I was up before the first rays of dawn. Sleep had evaded me entirely, I just had a lot on my mind after last night's confrontation with my father and my husband Reagan. There was nothing new about what my father said to me, it's what I've been hearing ever since I've been born. There was nothing good about me, I was deemed worthless in his eyes.
But the words Reagan said and his attitude towards me, it was strange and it plagued my mind throughout the entire night. Each words he said to me hurt me. It was no secret our marriage was one of convenience and it wasn't something I wanted either.
When I first heard the news that the man I was going to be marrying was Reagan Hawthorne, the finest and bravest knight in the entire kingdom. I felt pleased at that and strangely safe. I remember thinking to myself that was the only good thing my father has ever done to me in his entire life. He could have married me to an old geezer, shackled me to some wrinkled nobleman or a lecherous fool with thirst for power but instead he gave me a man whose name was spoken in awe in court, Reagan Hawthorne.
Besides, it was always every girl's dream to get married to a prince charming, except there was nothing charming about Reagan. He was mean, rude, inconsiderate, indifferent and cruel! I thought to myself feeling anger rise up within me as I thought of the way he treated me last night, I didn't deserve that. No woman deserved that level of disrespect, not someone she planned to spend the rest of her life with.
The door to my room suddenly opened, the door pulling me away from my thoughts. I didn't need to look up to know it was my handmaiden, Heather, she's come to get me dressed for today's activities.
"Good morning my lady." Heather greeted with her head bowed down low in respect even though she was older than me with some years.
"Good morning Heather." I responded, "What am I doing today?"
Heather responded almost immediately, as though she was reciting a list she already memorized by heart. "The court assembly, tea with the ladies of the court, embroidery, dress fitting_"
I tuned Heather out after that, I stopped listening. This was my life nothing new, nothing interesting. Just the same old boring routine. Polite smiles, meaningless conversations, the pressure to be the perfect noblewoman.
Releasing a groan, I collapsed backwards onto the bed. Grabbing a pillow, I pressed it firmly over my face and released a muffled scream, the sound vibrating into the fabric. It wasn't dignified but for a fleeting moment, it felt good.
"Is something the matter my lady? Did I say something that displeases you?"
I raised myself up from the bed and stared at Heather, noticing the way she shifted nervously on her feet.
The poor woman, I must have scared her! I thought, guilt gnawing at me.
Sighing, I sat up fully on the bed. "It's not you Heather, I'm just not in the mood for any of that today."
"Because of what happened yesterday?" Heather asked, her voice soft and low, almost hesitant.
I arched a brow up at her, tilting my head to the side as I stared at her. Her words hung in the air like an uninvited guests and heather seemed to realize it instantly. Her eyes widened and she dipped her head quickly, mumbling an apology.
"Oh goodness, I am so sorry, I have no idea why I said that." She rattled off, the words tumbling over themselves. "Please, pay me no mind."
"No, no, that's completely fine." I told her, "I was just a bit surprised though, since this is the first time you will be speaking so freely with me."
Heather still looked worried, "You are right, it will never happen again." She promised and before I could talk her out of it, she headed straight towards the bathroom, "I'll go run you a bath now."
I opened my mouth to say something but decided against it. I understood why she was behaving like this, she was not allowed to be friendly with me. Not just her, all the rest of the servants the house too weren't allowed to be friendly with me for some reason. It was an unspoken rule, one I had noticed long ago but never dared to question.
No warm smiles, no casual conversations, no shared laughter. Just polite words and bowed heads, which made my stay here terribly lonely for me. I have a suspicion it was something someone had decreed, but I couldn't figure out who. If I had to guess, it's going to be Marina. She never liked me so it will make sense for her to make it a decree, probably doesn't want me finding secrets too.
"Your bath is ready my lady." Heather said with a curtsy.
Offering her a warm smile, I replied. "Thank you, Heather."
I stood up from the bed and slipped out of my night gown, letting it pool silently at my feet. Padding toward the bathroom, I stepped inside to find the tub already filled with steaming water, the surface rippling gently under the faint glow of the morning light streaming through the window. Heather stood nearby, helping to add drops of fragrant oil and scattering delicate petals across the water's surface.
When I was finished, she held out a soft towel which I wrapped around myself as I stepped out. Heather offered to apply the lotion just like always but each time I declined. There were just some things handmaidens shouldn't do and mostly I just don't like to be touched. So I did everything myself, while she helped pick out my dress.
When it was time to dress, I turned only to find Heather holding out a green dress for me. I stared at the dress she had picked out. It was a modest yet elegant dress. It had long sleeves and a high turtle neck collar. It wasn't an ugly dress but it wasn't that beautiful either and not something that was suitable for my age at all.
"And who picked out this dress?"
Heather glanced up at me, as if surprised I would ask such question. "It is Lady Marina, ma'am."
"Of course, it would be her!" I mumbled to myself.
Ever since I've stepped into this household, she has been the one controlling everything in this house. What I eat, what I wear and the room I have access to. I have been putting up with it out of respect but like I said earlier, I was going to forge my own path, starting with the little things.
Smiling up at Heather, I pushed the dress away. "I will like to wear something else today."
"My…my…my lady?" Heather blinked up at me in confusion.
Still smiling, I walked past her and headed straight to the wardrobe. I moved past the array of fabrics until one finally caught my eye. It was a long sleeved blue chiffon dress that had daring slits along the sleeves and at both legs. The fitted corset at the waistline promised a flattering silhouette and without hesitation I pulled it out.
"My lady, I don't think Lady Marina will approve it." Heather said, her tone cautious and laced with hesitation.
"Neither do I appreciate being dressed like a widow that has nothing but cats for company." I muttered without turning to look back at her.
I immediately wore the dress, loving the way it fit my body perfectly. I walked off towards the mirror, taking a moment to appreciate the dress on my body and loving the way it brought out my figure, accentuating every curve without an apology. I admired the way it also highlighted a confidence I'd only recently begun to embrace. With a satisfied nod and sank into the chair by the vanity meeting Heather's gaze.
"Well, what are you waiting for? I need you to fix my hair, I do not want to be late." I told her and I thought I saw something that looked like a smile on her face but it was gone before I could dwell on it any longer.
Heather's fingers move with delicate but swift movements on my head. Working the brush through the tangles, before she twisted them around my head, into some crown of some sorts. I felt really pleased at her work I couldn't help but smile up at her.
"Thank you." I breathed out.
Heather's cheeks turned into a pink color as she twisted her fingers nervously. "I am just doing my job, no need to thank me."
"Well, I am still grateful for that, so thank you." I repeated reaching out to touch her hands.
Heather's gaze widened as she stared at my hands on hers. Immediately she moved away, looking at the door with a worried expression on her face as if anyone might come in at any moment.
"You need to leave now my lady, you are already late for the assembly." Heather stated.
But of course, "We can't have that now, can we?" I mumbled under my breath.
Taking in a deep breath, I stood up from the dresser and walked out of my bedroom. I walked down the hallway, my gaze landed on Reagan's room that was opposite mine and I stared at it for a moment. Remembering the words he said to me, I felt my anger return and I embraced it.
Anger was good, reminds me of why I was doing this in the first place. Steeling myself, I walked down the hall way, turning to walk down the stairs where I headed straight to the grand hall where I knew the morning assembly was being held.
Drawing in a deep breath, I pushed the door open. "Good morning everyone, I hope I am not late." I said with a sweet smile on my face, a stark contrast to the look of disapproval on Marina's face while Reagan stared at me with a look of rage on his face.