Who am I?
My name? I believe It hardly matters what I'm called right now, though it might be appropriate to adopt an alias like Felix, derived from Latin and meaning "Happiness and Fortune." A name that encapsulates my essence; or at least, that's what I wish to.
At present, every occurrence I witness is processed by my senses as "reality," though I must admit I'm leaning toward the suspicion that I'm under the influence of some narcotic substance.
I can't believe it! This figure I'm staring at, this entity, is none other than myself!
In any case, let me refrain from any tumultuous behavior and, instead, strive to recall the events that have transpired....
It was December 24th, and that morning, I went out for a stroll before stopping by a convenience store—technically, a gas station—to grab some snacks. Specifically, a bag of potato chips and my go-to energy drink, whose dubious quality I've chosen to overlook time and again.
As the automatic doors slid open, triggered by the sensor recognizing my presence, I spotted an old friend from elementary school at the counter. He was in the middle of buying some Pokémon cards—his name is Isaac.
Isaac and I share a fairly close connection; we also happen to live within walking distance of each other. Occasionally, we hang out, doing little more than wandering around and acting like idiots—though, to be fair, he's the one who really leans into the foolishness.
I considered calling out to him but quickly held back, knowing full well he'd start rambling about something that I have absolutely no interest in. So, I did nothing.
Yet, somehow, Isaac noticed me anyway—the store was relatively tiny. Brimming with enthusiasm, he called out:
«Huh? Oh, Felix! What are you doing here?»
His lively voice pierced through the otherwise dull atmosphere of the convenience store, leaving me with no choice but to turn my head and acknowledge him.
Ignoring outright felt unjustifiable, so I resigned myself to responding.
«Oh, hey» I muttered, raising a hand half-heartedly.
At that very moment, I watched him chatting with the clerk, leaving his cards in their care before casually strolling over to me. I got the distinct impression he was about to bombard me with chatter too, especially after noticing the mischievous glint in his eyes.
«Yo, what's up, man? What're you here to buy?» He asked in his trademark manner of speaking.
We exchanged a casual high five, our palms meeting with a satisfying smack, followed by a quick, friendly hug.
«Ah, I'm good. Just here to grab a few things, that's all.»
«For your Christmas dinner?»
«Nah, what? It's just for me. I'm starving. My parents won't let me touch anything in the kitchen until midnight, so I asked them for some cash to buy myself something.»
And, frankly, that's why I'm in a bad mood. There was a massive feast laid out on the table, but they decided to keep it off-limits until the designated hour. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with that, but my egotistical self is raging against it.
«Ah, aight, I get it. Hmmmmm, well, guess I'll wait for you then» He insisted.
I immediately replied:
«Nah, I'm good. I don't want to interrupt whatever you're up to. I saw you were trying to buy those... Pokémon cards, right? You're really into that stuff.»
«Yeah-yeah, haha. It's kinda embarrassing, y'know?» He chuckled sheepishly, running a hand through the waves of his hair. «But don't worry, I'll buy them later. Already told the dude at the counter to hold 'em for a bit till we both head to the register»
With such foresight, are you really set on tagging along with me? I pondered his intentions. Maybe he was just looking for some company or an excuse to talk.
«Well, suit yourself.»
«Aight, bet. Let's go!» He exclaimed with renewed energy, patting my back twice with cheerful glee.
We both headed to the snack aisle, where I grabbed my bag of chips. After that, we made our way to the drinks section. I opened a fridge and reached down to the bottom shelf to retrieve my favorite energy drink.
«You like that one?» Isaac asked hesitantly, a teasing smirk playing on his lips as he gestured toward the drink in my hand.
Of course, it wasn't a brand you'd see every day. Still, it felt a bit inconsiderate to ask something like that when he'd just watched me pick it up.
«Yeah, why? Got a problem with it?» I raised an eyebrow, mildly annoyed by his question.
«Huh? Nah-nah-nah, not at all» He stammered, shaking his head rapidly while raising his open hands in a universal gesture of "that's not what I meant." «I was just curious, man. I mean, I've never seen that brand before.»
