This morning, I woke up pretty groggy. I wondered why, but then I remembered something.
"I'm alive..."
Yesterday I had died, but I was revived by an Archangel. This was a miracle. However, I only let it sink in now.
"I'M ALIVE!!!!"
This was the most exhilarating news ever. I was so happy, I just jumped on my bed, without consideration of the ceiling above me that was soon to hit my head.
And it happened not too long after. The sound that came from the collision was loud, but the sound that came from my door being slammed open was louder.
"Darrek! Are you alright?
"No, I'm even better than alright."
The person at the entrance of my room, who was my mom by the way, sighed with relief at my words. I, on the other hand, got even more excited.
I was so happy that I didn't even care about the damage I took from the ceiling. This was super amazing, however, something felt put of place.
I gave a good long look at my mother, and I immediately realized it.
"Mom, isn't this exciting?"
"Hitting your head, absolutely not!"
"That's not what I meant."
"What are you talking about? I don't know why you're so happy, especially this early in the morning. Is there something happening at school today."
Ehh?
That's what felt weird. I just died not too long ago, but she's not super excited or anything.
I mean, come on, her own SON died, and she's not jumping for joy at that fact?
That made me want to tell her everything, but before I could even say "die", I cut off my words. I had to.
'When you died no one saw you, and you only died from suffocation. It seems that I can revive you, but I need you to do something.'
I was so glad I remembered those words that the Archangel said. Otherwise, I would've spilled all the beans.
I couldn't really tell my mom anything. I wish I could. Maybe HE would've killed me if I told her the truth.
"Oh, I'm gonna do something today at school."
"Like what?"
My mom gave me that interrogative stare in her eyes. I didn't know exactly what to say. After all, if I give her a random, baseless lie, she'll press me for more info.
"U-u-uh, I'm gonna talk to a girl today."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, mom."
"....Wow. I guess you've grown up. Look at you, talking to ladies, just don't come home with a baby in your arms, alright?"
That 'alright' signified the end of her interrogation, well, only if you responded with the answer she wanted. In this case, I said "yes" to her. Therefore, I continued on with my day.
My run in with my dad was quite similar. Actually, scratch that, it wasn't. Nothing about it was similar to my interaction with my mom.
Except for one thing.
"Hey kiddo, how's it going?"
Those words, he said while drinking his piping-hot coffee, held such calmness in its tone.
This wasn't strange, considering the circumstance, but it didn't feel alright.
I mean, their kid died, and they weren't in tears?! It didn't matter if they were happy or sad, just one droplet rolling down was enough.
The weirdest feeling ever, was something I could easily fix with two words.
---I died.
But those words couldn't come out of my mouth. I wanted to say those words to them. Even if the food I was eating during breakfast entered my airways and killed me again.
These were my parents, goddammit it.
Why wouldn't the Archangel want me to tell them?
There were plenty of people who've had similar situations, and met Jesus. They got to celebrate and live joyously in the following days of their lives.
Meanwhile, I was stuck with the shitty Archangel who threatened my life, by making me keep this secret. Was the time limit not enough?
This was weird, this felt off, this wasn't okay, this was far from good, this was missing something.
There was something I was supposed to feel, but I didn't feel it.
What it was, I wish I knew.
What it was, I wanted to know.
What it was, I needed to know.
Whatever it was, it made feel low.
This missing feeling made me feel empty.
And the weirdness in my parents' nonchalance was even worse.
Maybe
Just maybe.
I'd find the answer where I was headed.
With my secret locked in my heart.