So… I died.
What happened, you ask? Well, let me paint you a vivid picture of my last moments on Earth.
First off, it wasn't even Truck-kun who got me. No, no. That would have been too dignified, too mainstream. Instead, I was taken out by Car-kun.
Yeah, that's right. Car-kun. Let me rewind and give you the play-by-play.
---
A few hours earlier...
There I was, standing victorious outside the bookstore, clutching the holy grail—my favorite author's new release. Was camping outside for three days necessary? Probably not. But was it worth the cold pavement, my questionable hygiene, and the suspicious stares of passersby? Absolutely.
I had grand plans for the day: curling up at home with snacks, devouring the novel in one sitting, and, naturally, terrorizing the group chat with spoilers. I was practically skipping as I made my way home.
And then it happened.
BUMP.
"Hey, watch it!" Some random guy grumbled as I stumbled.
"Sorry!" I replied with a hasty wave, barely sparing him a glance. My mind was already back to the book, planning my next villainous spoiler drop.
I reached the crosswalk and waited patiently for the little green man to flash. But as fate would have it, the universe had other plans. Because barreling down the road, locked in what I can only describe as a death race, were two vehicles: Truck-kun and Car-kun.
Yes, both.
At first, I thought I was hallucinating. But no, they were real. Truck-kun and Car-kun, neck and neck, vying for the prestigious honor of ending my life. Sparks flew as they collided, metal screeching in their mad dash toward destiny—mine, specifically.
And like the fool I was, I just stood there, frozen in a mix of awe and horror.
Spoiler alert: Car-kun won.
---
The Aftermath?
One moment, I was clutching my beloved novel. The next, I was airborne, not the "whee~ I'm a bird kind" but the "Oh, I'm dead kind" and my precious book spiraling into the gutter below. The gutter. Tragic.
When I finally opened my eyes, everything was… weird.
No pain, no body—just floating in a void of nothingness.
"Oh, you're awake," a smooth, borderline smug voice echoed around me.
I glanced around, but there was nothing to see. Just endless black. "Who's there?"
"Oh, don't bother looking. You won't see me," the voice continued casually. "Let's just say I'm… someone with an offer."
"An offer?" I echoed, skeptical. "What kind of offer?"
The voice chuckled, the kind of chuckle that screams, I know something you don't.
"Well, you're dead. Obviously. But lucky for you, I'm feeling generous today. How would you like a second chance? A new life, a fresh start, and the classic isekai package: cool powers, exciting adventures, and no cars to worry about. What do you say?"
I blinked—or at least I think I did. "Wait, you're offering to reincarnate me? For free? What's the catch?"
"No catch," the voice replied smoothly. "Although…"
"Here it comes," I muttered.
"You'll be reborn as a baby."
"…A baby?" I deadpanned.
"Yes, a baby," the voice repeated, clearly enjoying my discomfort. "Completely helpless, drooly, and adorable. Think of it as a fresh start—literally."
I groaned. "Fine, whatever. But you'd better make it worth my while. No tragic backstories, no villainess nonsense, and definitely no useless protagonists."
"Deal," the voice said, its tone almost smug. "Enjoy your new life… baby."
Before I could argue, the world went dark again.
---
System Alert: Welcome to Your New Life!
When I woke up, it was to the comforting sound of growls and snorts. The air was damp, the floor beneath me cold and unyielding.
I blinked groggily, my vision adjusting to the dim light. Surrounding me were massive, burly figures—like something out of a monster manual. Green skin, tusks, and an alarming amount of muscle.
"Oh, great," I muttered, my voice tiny and squeaky. "I'm a baby ogre, aren't I?"
[SYSTEM MESSAGE] Congratulations! You have been reborn as an Ogre Infant.
Well. At least it wasn't a villainess.
---
Now, as the tiny baby ogre, I was facing a new world of challenges. Being reborn as an ogre wasn't exactly what I'd signed up for, but hey, at least I could start fresh. A new life, a new chance to avoid the crippling stress of being a CEO. And no more office politics, no more deadlines, no more dying from overwork.
Just one tiny little thing: I had a surprise between my legs.
Yep. Reincarnated as a female ogre… but with something extra. I mean, seriously? Why not just throw in a couple of extra limbs for good measure? If I was going to live this life, I was going to do it my way, quirks and all.
With a sigh, I looked up at the towering ogres around me, all of whom were staring down with a mix of confusion and curiosity at my tiny form. One of them, a massive ogre with tusks nearly as long as my body, grunted something I couldn't understand. His beady eyes narrowed, and then he turned to walk away, muttering something about "strange baby."
Well, this was going to be fun.