For four years,
He was the only man I was seeing
The only man I wanted
He was my obsession
All I did was thinking about him,
Dreaming of him,
Talking about him
He was my world
I even went so far as to create an imaginary life with him
Our kids, just a peaceful life with him
Weird right?
I am a teenager
What did you expect me to do?
He did tell me cruel things like
"Don't try to eat from your big brothers' plates"
Well, that was funny because we only had a two year age gap
Despite that and other things you said,
You were a good person
You ARE, a good person
I told you I had a crush on you,
And despite that, your attitude towards me never changed
You were a good friend to me, an elder brother
You gave the bestest advices
I loved talking to you,
Because it was so peaceful
I reminisced the silly things I used to say, and you will either smile, chuckle or laugh
Your smile looked so cute
Everything about you was cute
And your voice?
Smooth like honey
I wish you could be mine,
But you were never mine
You were hers
It did hurt to see you with her
But when I saw the sparks in your eyes each time you thought about her, and the way you blushed,
I realized that if I truly had feelings for you,
I should let you go
I tried ignoring you,
Blocking you,
But all that was in vain
Because I was weak
I went as far as to demean myself
I asked you to block me
I wasn't dumb
I just really cared about you that I put myself down
You might have seen me as the most desperate or stupid girl
I would never blame you
May be in five years time, I will agree with you
I finally did block you for real
And it has been for six months now
I don't hate you,
And I will always have feelings for you
You might not be thinking about me, but I do
I hope you are doing good,
And that your dreams are turning into a reality
Forever,
Your dreamer girl
Roxane Christina
Sunday 08th December 2024
IG @author_roxane.christina & @roxane._.christina