"This sucks…"
A week.
It had been a full week since that night with Radiata. Seven days, and in all that time...
"Radiata, can we talk?"
"I'm busy. Talk to Hisoka."
"This sucks…"
"Radiata, about the other night-"
"The dining hall is in urgent need of cleaning, sorry."
"This sucks!"
"Hey Radiata, remember when-?"
"No."
…Radiata and I had barely shared a word. We'd been stuck in place, all because we shared a kiss.
Shit, 'stuck in place' was generous! We'd slid backwards! It was like we'd become strangers again, dammit!
"This sucks this sucks this sucks!!!" I cried, bashing my fists against the wall.
And I dunno if it was because of that frustration or what, but every single day, my new routine grated at me more and more. I woke up, I was clothed and fed, and then I tended to kingly work that ranged from achingly tedious paperwork and meetings that meant absolutely nothing to me, to the endless stress of dealing with the citizenry.
"But wait, I thought you loved dealing with them?!,"' you ask?
Yeah, I thought so too! But the longer it went on, and the longer I was iced out by Radiata, the harder it was to have any fun with it at all. I felt intensely pressured, keenly aware that every single citizen who came to speak with me wasn't there for me at all. They were there for Suzume, and…and instead they got a pathetic mutt. A stand-in most of them probably wouldn't give the time of day otherwise.
And it hurt, honestly. I felt intensely lonely and caged in, and soon found myself unable to respond sincerely at all. I just defaulted to whatever I thought Suzume might say, and gave the people nothing more than that. I felt so guilty for it. Seeing Suzume was meant to be exciting for them, a real event, and they'd always unknowingly have that conversation tainted by my presence.
Even a hardcore masochist can't get off on guilt, lemme tell you. I just couldn't take it anymore. The people of Hell were kind, sweet, and earnest, and they deserved a ruler who'd meet them with sincerity and warmth. I…I just couldn't be that for them. I'd never truly be their king.
And where the hell was Suzume?! She'd made it sound like this wouldn't last long at all, but in all this time, she'd not said a word to me or Radiata about how things were going, or when she might be back.
I get not wanting to talk to me, but Radiata's been with you your whole life, dammit! At least talk to her!
Adri had stopped by from time to time, passing along updates from Haqua, but she'd kept things light, limiting all her messages to teasing (which helped, I won't lie) and reassurances that everyone was doing well. Look, I was happy to hear it, but…I really needed something more than that, at least while things were like this. I'd be a lot more OK with being stuck here a while longer if Radiata wasn't making it so damn icy…
And to top it all off, while I'd gained a bit more control over the life cycle I was forced to repeat endlessly, all that amounted to was a single week of adulthood, before well…
"This suuuuuucks!!!!" I wailed, pounding harder and harder against the wall, certain that none of it felt like much of anything. After all, I'd been shunted right back to childhood, dying in my sleep yet again.
"This is the worst!!"
With what was surely my fiercest punch yet, the wall let out a loud sigh, and crouched down to look me in the eye.
"Is this helping at all, Lord Suzume?" Hisoka asked, looking surprisingly worn down.
"...No, not really."
"And…you're sure your brain's not kiddy today?"
I suddenly felt intensely embarrassed.
"I-I mean…I thought so…" I mumbled. The sole ray of sunshine I'd had was waking up to find that my brain hadn't totally regressed this time around. The childish thoughts and feelings that completely overtook me last time I'd been reborn were a liiiittle easier to keep in check, anyway.
Still, my emotions were definitely running way higher all the same, which led to, well…
"But you're throwing a temper tantrum, you can see that, right?" she asked, in a voice that was…surprisingly strained.
"Ahahaha…I-is that what you'd call it?"
The smile Hisoka gave in response, well…
I-it didn't quite seem genuine.
Oh shit, I'd really worn her down.
"I-I'm sorry, Hisoka! I didn't mean to annoy you, I swear! I-it's just been a long week, and kid brain-"
"Isn't quite taking enough effect for me to pacify you, that's for sure…" she said, letting out a deeply forced chuckle. "You've been going at this for hours, you know? Hours, and hours, and hours and hours, and…" her voice trailed off, growing weaker and weaker with every single word.
"H-Hisoka?!" I cried, tightly hugging her leg in an effort to hold her crumbling soul together. "Don't give up! I'm sorry, I'll stop! I'll stop, I swear! So stay with me!!!"
Instantly, she perked up.
"You mean it? You'll stop?!" she asked, sounding more excited than she ever had before.
"Y-yes ma'am. I'll…I'll be a good girl…" I grumbled, prostrating myself to show my sincerity. "It's…it's just been a lot, y'know?"
Hisoka reached down, and gently rested a hand atop my head.
"Getting the cold shoulder from Radiata hurts, huh?"
"A-a lot…" I sniffled. "She keeps ignoring me…"
Hisoka sighed.
"I thought she'd get mad at you this morning for sure. It's not like I want you to get scolded, though you seem to like that, but I did, admittedly, hope it might break her out of her funk…"
"Me too, honestly," I admitted. "Instead…"
"...A child again, are you? I'll take care of your affairs today, so do as you like."
"She was so cold! She didn't even put you on babysitting duty!"
"But I volunteered anyway, because I was sure you'd feel lonely, and, well…"
The light left Hisoka's eyes yet again.
"I-it won't happen again, I swear!" I yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her as hard as my tiny body would let me, hoping it might reboot her.
Life returned to the nurikabe, who cleared her throat and kept on talking, as though her psyche had completely deleted the last few seconds from her memory.
Thank you for protecting Hisoka, o' honorable psyche!
"I'm sorry it's been so hard for you, Lord Suzume…"
"How's anyone supposed to be king when their own maid hates them?! I can't rule over anything like this, and my whole family's a world away, and I turned into a brat again, and I can't take this, Hisoka!" I cried, my worries tumbling out of me before I could stop them. "Meanwhile Suzume's probably living it up in my body, while I can't even leave the castle! I hate this so much! I don't wanna keep pretending I'm something that I'm not!!" I said, desperately holding back more tears from flowing. I really, really didn't need to feel even more like a kid right now…
Hisoka fell silent after all that, too. Guh, I probably made her feel terrible again…
"Lord Suzume… No, R-Rina," she said, her voice turning light, sweet, and adorably shy. In an instant, she'd shrunk down to her much tinier size, took me by the hand, and smiled warmly at me.
