❖ 9 ❖
Doesn't matter what body I'm in, if anyone saw how giddy I looked right now, they'd know that there isn't a royal bone in my…er, soul.
"A-all of this is for me?! I can have as much of this as I want?!" I asked, turning to face Radiata, who shot me a harsh, annoyed glare as she wiped my lip with a napkin.
"You're drooling, My Lord."
"R-right, my bad!" I laughed, forgetting that I was meant to be acting, so I cleared my throat and tried again."A fine banquet, as always. Be sure to give the chefs my immense and undying gratitude. My days are brighter for their efforts."
Radiata, surprisingly, started blushing like crazy, and turned away from me in a pretty shoddy effort to hide how bashful she looked.
"My Lord isn't normally so…effusive, but your gratitude is appreciated..."
Laid it on a little too thick, huh? God, you're cute when you're shy, though.
"Ohhh, made it yourself, huh?" I smirked, patting her on the shoulder. "Well then double my gratitude. This can't have been easy all on your own!"
Seriously, it was ridiculous! This felt like the kind of banquet hall you'd only see in fiction, a massive room with a gigantic table that could seat hundreds all at once, and somehow, despite its ridiculous side, it was covered from end to end in all kinds of foods I couldn't even begin to recognize, but that looked so damn good that I just knew they'd be incredible. I'd eaten Hell's cuisine before, but this was making it clear that I'd only just dipped my toes in, there was a whole world of incredible food just waiting for me, and in this body, I could probably have all of it, if I wanted to.
Still, Radiata didn't appreciate my enthusiasm that much, it looked like, considering the way she cleared her throat and gestured for me to take my hand away.
"Formality, My Lord."
Ahaha, right.
"Please, join me in partaking of your efforts," I smiled as gracefully as I could, sitting down as she pulled out a chair for me. Damn, she's really giving me five-star treatment, huh?
"As you wish," she said, giving me a small curtsy. Going by her response, inviting Radiata to eat alongside her wasn't rare for Suzume, which was a relief. I'd feel kinda awful if she wasn't allowed to eat all this as well.
I wasn't sure where to start, honestly. As good as it all looked, it was so much that it was hard not to feel a little bit intimidated. Radiata'd anticipated that, though, and before I could even start to make a decision, I was presented with a plateful of…ohhhhh wow, the best-smelling food that's ever graced my senses.
"Forgive my impertinence, My Lord, though your palate has always held Helldrake cuisine in high regard."
"Indeed," I nodded, smiling warmly at her as she took a seat by my side, with a fairly light plate in front of her. "You've chosen well, Radiata. You have my thanks."
Suzume's palate, huh? I wonder if I'll still like any of the same food I usually do?
Carrying myself as elegantly as possible, I cut off a small piece of something that looked a bit like chicken. I-is that cannibalism? Can birds do this?
Ah well, this looks yummy. I bet it'll-
!!!!!!!!!!!
No matter how hard I prepared myself, I couldn't have possibly been ready for just how incredible the flavors that danced on my tongue really were. It was, I say this with zero hesitation, almost as good as sex, and that's high praise from a succubus. Is this a harpy thing? Are they all this big into food? Would this taste anywhere near as good if I were still in my body? It didn't matter, what did was how good it tasted to me now.
"Oh my goooood…" I groaned, melting back into my seat. Had I died? Was this it for me? Was I going from succubus to bird to ghost all in one day? Because this was outstanding. "Radiata…this is delectable…" I mumbled, trying my best to stay formal despite it all.
"My Lord, I-" Radiata cut herself off, speaking more frankly. "Rina, we're alone now, but you need to curb this behavior in front of others, lest you bring ruin to Hell itself."
"I get it, but…" I took another bite of one of the other items on my plate. "Ifh shhooooooo ghud!"
"At least don't talk with your mouth full!" Radiata cried, as a blush crept into her cheeks. "Though…I suppose it's not bad seeing My Lord enjoying herself so fully, and- n-no! You make me lose sight of our goal! Lord Suzume wouldn't conduct herself like this, and neither can you, so- what are you doing?!" she shouted, as she saw me slumped over the table, with a dopey, dreamy expression on my face.
