ah.
I give up, I don't know. I don't know anymore.
I didn't know I could be this mute. Even when I tried to answer him while he was eating, he only said one or two words and didn't say anything.
Am I really worth being this nervous about right now?
… When I think about it, that makes sense. In fact, I'm like that right now… So if Taesu meets Heeyeon, he'll be nervous and his heart will pound.
It has the power to make most men go back to pure love mode in an instant.
Should I say she's some kind of lewd angel? I feel like I want to have sex with her, but not only that, I also feel a little bit of admiration...
Should I say it's so pretty?
Let's think about it calmly and objectively.
If I met a woman like me now, if I was in the same situation as Seonghyeon, what would I do?
'Hmm… .'
I don't know.
I'm a man now, and I've been a woman for a while, so I'm starting to realize that this is my body, little by little. Maybe it's because I'm getting used to it, but if a man were to meet me now, I think we'd talk about games or comics, laugh together, and then have sex.
Well, considering that the contents of both are the same, it's only natural that their tastes match each other completely.
Seonghyeon has similar tastes and hobbies, and I even brought up a few otaku-like things on purpose, but he still gave short answers and didn't say anything.
When we finished eating and paid the bill, I came out with the cake in my hand, but no one even asked if I enjoyed it…
What is this?
It feels like I've just had a meal with the air.
"Hey… Seonghyeon."
"Uh, yes, yes?"
"Wow!"
"Ugh!"
When I suddenly put the cake on the floor and ran towards him while clapping my hands, Seonghyeon was startled and stumbled.
"Wh, what is it?!"
"Okay, national exercise~ start! One, two, three, four!"
I grabbed Seonghyeon's arms from behind and made him shake them up and down as if I was playing with a robot.
It feels like my chest is touching my back, but it doesn't matter!
"I don't remember what happened next, so take a deep breath here!"
"yes yes?"
"Don't you know how to breathe deeply? Huh…huh…."
I held Seonghyeon's two arms and pulled them up to the sky, then down, and took a deep breath.
Then, Seonghyeon didn't seem to understand what it was and just stood there without following along, then slipped out of my hand.
"Wh, what is it all of a sudden!"
"…Tch."
I worked hard to provide a good service, and then he ran away.
This pitiful son of a bitch.
"It's your birthday, why are you so stiff? If you go on a date with a girl on your birthday, you should be excited and run around saying, "Let's go to the pool hall, let's go to the karaoke room! Are you old? Oh my, grandma... The weather is nice... That's not what I'm doing."
Now that I think about it, a billiard hall and a karaoke room don't seem like a good fit.
"…Are billiard halls and karaoke rooms a bit weird?"
I thought quietly about where I should go.
When I date a girl, I just go shopping together, go to a DVD room, etc. Then I go to a museum, or go to a multi-room.
… Oh, I guess I was only thinking about sex.
No matter what, I don't think it's right to suggest that we go to such a place.
"Come on, walk! Why am I so weak after eating meat! Are you weak now because you brought the cake without eating it?"
"Wh, what is it? Where are you going?"
When I grab his hand and pull him, he just asks where I'm going.
How do you know where I'm going!
"I don't know! Just walk first!"
♀ ♂ ♀ ♂ ♀ ♂
"Relax, this guy is fun and he said he'd take you."
"Oh, where on earth have you been going since a while ago?"
"How would I know that?"
After walking around for about 20 minutes, Seonghyeon must have been getting tired, so he followed me obediently. However, when I let go of his arm, he wouldn't follow me at all, so I kept walking while holding his hand.
My hands are sweating like crazy.
Are my hands like a heater? They are so clammy from sweat that they get cold whenever the wind blows.
"But you're really good at speaking informally these days. Try speaking informally again."
"Wh, what's going on all of a sudden?"
"Oh my, you did a good job, Seonghyeon. Should I give you a kiss?"
"Okay, okay!"
Yeah, I didn't plan on doing that either.
If you had asked me to do it, I would have made fun of you.