"I-I, umm, I shouldn't do this, but…"
She took a few slow, deeeeep breaths, and squeezed my hand tightly.
"Please allow me to escort you outside today."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"O-outside?! Like…outside my room, right?"
Hisoka vigorously shook her head.
"Outside the castle, Rina," she smiled. "I'll sneak you out, and take you wherever you want to go. A-as long as it's in Hell, anyway, ehehe…"
"B-but I can't! Everyone would recognize me! They can't see their king slacking off!"
"Did you forget how teensy you are? I'm taller than you even when I'm like this," she giggled. "And it's not like anyone'll know I'm a royal guard. So don't worry, nobody will recognize you, and you won't have to act like a king at all."
Fuck, that sounded perfect. I wanted that so, so bad…
"B-but Radiata-"
"-Said you should do whatever you like, right? I…I don't want to break the rules, I really don't, but since she didn't give me any rules to follow today, m-maybe it's OK to be a little naughty, just this once…"
"You're…you're serious, Hisoka? You'll take me out?"
"Mhmm," Hisoka nodded. "There's no way you can rule while you're this low, so let's build you back up with an amazing day out." she smiled gently. "Even Radiata wouldn't argue with that."
Oh, she'd try. But I guess with how she is right now, well…
No, no. There's no point in worrying about that. Just for today, I won't be king.
"Right!" I grinned. "Then, I'll be in your care! Today, I'm just a regular 'ol commoner again, free to do whatever I want! And we're gonna have a blast!"
❖❖❖
"Big again, huh…?" I asked, my voice cracking a little.
"I can't do much to protect you if I'm not," Hisoka smiled, looking down at me and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "And whether or not you're a king today, you're still a child. There's no way I'm leaving you unguarded."
"A child…" I squeaked, holding her hand as tightly as I could.
I-I thought I was used to this, being looked at like nothing more than a little girl, but it turns out there's a world of difference between being teased and pampered by Radiata and Hisoka, and having potentially countless eyes staring at you in public.
A-all of them… When they look at me, all they see is… Oh gosh…
Maybe this'd have been nothing to me if I were still a succubus, but as a phoenix, this was all killing me. To any onlookers, there'd be no assumption they could make beyond what was readily apparent. I wasn't a king to them, let alone a burnt out OL. All I was was a little girl, being led about by her mother.
I wobbled a little, damn near passing out from the shame of it all.
"Need me to carry you?" Hisoka asked, crouching down in front of me. "A piggyback ride might help, you know? Bet you'll really feel like a big girl when you're up that high."
Was she…smirking?! Hisoka, the kindest demon in all of hell, was teasing me?!
"N-no… No thank you…" I stammered, bashfully gripping the hem of my dress as I gazed down at the floor, doing the best I could to ignore all the cries of, "oh, look at that little sweetie! She looks so precious, doesn't she?!" from the people around me.
That was going terribly, thank you for asking.
"...Let's just walk, Hisoka…"
She let out a soft chuckle, and kept on moving, holding my hand even tighter still.
"Don't worry, the place I want to go to isn't far from here," she assured me, though it did nothing to make the 10 minute walk feel any less like an eternity.
"Haaah," I sighed, collapsing into my seat at the restaurant Hisoka had picked out. "It's great not being seen as royalty for a change, but I dunno if being seen as a squirt is any better…"
"Less pressure though, right? Nobody's expecting anything from you."
"You're not wrong…" I conceded, admittedly letting my excitement get the better of me as I looked out the window and saw the castle out in the distance. "Shit, I guess it hasn't really sunk in but…I-I'm actually free, aren't I?! Even if it's for one more day, nobody'll see me like a king!" I grinned, kicking my legs about before I bashfully realized how kiddy that had to look.
"Mhmm. Today, you're not Lord Suzume, you're just Ri-"
"Let's not go that far," I laughed. "Probably don't want Radiata hearing I went around using my real name.
"Lily, then," she nodded. "Lily, my…niece."
"Oooh, perfect! Going out with my auntie, yay~!" I grinned, doing the best impression of a cutesy child that I could.
Which, going by Hisoka's quietly, yet painfully shy expression, was…much better than I realized. As our waitress came by to hand us a pair of menus, she could do nothing but give a small nod, too flustered to even thank them.
Of course, as soon as I looked down at mine…
"A kid's menu, huh?" I asked, my eye twitching in frustration.
"Is that a problem? You can order off mine, if you'd prefer," Hisoka offered. "Though between you and me, I…sometimes shrink down when I go to restaurants on my own. I have to work extra hard to get noticed by staff, but the kid's menu options are pretty good…"
"For real?" I asked, failing to hold back a giggle.
"...Something wrong with that?" she asked, obviously annoyed with me.
"No, no! It's cute! It's really cute, I swear! Adorable, even!" I said, turning her redder and redder with every bit of praise.
"Look, there's quite a bit of variety to the sets, and they often include special desserts, so-"
"I get it, I get it!" I laughed. "Look, I'll be honest, looking this over, I'm…pretty tempted, honestly, ahaha… Maybe that's kid brain getting to me, but y'know…"
"You don't have to order from that, you know?" she asked, clearly doing her best to not pout. "I won't be offended…"
"Well, I'm gonna," I grinned, hailing over the waitress. "Ummm, I wanna get the Kids Set B, auntie…" I said, scoring a direct hit on Hisoka's heart with my impeccable acting skills.
Fighting through her embarrassment, Hisoka pulled herself together, and placed an order. Not a minute later, I was handed a plateful of bright, colorful food that someone my age had no business eating in public, while she was given a taurus burger that was so massive, it'd almost certainly actually kill me if I tried to eat it. Shit, it was practically half my size.
"Want a bite, Rina?"
"You uhh…you want a bite of mine?" I offered her back, smiling as she gave me a small, embarrassed nod as I held out a forkful of shrimp for her, while she'd cut off a hunk of some truly terrific-looking meat. I think we were both a little embarrassed, feeding each other out in the open like this, but the moment we took a bite…
"Ohhhhh, that's hitting…"
We both collapsed in our chairs, smiling blissfully. Our day out was off to an excellent start.
"We don't talk enough, you know that?" I asked.
"We don't? I spend so much time with you…"
"I know, and I'm glad for it," I assured her. "But I dunno, I feel like I don't actually know you all that well. I bet you feel the same way about me, right?"