"I tried more," I told her, feeling like I was about to reach nirvana. "Every bite's better than the last, how is it all so good…?"
"Fine, I give up. Enjoy yourself for the time being," Radiata huffed, digging into her own meal. I was waaaay too blissful to think much of it, but she kept staring at me as I ate, without a lick of anger. Honestly, she felt kinda…peaceful?
So I indulged myself to the fullest, losing myself to the wonders of Radiata's cooking. Haqua was incredible, but…I was learning that there was a world of difference between her meals and what a maid with a lifetime of training was capable of preparing. I'd thought that the food was mostly just there for show, that there was no way I could get through more than a tiny sliver of the bounty that had been prepared, but no, I devoured almost all of it in a single sitting. Suzume had a killer appetite, I guess. I hadn't even noticed how hungry I'd been before all this, but damn.
"That was amazing…" I sighed happily.
"You ate far more than her, too…" Radiata noted. "Though that, I suppose, isn't anything that would rouse much attention. Lord Suzume has always been something of a gourmand…"
"Oh, don't let her hear you say that," I smirked, laying back and patting my belly. I should've been a bloated mess, but nope, this body just…held itself together. I didn't want anymore, but I absolutely could've gone for more if I wanted myself. Harpies are impressive, I guess.
"Indeed, and you heard nothing either, Rina Saeki," she said with a glare. "I've indulged you this once, but even if our future meals are private, conduct yourself as My Lord would from now on. If you must trick yourself into thinking that you've never been anyone but Lord Suzume, then so be it."
"R-right, I'll do my best," I said, chuckling bashfully, only to earn another harsh glare from Radiata, forcing me to quickly correct myself. "U-understood. I am a king, after all…"
"Good," she nodded.
"Though, I must confess," I said, keeping up the act, "this feels like a vacation at present-"
"My Lord does not engage in those."
"-Of course I've never taken one, so I wouldn't know, but I anticipated more…work today," I said. "Yet so far, I feel as though I'm at a resort. …Whatever those might be like."
"I will remind My Lord that a full day of work awaits. Your schedule is light for quite some time, though a ruler's duties never cease. You have always worked tirelessly, and I see no reason why that would change now. I will, however, be on-hand to assist you, as I always have."
Guh. I know she's made sure things won't be too bad, but… 'light' work for a king is probably gonna kill me. Even with an assistant like Radiata, this'll suck!
I could feel my tailfeathers quivering behind me, though I stilled them as quickly as I could. Once the workday started, I wouldn't be allowed to show even the slightest bit of weakness. That thought made it worse, honestly. I was overseeing a realm I had no business governing and needed to keep up appearances at all times. I'd be lucky to live through the rest of the day, honestly.
"Remind me of my duties for the day, Radiata," I said, trying to ensure that none of my words quavered.
"Today will see your court open to the public, and so, you will speak with countless members of your public and tend to their needs however you see fit."
My jaw dropped.
That's light?! I've gotta play customer service to everyone and that's meant to be easy?! What's a normal workday look like for her?!
"C-can I refuse?"
"Quite the amusing jest, My Lord," Radiata said, with a blank expression that made it clear just how little patience she had for me.
"...Thought so," I squeaked, as Radiata stood up from her seat.
"Are you ready to get started then, My Lord?"
"Absolutely not!" I whispered.
"Splendid. You'll do wonderfully," she said, taking me by the hand and forcing me to walk with her.
The thing is, though, for as much as she assured me that things would be OK, for as hard as she'd clearly worked to ensure this would run as smoothly as possible, she clearly shared my worries. No amount of grace and dignity could hide just how badly her hand was trembling.
Dammit, this is hard on you too, huh?
So I gently squeezed her hand, and hoped it might calm her, at least a little. I expected her to recoil, or glare at me, but no, she instead squeezed mine in turn.
I…I'm not ready, I don't know if I ever could be, but…I don't want you to suffer for what Suzume did to me, so…
I swallowed.
