The urges are back—stronger this time,
A beast clawing at the edges of my sanity.
Just one cut, that's all I need,
To let go,
To feel in control.
One drop of red,
Dripping,
Sliding into the sink like it belongs there.
But I know—
I know it's never just one.
It's a symphony of slices,
A chorus of demons,
Begging for crimson pools to quiet their screams.
And fighting them?
It's a war I'm doomed to lose.
Each thought whispers my defeat,
Constant,
Tempting me to pick up the same knife,
The one I know too well.
I try to distract myself.
Think of consequences,
But they don't scare me.
A part of me doesn't care.
I just want release,
I want peace.
But peace is a liar.
I know—
It won't end there.
One day, it might be too deep,
An accidental goodbye,
A slip I didn't mean.
So how do I fight?
How do I stand against an army of shadows,
When it's just me—
Me against a thousand?
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I give in.
Fuck the consequences.
At least,
That's what I tell myself to make it okay.
But a part of me knows.
Knows it's not.