"Resta, did you see?! They've got Aibo here, too! Ohhh, they're not even on sale anymore back home! I wanna get one! A rare one that nobody else on Earth owns!" Mio giggled, flopping back onto the big, cushy bed in her hotel room.
"The robot dogs?" Resta asked, tilting her head, curiously. The artificial body she was using was a little stiff, but it conveyed her feelings adequately enough. "I can get you one if you'd like, sure, but I wouldn't have guessed you'd want something like that, honestly."
"Ehehe, my mom had one that she loved when I was a little girl. That's probably why I grew up to be such a dog lover, huh?"
"I'd think there's a world of difference between her and Rina," Resta chuckled, as she triple checked the schedule for the day ahead. "Though she'd probably get jealous of one, all the same."
"Oooh, yeah, she definitely would!" Mio grinned, vibrating with excitement. "Then I've gotta get one! She'll be so cute, getting all worked up over a toy like that, ehehe!"
"I'll grab you one after the signing, then," Resta smiled. "Glad to see you feeling calmer, Mio."
"Oh, I'm still nervous," Mio let out a small sigh, and smiled softly to herself. "Buuuut making a little vacation out of this is taking the edge off. You're really pampering me, Resta! Dinner was so yummy last night…"
"Anything for you. I'm not just saying that as your editor, either. You're family, Mio. I'll always be there to help you."
"Ehehe…" Mio giggled, leaning in as Resta gently petted her with a ball-jointed hand. "Thanks, Resta. I just hope I don't make a bad impression in front of the King, that's all…"
"Oh, no way!" Resta chuckled. "If anything, she's probably nervous about meeting you. Can you imagine? She'll be talking to one of Hell's hottest rising stars!"
Mio laughed, grateful for the joke.
"But if you're still worried, then picture her as…Rina, OK?" Resta asked, giggling to herself. "There's no way you could feel intimidated around her!"
"Ehehe, that's a great idea!" Mio grinned. "Maybe I can get her in a collar, too!"
"Maybe don't treat her exactly like Rina," Resta laughed, hoping that Mio was just joking. "There's no way the King's that big of a pervert."
❖❖❖
"No, you cannot wear a collar with this," Radiata said, sighing coldly at me.
"Hey now, not just a collar! I want a leash, too!" I grinned.
"Rejected," came her flat reply. "Take this seriously, Lord Suzume. I took great pains to select an outfit for you this evening, so please don't deviate from that."
I let out a small sigh, smiling to myself as Radiata started to dress me up for the evening. She hadn't defrosted even a little bit in the time since that night in the baths, but that didn't mean I was about to give up or let anything get me down. I'd break through to her the only way I knew how: By being a stupidly excitable mutt, even if it killed me!
And hell, let it kill me! I'll come back as many times as it takes to get her to open up. You hear that, Radiata?! You're gonna warm back up, no matter what!
"Ohhhh, this looks great!" I exclaimed, admiring my reflection in the mirror and sizing up the stylish, elegant evening gown Radiata had dressed me in. She said that she'd taken great pains to select it, and I completely believed that. I was a little older, today, a little bit of a cougar, honestly, but the dress seemed as though it was picked out for this exact moment of Lord Suzume's life. A mature, graceful fit that'd leave no doubt in anyone's mind as to who was really fit to rule over Hell.
I…I mean, as long as they don't pick up on who's really in this body, ahaha…
But still, it looked fantastic. I'd never dressed up in anything this gorgeous before. Far as I was from my ideal, runty self, there was something to be said about getting to look so…so stunning, honestly.
"You've got great taste, Radiata!"
"Is that so?" she asked, in the flattest voice I'd ever heard.
"Mm, yeah! I love it! Doesn't it look lovely, Hisoka?" I turned to ask my much-friendlier bodyguard.
"Mm, incredible, My Lord," Hisoka softly smiled. "The very picture of regality."
"Ehehe, right?" I laughed, cockily placing my hands on my hips. "Riiiight, Radiata?"
"As long as you don't open your mouth, I suppose…" Radiata sighed, clearly wanting no part of this.