«There are a bunch I've never heard of either, so I just grabbed a random one and, surprisingly, I liked it. Plus, it's cheap.»
«Outta all the ones you saw, the first one you picked turns out to be fire?»
«Don't even start. What about you? Not getting anything?»
«Nah, I don't feel like it. I just wanted to buy some collectibles because my lil bro's into 'em.»
«Oh, I see.»
So they were for your brother, huh? My bad for insulting your tastes.
Finally, we made our way to the counter. I paid for my items with a handful of coins I pulled from my pocket; then, Isaac handed a bill to the clerk—naturally, to pay for his things. After waiting for his change, we stepped out of the store.
«Yo, listen» Isaac began a new conversation as we walked toward my house:
«I was checking out some games on the, the Steam forums, and… since I ain't had much else to do, and I'm getting my paycheck at work today, I'm thinking 'bout treating myself to something as a gift, ya feel me?»
For Isaac and for me, his "enthusiastic" listener, talking about these things had become a regular routine whenever we were alone.
We both shared a keen interest in games that many would consider captivating. Alongside that, we had other hobbies, or rather, distractions, that we were equally engrossed in, given our inner geekiness: anime, cars, sports, and so on.
Thanks to his job as a cashier at a fast-food place, his income—modest compared to an average salary—still gave him the freedom to make purchases whenever he wanted.
However, being underage, I endured a constant stream of updates about his acquisitions, whether they were video games, clothes, or accessories like bracelets for himself or his girlfriend. Listening to his mundane whims had grown tiresome, especially since they sparked a faint twinge of envy in me.
«For real? What game are you thinking of getting?» I asked.
«I, dunno, if I'm being honest» He replied unhurriedly, his words coming out in hesitant fragments. «Since we usually stick to online games—'cause, y'know, they're mad easy to get into and all that junk—I figured I'd try something different this time.»
«Like a story-driven game? A campaign?»
«Yeah, yeah, I think so. I've been looking at one that caught my eye, but it ain't exactly new-new. You know which one I mean, right?»
The corner of his upper lip curled slightly, almost forming a full grin.
«No, not really.»
If he doesn't specify which game he's talking about, it's impossible for me to figure out what he means. Should I just ask?
«Deadass? You? A hardcore geek? I ain't buying it» He reacted awkwardly, raising his eyebrows and flashing a mocking smile. He really loves making that face.
«...Listen, man, how the fuck am I supposed to know? Millions of games come out every year, thousands every month, and hundreds every week. I'm not some fat, buttery dude who spends all day scrolling through game releases to avoid getting off his greasy ass gaming chair.»
«Well, I thought you were; I mean, you look like one, dawg» His obnoxious grin widening as he reached out to grab my buzzed hair.
I pushed his hand off me and shot back:
«Hah, what? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm skinny as hell. Unlike you, every time I ask what you're up to, you're always like, "Oh, I'm jerking off"—just like those pot-bellied slobs. You're disgusting, man» I retorted bitterly; lowkey an hypocrite but why the hell would I say something about it?
«Aight, my bad. But back to the point—you don't know which game I'm talking about, do you? Well, it's not something particularly fantastic or… exceptional, but it's different from what we usually play, y'know?»
No, I honestly don't know. But I'll set that aside and ask instead:
«So, what's it called?»
Meanwhile, I pulled my favorite energy drink out of the bag, twisted the cap open, and took a long sip.
My throat had been dry for a while, and after chatting with this orangutan, I needed a drink. The refreshing taste hit the back of my palate, and I let out a satisfied sigh.
«"Heart Breaker"! That's the name. It's, uh… a dating simulator.»
«...» I chuckled under my breath.
A dating sim? An eye-opener disclosure. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I can appreciate his enthusiasm. What a fucking loser, ha-ha.
«Yeah, it's a totally different kind of game from what we usually play.»
Heart Breaker, huh? If it's a dating sim, then there's a good chance the main character is some kind of womanizer, and the goal is to break as many hearts as possible to rack up achievements.
