved on to the eggs."Item not recognized," chimed the machine. "Please remove item and try again.""These are eggs. How can you not recognize eggs?" Susan said.Of course, the machine did not respond to her complaint. She tried the eggs again. This time it showed a picture of some cat food on the screen."I'm not buying cat food!" Susan exclaimed.He did give her a lackluster glance but remained stationary. He looked to have been paid just enough to care if the place were to catch on fire, and even that would be debatable.Susan tried to scan the eggs again but very slowly, as if speed was the problem. The machine beeped happily."Please place your item in the bagging area."At last! So she placed the eggs down with care."Unexpected item in bagging area," the machine immediately barked, as if Susan had somehow committed a federal crime."IT'S THE EGGS!" screamed Susan.The young boy looked again; this time, he popped out one earbud to hear. "You okay, ma'am?""No, I am not okay!" she snapped back. "That stupid robot thinks my eggs are smuggling contraband!"The cashier shrugged. "Yeah, they think that sometimes. Just tap 'skip bagging.'"Susan jabbed the screen and more or less got the machine to relent. Then, she scanned the loaf of bread."Please place your item in the bagging area," the machine instructed.Susan did."Unexpected item in bagging area.""Are you KIDDING ME?" shrieked Susan. She turned to the cashier. "Do you hear this? This machine is gaslighting me!"The cashier sighed and ambled over, moving with the urgency of a sloth on NyQuil. A few taps of buttons later, and he declared, "Should be good now."Taking a deep breathe, Susan tried again. She inserted a jar of peanut butter."Item not recognized."Holding up the jar, she said, "It's literally Jif peanut butter! How do you not recognize this?""Oh yeah, some brands are weird," was the cashier's unsupportive reply.Scan it again, Susan did. This time, the happiness of the machine was stimulated. "Please place your item in the bagging area."She placed it."Unexpected item in bagging area."Susan glares at the unhallowed screen, her eyeball twitching. "I swear, if you say that one more time-" The machine cut in. "Please wait for assistance."Susan rotates to the cashier now scrolling down on his phone. "I NEED ASSISTANCE!"He wandered back where he pushed a button, declaring, "All Set."At long last, Susan found herself at the payment screen and inserted her card."Card not accepted. Please try it again."Hesitantly, Susan inserted her card again. It responded with an irate sound. "Payment declined.""What? That's impossible!"The machine effectively froze; its screen flashed smugly in an error message: Please seek assistance.Susan snatched a handful of groceries, stuffed them in a tote, and marched to the door.The cashier hollered, "Ma'am, you can't just leave!""Watch me!" she hollered back.Another shopper dirty-whispered to him, "I feel you, lady," as she stormed out.Thus, Susan entered the grocery store legend books as the woman who declared war against the automated checkout and had it (somewhat) won.The End.