"It'd be nice, but…" she sighed. "If I can be frank, I'm not all that sure what we'd talk about. I'm terrible at talking about myself."
"Then I'll start, and you can follow my lead!" I grinned, patting my chest with pride. "I'm an office worker who got so worn down by the grind that I summoned a succubus to try and break the monotony of life, even if it killed me!"
"That's…quite the start," she said, chuckling despite herself.
"Ohhh, but it got a smile outta you!" I teased. "So it did the trick!"
"It's just…seeing a child talk about all that stuff feels bizarre," she laughed again. "Picturing you in a suit like this is so funny…"
"And I bet I'd make for the cutest little OL you've ever seen," I laughed alongside her.
"Naturally, you're really precious like this, Lily," she smiled softly. "You like the job though?"
"I do! Well, I do now anyway. I wouldn't have burned out if it was all sunshine and rainbows, but after Haqua fucked my boss and she turned into a dragon, she really turned around! Now it's great!"
Hisoka stared at me, chewing at her burger with a baffled expression. "You've uhh…led quite the interesting life, huh?"
"Sure have," I boasted. "I've got three of the most amazing partners in the world, and every day, they…"
I'll spare you the rest. You know what my life is like by now. Besides, saying it while I look like this is kinda…
Anyway, yeah, you get the idea.
"What about you? I know about your job, of course, but…why'd you take it? Where're you from? What's your family like? Take your pick, I'll be happy to listen to all of it!" I smiled.
It sounded like I was just throwing topics out at random, but in truth, I really wasn't. Sure, Hisoka was mostly pretty confident while she was big, but I'd seen her the night she appeared before Radiata and I. That and her teensy form made it more than apparent that she was carrying around a ton of anxiety, so I figured rooting around like this might help her feel comfortable sharing that with me. She needed someone who'd be willing to listen to her without any pressure, honestly.
Still, she seemed a little frozen at first. Shit, did I overwhelm her?
"...A tiny village out east," she started, smiling pleasantly. "Helldrake territory, mostly, but my family's run a hotsprings inn there for generations now, so we've always been a mainstay. My mother runs it right now, but she's trained my sister and I to take it over for her one day."
A helldrake village? You think it's…?
Nah, no way.
"But you're not keen on inheriting it?"
She slowly shook her head.
"I love the inn, really, but…I just don't think I can handle it. I really did want to serve Lord Suzume with everything I had, and I thought it'd do a lot to help me stand out a bit more, so I trained every day, moved to the capital and…well, here I am, ignored by my entire squad…" Hisoka laughed bitterly.
"Hey, c'mon, your squad's me and Radiata now, right? And we sure notice you now! Ehehe, I'd be pretty lost without you around, honestly. Can you imagine how I'd feel today if you hadn't spoken to us that night? I'd still be throwing a tantrum!" I cackled.
"Radiata'd have probably killed you for it by now."
"Then she'd just keep me a kid for even longer, and my tantrum'd get even louder. Wahaha, this loser dog always wins!" I smirked, feeling intensely proud of my ability to be way too fucking noisy.
Hisoka's laugh, cool, smoky and deep, felt like a balm for my soul.
I could just melt into her… God, she's so stunning…
Eh?! Wait, am I hitting my teens already?! No way! I thought, dismayed by my feelings turning thirstier and thirstier as my body crept up through the years. Thankfully, my dress still fit, and we'd brought a few outfits with us to handle whatever my body could throw at me, but…well, we probably couldn't linger here too much longer. Bad time for me to get better at this whole aging thing.
The one day where it'd be easier for me to stay a kid…
"Well thanks, Lily, that's nice of you to say," she smiled softly.
"Besides, if you ask me, it's everyone else's loss for not seeing someone as amazing as you. You're so cool, you know that?" I said, honestly unsure how much of that compliment came from encroaching teen brain, and how much of it was all me.
Honestly, I think all of it might've been me…
Hisoka looked frozen in shock, totally stunned by what she'd just heard.
"Ah, sorry! It's a little hard to keep stuff bottled up right now, so-" I frantically tried to excuse myself, before a peppy voice interrupted us.
"Lord Suzume?! Is that really you?!"
Fuck!!!
Hisoka and I bolted to attention, and in an instant, knew exactly what we needed to do.
"Do you like the food, little Lily?"
"Uh-huh, it's suuuuper yummy! Thanks so much, Auntie!" I giggled.
"Lily?" the person who interrupted us asked, and Hisoka and I both turned our heads to see a familiar hellhound looking at us curiously, her ears adorably folded against the top of her head.
It was, as it turns out, Marie. The very first citizen I'd dealt with since coming here, and…a particularly intense Suzume fangirl. If anyone was going to recognize me, of course it'd be her… I had to trick her, no matter what.
"Is something wrong, Miss?" I asked, tilting my head and pressing a finger to my cheek.
"My niece and I weren't being too loud, were we?"
"O-oh, not at all!" she shook her head. "I'm always happy when my customers enjoy themselves, it's just that she looks so much like-"
Nope! No more!
"Oh wow, this is your restaurant, Miss?! That's amazing!"
"Ehehe, you think so?" she blushed, rubbing the back of her neck as her tail rapidly started to wag. God, it'd be so cute if she weren't such a threat. "We just opened, but it's been going great! I got an endorsement from Lord Suzume and everything, you know?"
"Wow~! That's so cool!" I said, buttering her up as much as possible.
"Mm, mm! I got her to taste some of my cooking and she loved it so much! I couldn't believe my ears! Ah, let me make you and your auntie some of the signature dishes she selected for being so sweet! It'll be my treat!" Marie insisted, before hurrying off to the kitchen.
The very instant she was out of sight, though…
"We've gotta go."
"We should go."
…both of us spoke at the exact same time. We'd given Marie the slip for now, but every second she spent with us was tempting fate.
And besides, this dress was growing uncomfortably tight. I really needed to change clothes…
As much as my stomach and I both yearned to try her cooking again, we wasted no time in slamming down more than enough to pay for our meal and getting up from our seats. Before I could take so much as a single step, Hisoka scooped me up into her arms, and hurried me out into the city streets, taking advantage of her lack of presence to sneak us far away from the restaurant before anyone noticed we were gone.
And if I needed any proof that I'd hit adolescence yet again, the way my heart pounded to be held against Hisoka's body made things crystal clear. Even with far greater control than I'd had last time, there was just no stopping a young maiden's heart.