"Let us begin the day in earnest, Radiata. My people need me, and I do not intend to ignore them."
Radiata smiled softly, and her shaking stilled, if only a little.
"Quite so, my lord."
I wasn't as confident as I made myself sound, but still, I'd do my best.
❖❖❖
The view from up on the throne felt…strange, intimidating, honestly. Radiata was right by my side, though countless guards and attendants waited in the wings, ready to tend to my every whim.
And from here, though I wasn't positioned all that high up, everyone else looked so very small, like my mind was beginning to see them as beneath me.
I wanted to shake away that thought, but that'd draw attention too.
I-it's fine, you're just not used to actually being taller than other people again, that's all.
Yet, for that little bit of haughtiness, I still felt nervous as the door to the hall was opened by a retinue of maids, revealing an absurdly long line of demons all waiting to talk to me.
Fuck, this is hell…
Wait, no, it actually is Hell. Dammit, this is a nightmare!
A maid addressed the first demon in line, and soon, they began to wander over to me. It was a hellhound who looked to be around her early 20s. I'd expected everyone who met me to be dressed extremely formally, but no, she was dressed in a cute, stylish outfit that made her look…honestly kinda precious, especially from my vantage point.
Still, her greeting more than made up for any missing formality.
"It is an honor to bask in your presence, My Lord."
I looked over to Radiata, who simply gave me a small nod.
"It is an honor to meet another member of my citizenry," I smiled confidently. Radiata fidgeted, but didn't seem too annoyed.
"Ah!" The hellhound let out a small gasp, followed by a cute giggle. She looked like a giddy fan meeting their celebrity crush or something. It was hard not to be flattered, even if it wasn't me she was seeing, but…this isn't the right time or place for that kind of behavior, right?
Still, unless Radiata signaled for me to act a very specific way, I'd just do what came naturally. I wasn't about to give her a heart time for looking happy.
"M-my name is Marie, My Lord. I'm a recent graduate from the Acheron Culinary School, and I was hoping you might be able to help me with an important decision."
"Marie, was it?" I asked, watching as she trembled a little. Oh, she was crazy into Suzume if even her name was getting her this excited. "Congratulations on your graduation, I'm certain the meals you make will make our realm an even greater place to live."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Radiata squirming a little. Evidently, I'd been a little too friendly. But…I dunno, can you blame me? I've got a fangirl right here, let me live a little?
Still, she didn't try to course correct, so I assume it at least wasn't enough to arouse any suspicion.
"Th-thank you, My lord…" she said, swooning slightly before catching herself.
"Now then, what ails you?"
I hated to take things in a more serious direction, but I had…several hundred people waiting for me, so I kinda had to move things along.
"U-umm, well, I'll be opening a restaurant soon, but…" she was starting to sweat, I got the feeling that I was about to be confronted with something terrible. Was she being shaken down? Had people firebombed her restaurant? Guh, this'll be bad…
"Speak calmly, Marie. I am listening."
Marie nodded, and took a deep breath.
"Iwashopingyoucouldhelpmechooseasignaturedishformymenu!!!" she said, speaking so fast that I almost couldn't keep up with her.
But I did, I heard every word, and had only one reaction.
"Eh?"
Radiata loudly cleared her throat. I needed to rein it in right away.
"A signature dish, you say?" I asked, wondering if I was missing something here.
"Was…I not clear, My Lord? Forgive me, my friends tell me I get way too hurried when I'm excited…" she pouted.
"You were perfectly clear, fret not," I replied.
But that's exactly what's wrong here!!!
I felt insane. Suzume's a king, I expected her to be bombarded with talk of trade disputes and the like, weighty topics that you'd want the ruler of everything here to weigh in on.
But no, Marie wanted me to pick something for a restaurant menu. That's all.
"I only ask for further details, Marie."
"R-right! I forgot all the important parts, ahaha…" she said, clenching her hands and poking at her pawpads with her thumbs. Poor girl was nervous. Weird as this was, I'd try to get through it without judgment. "I want to raise the profile of hellhound cuisine, but most people write it off as too gamey to enjoy…" she said, whimpering softly. "But I was hoping that you might be willing to try a sample of the dishes I'm most proud of, and suggest one to serve as my signature menu item. An endorsement from you would help the restaurant a lot, but more than that, I think it'd help a lot of people see our cuisine in a new light, too!" Marie said, her eyes alight with determination.
