"I fell by the ways, like everyone else"
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you but I was just kidding myself~"
|-| A/N: Before you Go by Lewis Capaldi, listen along if you wish, I know, two song chapters, but the MC's powers are currently about music so what could I do? |-|
The song was not the same one he had sung before, this one was different, especially in terms of the emotion it carried.
Jonathan had once experienced loss, it was not from a close relative, but of a friend.
It was an abrupt loss, but what pained Jonathan was not the loss itself but the way the loss came about.
Getting involved in a freak accident? A medical condition or foul play. When thinking about loss, there were many ways for such a thing to occur but… few actually know the kind of experience one would feel when losing someone due to suicide.
Jonathan could still recall it, the kind and happy smile his friend had when talking and hanging out with him.
He could recall their last interaction that resulted in them laughing their lungs out.
It was surreal, he did not know why or how his friend came to choose such a path.
The first time he heard about it, like the first line of the song, he thought about his own challenges, his own troubles.
He cursed at his friend, he cursed at the fact that his friend chose to leave just because he was going through something.
But… despite such negative emotions, his curses lacked true- feelings.
Jonathan was venting, his friend did not lose his life due to outside forces, his friend choose to end it all himself.
It was a choice that left a hole in Jonathan's life, a hole which he did not know what to fill with.
Hate? Anger? Vengeance? Who does he blame?
The logical answer… his friend, his friend was the one who left without warning, without telling anyone or talking… but-
Jonathan's emotions which rarely flared out were now oozing out.
The emotions he repressed easily were being released to fuel his performance and unintentionally it also fueled his ability.
The feeling or regret, of self blame… all these emotions that Jonathan went through were being transmitted through his song.
As he sang the lyrics, Jonathan recalled that moment in his life, that dark moment where he was enveloped in darkness.
At that moment, the reason he chose this song was revealed, the lyrics embodied his emotions and feelings towards that loss.
In the first verse alone, his emotions were laid bare.
From hating the brother who decided to leave him and the world.
He started to sing about replacing that lost friend, replacing his memories he did not want to recall. Denying the existence of opportunities or signs. But… the line then changed to him accepting, accepting his own failings and as it came to this point he shifted to the pre-chorus.
A short verse that talked about the scar left by loss, a scar that would never heal, what could have happened never will and the empty hole will never be filled.
The first verse and pre-chorus caused a weird emotion in all the listeners.
They did not know what kind of experience the young musician had but the song he sang resonated with them all.
The song Jonathan sang did not explicitly talk about death, it did not talk explicitly about suicide or loss but… it talked a lot about regret and the endless tortuous pain left by mistakes that leave such scars.
But then, the chorus came-
"SO!!! BEFORE YOU GO!!!"
Jonathan sang with a powerful but repressed tone, he was not screaming but… it felt like he was and this repressed emphasis made everyone understand the pain.
It was a pain of regret, a pain that would haunt you forever and a pain that everyone had felt to varying degrees throughout their lives.
Could I have done it differently?
Could I have prevented it?
Could I have done this?
Could I have done that?
Such thoughts popped up in the minds of all those that listened.
The chorus brought out the emotions that were carried by these questions.
Everyone had their own troubles, their own trials and their own lives. The world did not revolve around you nor any one single person.
The song spoke of regret, but at the same time it presented a fundamental truth.
Whatever happens in the world, the universe will not stop, it won't change for anyone. The only thing one could do is live their life to its fullest and hold onto the things they care about.
Memories suddenly flashed in the minds of the crowd.
A man wearing a business suit, his appearance clean and organized, but… he immediately downed the neat glass of whisky in one gulp, closing his eyes a few tears cascaded down his cheeks.
He recalled his family, his wife who had left him with their son, rejecting any and all child support from him, even all the assets they shared were left only to him.
His wife had left him with their son, leaving him with all his wealth and not even leaving him a shred of responsibility.
To some his situation was a dream but…
'I can't even see my daughter…'
After everything was done, all his connection to his wife and child were severed, he was unable to even see his daughter and his wife went as far as to have a court order preventing him from meeting them.
To others his situation was heaven but he did not truly care about wealth, he did not care about his house.
But it was too late, he had focused so much on his career that his daughter could not even recognize him.