"Lo- No, Lily, you're bigger already…"
But nowhere near as big as you. Ohhh, you're such a hunk!
"Y-yeah!" I answered, pulling myself out of my increasingly thirsty thoughts. "Bad timing, I know…"
"It's fine, don't worry," she assured me, hurrying me into a nearby public bathroom. "You just get changed, and we'll go somewhere else, OK?" she asked, ushering me into a stall, handing me a fresh set of clothes, and turning to guard the entrance.
"You think we're still OK? Marie recognized me right away…" I grumbled, getting back into Suzume's adorable teen fit and grinning at how good it felt on me. I wouldn't say a part of me yearned for a do-over of my teenage years, and I definitely wasn't anywhere near this girly when I was actually that age, but…I dunno, there was something about this that I couldn't deny I was having fun with.
"The capital might be dicey, I admit. I've got some glamor charms to dye your hair, so that'll help," she said, passing a paper talisman through the door. As soon as I touched it, a shiver ran through me, and I watched as Suzume's hair and fiery feathers turned a bright, lively green. I'd changed in countless ways since I first met Haqua, but somehow this really caught me by surprise, all the same. It was such a minor adjustment, but one that instantly changed the impression Suzume's body gave me.
"Ooh, cute~!" I smiled, oohing and ahhing over myself before stepping out to face Hisoka again. "Green suits me, right?"
"Ahaha, I think everything suits you, Lily…"
OhmygodohmyGOD. Gotta keep it together!!!
"Take these, too. The lenses are fake, so don't worry," she said, handing me a stylish pair of glasses. Teen brain really wanted to take a look at my reflection. I bet I looked absolutely precious like this, but…I was so close to Hisoka…
"Th-thanks…" I mumbled, feeling way too nervous to look into her cool, piercing eyes. "Glad you came prepared, but you still don't think it's enough, huh? I really don't want everyone to treat me like a king while I'm out, too… Guh, I hate to say it, but do you think that's the end of our date?"
The silence that followed was absolutely deafening. I'd never wanted to vanish more than I did just then.
"Uhh, day out! Our day out!" I quickly, ultra-smoothly corrected, though I've gotta imagine my disappointment still shone through clear as day.
Hisoka cleared her throat, then smiled at me.
"Not at all. I said the capital was dicey, but I've got somewhere really nice in mind. A place where there's no chance you'll be caught out."
"Oh yeah?" I asked, my eyes lighting up excitedly. I wanted this day to last forever!
"Mm. Let's go visit my hometown together, Lily," Hisoka offered, holding out a hand for me.
Hunk hunk hunk hunk hunk!!!
My maidenly heart exploded. As I dropped to my knees with excitement, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that once again, I was a pathetic, desperate mutt.
And fuck, was I hungry for Hisoka.
I took her by the hand, and let her lead the way, too frazzled to take in even a second of the train ride over.
Well, outside of when I dozed off against her shoulder and woke up to the sight of her smiling down at me. Believe me, my teen heart ensured I'd never be able to forget something that beautiful.
❖❖❖
Hisoka's village was beautiful. The kind of gorgeous, snow-capped hamlet that you'd think just couldn't exist outside of the RPGs Haqua's always glued to.
…and yes, I get how dumb that sounds coming from the temporary King of Hell.
There were a few helldrakes out and about, and I'm sure that they'd be able to recognize their king about as well as anyone else in Hell, but the pace of life was so far removed from anything I'd seen in the capital or back home, and that did a lot to set my mind at ease. I got the distinct impression that even if someone did realize who I was, they'd just leave me be, maybe shoot me a friendly greeting, and go about their business.
In short, it was exactly what I needed.
"Sorry if it's a little unimpressive," said Hisoka, "It's not the most exciting way to spend a day out, I know, but everyone's really nice here, I promise."
"Are you kidding?!" I laughed, dashing off onto the top of a nearby hill, letting my youthful energy get the better of me as I scooped up an armful of snow and scattered it in the air, giggling at the way it danced around me as it slowly fluttered to the ground. "It's perfect, Hisoka! A winter wonderland! Just like a fairytale!"
"Come on, it's not that nice," Hisoka chuckled, though she sounded pretty clearly embarrassed. Well, if she felt weird about her hometown, then I had to show her exactly how sincere I was.
"No way, it's amazing!" I grinned, before flopping back into the snow and immediately realizing what a massive mistake I'd made.
"Cold cold cold cold cold!!!!" I cried, bolting up to my feet and rushing into her arms. "Hisokaaaa, it's way too cold…"
"What'd you expect," she laughed. "You're not exactly dressed for the cold," she said, wiping some powder off of my very summery outfit.
"I'm a phoenix…" I pouted. "I figured we just ran hotter…"
"Nope, sorry. You'd need to be a Helldrake to handle that," she chuckled, wrapping me up in a gentle, warm hug.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, Hisoka, your hugs are soooo nice…
I let out a tiny squeak, and nestled in against her. The snow had felt awful against my skin and about a thousand times worse on my feathers, but…damn if it wasn't worth it just for this.
Getting this close to a hunk is so nice…
Wah, crap, teen brain's really taking over!
"Well, guess that settles where we're going next," Hisoka said, pointing to a nearby inn. "My place. A hot bath'll do you a world of good."
I don't need to tell you just how badly that messed me up. Teens are stupidly easily flustered, but…ohhh, I was having a blast.
I gave her a small, dopey nod, and she walked me to the inn her family ran, holding me close all the while. Still, for as much as my heart was pounding, I could tell that with every step we took, hers got a little louder too.
"You OK, Hisoka?" I asked, as we paused outside the front door.
"Mm, my family's just…embarrassing…" she said, her voice dropping to a squeak, though her body stayed as mighty and handsome as ever.
"Well, it's OK. You've got me with you. I'll protect you if you need it, OK?" I smiled up at her, and took her hand, though my brief attempt at being suave really only served to get me so worked up that I'd completely shaken off the cold before we'd stepped inside.
But if it helped Hisoka feel any calmer, it was worth it.
"Mm," she smiled, squeezing my hand back. "Thank you…"
Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside, and a tiny, sleepy looking nurikabe at the front desk gave us a cheerful greeting.
"Ohh, customers! Welcome!" the nurikabe dopily smiled. "Here for the night? Just want a bath? Whatever you'd like, we- Wait a second, Hii? Hii, is that you?!"