"Want to go to the billiard hall?"
"…."
"karaoke?"
"I can't sing."
"Why are you speaking formally again? Then where do you want to go? To a PC room?"
It doesn't seem like a place where men and women would go, but I really can't think of anywhere else to go.
"Going for a drink?"
"Hey, it didn't fall off even though I did it?"
"…Do you want to go see a movie?"
"Hey, the movie theater is far from here."
"…What do you want to do?"
"…."
I really wonder how he'll date girls later on.
I'm worried.
When I think about when we play together, I think it's humorous and okay, but why do I get so nervous when I talk to someone I'm meeting for the first time?
How on earth did this guy become so popular….
"You know… Honestly, it's not my place to say this, but I think I'm quite pretty."
"Huh? Oh, yeah."
"But isn't it normal for a girl to want to go to a karaoke room right away when she asks you to? To be honest, doesn't that make you feel dirty?"
"…."
Oh, it's mute again, mute.
It doesn't say anything. It's mute.
"Haa… I told you to relax. Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath."
"Go, tell me to do it suddenly, but even so…."
"…."
How do I ease this tension?
I feel so suffocated. When we usually hang out together, we don't get this tense and we talk like men, so we make a lot of dirty jokes and say everything we want to say to each other, but when we do this, I feel like I can't breathe.
"ha…."
I also feel a little tired because I walked without stopping. My legs don't hurt or I'm out of breath, but my chest feels a little heavy. It may sound like I'm joking when I say chest, but it really is heavy.
It's really more frustrating than that. Was he originally this frustrating? After experiencing it myself, I think I understand why he doesn't have a girlfriend even though he's a pretty good guy.
Thinking about the conversations we have normally, I bet you're probably having some dirty thoughts inside right now… .
… If I were you, what kind of dirty thoughts would I be having right now?
Well… First, pretend like nothing happened and go to a deserted place, then suddenly hug her and stand there quietly, and if the mood catches on, kiss her…
I think I can imagine something like that. If I hug you, our chests will touch each other.
But that doesn't mean I should drag this guy to a dark, deserted place and hug him.
I thought I came to boost your confidence as a woman because I saw you keep acting so timid, but it seems like you've lost all your confidence.
"Hey, did you see that?"
"Whoa…fuck, like this, like this…."
"It's so fucking huge… Did you see its face? It looks like an elf."
I heard some Koreans passing by looking back at me from afar and talking.
I heard the voice and asked Seonghyeon.
"Did you hear that?"
"…what?"
"I think that's a normal reaction, what do you think?"
"…So, what?"
"Hi, I'm sorry…."
It's really stuffy… .
"Look here… Mr. Kim Sung-hyun, is your tail properly attached?"
"…."
Seonghyeon flinched in surprise at my words and didn't say anything.
No tail, why aren't you answering?
"What am I saying…."
Let's calm down.
I'm a woman now, so it's a bit much to say such mean things.
It's so stuffy that I can't say anything. But if I just leave it alone, that's okay. There's no place to go and no place to stay...
I feel a bit awkward going home like this, and I'm worried that if I just keep going like this, I'll really be traumatized… .
I don't think Sunghyun will stop swearing at me and talking to me, but if things go on like this, I think I'll be annoyed for a while.
I can clearly see him being so exhausted that he doesn't talk to anyone for a while and just goes to and from school.
Ugh, I hate just thinking about it.
"Tell me honestly. Where do you want to go?"
"…I really want to go, but there's no place to go…."
"Okay, then let's go to the motel."
This guy doesn't say where he really wants to go, but if he suggests going to a place he really doesn't want to go to, he'll always say where he wants to go later as if he has no choice.
No matter where you go, I think it would be best to first figure out where you want to go and then go there. Whether it's going out for a drink, going to a karaoke bar, or going to a billiard hall...
… But when I told her to go to a motel and to tell me where she really wanted to go, I grabbed her and dragged her along… She didn't fight back.
…Huh?
'Does he really want to go to a motel?'