He was rarely home and his daughter only knew he existed because he would send gifts.
His face, his voice and even his name was something his child was unfamiliar with.
Listening to Jonathan's song, the man couldn't help but recall his pain.
The first song, as depressing as it was, attracted him.
He did not know why but the somber tone of the song about loss made him feel an atmosphere that he wished to use in order to take his mind off his suffering.
He did not think that the musician's song could carry such a powerful emotion that he felt his heart tearing apart as he listened.
'I can't even remember her name….'
In his sorrow, the man realized just how bad of a father, how bad of a husband he was.
'I always wanted to see you but… I can't even remember your name…'
The song talked about regret, it sang, almost like a cry, crying out to that person, asking what could they have done? What could he have done to make things right?
This sentiment was shared by many others, almost everyone had experienced a point where they thought to themselves, "What could I have done better?".
As Jonathan continued to sing, more and more people crowded into the bar and some people even stood outside the bar in a trance. They listened to the song, tears streaming down their eyes as they recalled their own failings.
The lucky few who were able to get a seat and even get a few drinks continued to take shots, the servers also pushed themselves to work.
Gwen was in a similar position but, her regrets, these emotions that she felt were used as a fuel to continue moving.
Much like her, the employee's were using these feelings of regret to move.
Those that had the leeway, the people who came into the bar as customers, listened and experienced the atmosphere wallowing in their emotions.
While the employee's used these awakened emotions to work with the thought, "I won't make a mistake!"
People are driven by different things but regret makes you want to prevent such mistakes from happening again.
Wallowing in one's sorrow was normal and it was good to do so but this sorrow could also fuel one to move forward.
As most artists would say, "There is no one single interpretation of art". There may be a care meaning but how that meaning is reflected in ones mind and used will differ from person to person.
Much like how Jonathan may be using his experience of losing a friend to suicide to put more emotion into the song, some people would interpret his emotions in their own ways, using their own experience.
What was important was not some "true interpretation" but "how it is interpreted".
Jonathan continued to sing and as he did, people continued to order drinks and down them quickly.
The bar was flourishing and the people who listened, those at the bar counter especially, got a chance to go through their own thoughts, to reflect in an atmosphere that did not repress them.
Everyone had the same thought, they felt the same emotion, none dared to criticize another.
In the bar and within a few feet outside of it, the people who listened to Jonathan sing had a silent agreement to quietly experience the song.
Finally, the song slowly came to and end-
"So… before you go-"
The song ended abruptly, it built up throughout and just ended.
No one criticized it in fact, they understood the reason why.
But-
*clap*
*clap*
*clap**clap**clap*
*clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap*
Someone had started clapping, although they were made to experience sorrow, to face their own regrets.
The experience was one that was not bad, normally one would experience such things alone for fear of scrutiny and of others thoughts.
But in that short few minutes while Jonathan sang, everyone who listened to him had the same thoughts, the same emotion.
Some cried so much that their make-up was an absolute mess, others silently hung their heads down, tears slowly dripping on the floor, the table or their hands.
There were those that were able to hold back their tears but the weight of their emotions still paralyzed them.
It was only when one person started to clap that everyone turned their gazes back at Jonathan.
One turned to two which became four until everyone was clapping.
Facing the crowd clapping, Jonathan did not know what to do and simply stood up and bowed.
He saw Carlie calling him and without any hesitation, he followed her to the back of the store.
Everyone just continued clapping, no one asked for an encore, everyone was simply thanking the musician for the experience.
As Jonathan disappeared, the lights came back on, some of the people in the bar decided to leave, others continued to stay and order some drinks.
Those outside entered after the others left but seeing as no seats were available decided to turn back, regret visible on their faces.
Those that did not get a seat though, marked the bar before leaving to get some drinks at another place.
After all, experiencing the momentary emotion was great and all but the end of the performance did not mean that the feeling was lost.
Some of the listeners found friends among the crowd and decided to go together to get a drink. Some went home directly and others decided to take a stroll.
Much like how their interpretations differed, their actions were all varied but one thing remained true, they all had their hearts touched in those short few minutes they listened on.
Though many were tearing up during the performance, there were also some who had taken a video, some got a short recording and this short performance of Jonathan would be the trigger for him to find a way back.