Oh-ho…
I cleared my throat, straightened myself up, and donned a devilishly cool smirk.
"A servant, demanding her king not to speak? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're quite the glutton for punishment, Radiata…" I cooed, doing my best impression of the haughty, confident king who'd stolen my heart before I realized that she was a brat like me. This would do it. This would get Radiata's icy facade to crumble. "But I think we can find more than a few things you'd be delighted to hear me say, don't you?"
C'moooon. You've gotta loosen up after that, right? Yell at me, get all blushy and call me pathetic!
Radiata stared at me blankly for a moment, before turning around and letting out a heavy sigh.
"Mm, that's better. Don't let that act slip tonight."
Guh. No dice, huh?
"I won't, don't worry," I sighed, slipping back into my usual register. "There gonna be a lot of people at this signing?"
"It should be a fairly intimate affair, all-told. Still, there'll be press on you for much of the night, and the event will be highly publicized after the fact, so stay focused."
"Got it, got it," I gave her a thumbs up. "That'd have terrified me a few weeks ago, but now…I dunno, that sounds totally doable. Guess playing king's affected me more than I thought. Haaah, wonder if my partners'll tell me I've changed when I get back to them."
"Nonsense, you're still you," Hisoka gently smiled at me. "They'll all see that clearly."
"Mm," Radiata concurred, so devoid of enthusiasm that she couldn't even muster up the simplest insult for me. Just a 'mutt' or something would've hit! But nope, she's wallowing.
I'll get you outta your head soon, Radiata, I swear.
"So it's…it's OK that I haven't read this book, right?" I asked. "I don't even know who the author is…"
Radiata let out a loud, painfully annoyed sigh.
Shit, it is a problem, isn't it?! Dammit, this is just gonna make you even icier!
"You've read the book," Radiata replied.
"Right, yeah, that's the act I've gotta run with as Lord Suzume, but-"
"Lord Suzume hasn't read the book. You have, Rina Saeki."
"But-"
"Must I spell it out?" she asked, her eyes telling me she wanted nothing more than to end this conversation as quickly as possible. "You've read the book, and you know the author.'
My eyes widened.
"You're kidding…" I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "Oh my god, how did I forget?!?!"
I was brought to my knees, stunned that I'd reached a new pathetic low.
"I'll be meeting Mio!!!" I cried.
For weeks before I was kidnapped, Mio alternated between buzzing about and dreading an upcoming book signing in Hell. It stressed the hell out of her, but she insisted on doing it all the same, saying that she had a duty to show her gratitude to every fan who'd come to love her work lately.
How many pep talks had I given her? How many times had I told her how proud I was that she'd come so far? How many cups of tea did I make her when she got jittery? How much had I hugged her when she started to panic, overcome with the worry that she didn't deserve any of this?
And then I went ahead and forgot about all of it, just like that.
"Ah, Lord Suzume, are you OK?!" Hisoka ran to my side, helping me onto my feet and carefully walking me to a nearby seat. "Your dress isn't damaged, at least…"
"I-I'm…I'm the worst, aren't I, Hisoka?" I asked, smiling weakly up at her.
"What? No, not at all," Hisoka insisted. "What's gotten into you, Lord Suzume?"
"Is there a problem, Rina Saeki?" Radiata asked.
Yes.
Yeah, there's a huge problem, Radiata.
I'm a terrible partner. I forgot all about something so important to Mio, and now…
Now I can't even go see her.
"I've gotta cancel."
"What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I-I have to cancel, I can't go. I just can't."
"And whyever not? You understand how much work you've already missed, don't you?"
"I-I do, but-"
"Wait, really, what's happening here?" Hisoka asked, cutting me off. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but…but something's wrong, and I want to help."
I couldn't deny her that much. Hisoka, no matter what, had always been on my side.
"My partner," I told Hisoka. "The author I'll be meeting is my partner. I…I knew she'd be coming to Hell for a signing and I just…I forgot all about it."
