Hogwarts was a good school. Though the salary for professors wasn't particularly attractive, the overall benefits made it a career most people were happy with.
Except for the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
After Hogwarts went through Defense Against the Dark Arts professors like ingredients in a recipe, rumors began circulating that the position was cursed. People joked that Hogwarts was eating its professors; well, not literally, but you get the idea.
What made it worse was that no one denied the rumors, and Hogwarts never stopped recruiting for the position.
So, Mundungus immediately swallowed back the idea of giving it a try. What a joke! He had just pulled strings to get out of that hellhole called Azkaban. Asking him to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts? He'd rather go back to Azkaban.
At least there, with Dementors around, his life wasn't constantly in danger.
The thought of Azkaban made him shudder. Those kids in there had no morals. They bullied a broke, middle-aged wizard like him mercilessly. Their pranks weren't random either; they had a whole system. Confession one minute, scrubbing toilets the next. They were obviously prepared. Especially that youngest one, a real schemer. He belonged in Azkaban.
An idea suddenly popped into Mundungus's head and wouldn't go away.
What if those guys became the next Defense Against the Dark Arts professors at Hogwarts?
On the one hand, it would solve Dumbledore's problem. On the other, it would be sweet revenge. Sure, they might get an early release from Azkaban, but no professor had lasted a year in that job. Most ended up needing a hospital stay.
The more he thought about it, the more Mundungus couldn't hold back a grin. A wide smile stretched across his face. "If you really can't find anyone outside, you should check Azkaban. Plenty of people there have ties to dark magic and would jump at the chance to get out. Teaching might be right up their alley."
"Teaching? Sending them from Azkaban to Hogwarts?" Moody shot Mundungus a look like he had lost his mind.
"I think I've sent enough people to Azkaban. Hogwarts doesn't need to add more talent to the pool."
"Not every prisoner is serving life. Some of the lesser offenders could still be educated in normal subjects."
Mundungus grew more convinced his idea was feasible. If Hogwarts kept rotating through professors so quickly, then light offenders would be the best candidates. Their crimes could be somewhat forgiven, and they wouldn't want to mess up the job.
And if that were the case, one of his cellmates would likely become the next professor. No matter which idiot got the job, Mundungus would come out ahead.
Solving two problems with one idea? That was a win-win situation.
***
When William and the others returned to their cell, they found it had been robbed again.
This time, though, no one was particularly upset. In fact, they were in high spirits. After all, this time they'd lost less than a Galleon, which was worth less than the chocolate they consumed daily in prison.
The excitement wasn't about the stolen money but because they knew a new prisoner would soon be added to their cell.
This meant a flood of news from the outside world and fresh entertainment; something definitely worth celebrating in the monotonous life of Azkaban.
Although supply ships occasionally smuggled in a newspaper, those were expensive and rarely contained anything interesting. They were nothing compared to the stories a living, breathing prisoner could bring.
And what if the newcomer turned out to be as talented as William? That would be twice the fun.
William was equally thrilled. A new inmate meant a new treasure chest; who knew, maybe he'd get a high-rarity card this time.
Or perhaps it would be a Hogwarts dropout, someone caught cheating on exams or using magic off-campus. That wouldn't be bad either; it might just help him break through a few bottlenecks in his increasingly slow magical research.
Unfortunately, everyone guessed wrong this time.
The new arrival wasn't even human.
Even though William knew the wizarding world was real and filled with non-human creatures, having a non-human magical being as a cellmate still threw him off.
It was a little monster, with bat-like ears and bulging eyes about the size of tennis balls. Most importantly, it was anything but cute.
Short and dressed in filthy rags, it had been practically tossed into the cell by the guard, who didn't even bother with a witty remark. The guard just dumped the creature inside and walked off with a dark expression, as if the little thing owed him a huge debt it couldn't repay.
"Hey, Will, we've hit the jackpot," said the big guy, slapping William on the shoulder with a mischievous grin.
William felt an overwhelming urge to roll his eyes. Thankfully, Big Guy hadn't said they were rich.
Suppressing his sarcasm, William pointed at the creature. "What is that?"
"You're a smuggler and you don't recognize it?" Where is this you're a farmer but can't tell crops apart kind of vibe coming from?
"Guess I'm new to the trade. Never seen one before. What is it?"
"A house-elf. Top-notch household help. Only pure-blood families have them. It's a status symbol."
"Expensive?"
"All you smugglers care about is money, money, money. No wonder your stories are all about humans. Veela and centaurs are amazing too, you know?"
The only thing wrong here is you!
And since when did a black-market dealer have the confidence to act superior to a smuggler? They were both stuck in Azkaban. Pot, meet kettle.
"Let me put it this way; these little guys don't take a single knut in payment, eat little, work hard, and are fiercely loyal. Once they serve a family, they never think of switching. They're skilled too; your average school graduate might not even beat one in a duel."
Big Guy stared dreamily at the tiny window, as if picturing himself with a house-elf.
"The best part? They manage everything better than the finest butlers. Whether it's a modest house or a sprawling castle, they keep it spotless. They'll have a warm meal ready when you get home, the fireplace lit, clothes washed, and furniture gleaming. All without costing a single knut!"
Wow, not even smart home systems are that efficient! William couldn't help but feel a pang of envy.
As he daydreamed about owning a house-elf himself, the new cellmate stood up.
"Hello, everyone. My name is Jinby!" The house-elf lifted its head, looking serious.
"For the right amount of Galleons, I'll provide the perfect service for my employer!"