Echoes of the shadow

Surkhet's sun had always felt a little too warm for me. Or maybe I was just too cold inside to appreciate it. The university campus spread out before me, full of vibrant faces, laughter, and a kind of hope I no longer believed in. "A fresh start," they said. "A chance to build your future," they said. I wasn't so sure.

The gates loomed tall—welcoming and intimidating all at once. I stepped through, my bag slung over one shoulder and scanned the area. My old friend was already there waiting. His disheveled hair, a perpetual smirk, and a slouch that could rival a wilted sunflower made him look the same as he did in 12th grade.

"Oi!" he called out, waving.

The college was bustling with energy, but all I could feel was the weight of regrets. My mind wandered back to high school—a series of missed opportunities, half-hearted efforts, and that ever-present fear of failing. I had coasted through enough classes to get into this university, and now that I was here, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be. My initial plan had been something grand, not just studying here.

We sat down with cups of tea while I stared at the road side cross walk. Then I saw her—my old classmate. She hadn't changed much—same confident stride, same way she tilted her head slightly when she laughed. She was with another girl, someone I didn't recognize.

"Well, well," bro muttered, noticing where I was looking.

I groaned inwardly. She had been a classmate in high school, the kind of person who seemed to have it all figured out. She was academically sharp, socially adept, and, of course, she had a boyfriend back then. I didn't dislike her; I just couldn't stand the reminder of how small and directionless I felt in comparison. But I bet she is in the same situation as me after graduation.

"Who's her friend?" I asked, mostly to divert my attention.

He shrugged. "No idea. I don't think anyone knows.

We'll find out soon enough," I muttered, earning a laugh from him. I turned to see her standing there, her friend by her side.

"yoo," I said, trying not to sound awkward.

"Didn't expect to see you here," she said with a smile. "How have you been?"

"Same old," I replied, which wasn't exactly a lie.

She nodded, her expression unreadable. We exchanged a little conversation in which her friend interjected a few hollow comments that felt insignificant.

The bell rang, signaling the start of the lecture and the end of our break. She lingered for a moment, as if she wanted to say more, but then nodded and walked away with her friend, whose name I forgot to ask.

"Shit," I muttered.

He laughed and slung an arm around my shoulder. "Relax, man. It's just the first day. Who knows? Maybe this place will be good for us."

I wanted to believe him, but all I could think about was how out of place I felt. Surkhet's sun was still shining, but all I saw were shadows.

We shuffled into the classroom, where chaos reigned. As we were a bit late, we scrambled to find seats. Bro and I ended up in the middle row, and, as luck would have it, she and her friend sat a few side rows behind us.

The professor, a tall man with glasses perched on his nose, introduced himself as ### and launched into a speech. It was the kind of talk I'd heard a hundred times before, but today it felt heavier. Maybe because deep down, I knew I was already lagging.

My gaze drifted back to my classmate. They were taking notes diligently, nodding occasionally. 

I shrugged and thought, "Why do I care?"

The classroom buzzed with introductions. People were exchanging names, asking about hometowns, and trying to form those early connections. I stayed put, my eyes on the window and my thoughts far away.