"You've been forced to live a completely different life, Rina," Hisoka said, squeezing my hand firmly. "You've died twice now, too. Nobody'd blame you for forgetting…"
"It…it meant so much to Mio…"
"And you'll be attending, right?" Hisoka asked. "So you'll be supporting her, even if she doesn't know it's you…"
"That's the worst part," I said, my eyes brimming over with tears. "I…I just don't know if I have it in me, you two. I can't keep hiding in front of everyone. It's…it's awful, I hate it so much…"
Hisoka bit her lip. She'd seen what it had been like for me when we met Adri and the others, and she was right there with me when I could barely talk to Iori. She knew how much this was tearing me up.
"Let her stay home, Radiata," Hisoka said, turning to face her. "She can't handle this."
"She can. She's been in higher spirits since her little outing with you, and the way you told it, she met one of her partners then, too. They didn't even discover her identity, so clearly she's capable of-"
"It doesn't matter if she can keep up the act or not, it's wearing her down," Hisoka insisted. "She's still got no idea when she'll get to go back home, so dangling her partners in front of her like this is…it's awful, Radiata."
"I'm not dangling anything in front of her, I'm simply getting her to tend to her duties as king. She's assured me on countless occasions that she can do so admirably, and I've placed my faith in her time and time again. I am simply doing the same here."
"But you didn't tell her who she'd be meeting, did you?" Hisoka asked. "You knew it'd hurt, so you didn't tell her anything, because you hoped she wouldn't have to do this."
Radiata froze. Shit, so did I.
"You might act cold, but I know how kind you are. I know how hard you've been working to make this easier on Rina, even if you can't show it. You're in a foul mood, so you've lost sight of that lately, but I know you wouldn't force this if you were your usual self, Radiata…"
"You don't know anything about me, so if you would kindly-"
"I've admired you for years," Hisoka cut her off. "I had a lot of reasons for becoming a guard, but…but I thought if I could be half as incredible as you, someone who stands out just by supporting the people around her, then maybe people might notice me, too."
Shit, Hisoka…
"So…so please, don't act like this, Radiata. Just give her this one break, OK? I'll help you with any cleanup that comes from her missing this, so…please."
Radiata looked at me for a moment, her eyes filled with something I couldn't quite place.
And she let out a heavy sigh.
"...Fine. Lord Suzume, I will excuse you from attending, so-"
"I-I'll go," I said, rising to my feet. "Don't excuse me, OK? I can't keep giving you two all this extra work."
"Rina, please, don't prioritize us! We're your servants!" Hisoka insisted.
"No, you're not," I told them. "You both mean far, far more to me than that, and I'm really tired of how difficult I've made this on both of you, so…I'm gonna be brave today."
"It's been difficult for you, too…" Radiata said, mustering more emotion than I'd heard from her in weeks.
Attagirl, Radiata. You're getting there…
"It's fine. It's fine, I'm a glutton for punishment," I brushed it off, putting on my bravest face. I couldn't let either of them worry. If I wanted Radiata to warm up to me again, if I wanted this work to not swallow me up whole, I needed to do my best here.
It'd hurt, it'd probably feel like complete crap, but, well…
I could take it.
"Besides, it'll be kinda fun to flaunt myself in front of Mio," I laughed, admiring my dress again.
"Rina, you…" Hisoka started, though the words caught in her throat.
"Lord Suzume," I told her. "Tonight, I'm Lord Suzume, and I'll do great."
I heard a small sound from Radiata, but before she could turn it into even the simplest word, she stopped, and tightly gripped the hem of her skirt before turning to leave.
"Radiata, you OK?" I called after her.
"We leave in twenty minutes," she said. "Call me if there's any trouble."
It wasn't much, but…
Well, I could tell she was trying.
❖❖❖
"Alright, this marks our last question for the day," a staff member said, leading someone in the crowd to walk forward.
"Miss Ikeda, are there any areas of your work you really struggle with? I'm an aspiring author, and I have such a hard time making my dialogue feel natural, so any advice a pro like you might have to offer would be incredibly helpful."