Though, I might've been a bit too quick to jump to conclusions, right?
«So, what's it about? Do you know the story?» I asked, hoping for a concise explanation.
«Yeah-yeah, I know. I was looking at the game description, and it had a lil' intro. It's not entirely simple to explain 'cause I don't remember everything, but I'll try.»
Huh? I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread at his response.
What does he mean by try? Is it that complicated? I had a feeling his explanation was going to drag on, and my focus might not hold up for long.
«Aight, aight. Listen: the MC, the protagonist is a handsome guy—like, a really good-looking fella» Isaac began, and I rolled my eyes at his over-the-top emphasis on the protagonist's looks.
«He's a foreigner: white dude, half-American and half-Japanese, who decided to study in Japan 'cause of, you know, the whole better education shit.»
That made sense, I guess. Honestly, I'd like to visit Japan too, but purely for educational purposes. The problem is, I don't speak Japanese.
Isaac kept going:
«So, moving on to high school, even though he's obviously popular with a bunch of chicks there, there are these rumors, right? Like, rumors that he dated a ton of women at once back in America 'cause he's got this charm and how he connects with people. And supposedly, he "broke their hearts"; but that's not even true, y'know? The protagonist just be like "chill, leave me alone and shit" and have like a... proper romance, relationship with some of the girls. Like, one of the main chicks in the game, but they all think the worst of him, you get it? I-It's so, uh… miserable»
If that's all there is to it, then the narrative is as dull and heavy-handed as a contemporary painting in a national museum.
Even if my assumption wasn't entirely accurate and the story took a complete 180-degree turn, the whole "heartbreaker" theme still seemed to dominate.
«Huh, y-yeah. I'd say it is miserable» I replied. «Imagine living your life constantly overwhelmed by rumors that you're some Casanova who tosses women aside like dirty rags. That's awful.»
«What are you even talking about?!» He shot back, his tone incredulous. «It's not awful for that reason… No, okay, yeah, you're right. But it also makes having a peaceful romantic life—or just a life in general—basically impossible when everyone sees you that way, dawg. You're being accused, incriminated, and harassed just for being hot. The whole point of the game is clearing up that misunderstanding and building good relationships with your mates… At least, that's what I'm guessing. Would your fucked-ass brain even grasp that? Though, I'm sure it wouldn't.»
Wow, why the fuck would you say that? His words made my temper flare instantly:
«...I swear, I don't know what the hell are you talking about. I'm gonna punch you» I threatened, clenching my fists.
«What? W-Who's this kid even talking to?» He asked sarcastically, looking around as if searching for an audience. «Oh, deadass? Go 'head then; try it» He taunted, that same mocking grin plastered across his face. Those were his last words.
At that moment, I adjusted my shopping bag with my right arm.
Then, in an instant, I swung a backhand—extending my arm toward Isaac's side—aiming for his stomach. With force, my knuckles landed squarely on his gut.
«Wha—A-Arhg! S-Shit...!» Isaac, briefly, covered himself and grabbed the side of his abdomen to protect it from me as he gasped for air.
«Haha, did you think I wasn't going to do it?»
Oops, I just laughed. That's a declaration of war.
«What the fuck? ...Wow! You're a... pussy...»
Still needing to catch some of his breath, he positioned himself near a wall, leaning his right arm against it:
«I'm gonna beat yo' ass» He cooed.
Despite that aggression, he apparently wasn't going to provoke me further, as evidenced by his weathered appearance; and the fight was over before it started. Did I really hit him that hard?
«Yeah, yeah»
I was unable to contain my mischievous grin, so I discreetly covered my lips with the palm of my hand, crinkling my face behind my fingers as I continued talking:
«So, are you going to buy that shit for Christmas? I mean the game»
«Oh, so you're changing the subject. Think you're clever, huh?» Isaac seemed to catch on quickly:
«...Yeah, I'm gonna buy it», then he sketched under his breath.