Ah, she's precious. Way too precious.
I saw no reason to refuse, so even though this…maybe seemed odd to directly approach Suzume for, I agreed.
"But of course. Did you bring the dishes with you today, Marie?"
"Mm, I did!" she grinned, her tail wagging happily as she looked up at me. "Some maids took it, but umm, they said I should get it back soon!"
"A poison check," Radiata spoke up, giving a nod to a pair of maids in a far corner of the room, who brought out a trio of trays. "The meals appear to be safe. If you would prefer, I am more than willing to test the food myself as well, My Lord."
"Thank you, Radiata, but that shan't be necessary," I said, as the maids laid out the meals before me. "My staff has earned my trust, and Marie desires my opinion. I would be unfit to serve as king if I denied her this much," I explained, before smiling down at Marie.
"M-my Lord!" Marie cried, with stars in her eyes.
Besides, this food looks way too good to pass up!
I'd have to be careful not to make a fool of myself, though. I was expected to carry myself with grace, and so I did, taking small, careful bites of each meal…
!!!
And doing my best not to climax at the taste of each one. Fuck, hellhound food is soooo good!
"Marie," I began, as I gently pressed a napkin to my lips. "I can tell that you have worked tremendously hard. With every bite, the journey you have taken was laid bare to me. Even had we not met today, I am certain that this meal would have told me all about the sweet, delicate soul that produced it."
"My Lord…" Marie whimpered, her eyes welling up with tears.
"My Lord…" Radiata echoed in a slightly annoyed tone, as though she were telling me to calm down. I couldn't though, Marie deserved this.
"Tasting your food has brought me immense joy. Why, I'd ask you to work as my private chef if I could."
"I-I would, My Lord! I so would!" she cried.
"No, it would be a terrible shame for me to hoard your talents. Your food deserves to be enjoyed by all the denizens of Hell. I cannot choose a favorite, because they have all nourished my body and soul in ways that even one as radiant as myself struggles to describe. They should all be your signature dishes, Marie. They all have my endorsement."
"Y-you mean it?!"
"But of course," I smiled. I must've looked as confident and dangerous as Suzume herself did when I met her, and it had Marie completely starstruck. "Go forward with pride, and know that you will always have my support."
Marie giggled, pressed her hands to her fluffy cheeks, and nodded vigorously. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!! I'm gonna do my best, My Lord!"
I smiled to myself as Marie said her goodbyes and left the building, her tail wagging so fast that she looked like she was about to achieve liftoff.
"My Lord…" Radiata leaned in and whispered. "That was…gracefully handled, but perhaps your praise was a touch too grand."
"Is my humble attendant jealous? Your food was every bit as splendid, you know?" I teased, making sure to stay in character all the while.
"Th-that's not…" Radiata trailed off, before shaking her head. "...As you were, My Lord."
And you looked so unshakeable as Yamada, I thought, chuckling to myself.
OK! That was a softball, but I'm feeling pretty good! No matter how tough these get, I'm gonna handle 'em all every bit as well as that!
And so, I braced myself for the second visitor, a minotaur girl who looked to be a farmer, optimistic that I'd be able to handle whatever they threw at me.
"M'Lord, the latest batch a' milk from my farm is real tasty! Our girls've produced their finest batch yet, so I wantcha to have some!" she said, holding up a glass bottle with a smile.
Huh?
Then the third, a lamia, held up an adorable, childish banner.
"My students worked so hard on their first group art project, and they wanted you to see it, My Lord! Isn't it precious? Just five years old, and they're all so talented already! Can we pose for a picture together? It'd make them so happy!"
Whu?
Then the fourth…
"Take a free set of tickets to my next play, My Lord!"
???
The fifth…
"Could we please name our baby after you, My Lord?"