"Hey, Sis," Hisoka waved, blushing softly as she looked her big sister in the eyes. "Just stopping by for a little while, you don't need to-"
"Mama! Papa! Hii's here! Hii!" Hisoka's sister cried, dipping her head into a doorway just behind the counter.
"-Make a big deal out of it…" she sighed.
Hang in there, Hisoka!
I gave her the most reassuring smile I could, mere moments before a pair of equally teensy Nurikabe came hurrying out to see their decidedly massive daughter.
"Oh, little Hii! It's so good to see you! We've missed you so much, sweetie!" Hisoka's mother cried, wrapping her arms around Hisoka as I stepped back to give the happy family room.
"I missed you too, Mama…" she responded bashfully, the cutesy address sounding like a poor fit for her smoky voice.
"We were just talking about you, sweetheart," her father added. "We were showing the neighbors your photos from the day you joined the royal guard. Everyone can hardly believe you grew up to be such a brave young lady."
"Ahaha, it's not that special, Papa…" she laughed, as her cheeks reddened.
"Grew up is right!" the sister added. "I swear, you've gotten even taller since we last saw you! Must be all the workouts, right?"
"You can't work out to get taller…"
"But it sure looks like you did, Hii! Ohhh, I can't believe it, my little girl's so tall I barely come up to her waist! Where does the time go?" her mother sobbed, while her father gently patted her back to calm her down.
"Mama…I'm not any taller, I swear," Hisoka blushed, clearly fighting hard against the urge to bury her face in her hands.
"You must be, you must be!" Hisoka's mother smiled through her tears. "You spend all your time fully grown, so I'm sure you got even taller because of that. No wonder the King trusts you so much, dear."
"And I'm not that good of a guard either, Mama… Really, I don't do anything special for Lord Suzume either."
Oh, if only they could know the truth… I thought, giggling to myself.
"Oh, don't be so modest, sweetheart! Joining the Ever-Blazing Royal Guard is quite the feat! Be proud!"
Damn, no wonder she's so good with kids. Her family's so sweet…
"Oh, Hii! I've gotta show you some baby pictures," her sister told her. "The kiddo's growing up so fast."
"I want to, Sis, but…"
"C'mon, c'mon! Loosen up!" her sister grinned, pulling her by the arm. "We won't be a second."
"Lily! Just go through to the hotspring, OK?" Hisoka called to me, pointing deeper into the inn as her family pulled her away to parts unknown. "I'll join you in a second, I promise!"
"Got it!" I laughed, taking her suggestion and heading off without her. Her family seemed extremely happy to see her again, I wasn't sure how long they'd spend with her, but I wasn't about to rush her away from them.
The good news, I suppose, was that they were so taken with Hisoka that even if they had recognized me, they completely ignored me. She was right: I was completely safe to let down my hair and relax here.
Wandering through the halls of the inn, I was mostly just surprised by how normal it all felt. I'd spent so much time in mansions and castles that felt so fantastical there was just no way they could exist on Earth, but save for a couple of magical amenities, like doors sealed with glyphs that ensured nobody could enter a room that wasn't theirs, this…looked exactly like inns back home. A particularly cozy one, sure, but if you told me that this was built by a human who stumbled into Hell, I'd believe it.
It was nice, honestly. It reminded me of a trip I took in my last year of high school. I'd snuck out one night after lights-out to relax at a small bathhouse and just lay back without saying a word for a while. It was one of the most peaceful days I'd had back then, even if I got chewed out like crazy when my teachers caught me sneaking back into my room.
What was I thinking about back then? Probably Iori, ahaha… I couldn't wait to graduate and work with her.
…Glad that one panned out, in the end. Life's taken some weird turns, but…everything's worked out well, huh?
Soon as I get back to my body, I'm hugging everyone so tight.
I smiled as I reached the changing room, stripped, and sauntered off for the spring. The cold, snowy air bit at my skin and made my feathers stand on end, but that only made the feeling of lowering myself into the water that much more incredible.
"Whew…" I gasped, shaking a little as I slooooowly went deeper and deeper, feeling each of my feathers grow heavier as they got soaked through. "The bath in the castle's nice and all, but nothing beats this…" I sighed, taking a seat by the edge as the waters covered everything up to my neck.
"Ohhhh, that's hitting… Damn, Hisoka, why'd you leave? I'd stay here forever if I could…"
Maybe I'll ask all my partners if they wanna move, ahaha. Screw whatever secret Suzume's trying to find on Earth. If you ask me, there's no better place in any realm than this spot…
I looked up at the sky, smiling happily to myself, and just watched the clouds drift by.
And for just a little while, I almost forgot I wasn't in my own body. I was totally at peace. I let all my worries fade away as I slowly shut my eyes, only opening them again at the sound of a gentle, shaky voice.
"...Are you awake, Lily?"
I sat up, and smiled as I saw Hisoka lowering herself into the hot spring. She'd shrunk down at some point, and she looked absolutely precious with her long, silky hair tied up in a pair of puffy buns. Teen heart be damned, I felt like a granny when I saw her, because I totally wanted to pinch her cheeks.
"Mhmm," I sleepily replied. "Well, I am now, ahaha. Been gone long?"
"Not too long, no. I-I didn't want to keep you waiting," she sweetly smiled, taking a seat right by my side. God, she looked so cute. I was a little taller than her now, and I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up into my arms and give her the biggest hug I could. Ehehe, maybe I'll be the one to pamper her.
"You sure? I don't mind if you wanna catch up! It's been a while since you've seen them, right? Go spend some quality time with them."
"N-no, I'm good, really… I call them every night as is, so I don't have much to say. They just keep fussing over how much I've grown," she said, letting out an adorable little giggle.
Every night?! Shit, you're a sweetie. I don't think I spoke to my parents that much back when I lived with them…
"And, have you?"
"Not you too!" she whined, burying her face in her hands. "I haven't, I swear!"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I've got a good idea of how big you are, trust me."
Because I can't stop losing it over how hot you are, fuck. It's no fair, you're such a hunk…
"Your family seems nice though! Very sweet. I see where you get it from," I grinned, knowing exactly what it'd do to her.