«Oh, for real? I thought you were into games like Horror shit or shooters like CS:GO. Maybe NBA 2K too?»
«What's that supposed to mean?»
«Who knows?»
«Whatever, man, you're racist as hell. For real» he muttered while crouching down, leaning his back against the wall. «I'll probably just scream right now: "A white man just hit me!"»
«You won't do it»
«Bet» He exclaimed as he inhaled, expanding his chest with air and pretending he was about to yell. Yet:
«U-Ugh, cough, cough! Goddam! Man, what the fuck?» A sharp pang shot through his stomach.
«Oh shit. Hey, chill. Calm down! Take a deep breath, c'mon. Gather your thoughts.»
«W-Whose fault do you think this is, huh?! Bitch! You hit me hard as hell!
«I have no idea what you're talking about» I feigned ignorance.
Sorry, but watching Isaac like this is just too amusing. You could say it's my guilty pleasure.
«Alright, you good now, baby?» I asked pleasantly, as if genuinely concerned about his well-being. «What were you saying earlier?»
This sort of follow-up only happens if I feel like I might've gone a tad too far. Even with someone like Isaac.
«Ah, you're gay. Yeah, babe, I'm fine. Fuck! Okay, I was saying... Huh, wait, where was I?»
This guy's a total buffoon.
«You were going to explain something about the game»
«Ah, right. Hmm, like I told you, I like other stuff but I also want to try some others that are not of that genre, very different from what we usually play, like dating sim. It's not some weird shit, it's just curiosity, you know? Although, I wasn't going to explain anything to you, I told you!»
«What do you mean you told me? You didn't say nothing. But, anyway, why would you buy that when there are better genres available in the stores? Is there something special about this game that makes it so unique?»
«Well, first of all, the fuck do you care? It could be good»
«I really don't give a shit; you're the one rambling about it. Besides, I'm lowkey against your stupid logic. In the end it will turn out like all the anime shit you come across: trash»
«You play OSU, what right do you have to talk about it?»
«That's different: it's a rhythm game, dumbass!»
«But it's strongly related to anime. Have you even heard of...uh, Doki Doki Literature Club?»
By law, he's an adult, yet here he is, criticizing and shouting about stuff like this. Ridiculous.
«What, really? You think it'll be the same? It doesn't even have the psychological label on its list, does it?»
«Ah, I don't know, I haven't checked, but I'm just intrigued because it's different than usual. What's more, I'm sure you'd buy it too.»
«No way, I don't like dating games.»
«Cap. You're just playing with me»
«W-what? Who's gonna want to play with you?» I bluntly insulted him. «You'd better make an effort to recognize who you are and accept your position as a natural nuisance.»
«Oh, get out. Why you so mean to me? Maybe... you're a Tsundere?»
He questioned me incredulously, exaggerating his astonishment like in Edvard Munch's "The Scream," anticipating a stereotypical attitude from me in some other way.
No seriously, what kind of reaction was he looking for? Likewise it was my fault; despite his sporty appearance, I forgot that this guy is an "otaku".
«Huh?» The only response he got from me was a disdainful expression as I looked at his eyes imperturbably with indifference.
«Ok, forget that.»
«That's why she cheated on you.»
I provoked him by blurting out a sentence I shouldn't have mentioned, but the redress I get from annoying him makes me sketch a soft contentment.
«What?! Nah, what did you say?» His face reddened with vexation.
«Nah, I'm kidding, kidding. Just don't talk any more bullshit»
«Tsk. Well, I'm not a pussy like you; I can control myself» He accompanied his word with a gesture of a scolded kid, while slightly leaning his body down in dejection.
***
Before I knew it, we had already arrived at my house. Just before saying goodbye, Isaac mentioned:
«Yo, uh, if you want, I can lend you the game after I buy it»
«Huh? No, you don't have to do that. I've seen how much you want to play it first. I don't want to ruin the experience for you.»
Not that I want it anyway.
«You won't ruin anything, man. The thing is, by the time I buy it, I won't even be able to touch it because I'll be spending all day with my family for, like, weeks. We're going on a trip, y'know?»
