As she prepared the chocolate, I could see how hard she was working to make everything work. She was really putting her heart into it. While she was making the test chocolate, I decided to ask her something.
"Roccia, can you tell me what sparked this courage in you all of a sudden?"
I asked, slightly curious, while she was still stirring the chocolate. But as soon as she heard what I said, she stopped what she was doing and lowered her head, probably remembering why.
***
[Roccia's POV]
Even though I found it all very strange and meaningless, I wanted to understand how Suzana, who used to have no responsibility and didn't care about anything, ended up changing so much after she got a boyfriend.
Suzana's sudden change made me wonder if I shouldn't also be a little braver and finally tell Brant how I felt about him. However, every time this idea crossed my mind, a bolt of insecurity shot through me, pulling me back to reality and reminding me how useless and unattractive I considered myself to be.
While everyone else was in the cafeteria enjoying break time, I found myself in the one place where hardly anyone went: the library. There, amidst the silence and the shelves full of books, my tears flowed discreetly.
(How can I declare myself, being so bizarre and fearful like that?)
I thought, as I hastily wiped away the tears that insisted on falling. The question echoed in my mind like a cruel truth that I couldn't ignore.
Remembering the way she talked about her boyfriend, with a sparkle in her eyes and confidence, made something in me want to try, to take a chance.
That's when I decided I needed to change. If Suzana could, why couldn't I? Maybe Brant didn't like me, but I had to try at least once.
When I heard the sound of approaching footsteps, my heart leapt, and I quickly tried to pull myself together. I took a deep breath, hastily wiping my face with the sleeve of my jacket.
When I finally raised my head to see who it was, I saw Sid standing in front of me, watching me. I tried to open my mouth to say something, but before I could form a word, he interrupted me with a sudden movement: he pulled out a chair and sat down facing me, who was still on the floor, not knowing how to react.
"I'm not going to interfere in whatever is going on with you."
Sid continued.
"But if it's any consolation, why not talk to Mira or Astrid?"
I was silent for a moment, processing his words. It wasn't a bad idea, in fact, maybe it was exactly what I needed. However, just as that brief glimmer of confidence had appeared, it also quickly disappeared, taking with it any hope of change.
I sighed, shifting my gaze to the dusty books on the nearby shelves.
"I... I don't know if I can..."
I muttered almost to myself, not having the courage to face him directly.
"...They wouldn't understand me."
I whispered, almost as if I were trying to convince myself.
"They're all so perfect and strong... Weak people like me shouldn't bother them with such small problems."
I felt the knot in my throat tighten even more as the words escaped. It was as if saying them out loud made the feeling of inadequacy all the more real.
Sid remained silent for a moment, and I almost regretted saying it. Perhaps he was going to laugh at me or just get up and walk away, tired of my self-pity.
But to my surprise, he tilted his head slightly, letting out a short laugh before resting his face in his hand, which was resting casually on the table. His eyes watched me with a mixture of curiosity and something I couldn't decipher.
"Do you really think so?"
Sid asked, his tone light, as if he found my distorted self-image amusing.
"That's not exactly my impression of them. But if you want to tell me what happened, maybe I can help you?"
I stared at him for a moment, trying to understand whether he was really being sincere or just playing with me.
"Why would I do that? I hardly know you."
I replied, crossing my arms and giving him a suspicious look.
"You have a point."
Sid admitted, raising his hands slightly in a gesture of surrender.
"But... aren't you afraid they'll end up judging you?"
Sid asked, still looking at me with that same neutral countenance, like he wanted nothing.
Instead of answering Sid's question, I just nodded my head, confirming what he had told me, without wanting to go into detail about it.
"Well, that's the thing, I'm not a stranger to you, so you can tell me..."
When Sid finished saying those words, I was about to say something, because that logic wasn't making any sense to me. However, he interrupted me before I could do so.
"...But I'm not your best friend either, so you don't have to worry."
What Sid had told me earlier wasn't making any sense to me, but when he finished speaking those words, that's when I finally understood his line of reasoning. However, there was one thing that still bothered me: why he wanted to know so much about what had happened to me.
I was a little reluctant and answered Sid's comment, still with that insecurity in my voice:
"I don't know..."
Before I could finish saying my words, I noticed Sid letting out a short sigh, but still with that same neutral expression on his face. He didn't seem to be showing much, but something in his posture told me that he was trying to understand what was happening to me.
"Tell you what: I'm pretty sure the problem you're having is a love problem. But you're probably too embarrassed to talk about it. So how about I tell you something that happened to me too? What do you think?"
Sid spoke with a calmness that almost made me relax, but at the same time, his words left me curious and with a little thought that I couldn't shake.
(Now things were getting interesting. I would have the chance to vent to someone and, at the same time, learn more about them, without judgment).