Xiao Xue returned home from the Art Exhibition Center, absent-minded as a zombie on the way. The sunlight poured down on her, but she couldn't feel the slightest warmth, and the eyes of the woman in the painting and her own awakening emotions were always echoing in her mind. Her husband and child greeted her warmly as usual, and the child ran over to her happily and jumped into her arms, saying in a milky voice, "Mommy, you're back, I missed you so much." Her husband smiled and took the bag in her hand, asking with concern: "How was the exhibition today? Did you see any favorite paintings?" But she only responded perfunctorily. She felt as if there was an invisible barrier between her and them, and her soul seemed to have wandered away from the family.
At night, she lay in bed, darkness enveloping the entire room, with only the faint moonlight coming through the window spilling onto the floor, creating a hazy glow. She tossed and turned, it was difficult to sleep, the bedboards made a slight "creaking" sound, especially clear in the silent night. Her heart was plunged into an unprecedented confusion and entanglement. She remembered her own and her husband's little by little, those once sweet memories are now like a double-edged sword, piercing her heart. She remembers her husband's loving eyes when they got married, and his firm words promising to give her happiness. At that time, they were full of visions for the future, and although their lives were not rich, they were full of warmth as they clung to each other. However, with the passage of time, the triviality of life gradually wore out that passion. Her husband was busy with his work every day, and when he came home, he sat exhausted on the sofa, rarely having time to communicate with her. What she faced every day was the humdrum of rice, fuel, oil and salt, as well as the never-ending housework. She began to tire of this life, feeling like a bird trapped in a cage, losing her freedom and vigor.
And now, her special feelings for women are like a sudden storm that disrupts the lake of her otherwise calm heart. She didn't know how to face her husband, not to mention how to deal with this emotion within herself. She was afraid of hurting her husband and children, but she couldn't suppress the longing in her heart. She felt like she was split into two people, one was a traditional wife and mother, wanting to hold on to the responsibilities of the family and guarding this harbor that was once full of love; the other was her newly-awakened self with special feelings for the same sex, longing to pursue a brand new, unknown life, just like a small bird longing to break out of its cage and fly into the blue sky. Her heart was struggling fiercely between these two forces, and every struggle made her feel agonized.
Xiao Xue silently wept in the darkness, tears sliding down her cheeks and soaking her pillow. She tried to find a solution to the problem in her mind, but every thought was like a mess, the more she sorted it out, the messier it became. She wanted to find someone to talk to, but she knew that this kind of thing was not understood or even scorned in the eyes of society. She was afraid of being discriminated against and ridiculed, afraid of losing everything she had. She could only bear this pain alone, spending one long night after another in her inner struggle. Her body trembled slightly under the quilt, as if she was fighting to the death with her inner demons.
In the following days, Xiao Xue became more reticent and somewhat absent-minded towards her family. She often drifted off while doing housework or spending time with her children, her thoughts drifting to faraway places. When she was washing dishes, she would watch the water flowing through her fingertips, but suddenly remembered the face of the woman in the painting; she would play with her children, hearing their laughter, but as if she was out of the picture, thinking of herself and Xiong Yufang in her mind. Her husband noticed the difference and asked her with concern if she had anything on her mind, but she could only force a smile and gloss over it. She didn't know how to confess to her husband, nor did she know what would happen if she did. She was afraid of seeing her husband's disappointed and angry eyes, and of the family breaking up as a result.
She was caught in an untenable predicament, torn between her family responsibilities and her personal feelings, and every step was like walking on the edge of a knife, painful and difficult. She began to deliberately avoid meeting with Xiong Yufang because she was afraid to face this emotion of hers and did not know how to hide her inner world in front of Xiong Yufang. However, the more she did this, the stronger her inner longing became. She often thought of Xiong Yufang's smile and her speaking voice without realizing it, and these memories were like a feather that gently tugged at her heartstrings. She felt like a bird trapped in a cage, eager to break out of the cage, but afraid of the unknown world outside. This ambivalence tormented her to the point of collapse. She didn't know where her future would lead her, and could only grope her way in the darkness, hoping to find a way out for herself. Her heart was filled with confusion and fear, as if she was in a vast fog, unable to find a direction and could only wander helplessly. Her mental state was also getting worse and worse, the dark circles under her eyes were getting heavier and heavier, her eyes had lost their former luster, and her whole body became haggard. Her family and friends were all worried about her changes, but she could not tell them about her inner pain and could only bear it all alone in silence. She struggled in the abyss of pain, not knowing when she could find a way to free herself and regain that once happy