"Th-thanks…" she mumbled, and right on cue, her cheeks turned a bright, burning crimson. Shit, you're way too cute, Hisoka! "But they're so embarrassing, don't you think? Mama keeps fussing over me, Papa won't stop bragging about me, and Sis is the worst of both worlds! She treats me like a little kid, but she keeps sending photos of me to all of her friends! She calls them my fanclub, too! It's way too much…" she grumbled, trying and failing to make herself small enough to disappear entirely.
Can I sign up?! Hey, Sis! You got any free spots?! I'll come to every club meeting, I swear!
"That just shows how much they love you," I said, doing a great impression of someone who isn't a horny mutt. "You're lucky to have them. Cling onto what you've got, OK?"
"Mmm…" Hisoka hummed, pouting cutely to herself.
"Still, gotta say, I expected them to be…bigger? You spend so much of your time in your bigger form, I figured that was just the default for you."
"I guess it kinda is now, but…"
"Not how it works?"
"Not really," Hisoka shook her head. "Nothing's set in stone. We just choose whatever's more comfortable for us, and my family sees being bigger as more of a hassle."
"But you prefer being bigger, huh?"
"Hmm I…I dunno, I guess? I mean, I think I do, but…"
The poor girl was running herself in circles. It was adorable, but I really needed to help her along here.
"It's OK! Speak your mind. I won't judge you. Hell, my regular body's just as malleable. I go from runt to cow to err…the princess of Hell in the blink of an eye if my partners want it enough!"
"The…princess of Hell?"
"N-never mind! Don't worry about that!" I shouted. With actual inhibitions, I don't know if I had it in me to tell Hisoka what Haqua did to me in the name of Mio's writing. But man, I kinda miss it. Maybe I'll ask her to do it again sometime… "L-look, this is about you, right?"
"I umm…I guess I just kinda feel like neither side of me is…really me at all, ahaha…" she said, looking surprisingly glum as she gazed down into the waters.
"Shit, I'm sorry if this is touchy…"
"N-no, not at all! It's nice to say out loud, k-kinda…"
I reached over and gently squeezed her hand. She stiffened up for a moment, then smiled softly to herself.
"W-when I'm small I feel so weak and helpless… Everyone treats me like a kid, and that's if they see me at all. Most of the time, they just barrel right through me like I'm barely here at all. When I grow, that's not really a problem at all. I'm so much stronger, and it's a lot easier to feel calm and c-confident, and while most people still don't see me, everyone who does looks at me a whole lot more favorably. It's…it's just better that way. M-mostly, anyway…"
"'Mostly', huh?" I asked, smiling sympathetically.
"I, umm…I guess I worry I seem a little…distant when I'm big? I-I dunno, maybe that confidence isn't a good thing. A-and it's all an act anyway, so umm, it's no good, right? I sh-shouldn't lean on it too much… But maybe the way I act when I'm like this is what's actually fake, and…and I just don't know anymore…" she grumbled, hugging her knees tightly.
I swear, you and Radiata both…
"How gullible does everyone think I am?" I asked, leaning back and sighing deeply.
"G-gullible?! I-I didn't say anything like that!"
"I've spent plenty of time around both sides of you, Hisoka. And yeah, it seems like there's a gap in what you're like when you're big and small. Sometimes I can hardly believe that's the same person-
"See?!"
"-But then I think about it for a second. I think about how much warmth and kindness you're always showing, how hard you're always working, and how much you care about me and Radiata both, and…I guess it's impossible for me to see that as anyone but you, Hisoka. The more time I spend with you, the more I realize that really, there's no gap at all. All those feelings are yours, and they're all real."
"Th-they're not, they're an act-"
"If they were, I wouldn't be fooled by them," I said, as confidently as I could. "I'm sorry, Hisoka, but I don't think you have it in you to fake that sincerity. Big or small, you'd crumble until you were little more than rubble if you even tried to force it in front of anyone. You're a good girl, through and through. Honest, kind, loving, cool, and strong. That's how I'll always see you, no matter what form you take."
"B-but you got fooled by Radiata back in your world…"
For a second I paused. She was right, I had been fooled, back then. I suspected something was up, sure, but I didn't catch her out. Yamada pinned me to a wall, unmasked herself, and took a huge bite right outta me. I'd failed, then. I wouldn't be king if I'd been sharper.
But why didn't I see through it? Shouldn't it have been obvious? She was such an oddball, a weirdo who moved entirely to the beat of her own baffling drum. Anyone would've caught her out, but…I didn't. Nobody at the office did.
!!
And…I kinda got why that was the case, now. I thought back on her time at the zoo, how warm and giddy Radiata's smile had been as she looked at the birds, and I had all the answer I needed.
"Because that was still Radiata, through and through," I smiled. "Always has been. All her feelings, all the deeply awkward meals we shared, all the stupid moments she spent at my side, and…and even the time she really let me in. Maybe there was a mask on some of it, but…that was her, Hisoka. I saw it all. I saw what kind of person Radiata really was. She still tries to hide that away even now, but I'll never lose sight of her, just like I won't lose sight of you."
"But…but…"
"But nothing!" I declared, folding my arms underneath my chest. "I'm a king, and I know my attendants better than anyone!" I grinned at her. "My grumpy maid's a sweetheart, and my giant, tiny guard's a cool, loving heartthrob, no matter what she says!"
"H-heartthrob?!" Hisoka gasped.
"Yeah! The kind of girl I can rely on no matter what, who'll always do what she can to bring a smile to everyone's face! Sure, people think she doesn't stand out, but that's because they just don't get it, and they don't have a clue what they're missing out on, Hisoka. But they'll know one day, I'm sure of it! Keep your head held high, walk forward as confidently as you can, and there's no way they won't all see what I do when I look at you."
"R-Rina, I-I-I-"
Poor Hisoka looked ready to explode, so I gave her a gentle hug, and softly pet her back.
"Lily, remember?" I chuckled. "I've gotta be Lily today."
The poor girl choked up for a second, before laughing happily.
"You're the one talking about being King, silly!"
"Well, no matter how important the world makes me, I'll always be a dumbass," I laughed.
"Now that's not true," Hisoka shook her head as we pulled apart, smiling so happily to herself that her cheeks had to be aching like crazy. "I think you're pretty amazing, yourself, you kn-?"
"Rinarin?! Hiicchi?!"
FUCK!!!!!
This was a thousand times worse than what happened at the restaurant. Yet again, we'd been interrupted by a very familiar voice, but this time, they really knew who I was, no matter what body I was in.