"Oh! There's so much I struggle with! If I didn't have so many people telling me they loved my work, I'd still think it was awful, ehehe… If you ask me, we're both too hard on ourselves, but to give you a more concrete answer…"
God, you're so cute, Mio…
I watched from a small sideroom as Mio wrapped up a Q&A with her fans. I'd come out dressed to the nines, but she, or Resta, was no slouch when it came to picking out something for her. I'd never seen her look like such a fancy little professional before, and…and it honestly made me want to cry a little bit. She looked so lovely, and once she'd gotten past her initial awkwardness, she handled her fans like a champ, talking to them with all the warmth, kindness, and sincerity that made her so easy to adore. It was no wonder that the mood in the venue hall was so light that evening. There wasn't a single unhappy face to be seen.
Well, if you ignored Radiata… And Hisoka looked really worried about me, and my dignified smile was absolutely a little forced, but-
Look, we were stressed, but it'd be fine. It'd be great. I wouldn't let Mio's special day go anything less than perfectly.
"That's it for the Q&A, but we have one more surprise for you all," Resta addressed the crowd, where she was met with a hushed excitement. "Please give a warm welcome to Lord Suzume!"
The crowd broke out into giddy applause, and I knew my time was up. I'd stayed in the shadows all night, and it was time to come out there.
Oh, if only you all knew who you were really seeing…
"Good luck, Lord Suzume. You'll do wonderfully."
"Give it your all."
Hisoka and Radiata gave me some gentle assurance as I went on my way, flashing them the briefest smile before stepping out in front of the crowd.
The spotlight had gotten easier to bear, sure, but with Mio's lively pink eyes on me, I felt ready to melt at any moment. Still, I couldn't afford to become a king slime now, so I kept myself as steady as I could as I waved to the crowd, Resta, and Mio on my way to my seat. Despite the flips my stomach had been doing all night, I kept it together well enough to fool everyone, it seemed, and took a seat by Mio's side with a smile.
I got a whiff of her perfume and nearly burst into tears, sure, but…well, I held it together.
"It's so amazing to meet you, Lord Suzume!" she giddily whispered, as the crowd continued to clap and cheer.
To 'meet me', huh? Guh, that stings…
"The pleasure's all mine, Miss Ikeda," I elegantly smiled at her. "I'm quite the fan, I'll have you know."
"Really?!" she gasped, wearing the most cutely flustered expression as she bolted back in her chair.
Fuck, Fuck, I love you so much, Mio.
I wanted to sob. How had someone so adorable chosen to spend their life with me?
"Mm, I'm quite the fan of Rika Sasaki, I'll have you know. She's such a tender lover, and so very dashing…"
"Right? She's actually based off of my, umm…"
I smiled, knowing exactly what she was going to say, and that only made things hurt that much more.
"There's no need to tell me if it's private," I assured her, "I'm sure they're flattered, all the same."
Mio nodded and smiled bashfully.
"Though, umm, she kind of reminds me of you, ehehe…"
A lump formed in my throat. As the crowd died down, I was only grateful I didn't have to respond to what she'd just told me. I wasn't sure I could without getting choked up, in truth.
Our little roundtable conversation felt like it simultaneously lasted an eternity and no time at all. I wanted so badly for it to end, yet I knew that once it did, most of my time with Mio would be over.
But I really couldn't stand it, how all the praise I had to offer her work had to be filtered through a life that didn't understand Mio anywhere near as well as I did. I stayed as sincere as I could, told her and the crowd all about the moments that made me laugh and weep. But so much of it needed to be shot through with regality, as I told her all about how culturally important her work was, how it brought a fresh new perspective to Hell's literary scene, and that her depiction of love in the human realm was touching to the point where I was certain it would lead to greater relations between humans and demons alike.
But none of that was really what I wanted to say. I didn't want to make big, broad, dignified statements like that.
I wanted to tell her just how damn proud I was of her. I wanted to tell her how cute she looked when she really got stuck in. I wanted to tell her that nothing made me happier than bringing her a cup of hot cocoa and a hug when she was burning the midnight oil. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, and that I wanted to cry now that I got to see other people love her work as much as I do.
I wanted to say a ton, but I couldn't.
The conversation was amicable, yes, but only as far as it could be between two people who'd technically never met each other, and who were having their first real conversation in front of a massive crowd. Mio was as sweet as ever, but…it just couldn't match up to what we shared.