Now that I think about it, it makes sense. It's not like she doesn't want to do dirty things, so she probably thinks about it but can't say anything. But when I pulled her over and told her to go, she hesitated, wondering what was going on, but she didn't hate it either, so she obediently followed… .
'… What should I do?'
I really didn't intend to go to a motel... No matter how I look at it, it's my mistake.
Besides, I had been unilaterally holding his hand and pulling him along since earlier, but now there is a subtle change in that Seonghyeon is also holding my hand.
What the heck, what does this mean?
"…Hey, wait a minute. Why don't you stop me…?"
"Wh,what?"
"…Do you really want to go to a motel?"
"…."
Keep your mouth shut.
It's true. I want to go… .
Euaaaaaaaaa.
"…The tail, the tail looks like it's hanging well!"
No matter how much I think about it, this joke just seems like a dud.
As evidence, Seonghyeon also became stubborn.
Oh, what should I do? No matter how I look at it, it seems like things have gotten a lot bigger… .
Wasn't she supposed to come as a woman?
… But since Minwoo hyung usually pities and teases Seonghyun so much, I've been thinking that it would be nice if I could also get the chance to lose some of my pity for him, so I don't feel that much of aversion to him.
I even think that maybe I should just hold it in for a while and then let it go.
Given his personality, it would be hard for him to go to a red-light district and buy women, and it would be hard for him to get a girlfriend until he gains confidence…
I already gave David my first experience. Because I felt good at that time, I sometimes think about having sex while masturbating, so I don't have as much of a resistance to having sex as I thought.
Besides, I was prepared to accept that if Sunghyun really wanted to have sex with me, a woman, I would just accept it. I also felt bad about refusing in that case.
That alone may not seem like enough of a reason, but for some reason, I ended up thinking that I should just stay still when Seonghyeon attacked me.
If you look closely, you can see how courageous it was for her to go to this level and not even say no when I suggested we go to a motel.
Oh, by the way, sex… . Do I really have to have sex with this person?
You'll need a passport to go to the motel, but I don't have one. If there's only one guest, you can go with that person, but... Well, that means if you really want to do it, you can... .
Ugh, but the thought of having sex with someone I already knew… is a bit…
My head hurts.
But if I think about it carefully, it was something I brought upon myself, so wouldn't it be too much to say it was just a prank and run away, saying sorry?
When I actually think about doing it, I feel lost.
"Ugh…."
Suddenly I come to my senses.
How on earth did this happen again? I didn't mean to, but things ended up involving sex again.
Should I do it? Should I really do it?
'Isn't there a way to end it without doing it? Having sex with him? That's a bit much… .'
It wasn't to the point where I felt like throwing up because I hated it, but I didn't want to be the one to do it, even if I thought I would just close my eyes and take it if he did.
Both I, as a man and as a woman, disliked it, but for some reason, I couldn't help but say it was a joke, that I had no intention of doing anything and was just joking, so I couldn't tell them to just go away.
Maybe it's because we've been so close until now, but now that I'm a woman, I'm having thoughts that I would never have imagined if I were a man, so I'm thinking about closing my eyes and doing it.
Is this what it means to have good friends?
Shit.
… I'm sure I'd regret it if I went back to being a man… but I feel this way because I'm a woman now… .
"You…don't have a passport?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah…."
As expected, it looks like he left it at home. It's not common to carry important things like a passport around… I think the police told us to carry it around because it's inconvenient to check our ID.
Then I can't go to a motel... Ah, I really hate myself for thinking that I've already decided to do it. I don't understand.
"Oh really… Come here!"
He nervously grabs Seonghyeon's arm and drags him to a nearby deserted place.
I've had sex in places like this quite a few times while dating my ex-girlfriend, so I'm used to finding places like this that are off-the-beaten-path.
But… this time, I'm not looking for sex, but to be subjected to it… .
'You really think you're lucky!'
I honestly feel like I'm going crazy with what I'm doing.
Why is this happening?
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