The six, the seventh, the eighth, the hundredth… I'd been worried about all of them, but their requests were all so… so gentle!! I wouldn't say that I'm terrible with strangers, but I'm certainly not great with them, either. So then, why was it like I was best friends with all of Suzume's citizens?! I hit it off with each and every one of them, and made sure that they all left with smiles on their faces. I hadn't even needed Radiata's help! She'd been here all this time, and I was extremely grateful for her, but she'd given me almost no pointers at all, because she saw nothing in my work to correct, when all was said and done.
Am…I actually good at this?!
I'm way too pathetic to feel this good about myself, but I couldn't help it! The rest of the day practically flew by, with my confidence only building with every demon I made happier. Shit, as the hours ticked by, I found myself getting kinda sad that this'd have to end! I wanted to keep talking with people. I was loving it. If this is what being a king was like, then sign me up for an extended stay! There couldn't be a more relaxing job in any realm, I was sure of it.
And yet, I wasn't exactly melancholic by the time the day came to a close. As the last citizen left, most of Suzume's staff ended up following, and soon, I was left alone in the grand hall with nobody but Radiata, who looked at me with a surprisingly positive expression.
"I'm impressed, Lord Suzume," she started, smiling gently. "Though I confess, you were effusive in a way that's somewhat unusual for you, there surely cannot be a single citizen who saw anything but your unending radiance as they looked up at you."
I grinned, certain that Suzume's face made me the very picture of villainy. Radiata was being cautious, but the odd doublespeak that led to, where she couldn't actually acknowledge who I really was beneath the act, had started to sound kinda cute to my ears.
"Oh? I received a great many gifts today. Is it not right for a king to show gratitude, hm?" I asked, making sure to stay in character.
"It's…it's fine," Radiata tried to argue, before sighing softly. "The people seemed happy, perhaps that's what matters more than total adherence to your usual behavior."
"Kukuku, I'm glad you see it my way!" I smirked, copying Suzume's cocky laugh. "Though I must say, some of those gifts were…rather generous. I might have overeaten today, this outfit is starting to feel tight…" I grimaced, looking down to see my dress absolutely digging into my boobs. Honestly, it was kinda hot. They looked weightier and a little fuller, giving them a maturity that was almost at odds with how youthful she was. Fuck, it was sexy.
Sorry, Suzume! I'll work off the weight, promise!
Suzume'd probably actually kill me if I messed up her figure at all, so as much as I didn't want to, I planned to work out like crazy once I was alone in my room.
"Preposterous. You're well aware that you cannot gain weight, Lord Suzume. Your metabolism doesn't function that way," Radiata insisted.
You've…got a crazy high opinion of Suzume, huh? I get that she's a king and all, but c'mon, there's a difference between reverence and denying reality. These babies definitely feel a little bigger than they did before I devoured a small mountain of food… Whole dress feels a little bit tighter, honestly…
Not that Suzume'd look bad with fuller curves. God, she'd be crazy sexy that way, uehehehehe… Huge boobs, a squishy butt, cushy thighs! Ohhhh…
"You're drooling, My Lord," Radiata growled, snapping me back to attention.
"I was doing no such thing! That was simply a trick of the light," I argued and wiped my lip, painfully aware of how much I sounded like a tsundere. "Sounds like someone's just trying to hide how impressed they are though, huh?" I grinned, letting myself act a little more naturally again.
"M-My Lord, don't speak so casually!" Radiata argued, blushing furiously. Damn, she looked cute.
"It's fine, we're alone, aren't we?" I asked, looking around the room to confirm that for myself.
"We are, but-"
"Take a load off, Radiata. You've worked hard today too."
"My work isn't over, so-"
"Fine, I order you to relax. You're not gonna defy an order from me, are you?"
"...Certainly not," she bowed, grimacing slightly. I wouldn't have exploited my temporary kingly status like this, but Radiata, more than anyone, deserved a break. If I'd learned anything in my time at the office, it had been that sometimes forcing someone to stop working is the best thing you can do for them. I'd broken character a lot today, but if it helped her feel at ease, it was worthwhile.