But I got through it. I kept up my act all the while, and I pushed on until it was over. Mio and I said a pleasant little goodbye, she gave me a signed copy of her work, and I did my very best to not start weeping on the way back to Radiata and Hisoka.
"You did wonderfully up there, Lord Suzume," Hisoka told me, warmth slipping through her steely facade as I made it to the sideroom, away from prying eyes.
"Indeed, the crowd and Mio Ikeda both seemed inspired by your every word," Radiata praised me, placing an arm on my shoulder as I began to shake.
"Let's just go," I mumbled back to them, trying to hold back my tears. "As soon as we're back, I-"
"Lord Suzume!"
Mio called out to me, and the three of us spun on our heels to see her rushing towards me.
"M-Miss Ikeda?!" I called back, quickly steeling myself again. I couldn't see her let me cry, even like this. I…I knew it was bad for her to spend more time with me, but I couldn't deny how grateful I felt to see her smiling face again. "You have books to sign, no? Do you have time to speak with me."
"Mm, I cleared it with Resta, so we're all good!" Mio grinned. "Well, for a few minutes anyway. If this room starts feeling haunted, then you know she's mad, ehehe…"
I couldn't help but chuckle a little. Was Suzume this easily charmed by Mio? Did she also feel a little lighter and warmer just getting to be by her side?
"Is something the matter, Madam Ikeda?," Radiata asked. "Lord Suzume was about to retire to the castle for the evening."
Was she looking out for me? She knew it hurt talking to Mio, but…with how she'd been lately, I…
No, she was definitely trying to help. Even so, I couldn't just push Mio away.
"It's fine, Radiata. A few more minutes with my favorite author sounds delightful," I told her, giving her a small nod as she shot me a concerned look.
"Ah, I won't keep you too long, promise! But…ohhh gosh, are you a real maid?! Wowowow~! You're so pretty, and those spider legs are so stylish~! Awww, I'm jealous, I wish I looked half as good as you…"
"I- Well, that's… You're rather pretty too, so…"
Radiata had met her match. There were none who could stand in the face of her relentless warmth.
"Ohhh, did you hear that, Lord Suzume?! A real maid called me pretty!"
"And she speaks true," I smiled.
"Kya~! A king, too!" Mio cried, pressing her hands to her cheeks.
I need her. I need her, I need her, I need her!
"And I'm sure that Hisoka would say the same as well," I offered, thrilled to see a small blush cross her and Mio's cheeks at the same time.
"I- ohhhh gosh, how did I miss you there? You're so handsome…" Mio cooed, visibly drooling over Hisoka's tall, powerful build.
"...Mm, you're really cute too, Miss Ikeda…" Hisoka mumbled, scratching her cheek. "And it's OK, people tend to not notice me…"
"But you're so cool…"
"Mm, well…" Hisoka clearly wasn't sure how to respond, her blush deepening as her legs trembled slightly. I could tell she was giving her all to staying tall, though I knew that Mio'd love her even more if she saw her other form, too.
"Oh umm, Lord Suzume," Mio started. I wanted to tell her to drop the 'lord' part, or hell, just call me Rina, but, well… I had an image to maintain. "We had to wrap things up pretty quick there, but umm, I wanted to thank you for being so sweet about my book. It made me feel a whole lot calmer, ehehe…"
For as bold as Mio had become around me, she was still the same sweet, gentle girl she'd been since we first met. Ugh, I'm gonna cry just thinking about her.
"I meant every word, you know? It wouldn't be right for a king to deal in empty praise."
"Oh, I know! I never doubted your word for a second!" Mio grinned. "I'm… Y'know, I think I'm an OK judge of character, maybe."
I think you just see the best in everyone, Mio…
"But I was so scared when I first saw you walking towards me, ehehe. I've never been around royalty before, so I was worried you'd be really intimidating!"
"Perish the thought. Lord Suzume works tirelessly for her people. No good can come of striking fear in their hearts."