"Y-Yuuki?!" I cried.
And as I looked up to see Yuuki staring down at the both of us in absolute shock, I suddenly remembered something that had somehow completely slipped my mind.
Iori was planning a trip to Hell, wasn't she? More than that, she was planning a trip to…to Rhody's hometown, with Yuuki and Rhody in tow. They were staying at a hotsprings inn and everything.
"B-but if you're here, then-!"
"Oh? Have we got some company, Yuuki?"
I felt a massive lump in my throat, as the sight of Iori, my Iori, the human-turned-helldrake I'd loved far longer than I realized, stepped into the spring and flashed Hisoka and I a pleasant, friendly smile.
"Are you two students? Sorry if we're intruding, I know nobody likes to share a hot spring with an old lady like me, ahaha," she laughed.
"Geez, Iori, don't say stuff like that!"
Sure enough, Rhody followed close behind, pouting up a storm as she grabbed Iori by the hand.
"I'm older than you, so if you call yourself old, then that'd make me a granny! Hmmmph!"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We're still very young, don't worry," Iori chuckled, pulling Rhody close and giving her a loving kiss on the lips.
Fuck, I miss you so much, Iori. I want that so bad, but…but…
No, keep it together. You're not you right now. It doesn't seem like they heard enough to really know who I am, so that's a relief, but… guh…
Behind them, Yuuki was gesturing for me to leave. The pair seemed sufficiently distracted, so it was probably my best window for it, but…I couldn't. I felt rooted to the spot, and then Rhody finally turned to address us.
"Oh, look at these sweeties!" she gasped. "They're so precious! Look Iori, look!"
"I saw them! They're really cute, aren't they?"
"U-umm, thank you…" Hisoka mumbled, twiddling her thumbs shyly.
"Y-yeah, thanks!" I responded, sounding as chipper as I could.
"Guessing you girls are…middle schoolers?"
C'mon, I've gotta be in highschool by now!
Wait, shit, that's not the problem here, teen brain!
"Ehehe, yup!" I forced a grin. "That's us! We're on a trip together!"
"Oh, I hope it's going great so far!" Iori smiled. "Do you know my friend Yuuki? It sounds like you've got some history."
"A-ah, yeah! They're one of my bestie's kids! This is Hiii- uhh…Hikage!" Yuuki said, as she joined the others in the hotspring. "And her little sister, uhh-"
"Lily!" I cut her off. "Sorry if you three wanted some privacy! We can get going, so-"
"Oh, don't worry about that, dears," Rhody smiled at us. "The more the merrier, right?"
"Mm, of course!" Iori smiled. "You look comfy, so stay and enjoy yourselves."
Shit.
"Y-yaaay~! Thanks, Miss!" I grinned, flashing Iori a peppy peace sign, hoping I seemed authentically…middle school, I guess. My teen heart helped, but I still felt woefully out of my depth here, earning a curious look from Iori that Yuuki quickly cut off with a kiss of her own.
Thanks, Yuuki, you're the best!
But…god, I wish I were in your position right now… I thought, watching as Iori reached down for Yuuki's butt, giving it a firm squeeze with her massive claws.
No no, wait, don't say that, you don't need to switch bodies again. I dunno what scares me more: Yuuki as king, or as me.
"Gosh, middle school, huh? Ufufu, the schools around here are so tiny, my class only had five people in it," Rhody chuckled. "It doesn't feel that long ago, but looking at you two, gosh, it really has been years…" she sighed, almost wistfully.
"You wanna go back?" Yuuki asked. "We could get you in a uniform and everything. You'd look adorbs, Rhody!"
Both Rhody and Hisoka looked ready to explode.
"N-no way, I'd look ridiculous! Maybe Iori's right, I am getting old…"
"Hey, c'mon, I didn't mean it…" Iori said, pulling Yuuki and Rhody towards her to give them both a gentle hug. "You're both perfect as you are."
"Mm, you're so pretty, Miss!" I said, my desire to leave briefly being trumped by my desire to make Rhody feel better. Seeing that girl cry always made me feel awful. Beneath the water, I gave Hisoka a quick nudge in the ribs, getting a loud, flustered cry out of her.
"Wah?! U-umm, right, you're g-gorgeous! All three of you look incredible…" Hisoka mumbled, following my lead capably. "I-it'd be so nice to grow up with curves like yours!"
She was probably acting but…
Hisoka, trust me, even when you're small…
I glanced down at her full, squishy chest, and felt my heart pound.
You're plenty curvy…
"Hear that, Rhody! The kids lo~ve you!" Yuuki grinned, playfully patting Rhody's butt and giggling at her adorably surprised yelp. "And kids are like, suuuuper honest! Not a bad bone in their bods!"
Hey, we're middle schoolers, not toddlers.
W-wait, no, I mean we're adults! We're playing middle schoolers, and-
"Ahh, kids are the best!" Rhody cried, mere moments before she leapt over to our side of the hot spring and wrapped us up in an eager hug, smooshing the both of us against her marshmallow knockers.
"Ohhhhh, that's the stuff…" I moaned, my muttbrain taking charge and forcing the words out before I could think any better. Thankfully, they were drowned out by a certain someone, who was screaming for dear life.
"Whaaa! I-I'm getting dizzy!" Hisoka cried, as Rhody twirled us around happily.
"You're so sweet, both of you! Gosh, I wish we could take you girls home with us! Can we, Rhody?! Don't you think it'd be lovely to have a pair of darlings like these girls around the house? We could walk them to school each day, and record their first school plays, and-"
"Rhody, they're middle schoolers, not toddlers."
That's what I'm saying! Iori, your fiancée's about to start a major incident here!
"Awww, I still think you should. They'd be so lucky to have such gorgeous mommies. Ooh, guess I'd be like a mom to them too, huh? Wehehe, I'll make 'em mini-gyaru in no time! Someone's gotta stop Rina from making them into mutts!" Yuuki grinned, snapping countless photos of us.
"H-hey!" I cried, forgetting myself for just a second.
Shit! Hopefully nobody noticed…
And, hey! Yuuki, who's side are you on?! Get her off of us, don't make her more excited! We've gotta get out of here!
Much to, I've gotta imagine, everyone's surprise, Yuuki's words seemed to do exactly that. Barely a second after Yuuki had finished talking, she completely froze, gently loosening her grip on both of us.