"Good, good, because honestly, you've worked way harder than I have today. I feel like I haven't really done anything at all. I expected everyone to come to me with huge problems, like I'd been saddled with the world's worst customer service job, but nope, everyone was all smiles."
"A testament to how tirelessly you have always worked to serve your people, Lord Suzume. No problem has ever been too small for you, so it comes as no surprise that few are suffering in silence."
I smiled a little. Suzume seemed like a total brat, but…man, making a whole realm this happy was no mean feat. Of course, I knew that Rhody had struggled pretty hard here, so people absolutely slipped through the cracks, but…while I was in charge, I'd do what I could to help ease that.
"Then let's take that down from few to zero. It'll be easy!" I grinned.
"...Are you bragging, Lord Suzume?" Radiata asked, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Ahaha, maybe a little, but don't underestimate OLs!" I smirked. "Office work is more backbreaking than this could ever be! I was so worried about this, but I get the feeling that anything you throw at me wouldn't live up to what I used to do."
"The office job seemed stress-free, to my eye."
"Well you don't know what it was like before. Seriously, Mio and I are troopers! We've been through hell! M-metaphorically speaking, of course. Ah, right, you never met Mio, did you? She's my-"
"Please, reserve personal details for conversations in your private chamber, My Lord." Radiata sighed, evidently, she was still pretty tense. "But she was the one who Hanako Yamada filled in for, yes?"
"The very same! But now, she's-"
Radiata cleared her throat.
"Right, my bad," I chuckled, trying to keep myself at least a little restrained. I must've sounded like a proud mom or something, with how much I wanted to brag about my partners. Honestly, I was starting to feel like one. Maaan, I wanna hug them all so tight!
"Still, I'm glad you're in such a good mood, My Lord. That bodes well for the days ahead."
"Mm, I think so too! I've really been forged in fire, huh? Nothing can take me down!" I grinned, letting myself relish in the pride that came with the position.
"Well, provided this arrangement doesn't last too long…" Radiata mumbled…something?
"Hm? Come again?"
Radiata looked briefly panicked, then shook her head.
"I said nothing," she flatly insisted. "But indeed, you are highly capable, Lord Suzume."
That was…a quick change of topic, but if she didn't want me prying, then I wouldn't. If I needed to know what she said, she'd tell me, I'm sure.
"Only problem is all the respect I'm getting!" I laughed. "You know how badly I'd want hundreds of eyes on me? That's the stuff dreams are made of, but not when they're all excited to see me! There wasn't any bullying at all! They should've called me scum, pinned me down, and-"
"Please consider your appearance when you say such things, My Lord!" Radiata cried, her face so red that it was a miracle she hadn't imploded.
Ahaha, seeing your king talk like a mutt's messing with you, huh? Fiiine, I'll keep it in. It's the damn bird's fault her face is saying all that stuff now though…
"Kukuku, but of course, Radiata! Consider it little more than a jest," I winked, adopting my act again, much to Radiata's relief. "Besides, being treated so well by my citizenry is a delight. Smiling faces are never unwelcome."
Even if I'm gonna beg Haqua to make me squirm the second I see her again…
"Rest assured, My Lord, while they see your light," she said, leaning in close and whispering into my ear, "I am well aware of the pathetic runt on the throne, an embarrassment to all that our realm stands for. The thought of you being showered with praise sickens me, stupid mutt."
My eyes lit up. Radiata was rewarding me!
"Ahh, Radiata, you're such a splendid maid!" I grinned, just barely holding back a bark. "Ohhh, that felt good! I needed that so bad!" I cried, feeling as though I'd stretched out my limbs for the first time in months. Fuck, her tongue's so sharp!
"If such words are what My Lord desires, then I will gladly oblige," Radiata bowed, clearly refreshed now that she'd let off some frustration about the whole situation.
Haaah, she could use me as a punching bag whenever she wanted. I'd line up for it, if she kept bringing that kind of venom.
"Now then," I smiled softly. "Dinner, Radiata? I'm famished. Peculiarly so, in truth."