«Really? Where are you going?»
«We're heading to my grandpa's house in Wisconsin. It's a visit for Christmas and New Year's»
«And you're just telling me this now?
«Yeah, my fault. I forgot» What a terrible friend. «We're leaving tomorrow morning»
«I see. But still, if you're going to buy it, you can play it whenever you want. Don't be so whiny. Doesn't your grandparents' house have a computer? If so, you can just log into Steam there»
«What? No, it's not a Steam exclusive. You can buy it there, fo'sure, but the game also comes in disc format for consoles»
«...Wait, what?» I asked, dumbfounded. «Consoles? No way, dude. Are you serious gonna buy it for consoles?»
«What's the problem? Somethin' wrong with that?»
There's nothing inherently wrong with it. It just caught me off guard, that's all. How he chooses to spend his money is his prerogative.
«Aight, whatever. So, what you're gonna do then?»
«First, I'm heading home, then hittin' up the mall. I want to browse the stores and see if it's available»
«That sound like a waste of time» I retorted, laced with skepticism. «Nobody knows about that game but you, right?»
I wasn't entirely wrong. The game was obscure, niche at best. Still, I had no intention of dampening his enthusiasm.
«Honestly, I dunno. But I'm not losing anything tho, not even time—I got the whole day free. My schedule's wide open today. If I manage to find it, I'll snap a pic for you. Then I'll let you hold onto it for a bit»
His insistence was almost admirable in its absurdity.
«I already told you, I'm fine. Just stash it in your room. It's not that complicated.»
«Nah, but don't it ever hit you? Like, when you cop something new, you just gotta check it out right then and there. Like, it don't even matter what it is—a collar, clothes, games, whatever. That anticipation y'feel me? Same way you try on clothes before buyin' 'em. If they fire, you rock them the same day or the next. It's the same thing.
I hesitated, momentarily caught off guard by his logic.
«Uh... yeah» I murmured, suddenly at a loss. He's just yapping.
«Plus, I want you to play it too»
«Play it?»
«Mm-hmm. I swear on my soul, it'll be something new for you. And if you don't like it, it's aight, you just tell me. I just want you to have some fun, man. You always look down in class, and the only thing that gets you hyped up is gaming. That's why we're always up all night online, right? C'mon, gimme a smile»
Who is this guy, my mom?
Still, I forced a weak smile, letting out a half-hearted:
«Heh»
«Yeahhhh, good boy!» He teased, his voice dropping into a mocking tone as he dragged out the last words.
My glare was sharp enough to cut through steel.
«Say that again, and I'll knock you out»
«Pfft! Aight, aight» He raised his hands in mock surrender, grinning. «But real talk—do you want me to give it to you? I ain't pressed if you say no, but I'm gonna cop it for myself either way. I'm real curious about it. Plus, it's cheap, so no big deal»
Isaac, you really got me thinking. Truth is, I rarely lower my guard to new experiences—I'm far too content with sticking to what I know. A conformistic mindset.
Still, the idea of something crafted so perfectly to captivate the minds of today's youth, particularly in the realm of romance, and especially tailored for a male audience, stirred a flicker of inquisitiveness within me. It made the concept of "giving it a try" feel like a solid yes.
That said, I must state upfront: if I reach the point where it bores me or disgusts me with its overly saccharine depictions of impossibly cute characters, I'll never touch anything like it again.
«Alright,» I said with a resigned sigh. «I'll take it»
«Knew you'd say that,» Isaac grinned. «Tryna practice how to get a girlfriend, with the 2D huzz!»
«On second thought, maybe you should just kee—»
«Okay! I'll hit you up the second I've got it!» His grin faltered into an awkward smile, but there was no mistaking the satisfaction on his face. He was genuinely happy to see one of his friends willing to try something he enjoyed.
It's just a shame that friend had to be me. How cruel is life.
After we parted ways with a friendly fist bump, I turned toward the door, key in hand, and stepped inside my house.