In a little town on the outskirts of the sprawling metropolis Rio de Janeiro, every citizen knew João. No, he was not famous for his appearance, nor brains, or for whatsoever skill in samba. Most people came to know him for just one thing: he was 110% certain he would one day be Brazil's greatest soccer player. Problem was that he couldn't play soccer at all.One sunny day, João called the neighborhood children as usual for another training session on this dusty local field. He swaggered onto the pitch wearing a really cheap copy jersey that added an added 'r' in the spelling of "Neymar" making it "Neimarrr.""Today," João announced, "you will witness greatness. I am going to pull off the Bicicleta-the legendary bicycle kick!"The children exchanged skeptical glances. The last time João attempted something "legendary," he'd tripped over his own shoelaces and blamed it on the wind.João pointed at Paulo, the youngest in this bunch. "You, Paulo! Toss the ball in the air for me."Paulo hesitated. "Are you sure, João? Last time, you kicked me instead of the ball.""That was just a warm-up!" João snapped. "Just do it!"Paulo sighed and tossed the ball lightly. João ran toward it, jumped, flailed his legs wildly, and landed flat on his back."Did it look cool?" João wheezed, staring up at the sky."No," one of the kids said, poking him with a stick. "It looked like you were fighting an invisible pigeon." Undaunted, João dusted his jersey and stood by again. "Every legend stumbles before they rise! Let's try again!"Angling in for his next attempt, an elderly woman with a shopping bag shuffled by the field. She stopped and watched João struggling to take off like a fish learning to ride a bicycle."Is that soccer?" she yelled. "I've seen better moves from my cat, and she's missing a leg!"The kids laughed wildly. João really wanted to show off. He pointed at the old woman. ""How about you show us, Dona Maria? Think you can do better?''Turning heads, Dona Maria paused from taking the oranges from her bag, tied the scarf around her head even harder, and walked to the field. ""Alright, menino. Let me teach you a lesson.""Paulo passed her the ball. With one swift motion, Dona Maria juggled it on her knee, bounced it onto her head, and sent it flying into the makeshift goal with a perfect scissor kick.The kids went wild, chanting, ""Dona Maria! Dona Maria!''João stood frozen with an open mouth. ""Where did you learn that?"""'I played for the women's national team in the '60s, unretired undefeated," Dona Maria smirked.Thoroughly humiliated, João muttered, ""Well, I, uh...was just warming up."""As for you, keep warming up, menino. Maybe by the time you're my age, you'll finally score a goal!"The kids rushed over to João and started imitating his failed attempt at a bicycle kick. ""Hey João, the invisible pigeon is back," a kid shouted.From then on, however, João became known not as the town's future soccer star, but as the guy who'd been schooled by a 78-year-old grandma. While he never perfected the Bicicleta, at least he learned one thing: never challenge Dona Maria.The End.