"Lest you worry, Lord Suzume, your appetite has not changed in the slightest. You've eaten your usual amount today. If anything, it's been a lighter day than we've seen all week."
Damn, seriously? Maybe Suzume's metabolism really is crazy…
But wait a sec, if that's true, then why-?
"A thousand apologies for the interruption."
A loud, powerful voice sounded out, and both Radiata and I were completely frozen solid.
We…weren't alone in here, were we?
"An intruder?!" Radiata shouted, readying her knife. "Show yourself at once!"
Oh shit.
Whoever it was who'd seen us, who'd seemingly heard everything we just said, Radiata was well and truly ready to end their life, right then and there.
"Radiata, hold! There's no need for bloodshed!" I insisted, keeping up the act as though someone hadn't seen right through me.
"I don't mean any harm, I swear," the voice spoke. We turned to face where it was coming from, though neither Radiata nor myself could see anything but a blank wall in the darkest corner of the room. "I just need to speak with both of you."
There was the sound of a thunderous footstep and then…the wall seemed to shift before us.
"I-is the wall…moving?" I asked Radiata, too frightened to keep up the act. She, however, only grimaced, and clenched her knife that much tighter.
"I can't believe I've made such a foolish oversight…" she grimaced, as another footstep echoed through the hall.
I looked back in the direction of the voice, and what I'd thought to be little more than a wall gradually took shape in front of me, revealing a strikingly tall, broad-shouldered, and absolutely ripped gray-skinned woman clad in the extravagant armor that all Suzume's guards wore.
"She's not a wall, My Lord," Radiata explained. "Our intruder is a nurikabe, and it seems she heard our entire conversation."
Fuck, she was gorgeous.
I know, I know, I can't just say that about everyone, but seriously, she was such a hunk. Stupidly handsome, with a firmness that made it clear just how much power she was packing, yet a delicacy to her features that had me losing herself in her cool, silver eyes, framed by straight, shoulder-length midnight black locks. God, her aura was so intense, I wanted to buckle right then and there and give myself up to her. I was sure I'd be in good hands if I did. I could already feel my head filling with fantasies of her holding me in her arms, squeezing me against her absolutely massive boobs and making it perfectly clear that she could completely fold me at a moment's notice.
Fuck, she could mess me up so bad, uehehehehe…
W-wait! Not the time, Rina! You're a king, you're a king!
Though…I dunno, kings have needs too…
Fuck, I'm pathetic. She could make this whole thing fall apart, and all I can think about is getting railed.
But that's the way it's gotta be, I suppose.
I'd started to let this position go to my head. I'd spent a full day being admired, and somehow convinced myself that this ridiculous arrangement was going to go perfectly. A mutt like me needed to be brought down to size, so of course a massive (and I really do mean massive) problem arose less than a full day into my new role.
"Hisoka of the Ever-Blazing Royal Guard. At your service, My Lord," she said, bowing deeply. God, listening to more of her deep, smoky voice was killing me. I wanted to bark so badly that it was starting to actually, physically hurt. I clenched my fist so tightly that I was sure my nails had started to draw blood. I was down tremendous for this girl, fuck.
"R-right…" I said, answering her as eloquently as my mutt brain would allow.
"Forgive me, but I simply couldn't remain silent any longer. I needed to make my presence known, or my honor as a guard would be forever ruined."
"I-I see," I nodded, gulping as I sized up her body. She was taller than even Wakaba, and, though I'd never tell her this, I suspected she was a great deal stronger, too. She could snap me right in half if she wanted to. Hell, the massive spear she carried was double my size, and likely several times my weight.
"Choose your lies more carefully," Radiata scowled, her knife glinting in the light. "All guards deployed to the throne room were dismissed or relocated to other posts for the night."
"...I wasn't dismissed from my post, so-"
"Do you take me for a fool? The captain of the guard personally works to ensure that each and every demon under her command is stationed exactly where they need to be at all times. You would have me believe that you were simply skipped over?!"
"G-go easy on her, Radiata! There's no need to yell!"
Was I defending her because I felt bad, or because I was down bad?
