Most times I wish I wasn't me.

I wish I could be everything but me.

That's how my life sucks.

Ok let's go back a bit.

My name is Ivy Leah Steel, I am 25 years old. I have three best friends and they are my everything

Grace, Scarlett and Ella. We all met in college, we don't live together but we're mostly together. We like to call ourselves squad.

I'm the only girl of my parents though with two elder brother.

Let me tell you how my life sucks, I was sexual, emotional and physically abused in my younger age. And that's not all. Nothing seems to be going my way. My dream is to become a famous event planner but here am I stuck, broke and helpless.

My best friends thought I have it all but little did they know I have my many demons I have been battling and still battling with.

My love life is non existing. Before you ask, I'm obviously no longer a virgin and I have dated few guys, two to be precisely. My ex is married to his ex.

I dream of a cute guy that will love me, care and be there for me. But you know the irony of it all, I hate guys and I don't allow them come close to me. I don't party, or go out much unless the girls drags me out.

I refuse to go back home after my final year in college. So here I am in new York City while my family is back in Florida. There's a yearly family gathering which I always refused to attend because it brings out buried memories which I tried so hard to forget.

I have a hostessing job which I enjoy doing. I love my job even though it sucks and men (disgusting men) are always seeking for my attention which I don't give them. One thing about my job is that I get to serve people, the rich and high class people. Most importantly I get to see cute guys even if I detest them. But I love my job.

I am just a girl growing up on my own and I have lots of hope but not when it comes to love. Infact, I detest men, I don't like being touched, but what do I do when I have the most tasking job. Gross but it pays my bills, it's been so long I reach out to home, I don't call not pick their calls most times. It's just me again the whole world.

_____________________________________

In my world, all I know is work, work and work. I have built an empire that needs my protection. I have many enemies round the world and I don't get to rest or they take advantage of me.

My family tries their best for me to live a normal life but what they don't Know is bigger than them.

I had no time for women but I have fuck buddies. I don't give a damn about feelings. The last time I did that, I was screwed and I wouldn't be doing it again, but not till I saw her and it seems like a magnet. I'm always drawn to her and I want every bit of her.

Cas.