"M-Miss? Is something the matter." I asked, seriously worried about whatever had gotten to her.
"Dizzy…" Hisoka grumbled, wobbling in place.
"...Mommies…" she repeated, gazing into the waters of the hotspring.
Oh no…
The yearning on Rhody's face would've brought a tear to anyone's eye.
"I want that soooo badly, Iori! We've gotta go for it!"
"Keeping them?! Rhody, we can't just-"
"Being mommies, Iori! I want a little sweetie of our own who we can cuddle, and kiss, and hold, and tuck into bed each night, and…"
Oh no, Iori, hang in there.
"W-wait, where's this coming from all of a sudden, just seeing these two?!" she asked, sounding utterly exasperated as Rhody wandered over to her and hugged Iori tightly, sighing happily as she rubbed her cheek against Iori's chest.
"Oooh, we have to, we just have to!" Rhody squealed, not answering her question. "With you two, Haqua, Mio, and Rina, they'd just be so, so loved! I want to pick up all sorts of cute clothes they can wear, and decorate their room with so many fun things! I'll paint a mural on their wall, and we can read to them every night, and…
As Rhody listed off every single thing she could think of about her idyllic parental dream, Yuuki looked over to me and Hisoka, and hurriedly lifted her chin towards the exit.
"Right, we've gotta go. Rhody and Iori are distracted, but we need to get out of here," I said, whispering as I leaned in close to Hisoka, who concurred.
"R-right, I'll take the lead. Stay close," Hisoka instructed, moving so quickly and quietly that it was a wonder she didn't work as a ninja. I was markedly less stealthy, but even so, as I leapt out of the hot spring, I was incredibly relieved to see that nobody had noticed.
When I reached the exit though, I paused, and turned to see Iori still flailing to change the topic.
"Rh-Rhody, look, we can talk about this later, but we've got company, so…"
Right. I couldn't stay. Rhody was a sharp girl, and once she calmed down, she'd almost definitely catch on to who I was. I'd barely spent a minute with Iori, but…I had to cut it short, no matter how much I wished that wasn't the case.
Sorry, Iori. We'll be together again soon, I promise.
Hisoka grabbed my hand, and pulled me inside the changing room, frantically dressing me to leave.
"We'll sneak out the back," Hisoka said, already starting to walk us out. "My family should be at the front entrance for a while, so we can get out without anyone else seeing us, and-"
I grabbed her hand, and squeezed it tightly.
"Hey, Hisoka?" I asked, wearing a small, strained smile. "Think you could say goodbye to your family on the way out?"
"I-I can't, they'll keep us forever, and-"
"They'll understand, Hisoka. They love you, and they deserve this much, at least. Say what you can to them while you still have the chance, OK?"
"L-Lily, but-"
Hisoka paused, as she looked into my eyes. Maybe I'd sounded a little too serious, but…not being able to say anything of the sort to Iori stung. I couldn't leave Hisoka with that kind of regret. Worse, I couldn't leave her family out in the cold. They'd been so happy to see their daughter, I wasn't about to pluck her away without letting any of them see her off.
Hisoka squeezed my hand in return, and headed for the front desk without a word. She was a good girl, through and through.
"Ah, heading out already, Hii?" Hisoka's sister called out, more or less the instant she saw us.
"Ah, y-yeah," Hisoka nodded. "Can you call Mama and Papa over? I'd like to say goodbye."
"Ahhh, crappy timing, they just went over to my place to check on the kiddo," her sister smiled happily. "I told 'em the babysitter's got it, but they love the little tyke too much to stay away. Just gotta be careful they don't spoil her rotten," she laughed.
"Th-that so…?"
"Gettin' misty-eyed, Hii?" her sister asked, sauntering over to us and resting a hand atop her little sister's head. "Ah, you're a good kid, after all. We were all worried the city might push ya away from us, but you're just as gentle as ever. That was clear as day the moment you walked in! No wonder my little girl loves seeing your pictures so much!"
Hisoka let out a small sob, and hugged her sister tightly, while I stepped back and watched them with a smile.
"I'd love to have you stay for dinner, but I won't keep you. Important royal business to tend to, right your highness?" her sister asked, looking right at me. Both Hisoka and I gasped, too stunned to keep our cool.
"...S-sorry? My name's Lily, and-"
"Yep yep, whatever you say, Lord Lily," she snickered. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Long as you keep my little sis safe, of course."
I sighed, then relented.
"She's the one keeping me safe, but…sure. Always. With my life, if I have to."
"Whoa whoa, don't go dying on us! Whew, you'll give Hii nightmares!"
I already have died on her! Twice!
Her sister placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.
"But thanks. Knowing little Hii's doing so well makes us happier than you could know. No matter how far away she goes, long as she's in good spirits, then I don't have a thing to complain about.."
"Sis…" Hisoka squeaked, clearly feeling intensely flustered.
"Keepin' ya? Right right, off you go! Train's leaving in five, so you'd better hustle."
"R-right!" Hisoka gasped, taking me by the hand and hurrying me out of the inn. "Bye, Sis! I love you!"
Her sister looked surprised for a moment, then gave an enthusiastic wave.
"Love you too, Hii!"
We sprinted for the station as fast as we could, just barely making it onto the train mere moments before it made for the capital.
And we were, once again, safe. Free to breathe easy, at least for a little while.
As the train slowly powered through the countryside, I heard Hisoka sniffle a little, and saw her smiling happily to herself.
I pulled her in close to me, let her lay against my side, and gently pet her hair.
"You did good, Hii," I whispered. "Thanks for the wonderful day."
"Mm," she nodded, her tears flowing a little more freely now. "Sorry you had to see me cry like this, ahaha…"
"You kidding?" I asked, grinning down at her. "If you asked me, you've never looked prettier, Hisoka. Thanks for showing me something so wonderful."
Her smile grew tremendously uneven, and she buried her face in my lap. Much as I wanted to keep it in, I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at that.
God, she was cute.
Much as I can complain about the gig, if there was one upside to being king, it had to be my attendants. Fuck, I was glad to have spent the day with Hisoka. I needed this more than I really knew how to express.
Now I just needed to fix things with Radiata. I'd been disheartened til now, let it really eat at me, but after today, there was no way I could let things stay that way.
You hear me, Radiata?
We're gonna turn things around, you got that? So you'd better get ready! I'm not letting you leave a damn thing unsaid!