Honestly, kinda both. Hisoka's a hottie, but…I'd been on the other end of Radiata's anger. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
"I will not, My Lord. She could very well be an assassin. When your life is in danger, it's up to me to choose how to protect you. You gave me those orders yourself, remember?"
I grimaced. I didn't want to admit it, but Radiata could be right. Hell, Suzume had probably dealt with situations just like this in the past. It was hardly a wonder why she was so knife-happy.
"I have met the guard Hisoka, I'll have you know."
"Indeed, Miss Radiata. At my initiation ceremony," Hisoka nodded, her face betraying no emotion beyond sheer determination.
"You've done your research, then?" Radiata grinned. "Clever. A pity you made no effort to disguise yourself, because I certainly don't recall her looking like you."
"... I'm sorry to question you, but do you have any recollection at all of what she might look like, then?" Hisoka(?) asked, suddenly looking surprisingly gloomy.
Much to my surprise, Radiata couldn't answer her, at least not right away.
"...That hardly seems relevant. You're just trying to throw me off," Radiata said, blushing softly enough to tell me that Hisoka had hit a nerve. "And even if you are the real Hisoka, this still constitutes a dereliction of duty! So you'd best explain yourself fast, do you understand?" she said, wearing a glare even sharper than her blade.
"I…" Hisoka tried to speak, though the words got caught in her throat. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and her steely eyes suddenly looked…watery?
Wait, am I seeing that right?
I couldn't be, could I? A girl as intimidating as her surely wasn't about to start-
"I-I…Wehhhh!"
-crying in front of us…
"C-calm down, there's no need to cry!" I said, assuring her while Radiata simply stared at the weeping giant of a woman, utterly dumbfounded.
"B-but-but I don't want to get fiiired!" Hisoka continued to wail, and as she did, the pitch of her voice shifted from a low, powerful growl to a high, gentle, and adorable squeak, sounding every bit like what you'd expect to hear from…a typical crybaby, honestly.
Oh.
"I-I just wanted to help you out, I promise! I wasn't gonna do anything bad! I worked so hard for this job, I don't wanna mess it up!"
"...Help us?" Radiata asked, tilting her head curiously as Hisoka prostrated herself before us, sending her spear clattering to the ground, where it rolled out of her reach.
"Mhmm, I swear, I'm telling the truth!" Hisoka nodded, only briefly lifting her head before swiftly pressing it down against the floor, as though she were trying to make herself as small as possible.
It…it was working, honestly.
Shit, it was working shockingly well. Hisoka was a veritable mountain of a woman, but with every sob, her figure seemed to crumble away, losing every bit of her raw muscle and towering height until she was nothing more than a teensy, snuggly-looking sweetie, shorter than even my usual runty self, with a huggable, gently curvy build that made her look like a living plushie. About the only part of her that hadn't changed was her hair, though considering the drop from likely 12 feet to less than 5, what was once shoulder-length now trailed far down past her butt, making her look all the more fragile and precious.
"She shrunk?!" I cried. "Wh-what the hell happened, Radiata?!"
"I'm sorry I'm so tiny! I know I'm a runt, I know iiiit!" Hisoka wailed even harder.
"Ahh, it's not a problem that you're small! Really, I wouldn't judge you for that!" I tried to assure her, wanting so badly for her to stop crying. "Look, if you just tell us what you wanted to speak to me about, we can all move past this, I promise."
"B-but-"
"Your honor as a guard was on the line, remember?" Radiata said, her voice coming out terse and harsh. Dammit, girl, learn to be a little friendlier… "Speak, and you might just hold onto it."
I didn't like Radiata's approach to things at all, but damn if it didn't work. In an instant, Hisoka bolted upright, taking deep breaths to steady herself. Apparently, she took her job extremely seriously.
"R-right, I'll try!" she said, bowing deeply. Her eyes were still teary, but she looked endlessly determined. "This secret's way too big to keep to myself…"
I tensed up, I had a bad feeling about this.
Hisoka looked me right in the eyes, took another deep breath, and spoke up.
"I-I saw Lord Suzume take your body, Rina Saeki!"
Oh.
Fuck.