"Ohhhh, kings are really different in Hell, huh…" Mio folded her arms, nodding sagely. "I guess I got that when you sat down next to me. Something about the way you smiled when you talked about my books made it feel like, I dunno, like I was talking to an old friend, ehehe… I just knew I could trust you."
I could see Hisoka and Radiata tense up, while I…I just felt something welling up in me, begging me to hold her. I don't think she recognized me, really. Honestly, what killed me most was that she definitely didn't, but…just getting to be around her, to lose myself in her warmth if only for a little bit, made me yearn for her so very desperately.
Guh, listen to me…
"Umm, I probably shouldn't say this, but my partner Haqua used to work with you, and she told me so many nice things about you!"
"Haqua Est Vir Sida?" I asked, holding back tears. "It's wonderful to hear she still thinks so highly of me."
"Mm! She definitely does!" Mio nodded. "She actually wanted me to say hi to you, y'know? She says it's been way too long since you two've spoken."
"...Did she, now?"
Fuck. Fuck, Haqua. I miss you so much…
"Mm! She misses you a lot, I can tell! So if you're ever up for it, our doors are always open to you, Lord Suzume! We'd love to have you!"
Nope. I couldn't. I just couldn't.
How was I meant to hold myself back after that?
"I…that's a lovely offer…" I said, sniffling as a tear rolled down my cheek.
"My Lord?!" Radiata and Hisoka cried, rushing to hold me steady.
"L-Lord Suzume, are you crying?"
What would Suzume herself say here?
If I had to guess, she'd deny it, or play it cool. If she admitted she was crying, it would be dressed all extravagantly. She'd tell Mio something about how she merely weeps over the beauty of the bonds she's forged in her time as king, or something like that.
But I couldn't do that. Not now.
"Mm," I nodded. "It's...it's just as Haqua said. It's been way too long. Feels like forever, honestly, ahaha…"
I chuckled, and all regality left me.
"Sorry, you shouldn't have to see me like this, but-"
As I tried to wipe away my tears, Mio hugged me tightly, holding me so tenderly that I felt as though I might melt into her.
"Nuh-uh, it's an honor, Lord Suzume," she whispered. "I feel really lucky, getting to see you be so honest. I know Haqua'll be so happy to know you want to see her so bad."
"Mm," I nodded. "Mm, I bet she will…"
"So whenever you stop by—doesn't matter if it's today, tomorrow, or years from now—we'll whip you up something tasty and really make you feel at home, OK?" Mio asked. "But, between you and me, I sure don't hope it takes that long."
My vision was too clouded by tears to even make out her smile, but I could tell it was there, as loving and sincere as it always was.
"It won't be," I told her. "I'll come back really soon."
"Back?" Mio asked, pressing a finger to her cheek.
"Back to see Haqua, of course," Hisoka covered for me, knowing that there was no way I could handle it.
"Ehehe, of course," Mio giggled, before her phone started buzzing. "Aw, looks like Resta wants me back… I better not keep her waiting, she's been so good to me…"
No, please…
She pulled away, and flashed me a smile so brilliant that not even my tears could hide it.
Please, Mio…
Just stay a little longer…
"Thanks so much for being so amazing, Lord Suzume!" Mio grinned, waving enthusiastically at the three of us. "Let's all hang out again soon, OK?"
"If we have the time, certainly," Radiata said.
"We'll make the time," Hisoka insisted.
"...Mio…" I mumbled, unable to get another word out. Though my voice was far, far too quiet to reach her. My talons gripped the floor tightly, locking me in place. I wanted so badly to follow her, but…but in my heart, I knew I couldn't.
"Bye-bye! Lord Suzume!" Mio beamed, before hurrying back to her editor.
Bye-bye, Mio…
The very second we were alone, I fell to pieces. My knees buckled, and I dropped to the ground, crying my eyes out.
"Uwahhhhhhhh!" I bawled, too weak to stop myself.
"My Lord…"
I was sure Radiata wanted to stop me, but she didn't. She didn't even try. Both she and Hisoka stood by me, letting me get it all out.
I think, deep down, we all knew it'd go this way.
❖❖❖
"Feeling better, Rina?" Hisoka asked, setting me down on the bed.
"I-I'm fine, Hisoka, really," I smiled. "Sorry, I just got a little high-strung, I guess…"
"Come now," Radiata sighed, taking a seat by my side and gently patting my back. "Dogs are terrible at lying. Say what you want to say, Rina Saeki."
I chuckled, and softly smiled at her.
"So, you melted, huh?"
Radiata paused for a moment, then gave a small nod.
"I…suppose so, yes…"
"I'm so glad," Hisoka smiled, wiping away a small tear of her own. "I was worried you hated us…"
Radiata shook her head, and whispered a small "…I could never…" under her breath. We both heard her, but we let that slide. I think we were both just happy to have her back.
"But this isn't about me," Radiata cleared her throat. "Rina Saeki, you're still hurting, so confide in us! We're your loyal servants, after all!"
"Haaah, I missed your shouts," I sighed, flopping back on the bed.
"That's good, I have plenty more left in me," Radiata huffed, as she and Hisoka lay right down by my side.
"What about you, Hisoka? Think you could yell at me? You'd make for a good stern dad, y'know?"
"Dad?" Hisoka furrowed her brow.
"Never mind," I shook my head, and chuckled softly. For a moment, I stayed silent, looking up at the canopy above me. I didn't have a lot of complicated feelings to untangle, I wasn't weighed down by anything that I just couldn't express.
These feelings, this all-encompassing melancholy, was as simple as simple gets.
"I'm lonely," I uttered, letting the words hang for a moment, before everything tumbled out of me. "I miss Haqua, I miss Mio, I miss Iori, I miss Rhody, I miss my friends and family, I miss getting curry with Shizuku and the others, I miss coming home to my partners, I miss the way they'd tease me and taunt me and hold me close because they love me so much, I miss knowing that each night, I could curl up next to them and fall asleep with a smile on my face, because I know that they'll be there when I wake up."
I wore a bitter smile and let out all my hurt. I didn't have it in me to cry, or shout, or anything.
So I just spoke, quietly and calmly, even as I was being torn apart from the inside.
"Everyone who loves me is so far away, and I hate it more than anything."
Neither Hisoka nor Radiata said anything. For a second, I wondered if…no, I hoped that they'd fallen asleep, honestly. It'd be easier that way, without my foul mood eating away at them both.
"Sleep well, you t-" I started, sitting up to give them some space, before I was pulled right back down between the both of them, gazing up into their eyes as they pinned me to the bed.
"That's not true."
They both spoke in tandem, their feelings coalescing into something too powerful and pure for me to argue with, no matter how much my present self-loathing begged me to.
I knew what they wanted to say, and I'd be sure to listen to all of it.
"Because we love you, Rina."
"Not as your servants," Hisoka started, smiling coolly, her eyes reflecting all the strength and devotion that made her so very beautiful.
"And not because you're in Lord Suzume's body…" Radiata added, wearing a sweet, bashful smile of her own, her eyes showing me an endless font of warmth and kindness where they'd once seemed so harsh and cold.
"But because you're you, Rina," Hisoka told me. "The woman who helped me understand myself."
"Because you're my senpai, who strives to see the best in me, no matter what," Radiata…Yamada? No, both of them started, leaning down to lick my cheek, "and my prey, who I swear I'll devour…"
"And if we all share these feelings…" Hisoka said, gently taking me by the hand.
"Then don't hold anything back," Radiata smiled, guiding my other hand to her butt. "Because we want you, Rina. All of you."
"And we'd love it if you'd take all of us, too…"
I knew my answer.
I'd known my answer for a while now, honestly. I'd let my inhibitions and doubts cloud my mind, but the answer had been there for quite some time.
Call me a mutt who's too loose with her feelings, who'll fall for anyone who even shows her the slightest bit of warmth…
But I knew what I wanted to say.
"I love both of you, too… I-I want to be with you, always…"
There was no going back, now.
Come what may, our feelings were clear.
They both smiled, first at each other, then down at me.
Their eyes, and surely mine too, were filled with a deep, gnawing hunger. I knew that look all too well, and there was only one way to satisfy it.
Tonight, we'd hold nothing back.
"Take me, girls."